Suddenly I See
by solitaireclay07
Summary: I turned to the first page and saw the words 'UNTITLED' by Ivy E. Bennett. Who the hell is Ivy E. Bennett? Well, I intend to find out. Companion piece to Nobody Sees Me Wishing.
1. Who is Ivy Bennett

Throwing myself down on the couch, I heaved a huge sigh and stretched out. Remus had mentioned something about an essay that was due tomorrow, but I quickly pushed it out of my mind. It wasn't time for work – I just wanted to relax and wait and see if anyone saw me lounging here.

Maybe one of those fifth year girls that kept staring at me. And then they would come over and I would get to spend the night snogging. So much better than essay writing.

I quickly scanned the room for one of those girls, but instead, a book on the table caught my eye. Usually, books weren't usually something that interested me but something about this one, the way it was just abandoned on the table, made me reach out and grab it.

Nothing was on the cover, so I held it out in front of me and began ruffling through the pages. It looked as though someone was handwriting something – an essay (long one), a journal, maybe something else...

Stopping at one of the pages, I leaned forward and read a couple of the words. Pining, love, more pining...what was this? A story?

I turned back to the first page and saw the words 'UNTITLED' by Ivy E. Bennett.

Who the hell is Ivy E. Bennett?

Luckily, at that moment, Lily just happened to walk by.

"Evans!" I greeted her happily, gesturing to the seat next to me. Instead of sitting down, she just stopped and stared me down. I stared back at her and said, "How's my favorite fiesty red-head doing today? Smashing, I hope?"

She sighed. "What do you want Black?"

I grinned and responded, "Who's Ivy Bennett?"

Her expression turned into one of confusion and I could only grin even more broadly. "Why do you want to know?" Ah, she was suspicious. Wonderful.

I held up the book. "I just may have found something of her's," I said, waving it around.

Lily's eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh, her journal. You know, Ivy, she's my roommate." She said it as if I was supposed to go 'aha' and know exactly who she was talking about. I just blinked at her. "The blonde." Blank stare. "Short, green eyes, long hair..." She was staring back at me like she wanted me to start nodding. Instead, I shook my head. Lily sighed in frustration and rolled her eyes at the same time. Wow, talent. "She was at Madame Puddifoot's with us." I continued my stare. "She was sitting right next to you!" Lily empathized loudly.

"There was someone sitting next to me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. I didn't remember a blonde sitting next to me. There really was a blonde sitting next to me?

Lily growled at me. Yes, growled. "Listen, just leave her journal where you found it and she'll come back for it. I have to start patrols and I don't have time to deal with you right now!" And with that, she stormed off in a huff.

Just because I didn't understand. She had some issues with patience.

Sitting the book back down on the table, I took my seat down on the couch, and waited. If Lily said there was a mysterious, elusive Ivy Bennett in her dormitory, then I wanted to see this girl. She had to be joking – there wasn't an Ivy I knew of.

This was going to take forever. Letting my mind drift off into fantasies about those fifth year girls, I lounged back and watched the table in front of me.

Glancing up, I noticed a frazzled girl running up to the table. Since she had blonde hair and was reaching toward the book on the table frantically, I could only assume it was Ivy Bennett. Hmm, was this really one of Lily's roommates? I seriously had never seen this girl before.

She grabbed the book and held it to her chest. I raised an eyebrow at this. Why would someone care so much about a _book_? And so I had to ask.

"How's the story coming along?"

She froze, still turned away from me. At least she didn't start squealing because I was talking to her. That happened sometimes. I watched as she slowly turned around and caught her gaze (green eyes, Lily was right). She looked younger than me, but I knew she couldn't be that much younger if she was in my year.

And she just stared at me, eyes wide. I tried to match her expression but it wasn't possible. She was beginning to fidget and then said, in a small voice, "What?"  
I turned on my grin. "Your story," I repeated, watching as she continued to stare at me like she didn't know what to say. She couldn't be mad – no, she was confused.

"You read it?" she finally managed to say softly. Maybe she just spoke like that – soft and quiet – all the time. I wasn't used to someone being that quiet...

I leaned forward to hear her better. "Skimmed it really. I was just wondering who it belonged to." I meant to end there, but by her expression, I knew what she was thinking. "Lily came by and told me it was your's."

She began chewing on her fingernails. Probably a nervous habit of her's. It would probably be endearing to some people, but it just made me raise an eyebrow.

"Um, oh, well, okay..." she said so quickly that I could barely hear one word from the next. I guess she wasn't the best at talking to people.

I didn't really understand how people could be like that. Why wouldn't they want to talk to other people? Getting up, I made my way over to her with a grin. She looked positively frightened. Maybe I could just leave and let her hyperventilate by herself. As I brushed past her, I decided to say goodnight.

"Well, I'll see you later," I said, and then, almost as if I remembered her name at just that moment, I added, "Ivy Bennett." Her name was foreign on my tongue, but it was interesting – the way the new name was spoken made me grin.

When I saw her again a week later, I decided to continue this amusement for a bit longer. I was probably one of the only people who ever read her story; she had to be on the edge about it. It was a perfect opportunity for a new game.

"Ivy!" I called out in the corridor, seeing her try to slip away into the crowd.

She turned to face me with wide eyes. Oh, this was bound to be very amusing. "Hi," she greeted me, confirming my conclusion that she really did speak that soft.

"Remember when I found your story?" I brought up the subject as we started walking. She just nodded. I felt a grin coming on – this was going to be too much fun. "What's it about?"

I was right – I could just tell that she was freaking out inside. Easier than I thought this would be. "Oh, it's nothing. Just a story," she tried to end the conversation there.

Right where I wanted her. "Well, who's it about?"

All of these questions were beginning to frighten her. "Uh, no one really," she responded, turning away from me.

I couldn't hold in my grin anymore. How to continue with these teasing? Hmm, if I startled her... "Is it about me?" I asked.

She looked as if she was going to fall right down on the floor in front of me and start to hyperventilate. Which meant I won.

She couldn't even speak, instead, she just spluttered and choked. It was one of the most hilarious things I had ever seen. I tried to keep a straight face but couldn't, and began to laugh. Quickly explaining that I was joking in the midst of her laughter, she finally lightened up.

Ivy Bennett was just too easy to toy with.

I had another opportunity when we were seated next to each other in Transfiguration. As we tried to duplicate a book, I began my questioning once again.

Leaning forward on the table, I got a good glimpse of her face. I wanted to see her reaction. "You never told me what you were writing about," I announced.

The subject of her novel was always touchy – an easy way to get to her. Her cheeks were burning red, and she looked down at the table. "It's a fiction work."

For some reason, I wasn't expecting that answer. She was actually writing an entire story, a _novel_? For fun? Who did that? "You're writing a novel?" I had to question her. She couldn't be serious – ha. Serious.

"Sort of."

Really? A whole novel – with the long, complicated sentences and pages with words? That kind of novel? "And actual novel?" I emphasized.

"Yes," she confirmed for me, sounding a bit more sure of herself.

Maybe really was serious about this. I had never even met a girl that actually wanted to write a long novel for _fun_. How interesting. "What's it about then? Adventure, fantasy, romance?" I inquired.

"Uh, it's an adventure romance, I guess," she answered and I watched as her eyes lit up when she began talking about it. "And it's kind of historical. The setting is in the 16th century."

Here I was, joking to her about the novel she was writing, and she was being completely serious about it. She really was writing something important to her.

Who did that? I opened my mouth to ask but never got the chance to with Minnie glaring at me. "Get back to work"...when did I ever do work? That's like...asking the impossible.

When I got really bored, I turned to what I called "see what the mysterious Ivy Bennett doing at the moment". Normally, I just glanced around, quickly found her writing (when was she not? I didn't understand how she could write that much, hell, I couldn't understand how _anyone_ could write that much), and then it satisfied my curiosity.

However, one Wednesday night, I found myself laying upside down on an armchair in the common room, staring at Remus sitting across from me.

He didn't look that amused.

"How can there be absolutely nothing to do?" James groaned, slumped across his own chair, staring up blankly at the ceiling.

Remus shook his head. "We have an essay due next week. You could do that."

Peter laughed. "You're hilarious, Moony."

That he was. "I think I'm going to do my rounds," I announced. Remus shook his head again in disgust. His version of rounds and mine were absolutely different. He was a prefect: he had to do rounds to make sure everyone stayed out of trouble. I did my version of rounds to find trouble.

Falling out of the chair (gracefully, I might add), I took a quick look around and stopped on a girl huddled over a book, writing something down furiously.

And that could only be one person. Slowly making my way over, I stopped behind the couch, and leaned forward slightly.

Suddenly, I really wanted to know exactly what she was writing. I wanted to know who she was writing about and how someone could write that much about some fantasy characters. What was the appeal in make-believe characters? It wasn't like they were real.

She wrote in neat cursive, making it easy to decipher each word.

_"I have never received a single glance from Sebastian," I told Marianne softly, smoothing out my skirt as I stood up from the bed._

_She frowned, creases appearing on her face. "Anne..." _

_I looked down at the floor. "It's fine," I exclaimed, raising my head and letting a smile mask my hurt expression._

I looked up from her words to see her green eyes staring into mine. "What are you doing?" she asked, taking a deep breath to try to calm her words. But her voice still shook.

"Trying to read over your shoulder," I answered truthfully, leaning even more forward.

She quickly turned the book away from my view and said something that sounded like a foreign language. With my knowledge of other languages, she probably could have just spoke one and I wouldn't have known what she was doing. "Care to repeat?" I asked instead.

She was holding that book to her chest again as if I was going to reach out and grab it from her. "What did you read?" she said slowly.

She probably expected me to answer with something quick, but I wanted to give her a story. I jumped over the back of the couch, sitting down next to her while giving her a big grin. "Some chick named Anne-" That was that person's name, right? Yes, Anne. With an 'e'...I couldn't remember who the other character was. "-was talking to some other person about a guy named Sebastian."

Sebastian – what an interesting name. Though I didn't have reason to talk – who in their right mind would name their child Sirius? Oh, right, my _dear mother._ Old bat of a woman.

"Um, well, there's more to it than that," Ivy answered me. Was she actually saying that she was willingly to tell me the whole story?

Me – Sirius Black, someone she didn't know and probably never even thought about? Very, very interesting...

So, I was intrigued. "Exactly. That's why you should give me a recap of what's going on." Now would she tell me everything?

She looked down at the couch and began to wring her hands. Very small hands, actually. Never seen hands that small before in my life. "Why do you care so much?" she finally whispered.

I answered quickly, shrugging, "It just seems interesting."

And then she just changed. "I don't think you'd be interested in it." What? Me not interested in something that I knew nothing about? Of course I wanted to know what she was writing about! I wanted to uncover this mystery.

"Try me," I challenged her.

She was taken aback by my tone and immediately started flipping back pages of her story, trying to tell me the entire story. It was about some village and these two people, Sebastian and Anne. I watched as she rambled on about Anne's feelings for Sebastian, wondering how someone could possibly write about fictional characters. She was so deeply involved in the story that it made me step back a little bit.

She cared for her characters. This is how she spent her free time: falling into their world. No wonder I never saw her before.

She was never really _here_.

"...That's all I really have so far," she concluded, looking at me as if I was going to judge her. But how could I judge her world?

Instead, I settled with, "Anne and Sebastian, huh? I like the names, they flow..." I couldn't just say that I didn't understand... "Interesting story, Ivy," I added, throwing in a grin.

I had thought it was just going to be a simple game of teasing: now, I wanted to know more about this girl and her story. It frustrated me to no end that I couldn't see where this girl was coming from.

I was Sirius Black: I _always_ knew what was going on in a girl's mind. I _always_ knew exactly what they were thinking (usually, it was about me) but with this Ivy Bennett, I didn't know a single thing.

And I just wanted to understand.

* * *

And this is the beginning of Sirius's POV. It's a bit different from Ivy's and I have to constantly remind myself that I'm not writing from Ivy's POV. Sirius thinks in shorter sentences and witty one-liners. It's quite annoying sometimes. And the chapters are longer. There will be about 20-ish (this is so going to change) and each chapter will be as long as it needs to be. I'm not sure how long right now. Maybe around 2,000 words?

Anyway, the title comes from KT Tunstall's song. I was experimenting with vision words and I just decided on Suddenly I See, because...Ivy thinks nobody sees and then Sirius suddenly does. I know...creative. I had other titles like The One I See, Can't You See?, and such...but I like Suddenly I See better.

Updates will be at least once a week. At least. Not everyday. I'm sorry but college is full of crazy work and I don't have the time to post everyday anymore. But I still love you all.

Because you're awesome.


	2. Time To End It

I stopped her every time she was alone, prying once again for information about her story. She always seemed to get so defensive but I was just too curious to forget about her. She was always there. In the common room, writing. In the library, writing. Walking up the girls' dormitory, trying to write and walk at the same time. True multi-tasking there.

"What _are_ you doing?" James asked in the middle of Transfiguration after the second week. It was a hurried whisper for Ivy was only sitting a few seats away.

I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. "Amusing myself," I answered, deciding on that answer. After all, I didn't want them to get the wrong idea. I didn't want them to think I was interested in Ivy Bennett. That was just absurd.

After one night of badgering her like always, she asked me why I didn't just read the story instead of making her summarize.

Urgh. She wanted me to read the thing. I didn't want to do that – that was too much work. All I wanted to do was have everything summarized in a fine, little package. So much easier for me. "I don't like to read novels," was my excuse. "They're too long." A fine, acceptable answer.

She paused, shrugging. Maybe I had offended her. "What will you do over break when you can't ask me about my story everyday?"

My first thought was to do nothing – I didn't have to go out of my way for this girl. But that was not a fun answer. Instead, I grinned and said, "You just wait." I didn't have anything planned yet...but I would.

"Padfoot, c'mon!" James said, appearing out of nowhere – no, not from under the Invisibility Cloak, just suddenly running in. "Let's go." He didn't need to tell me twice. Quickly, I scrambling off the couch and followed James. It was the full moon and we needed to find Remus.

The transformation that night wasn't awful for once. Remus was only snapped at us a few times and there was no physical damage between the four of us. The snow had caved into the Shrieking Shack, but other than that, the night went smoothly.

Even Remus thought so for once. He was all smiles the next morning as James and I packed up to leave for winter break.

It was finally here! Winter break...a whole month away from essays and teachers. Just lounging around doing nothing. I was never able to look forward to a holiday before, but after I had ran away from home and the Potters adopted me as their second family, I finally had someone to go to. Instead of going back to my awful house, I got to spend the whole vacation with James and his family.

No more batty mother or pure-blood ideals. Just...my best mate and my adoptive parents. This was the way to spend break.

Winter break began slowly, with nothing to do but run around the house and prank James's mother when she least expected it. It was still into the first week and I was lounging out on my bed, listening to James's snoring over in the corner. I contemplated going over and jumping on the bed, waking him up. Instead, I rolled my eyes at his sleeping state and threw the closest object (a Quidditch handbook) at the lump in the bed.

He stirred and mumbled something that sounded like "Lily, my dear". I almost snorted at the tone of his voice. "Mmm...I like broom closets..." James continued, hugging his pillow closer to him.

Rolling my eyes again, I grinned and said in a breathy voice, "Oh, Jamesy-poo, you're so manly..."

James nodded in extreme agreement under his covers. "Oh, Lily..." and proceeded to snog his pillow. It provided about a minute of amusement and then I grew bored watching James stuff his pillow in his mouth.

Sighing, I looked around James's room and contemplating going and getting that Quidditch book at had thrown at James. Instead, I began opening the drawers of the bedside tables curiously, peering in them.

Just stacks of useless things like parchment and quills rolling around the bottom of the drawer.

Or maybe it wasn't useless. Maybe it was time for 'Operation Badger Ivy Bennett'.

Grabbing a quill and a piece of parchment, I quickly scrawled 'How's the story going? -S' on the top of the page and folded it unevenly. Getting out of my bed, I managed to find the Potter's family owl and told him to find Ivy Bennett.

Now, it was only a matter of time. Hopefully, she would reply soon. Teasing James could only be entertaining for so long.

I threw my pillow at James when things were beginning to get out of hand and he rolled out of his bed, landing on the bed with a loud bang. "Urgh!" he groaned, stumbling to stand up straight. Squinting his eyes at me to see more clearly (his glasses were probably lost in the middle of his snog session), he groaned again in frustration. "I was having a _really _good dream-"

I smirked. "Oh, I know."

James narrowed his eyes even more. "I'm going back to sleep-" he began to say until Mrs. Potter's shout of "BREAKFAST BOYS!" changed his mind.

It took a whole day for Ivy to respond. Either she was beginning to hate this game or the lousy bird had gotten lost trying to find her.

She had _writer's block. _What the hell is that? I thought things like that were myths – made up by professors to scare you. I replied back, deciding to humor her and call her my favorite author. It continued back and forth like that all day. Even though it was easier to get a response from her through mail instead of speaking in person, it still was difficult – at least for me, for I couldn't tease her like usual.

She still wanted to know why I was conversing with her.

Truth be told, I didn't know why. Why was I spending all of my time talking to Ivy Bennett when I could be finding someone worthwhile...hopefully to snog.

Maybe it was time to end this. I had my fun with it – it was time to walk away.

I sent back a message asking her if I could read her story – help her with it – to make her think I was still interested. I knew she wouldn't let me, so it wouldn't make any difference.

She wanted to know why. I couldn't just tell her that it was because it was the last thing I would say to make myself sound interested before forgetting about her. So, instead, I just sent her a letter simply saying 'why not?'.

She didn't write me back. Whatever.

"I need a girlfriend," I complained to James as we were walking through Kings Station. A couple girls stopped and smiled at me, clearly hearing what I had said.

James rolled his eyes. "You act as though it's a difficult thing."

I shrugged. "I don't know who's left anymore." It wasn't lying – I had lost count of who I've been with. I didn't even know if there was anyone suitable left.

James was about to answer but, instead, got distracted by Lily walking by. Normal occurrence.

When we finally got aboard the train, we began searching inside compartments. There was more than enough for everyone since it was only break, but we wanted to see if there was anyone to talk to.

Pounding on each door, we were either greeted with silence or some nasty Slytherin who we didn't want to deal with. James began knocking on one and was surprised when he actually asked, "Can we sit in here with you?" That must have meant he found somebody suitable.

Without thinking, we both charged in and threw ourselves into the seats. And then I looked up at who was sitting across from me.

Her. Again. I was _supposed_ to be avoiding her. What if she tried to ask me to look at her story...right at the very moment...with James just sitting there next to me.

Instead of showing my disappointment, I tried to grin at her. "So, how was your break?" I asked to break the unbearable silence in the room.

She responded in quite possibly a smaller voice than usual. "It was okay." She didn't look all that great – kind of pale and tired. Maybe she was sick. "How are you?" she added suddenly.

Didn't expect that. James and I shared a glance before we answered. "It was fine."

And...awkward. Why the hell did James choose this compartment to sit in? I couldn't even have a good time with that girl sitting across from me.

Luckily, everything brightened up a bit when the compartment door opened again and Mary MacDonald stood in the doorway.

Mary...hmm. Hadn't been with her yet. And she was decent-looking...brown hair, slender build (she was on the Quidditch team, a definite plus) with big brown eyes.

I could work with that.

Ivy invited her in and Mary went to go sit next to her. Mary looked almost nervous – and I could tell right away why. Girls acted like this all the time. Of course it was because of me.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," James and I responded at the same time.

"How was your break, Mary?" James asked her.

And when she answered, she didn't even look at James. No, because her eyes were locked with mine, and I knew this was going to be the start of a great relationship.

There was a loud thump and I looked down to see Ivy scrambling out of the compartment. She had probably gotten an idea for her story...or something.

It was nice to have someone to just grab in the middle of the corridor and snog against the wall without having to wonder if they'd like it first. No, that was the good thing about girlfriends. You had the permission to do it.

With Mary, it was great. If I flirted (with an awful pick-up line according to Remus), she would giggle and recite her own line back. If I laughed at something stupid, she would laugh too. If I leaned down to kiss her, she would kiss back with even more vigor than I imagined.

Life was great.

I even voluntarily went into the library to find her one night. She was standing by the bookshelves, reading something. All I had to do was grin at her and she immediately put the book down, letting me lean in to kiss her.

"Hey, you two, cut it out!" James's voice echoed across the room. "Get a room if you're going to do that!"

I just laughed as Mary smiled. "Go stalk Lily," I retorted before taking the book out of Mary's hands and placing it on the shelf behind her. She wouldn't need it.

James once again interrupted after only a minute, practically pushing us toward the door. He wanted dinner and wasn't going to wait any longer. Noticing Remus wasn't there, he groaned out loud and looked around.

Detaching myself from Mary, I also quickly looked around and found him...talking to Ivy Bennett.

The Ivy Bennett. The girl writing the story who lived in her own fantasy world.

And Remus was talking to her.

Well, thinking about it, I guess they were perfect for each other. Maybe it was time for little ol' Moony to get a girlfriend. But if it was _her_, then I'd have to deal with her again, meaning I would have to read her story and I wouldn't be able to find a way out of it.

James managed to get Remus to come by finally running over and grabbing him by the arm. Remus should have been grateful: a minute later and Ivy would probably have had him reading everything she'd ever written.

Mary and I were inseparable for the next month. I was really beginning to like this whole arrangement – even though I knew many girls were still waiting until I broke up with her. However, that wasn't on my mind: I liked Mary too much.

I didn't know if she felt the same. She always seemed distant and almost hesitant. She was probably wondering how much longer this would last. But she didn't know that there wasn't any time limit. I was content.

"What do you want for Valentine's?" I asked her one night.

She was sitting next to me in the armchair, pushed against me quite nicely. She didn't say anything for a second, and then shook her head. "Nothing."

That was it. That's all she said. How could she not want anything? Didn't girls look forward to this holiday all year? Was she trying to be coy? Because it really didn't work for her. And I was just too impatient to deal with that.

So, instead, I went out and bought roses and a bracelet for her.

"Ooh, look Moony, our little Padfoot is growing up!" James said loudly on the morning of the holiday. "He got her a pretty bracelet and pretty flowers..." Really, was this new news?

I laughed. "Did you forget I do this every year?" Luckily for me, I had managed to have a date every year so far. And every year I liked to show off my current girl to the school – by buying her presents.

"You've been with Mary for a month now," Remus pointed out, raising his eyebrows. "What are you planning?"

I threw my tie over my neck. "Why are you all suspicious? You're not jealous, are you? You shouldn't be. You have your Ivy Bennett."

Remus just stared at me. "What are you talking about?"

To my surprise, Peter quickly chimed in. "You've been following her around lately."

"And talking to her every chance you get," James added with a grin. "It's about time you got a girl."

Remus started shaking his head, looking absolutely frantic. "No, I don't like her like that..."

I snorted. "You're an awful liar, Moony." He could go running off with Ivy Bennett. I didn't care what he did – as long as it didn't involve me.

"So, what did you get _Ivy _for Valentine's?" James asked Remus. Remus just frowned at us, and tried to pull out a book to distract himself.

I left him to the torture and bounded down the staircase, Mary was waiting for me. She smiled as I quickly grabbed her into a kiss. When I pulled away, I conquered the roses and bracelet in my hands, holding it out.

Her enthusiasm made me smile. I thought that the whole day would be perfect. I guess I didn't count on the presents from all of the rest of the female population. It was every year – how would I forget about this absolutely fantastic tradition?

I gladly accepted all of my gifts (who was I to say no?) and piled them in front of me during breakfast. When breakfast finally ended, I began unwrapping my presents, delighted to find many boxes of chocolate. Looking across the table, I watched Remus looking at my candy.

"Down, wolf-boy," I said to him, lowering my voice so no one else could hear. "No chocolate for you." I grinned as he frowned, continuing to eye the candy in front of me.

I was going to point out Remus's reaction to my chocolate to Mary, but instead, got distracted by the look on her face.

Was she angry that I didn't offer her any of my candy? Maybe she didn't like my present – no, that couldn't be it. Nobody could hate my wonderful presents. Something must have been wrong with her then.

She didn't say anything. She was in a bad mood all day – seething and frowning at me. I waited until later that night – when I thought she would have calmed down, and asked her if she wanted my chocolate.

I guess that was a wrong move.

She whirled around to face me, her eyes blazing. "No, I don't want your chocolate, Sirius! That's not the point!"

She had to be kidding. She was actually jealous because of my gifts? "It's not my fault I got gifts!" I replied. "What am I supposed to do with them?" She honestly didn't expect me to just throw away perfectly good candy just because I got it from someone else, right?

Mary started furiously shaking her head. "I don't know. Get rid of them! Not keep them and flaunt them in front of me and then ask if I want any!"

She thought I was flaunting _candy_? How the hell do you_ flaunt _candy? Fine, if she thought I was _flaunting _candy, then whatever. I didn't want to deal with it. "Fine then!" I yelled back at her, stomping over to where Remus was sitting. "Here, Remus, you have them. Enjoy." I threw the boxes in his lap, not even caring about his reaction and left up to the dormitory.

Because I wasn't going to stand there and get yelled at. I didn't have the energy to even yell back. It wasn't worth it. She wasn't wor-

Or was she?

* * *

I _know _Sirius is an uber jerk. I actually didn't even like writing this chapter because he was being one. But you know he changes, so wait it out.

So, yeah, I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. Still not sure if I like it...but oh well.

Hope you did. Thanks for the reviews/alert/favorites for the first chapter!


	3. He Can't Fancy Her

When I woke up the next morning, I was sure that Mary would have forgotten the entire thing by now. When I tried to pull her in for a kiss that morning, she pushed herself away, walking out of the portrait hole by herself.

Luckily, there was no one around to see that.

I wasn't supposed to get rejected like that. No girl was ever supposed to push _me_ away. I was supposed to be the one pushing _them_ away.

At breakfast, I tried to sit next to her and make it seem like nothing was wrong. I didn't want anyone thinking that_ I _wasn't Sirius Black – womanizer debonair.

Mary was drumming her fingers on the table – duh-dum, duh-dum, over and over again, the incessant sound thudding in my mind. Finally, she turned to me and said, "Sirius, could you follow me for a second?"

She probably wanted to make up – of course. There was nothing else. And since we were stopping in the middle of the Great Hall, I knew she wanted an audience. She must have known that I loved audiences and public displays of affection. Finally, she understood!

"I want to break up."

Wait – that sounded like...no, she was joking. "What?" I asked, just to make sure that it was all just a joke. She was a bit early for April Fools...and this wasn't that good of a joke anyway. I would have to teach her how to pull the perfect prank.

"I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore, Sirius." The words she said – they didn't make any sense. Were they even supposed to fit together in a sentence like that? I just didn't understand – no girl would ever want to not be my girlfriend.

"But – why?" I managed to say, trying to dig deeper. She just had to be joking.

Her brown eyes stared intensely into mine as she said, clearly, "Well, truthfully, I can't stand being around you right now. So, I think it would be best if we broke up."

She wanted to break up with..._me_? In front of the whole school? Mary – my girlfriend, the girl I got to spend so much time having fun with me, wanted to just throw me to the side and forget about all that snogging? But we worked so well together! "Um...you're kidding, right?" I asked, blinking.

She scoffed. Right in my face – just scoffed at me. "No, I'm being serious."

What the hell was going on? "But, we were getting along great," I insisted, taking a step forward to touch her. Maybe she had forgotten how great we had gotten along – maybe if I -

But she just shrugged me off. "Don't try anything. Nothing will change my mind, Sirius. I can't even look at you right now, so excuse me, but I have to leave."

No...she couldn't...

I made a reach for her hand, but she withheld it from my grasp, striding out of the hall and disappearing down the corridor.

She didn't just – no...not in front of everyone like that. How could she – my mind went blank and stared off in space, trying to make some sense out of what had just happened. But nothing made sense at all.

"Hey, mate! You're missing breakfast!" Jumping at the sudden shout, I shook my head. No, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered – nothing made sense, so nothing mattered. And putting a smile on my face, I made my way over to the table.

They all stared at me with these sickening sympathetic expressions on their face. They were sorry for me...embarrassed for me. Just because of some girl. But, no, I was above that...

"You know..." I spoke up as the idea came to me. It was perfect – a sure way to get my mind off of everything. "We need a party this weekend. After the Quidditch match." And the phrase "I'll supply the drinks" definitely put a grin on my face.

The first thing I grabbed after entering the common room at the afterparty was a very nice bottle of firewhisky.

Oh, yes, my night was going to be perfect.

Scanning the room quickly between conversations with random people, I judged everything around me. Dancing, talking, snogging, dancing, and...

Oh god, _she_ was here. That Ivy Bennett was just sitting on the couch, wasting her life away by getting that lost sheep look on her face. She really needed to loosen up – have fun at least. Just sitting on the couch between random people and looking lost was not fun.

She wasn't that bad – maybe Remus would get her to have some fun. Oh, what was I saying? Remus plus Ivy equals no fun whatsoever.

"Hey, Padfoot, I got you another!" I heard James say from behind me.

Ah, such good friends. Three best friends and the one in my hand. Who needed girls?

"I got you this..."

The voice swam in and out of my head. "Anothordrink?" I muttered, trying to open my eyes to see the drink in front of me.

"No, it's your hangover potion..." Urgh, why was that voice so annoying? Blindly, I reached out in front of me and managed to clasp a small bottle in my head. Immediately, I brought it up to my lips and tilted back my head. It was...bitter.

Squinting my eyes, I tried to sit up, realizing that I was surrounded by a comfort of some kind – oh, pillows.

Hey, my bed!

Staring incredulously around at my surroundings, my gaze landed on Peter watching me (with very wide eyes) only a few feet away. "Hey, Wormtail!" I greeted him, feeling suddenly very awake.

Peter kept staring at me. "You better get dressed quickly. Breakfast begins soon," he told me, before going back to his own bed.

Breakfast! Food sounded great. Quickly, I dressed and made my way down into the common room in a record time of four minutes. From the staircase, I could hear Remus talking to someone. Peering in, I could see...blonde hair.

Aha, it was that Ivy Bennett. Even she couldn't ruin my mood. Jumping over the back of the couch, I startled her and I greeted them with a extremely excited, "Hey! What's going on?"

"Feeling better then?" Remus asked me sarcastically. See, he's not really great at that sarcasm stuff. At least he tries though.

So I just grinned. "Hangover potion, dear Moony."

Remus responded with an eye roll. Clever. Turning toward Ivy, I decided that my good mood could be shared with her. "How did you like the party last night?"

"Fine," she answered, refusing to meet my eyes.

I laughed, trying to rack my mind for any memory of last night. Well, I drank a lot. That was a given. "Well, at least you remember it," I told her. Maybe I danced or something. That would be good...

"You don't remember any of it?" She sounded surprised. She obviously had never been drunk in her entire life. I couldn't even imagine her as a drunk.

"Don't remember any of it?" Remus laughed. "I don't think he remembers any of yesterday period."

I was about to say that of course I remembered the Quidditch game, but then Ivy asked, "You don't remember going around singing?"

Singing. Even better than dancing. "Did I? Must have been the best thing you've heard then," I joked, imagining the amazing voice they must have got to enjoy.

I actually got her to laugh (a soft, sort of breathy laugh, but a laugh all the same). She looked extremely relieved as she said, "Well, not exactly..." a smile appearing on her face.

I could definitely tolerate this version of Ivy Bennett. She needed to laugh more often.

February 21st – hell night. Remus's transformation was bloody awful. Nothing seemed to get him to calm down. He was biting and growling, snapping at us with every move, threatening us with his teeth bared.

I circled around him, trying not to surprise him with any rash movements. For some reason, the circling motion caused Remus to pounce – clamping down on my shoulder.

Not giving myself time to react to the pain, I lashed back, bringing my claws down on him. Whimpers filled the room as he retreated to his corner.

Night from hell.

Remus seemed to be thinking the same thing as he looked down at the covers of his bed, letting Madame Pomfrey change the bandage on the side of his face I had clawed into. We waited until she had left to pull up chairs beside his bed.

"You feeling better after the night from hell? Get enough rest?" I questioned him. He had missed a whole day of classes – I wished I could miss a day and just rest and do nothing. Some people had all the luck.

Remus frowned and didn't say anything in response. Something else must have been bugging him too. If it was just the transformation, he would have begun talking about it.

"Something a matter?" James asked. He was definitely thinking the same thing.

Remus began picking at his sheet. "No, it's fine-"

"It was Ivy's birthday today!" Peter piped up. "He bought her a present."

This was just too good to pass up. I couldn't stop the smirk from appearing on my face as I asked him, "You missed your little girlfriend's birthday?"

"I'm hurt and you're still making fun of me?" Remus questioned.

But even James was smiling. "You're avoiding the question."

Remus leaned back in his bed. "Okay, so, I bought her something. It doesn't mean anything-"

But Remus had never bought something for a girl before. "You _fancy _her," I exclaimed. "Remus Lupin and Ivy Bennett – together forever."

"Stop..." Remus warned us. "You can't make fun of the person who's already lying in bed with half of their face mauled away."

"Sure we can," James grinned.

"He has her present in his bag," Peter suddenly said.

James and I exchanged a look as we both dived for the bag hanging off the bed post. "No, guys, don't!" I could faintly hear Remus saying.

In the bag was a book of parchment, wrapped neatly in a _beautiful deep vibrant red _ribbon and an absolutely _gorgeous _ink bottle with 'Ivy' written on top. This. Was. Gold.

"Whoa, Moony, you went all out," James exclaimed, bringing out the presents.

Remus sighed heavily. "What does it matter? I missed her birthday anyway."

The hurt in his voice was heavy – it really was eating him up inside. Suddenly, I didn't feel like joking around anymore – not with Remus feeling so awful.

Peter and James must have felt the same way since an awkward silence fell over the room. Remus looked down at his sheets and continued to pick off imaginary lint. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was holding back tears.

"Listen," I found myself saying. "Maybe I can...I don't know...go get her or something."

Remus started shaking his head. "It's three in the morning, Padfoot. I don't want to just wake her up because-"

He trailed off, noticing the look I was giving him. "I'm sure she would want to see you. If not, she'll want to after she realizes how much you want to see her."

Remus didn't say anything, so I grabbed the Invisibility Cloak from James's hands. "Just wait here," I told him.

"I'm not going anywhere," I heard Remus's fail of a sarcastic response as I put the cloak over my body and left through the hospital wing doors.

As I made my way up the common room, I tried to clear my head of my thoughts. Why was I doing this? How was I going to just sneak up to the dormitories without anyone but Ivy knowing? Of course I knew how to get up the girls' staircase – that wouldn't be a problem – but would getting Ivy out of bed and down to the common room be possible?

Slipping through the portrait hole, I took a look around the darkened common room. Nothing out of the ordinary except...

For a startled, sleepy Ivy sitting on the couch.

How convenient. Slowly, I walked over to where she was glancing around the room, running a hand through her hair. She had obviously heard me come in. Her eyes were wide with confusion and fright and I knew as soon as I showed myself, she would begin screaming.

I just had to do it.

Grabbing the fabric covering my head, I pulled down quickly and replaced the hand over Ivy's open mouth. She stared back at me, eyes widening even more. "Don't be afraid." I shrugged off the rest of the cloak and said, "Okay, I'm going to move my hand, and you're not going to scream, okay?"

She was practically hyperventilating against my hand. I waited until she nodded and finally took my hand away. "What-how-" she began sputtering nonsense.

"I'll explain it all later, but, for now, come with me..." Pulling her up, I didn't even bother to explain the Invisibility Cloak to her. Instead, I just threw it over us and hoped that she wouldn't begin asking questions.

She tried to speak but I immediately 'shh'ed her. This wasn't the time for chat.

Carefully, we began walking down to the third floor. She held on tight to me, probably afraid of where I was taking her. I couldn't even imagine what was going through her mind. But she wasn't important. Remus was.

Finally, we reached the hospital wing and I lead her through the doors. "He wants to see you," I told her, taking the cloak off of us. "Over there." I vaguely pointed in the right direction as Ivy looked at me with a confused expression. She walked a few steps toward the general direction and took in the sight before her.

Remus had fallen asleep, still in an upright position. Peter and James were sitting in the chairs next to him, eyelids drooping.

Ivy turned back toward me, her eyes widened. Was I supposed to tell her how to do everything? Instead, I just waved her on. She just had to talk to him. How hard could that be?

"Remus?" she whispered, her voice so light I was surprised Remus even sitrred.

"Ivy," he responded, fixating his eyes upon her. Oh, god, it was like a cheesy romance scene. I had half a mind to turn away.

"I'm sorry," she said. Really, she couldn't think of anything better? What was she saying sorry for? That I had caused the injury on his face?

Remus started shaking his head. "No, I'm sorry. I missed your birthday."

I could have sworn Ivy was getting tears in her eyes. Maybe she really fancied Remus in return. "It's okay, I mean, you're hurt – you have an excuse -"

Remus chuckled. "You shouldn't be worried about me. It was your birthday - your day. That reminds me. Happy belated birthday."

He looked over at Ivy's presents on the table and I watched as she followed his gaze and realized that he had bought her a present. Taking the items in her hands, she just stared down at them. "Thank you," she finally said, running her fingers over the ink bottle. "It's amazing, Remus."

To my surprise, she climbed into the bed and tried putting her arms around him. That wasn't really possible with Remus voicing his pain. Ivy immediately started apologizing and I could have gagged watching the two of them.

I had to drag Ivy away after twenty minutes. We walked back in silence. What was I supposed to say to her? Start teasing her about Remus? No, I could do that here – underneath the cloak in the silence of the corridors.

I couldn't believe Remus had bought her that gift. I didn't even know it was her birthday. Probably no one knew. "Why didn't you tell everyone it was your birthday yesterday?" I asked quietly. She had acted like it was a normal day. Normal people didn't do that.

"I don't know."

Really, was she that quiet about things? Maybe she wanted to have a big party for once. "We could throw a party for you tomorrow."

No, I was wrong. She looked horrified as she turned to me and said, "I don't want a party. I don't want everyone to know."

But why? What was the point of no one knowing that it's your special day? "You don't want a party? It's supposed to be your day and you don't want anyone to know?"

She shrugged lightly. "It's okay. You don't have to do anything for me."

How strange. There had to be something seriously wrong with this girl. Maybe – well, just maybe we could do..._something_.

* * *

Chaptah trois! I've decided that chapters are probably going to be posted on Saturday. It's just a day that works for me.

This chapter will also be written (someday) in Remus's POV. I'm also working on a pretty amazing one-shot that I absolutely love but cannot work on when I'm supposed to be working on Suddenly I See.

Oh, what the heck, I'll give a preview:  
"You're going to starve," I told her, sitting in a chair next to her.  
She only looked up momentarily. "Finishing this was more important," she answered.  
Reaching into my bag, I brought out something I knew she couldn't resist. "Guess what I have?" I asked, quickly holding it in front of her and withdrawing.  
I knew she saw it when her head snapped up and her eyes fell on the pastry in my hands. "Did you get that for me?"  
I shrugged, staring at the mince pie in my hand. "Why? You want it?"

Who are the people talking? THAT'S THE INTERESTING PART!

Anyway...I'm going to run off to homecoming and do...school spirit-y things. You're all amazing.


	4. Crying Girls

When we went to visit Remus early the next morning, he was already out of bed and ready to leave.

He looked anxious for some reason and I could only guess why. "I need your help," he immediately said as we walked through the doors.

What were we supposed to say? No?

"Need help with your lady?" James teased him.

I grinned at the look on Remus's face. "No," he finally responded after the initial surprise on his face diminished. "I just want you to do something for her."

I grimaced. "Why?" Did he want us to start including her in everything? I mean, she wasn't that bad when you thought about it...but if she was going to become what Lily was to James, I just couldn't handle it again.

"Can you...maybe, give her something today?" Remus was still down at the floor, mumbling softly. "Like...a belated birthday present?"

James and I looked each other with eyebrows raised. He actually wanted _us _to get involved with a girl he fancied? She must mean a lot to him.

"Sure," James agreed. I mean, who were we to say no? Remus never asked for much – we practically had to beg him to allow us to become animagi. Remus deserved this.

However, searching through our things for something we could just give away was harder than we thought. I had absolutely nothing – well, if she wanted crumpled-up clothes or parchment airplanes, then maybe. But I doubted she would want that.

What did I know about her? Nothing expect for the fact that she liked writing. ...Nothing.

Well, I would have to work with that.

Looking up, I saw James setting a box of chocolates on his bed, obviously satisfied with coming up with it at the last minute. Peter was throwing off the covers of his bed (I don't know what he thought he would find in there...) and then moved to rummage through his desk drawers. Maybe...we were putting too much thought in this.

Or maybe not enough.

Her eyes grew wide at the sight of presents on her chair. She walked up to them cautiously as if she wasn't sure they were for her. I couldn't blame her: this was a pretty random gift-giving.

Her gaze fell on James's present first. He was grinning at her as she opened it slowly, meticulously, as I found myself growing tired of watching her. But she looked happy for once. There was a genuine smile on her face as she looked up and said, "You didn't even know it was my birthday."

James shrugged. "Ah, well, I knew I was saving them for a reason." Yeah, for _us_. "Happy birthday Ivy."

Peter's present was put together at the last minute – a chocolate frog covered in a sheet of paper. But Ivy still managed to say "thanks Peter" in that truly thankful voice of her's.

I watched as her eyes finally fell on my present. It seemed like it took her even longer to open mine. Her eyes stared down into the box (that previously held my...oh, I don't even remember anymore) and I knew she didn't know what to think.

Because, seriously, who puts a piece of parchment in a big box? Someone that's amazing, that's who. Besides, an IOU is more thoughtful than random chocolate. She probably didn't understand what I meant.

"That IOU is for anything you can possibly think of," I quickly explained. She continued to stare into the box and I wondered briefly if she was crying.

I hoped she wasn't – I didn't know how to deal with crying girls.

"You didn't have to get me anything. All of you." Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence and I knew she felt – how do you say it? - out of place.

James quickly caught onto it. "We wanted to," he exclaimed. "And next year, we'll actually know about it ahead of time." Nice add-on.

"And you deserve to have a great birthday." And there's Moony – feeling guilty as usual.

So I grinned and, in a spur of the moment type of thing, decided that I should remind her. "Well, I also promised you that I would help you with your story. So, consider my present my debt to you." Maybe I was feeling bad for her, but I found myself wanting to do...something.

"Thanks," she responded softly.

There was a short pause, and then James leaned in to whisper. "Now, don't let this out to any of the other girls. They'll be jealous you have Sirius as your love slave."

She looked like was going to faint. "What-" she tried speaking, but it only came out as a squeak.

Looking at the expression on her face, I could only laugh. "I did say _anything_, my dear." And when that familiar shade of red appeared on her cheeks, I realized how much I missed the teasing of Ivy Bennett. It was just too easy.

"Don't traumatize her," Remus tried to end all of the fun. Coming to rescue of his little girlfriend. "They're just joking," he quickly said to her.

I just put on my best grin. "That's what you think, Moony."

And when Remus just shook his head with that smile on his face, I knew he was laughing inside.

Ivy even managed to smile. She actually had a sense of humor – wonderful.

Even though Remus followed her around like a lost puppy – wolf – for the next week, I didn't see much of Ivy until she came bursting in the common room one night, her eyes scared and her hands shaking.

Remus, who was looking away, didn't notice it at first. I just kept staring at her as she made her way across the room, stopping in front of us.

What could possibly have scared her that badly? A spider on a wall? Wouldn't doubt it. Remus finally looked up and noticed the fear on her face, doing a double take.

"What's wrong?" he asked, that look of worry immediately crossing his face. If she was scared, he immediately became worried. They were obviously made for each other.

I moved to see them more clearly. She began babbling nonsense and Remus had her sit down on the couch to calm her. I almost expected him to put his arm around her to comfort her but Remus probably didn't want to be too direct. It was an opportune moment – he should have taken it.

Wait – what if it was about -

"Oh, we've been meaning to tell you about last week," James exclaimed before I could. Yes, she was probably worried about what happened to Remus last week. "Don't tell anyone," James added.

What if she had already told someone? Would she do that to Remus? Hopefully not. He didn't need anybody ogling at him like some creature. He didn't deserve that.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?" I said for emphasis.

She looked at us all, her eyes almost shining with tears. "I promise."

I tried to grin at her – make her feel like it wasn't such a big deal – but I just couldn't force a happy smile on my face. Remus, however, could. "Thanks, Ivy," he told her.

I could have sworn I saw her shudder.

"Padfoooooot..." I heard someone loudly whisper in my ear as they shook me awake. I groaned, pulling the covers over my head.

"Go away," I mumbled.

But that only caused me to be shaken further. "You will never believe what...or should I say _who _is in Remus's bed."

My eyes snapped open and I immediately bolted upright. "What?" I asked. No way...there was no bloody way that someone was in Remus's bed...other than Remus.

James grinned and turned around, toward the direction of Remus's bed. I quickly scrambled out of my covers, trying to be as quiet as possible and followed him.

Hoping that whoever it was was still awake, we pulled the hangings to the side to catch a glimpse.

Bloody...hell.

She was sleeping all curled up in a little ball on the far side of the bed. From what I could see, she still had her clothes on. But that didn't necessarily mean anything.

I leaned forward to take a closer look – make sure it was really her. Yes, I could tell from the blonde hair. Ivy Bennett was sleeping in Remus Lupin's bed. Remus was _never _going to let this down.

I grinned and, deciding it was time for her to wake up, sang, "Wakey wakey, eggs and bake-y..."

James tried to sound concerned, but the grin in his voice told me otherwise. "Shh, Padfoot, you're going to scare her."

Her eyes just flew open and immediately focused on us. She looked...awkward. "Wh-" she began to say but her voice didn't seem to be working.

So, James took the silence as an opportunity to continue with our morning welcome. "Oh, look Sirius, she's finally awake."

I grinned again. This was just too good. "How was your sleep?"

She obviously didn't know how to answer by the way she was blinking at me. "Uh-" Did she even know the correct..._vocabulary _to use?

"Imagine our _shock," _James began, looking quickly over to me. I nodded in response. "-when we woke up to find you in dear ol' Moony's bed."

Actually, it was really _anybody _in Remus's bed. But, of course, it made it so much better that it was the girl he fancied. Or maybe...they were together now. Hopefully they were if she had spent the night with him.

"It was really a bit of a shock," I added. "You know, we knew Remus liked you and all, but we never thought this would happen."

She looked absolutely lost. Me and James nodded at each other and we immediately went to go sit on either side of her, making sure she had no where to run to.

"So, how was he?"

I cannot even put into words how great it was to see the horrific expression on Ivy's face. She couldn't even talk.

"Oh, come on," I nudged her. "I've actually heard that he has some really wolf-like tendencies." James just about snorted.

She just stared at me with nothing to say.

"Don't try to deny it," James tried again. "We've heard stories too, you know." Stories about Remus with girls, no, not really. But being a wolf, why yes, we've _heard _those stories.

"We're just friends," she finally formed a couple words.

Wait – what?! No, she couldn't be serious! James and I shared a look of surprise before I exclaimed, "Friends with _benefits_?" Who knew Moony had it in him? "You're going to break the poor guy's heart!"

"No-" Ivy began stuttering.

"Then you must be his girlfriend," James reasoned.

She sighed (and pretty loudly too) and, with her voice actually raised, tried to say something. But it was cut short as Remus came back into the dormitory, staring at the three of us with the blankest expression I've ever seen on his face.

This probably looked bad.

Not as bad as what he did last night of course.

He bolted over to us, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the bed. Peter chose this moment to wake up and ask "what's going on?" as Remus disappeared with his girlfriend out of the dormitory.

We ignored Peter's question and got ready for the day's events. Which meant interrogating Remus.

"Mooooooonnnnyyyyyyy..." I caught sight of him already sitting at the table for breakfast. He knew better than to look up. "Remmmmyyyy..." I tried again. Sliding into the seat next to him, I gave him a grin.

He mumbled a hello, never looking up from his plate.

"How was your night?" I asked him teasingly.

I could tell he had rolled his eyes even though he wasn't looking up at me. "For your information, we didn't do anything. We slept in the same bed, but that's all we did. Sleep. You know, where you close your eyes and rest?"

James sat down across from us. "Denial," he exclaimed.

Remus looked up at him. "No, I'm telling the truth. We never touched each other."

Peter was staring at us strangely. "What are you talking about?" he asked again.

"Moony here," I began to explain. "-had a wild night with none other than Ivy Bennett."

As soon as I said her name, she took a seat at the table, away from us unfortunately. That didn't stop us from grinning over in her direction though.

Peter leaned forward, obviously interested. "You...did..._stuff _with her?" See, Peter is like this little kid who's too innocent to use "grown up words".

"No," Remus insisted. "I didn't-"

James looked at me. "It's okay if you did-"

Remus sighed. "Guys, nothing happened!"

I chuckled. "Ah, Moony. Don't be shy. Just fess up already."

It looked like he was about to crack. He held his head in his hands, and said, very clearly, "We. Did. Not. Do. Anything."

Maybe he was telling the truth. But this was just too good to ignore.

Remus tried to ignore us throughout the rest of day. However, he wasn't doing such a great job of it. Ever so often, he would interrupt our conversation with a "we didn't do anything" and "we're just friends".

We ignored him, even though his constant proclamations were starting to convince us that he really didn't do anything. If he had, he would be blushing every time we mentioned it. Being defensive just wasn't a Remus-type thing to do.

Remus got away from us after dinner by going to the library. We went into the common room instead and began a game of Gobstones. Essays could wait.

I was just in the middle of beating James down (and he was whining about how I was cheating) when the portrait swung open and someone stopped in front of us, sniffling quite loudly.

"You owe me a trip to the kitchens," the familiar voice babbled.

I looked up to see Ivy standing in front of me, eyes red and cheeks flushed. "What?" I questioned. Was she even talking to me? Why would I take _her _to the kitchens? Especially when she was crying?

"The IOU..." she whispered, looking down at the carpet.

Oh, yes, the IOU. Well, I couldn't possibly say no to her birthday present. I wasn't heartless enough to just ignore the crying girl in front of me. "Okay, let's go," I told her, standing up.

I didn't need to know why I was going. Just as long as we finished this IOU as quickly as possible.

But if she was going to keep sniffling behind me, I was going to crack and ask what happened. I would end up giving into Ivy Bennett.

My weakness? Crying girls.

* * *

Okay, so that's where I'm ending this chapter. Why? Because there's a bit of a change in the next chapter from Sirius. You know what that means...right?

I'm sick and half dead so I'm just going to die now.

But before I go, maybe...another preview of that one-shot I previewed last week?

I furrowed my brow. "Does that mean we're not friends anymore?" I wasn't going to let my fear show even though I was so afraid she was going to say 'yes'.  
Sighing, she looked back at the table and the book in front of her. "I should say yes. It's only logical to say yes."  
"But..." I pried, hoping that she had a 'however' or a 'yet' coming.  
"However," she sighed and I had to stop myself from grinning. "It's been difficult these past months without your incessant badgering. I can't just erase you from my life."  
This time, I did smile. "Good." And then, as if it had just came to me, I added, "Do you want to do something tonight?"  
"Sure," she answered without any pause.

Thank you for everything! You're...too amazing for words.


	5. Really, She Ran Away?

She was so quiet. It was really awkward for me – I hadn't ever stayed quiet that long in my life. She was probably used to it by now – seeing as she spent every hour of free time hiding in her books.

We reached the kitchens and, after telling the house elves what we wanted, sat across from each other at the table. She was hiding her face in her hands, obviously distraught about something.

I only knew that she was in the library and Remus had been with her. So, he must have done something to upset her. But what did he do? Did she try to admit her feelings to him and he refused because of his furry little problem? He always thought he was a danger to everyone – so, that was probably what had happened.

She was visibly shaking when she took her hot chocolate. It was spilling over the sides onto the table and I almost wanted to tell her to be careful not to burn herself, but I didn't say anything.

More awkward silence. After taking in a couple loud breaths, I took a sip of my hot chocolate (why couldn't it be firewhisky?!) and kept staring at her.

I was going to regret this, but...

"What happened?"

Instead of looking up, she began shaking her head, her eyes glued to that table. "Nothing."

Right, I just had a girl on the verge of crying in front of me because...she felt like it. Maybe it was about this morning. She wasn't used to all the attention – maybe James and I scared her.

And now that stabbing pain in my stomach told me that I was feeling remorse. Of course, _now _I would feel bad for her. But I couldn't just ignore the broken girl in front of me. Not when she meant so much to Remus.

Besides, she was okay. Not as bad, as...someone like Lydia from Slytherin.

"Is it about this morning?" I found myself asking. The nagging feeling I had pushed me, telling me to apologize. She deserved it. "Because, if it's hurting you, I'm sorry that I said anything. I didn't know it would bother you this much."

I don't know if it was the apology or something else – but she finally looked up at me. Her eyes were red and worn with tears threatening to spill over. She was biting her lip as if she didn't know how to respond. "It's okay," she finally said.

But then...what was wrong? Why was she crying? "Then what's wrong? You just don't ask to go down to the kitchens for nothing."

For some reason, I wanted to be able to stop her from crying. I couldn't stand to see girls cry in front of me and I always looked for some way to stop the tears.

As I stared at her, I found I couldn't even hate her. I was just...concerned.

"I'm just not having a good day. I wanted some hot chocolate," she told me. She was being vague and I knew something awful had happened.

Maybe Remus knew. Maybe Remus was the reason why. I stared at Ivy and I didn't want to see her feeling so awful anymore.

"There's always tomorrow," I said with a small smile.

I wanted her to smile but all she did was sigh and look back down at her drink. And, even though we lapsed into silence again, it was a bearable silence. I watched her as she looked determinedly at her drink, probably thinking about the something that made her ask me to the kitchens.

She was just so...fragile. I had never met a girl as breakable as Ivy Bennett. When she was hurt, it hurt you too.

How strange.

On our way up to the common room, I ignored my common sense and said, ""You don't need an IOU to do this. I'd be happy to take you to the kitchens any time you want."

She looked at me with wide eyes, not saying a word. I grinned at her expression and added, "Anything for my favorite author."

There, finally, a smile.

The whole trip only took about forty minutes. When we returned back to the common room, everyone was still sitting on the couch, in the exact positions I had left them in. Immediately, I fell down in the armchair and swung my legs over the side.

I watched as Ivy disappeared up into her dormitory. Turning slightly, I saw James and Peter staring at me.

"She was hungry," I used as an excuse, shrugging. I knew what was going through their minds but I wasn't about to address it.

They didn't have time to respond because Remus came through the portrait hole. I noticed as he walked up that he looked quite frantic.

"Five sickles says it's about Ivy," I quickly whispered to James.

"You're on," James answered, shaking my hand as Remus hurried over.

He stopped in front of us and looked as though he was about to say something.

"Spit it out, Moony," I exclaimed after a couple seconds of silence.

He blinked and then, with a loud sigh, turned around and made his way up to the dormitory, running up the staircase as if his life depended on it. I had never seen him run that fast in my life. James and I exchanged a look before scrambling to follow him.

"He's just being moody," James said as we ran up the staircase, skipping a couple stairs at a time. "The time of month."

I shook my head. "That's not for another week. It's about his lady." The door was open – Remus obviously knew we were going to follow him.

He was pacing up and down, nervously twisting his hands around.

He didn't even acknowledge us as we fell down onto our beds. "Mooooooooonyyyyy," James began whining.

And, to my surprise, that worked and Remus turned around, facing us. "I can't believe – she must hate me -"

I exchanged a glance with James. 'She' obviously meant Ivy, meaning I won the bet. James scowled at me and, looking back toward Remus, said, "What are you talking about?"

Remus's mouth opened and closed and he grimaced. "I...did something...awful."

"Your definition of awful is extremely different than our's," I exclaimed. Really, Remus thought that breaking a quill was an offense. If he was just overreacting-

"I kissed her, okay!"

Whoa, did _not_ see that coming. James scrambled to an upright position, his mouth open in shock. Peter's eyes widened considerably and he just stared straight ahead at Remus.

"I know..." Remus moaned, turning away. "I just...kissed her and Madame Pince interrupted us and then Ivy started crying and ran away-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." James shouted, waving his arms around. "She _cried _because you kissed her?"

Remus groaned and began hitting his head against the bed post. Not even bothering to tell Remus to stop, the rest of us just broke out into grins.

"You must be an awful kisser, Moony," James exclaimed with a chuckle.

"And she ran away? How do you manage that?" I added, barely able to keep my laughter in.

Peter looked confused. "Really? She really ran away from you?"

Remus finally stopped causing damage to his head and looked at us. "I hate myself," he concluded.

"Aw, Moony, don't say that..." James immediately said. "It's not as if you forced yourself on her."

Wait – was that why she was so upset? Had Moony forced himself on her and startled her? But he wouldn't do that. Maybe...she was surprised or something.

Remus took his pillow and tried to suffocate himself with it. He wasn't doing a very good job. "I thought she fancied me. I thought she wanted me to..." he trailed off, placing the pillow over his head and lying motionless on the bed.

"Girls are a tricky sort," I tried to say to him. "And Ivy, well, she's...quite different."

Remus didn't say anything for awhile. When he spoke, it was still muffled by the pillow but I could hear the question in his voice. "How do you know about her? You hate her."

I shrugged as I saw James give me an interested look. Did they think something had happened between me and Ivy in the kitchens? "I don't hate her," I began explaining. "She's just...different."

There were no words to describe Ivy Bennett.

Maybe that's why Remus didn't move from that spot until the next morning. He knew he had lost something that was irreplaceable.

The next day, all I heard was Remus calling Ivy's name, trying to get her to talk to him. I had to hand it to the girl – she didn't give in that easily. And I knew she wouldn't. Not with how she was acting last night in the kitchens.

But that confused me even more. She was so breakable, yet she dealt with something like this without a word. The Ivy Bennett I thought I knew would have broken down and started forgiving Remus immediately.

I guess I didn't know anything about her.

And then, out of nowhere, Remus insisted that he wanted to talk to us in private. It was after dinner when he showed up at the table, late (when was Remus ever late?) and out of breath, as if he ran from somewhere.He had something important to tell us.

Usually, when he did this (about twice a month...I think he's a little paranoid), it was about his furry little problem. Well, the next full moon was only a week away – maybe he wanted to talk about it. Strange timing though.

We couldn't question him in public, so we quickly made our way to the dormitories. As soon as we shut the door behind us, Remus wheeled around and blurted out, without any pause, "I want to tell Ivy my secret."

Just like that. Those exact words.

"What secret?" I asked slowly. He had to be out of his mind if he was talking about...

The way Remus looked at me answered my question without any words. He had to be joking.

"Remus, are you sure?" Peter asked. Remus always insisted on never letting anyone else know. And now he wanted to tell Ivy – the girl he made cry – his secret. Did he want to scare her away forever?

What the hell was he thinking?!

"I have to tell her."

"No, you don't."

Remus stared back at me unblinkingly. "Why do you even care?" There was that same question in his voice. Did he think it was strange that I was worried for someone other than myself. I was worried for him and – even though it was hard to admit – for Ivy. I knew this wouldn't end well.

"Because I can," I answered shortly.

Remus sighed. "I know you're trying to help," he said. It was almost impossible to get into a real fight with him. He always could see the other person's side but he rarely agreed. "But I want to tell her. And it's my decision. I told you three and nothing disastrous came from that."

He disappeared after that – down the staircase and out of the common room. If he was going to be an idiot, then he was going to have to deal with it.

"Padfoooooot..."

"Nooooooo..." I moaned, blindly throwing my pillow in the direction of the voice.

And then something was poking me. "Sirius, Remus never came back last night."

I rolled over and squinted, trying to focus on James's face. "What?"

"His bookbag is still on his bed – right where he left it last night. He never came back at all." James frowned. "What if he's gone..." There was a dramatic pause. "...forever?"

I groaned, throwing the covers over my head.

James continued, "He's probably with Ivy or something. Talking about his furry little problem."

Rolling away from him, I tried to tune out his ramblings.

"I can't imagine it would take all night..." he trailed off there, letting the innuendo speak for itself.

"Hmmthatswonderaurgh," I managed to mumble before hiding deeper under my covers and falling back to sleep.

And then someone was trying to push me off of my bed. My eyes snapped open. "Moony, what is your problem?" I complained, trying to turn away from him.

"You told everyone that Ivy and I were in the tower last night!"

The exasperation in his voice told me two things. One – this rumor was not true. And two – last night didn't go very well. "I haven't...move...this bed," I said to him, sleep still slurring my words.

Remus sighed heavily and, leaving me there, ran back down the staircase.

With a loud groan, I tried to tangle myself under the covers. Anything that happened before noon just didn't exist.

* * *

This chapter is a little strange to me. Don't know why...hmm. It's a bit short too - but I wouldn't have posted for awhile if I tried to make it longer.

I might be posting a new story soon. It's a series of one-shots featuring two people. The previews I gave are from it.

Thanks for the amazing reviews.


	6. I Am a Genius

"I just thought she'd...she'd be okay with it," Remus muttered, looking down at his breakfast. "She won't talk to me anymore. She just ignores me and I don't know what to do-"

His moans and groans continued all through breakfast. Half asleep, I couldn't keep track off Remus's ramblings.

Basically, I knew the facts. Remus told Ivy his secret. She ran away. Now, he's depressed and she's avoiding him. If he had just listened to me, everything could have been sunshine and...unicorns. But, no, Remus was moping around and Ivy wouldn't show her face.

"Why did I tell her? I thought she would accept it. Why did I think that? Obviously, she thinks that I'm a monster." He began running his hands through his hair, pulling on the ends in frustration.

Through a mouthful of scramble eggs, I said, "She just needs some time, Moony."

Remus blinked at me. "What?" I just nodded and continued to eat my breakfast, causing Remus to keep rambling. "I'm a monster – I scared her away."

James exchanged a look with me and looked back at Remus. "You're not a monster. She needs some time."

Narrowing my eyes, I swallowed my food and exclaimed, "I _just _said that."

"Well, no one can hear you when you shovel your food in your mouth and then try to speak," Remus snapped.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. He was really upset by this whole thing.

All throughout Transfiguration, I thought about what I could do to help Remus. I knew _I _couldn't do anything – only Ivy could end this – but I could give them a little push.

Interfere. I was pretty good at that. Well, mainly, it was Remus telling me to "stop interfering with other people's lives". But this wasn't just because I could – this was for Remus and Ivy.

As soon as class ended, I turned around in my seat and saw Ivy looking down at the desk, absentmindedly twirling her quill in between her fingers.

No, it wasn't a good time now. I had to make sure I had her full attention.

When I saw her in the common room later that day stabbing pieces of parchment with her quill, I knew that I had to say something. I hesitated, surprised that she held onto her emotions this strongly – maybe it was because of the whole writer thing.

Was she secretly violent enough to start stabbing me with that quill?

Well, at least she wasn't crying. Anger – I could deal with much better than crying.

"Ivy..." I greeted her when I was only a couple yards away.

She jumped slightly in her seat and turned to lay her eyes on me next to her. "Sirius?" She was surprised that it was me. Since Remus had been following her around all day, she probably expected it would be him.

I decided to start off slow. "How are you?"

She raised an eyebrow at me! Ivy Bennett raised her eyebrow at me and it wasn't just questioning. It warned me of the sarcastic comment to come. "Wonderful." Wow, she was capable of sarcasm. Who knew?

No – this wasn't about her sarcasm. This was about getting her and Remus on friendly terms again. I had to talk about him. "He's...not doing well, Ivy." Was that the right thing to say? Was that what she wanted to hear – or had she already expected it?

"Well, then you were right," she told me, her voice bitter. "He shouldn't have told me."

Wait – he told her that I thought it was a bad idea? When did this come up in conversation? Didn't she run away right after? Did he just meet up with her and say 'Sirius doesn't want you to know this'. That was wrong – I didn't mind her knowing. It was just her reaction.

"He told you we were talking about it?" I had to ask her. It just didn't seem like Remus to gossip.

"Yes. He told me that you didn't even want him to tell me anything. Because you thought I'd tell your secret, right?"

Really, that's what she thought? I shook my head. "I knew you wouldn't tell anyone." Who would she have told? Anyway, I knew she wasn't the type to go gossiping to other people.

I was amazed at how much bitterness she held in her voice. If you would have blinded me, I wouldn't have guessed it was her. "Then why?"

Why? Such a good question. Was I supposed to tell her how I felt about her being fragile – breakable? Would she take offense to it? Would she get the wrong idea?

Or I could just tell her that..."I was worried."

She frowned. "Because you care for Remus."

I wanted to say 'of course', but that's not what came out of my mouth. "And for you."

I was worried for Ivy Bennett. I was worried for the girl that I couldn't barely stand. But now, after seeing her on the verge of breaking, I couldn't hate her. All I could do was hope that she wouldn't get hurt again. Nobody wanted to see someone coming apart.

"What?" she breathed, her eyes widening.

How could I say this? "Because I knew it would scare you. You're so fragile. And you're so close to him – of course, I don't want Remus to lose you in his life, but I also don't want you to lose him. You open up around him."

There. I told her that she was fragile. I told her everything I thought about her in few words. Hopefully, she wouldn't think too much of it.

She was silent for awhile. "You care for me?"

I could understand her confusion. Sirius Black caring for the invisible Ivy Bennett? Just because I didn't like to see people hurt, I was getting myself deeper into this. "Of course," I answered. Since her and Remus were practically a couple, I would have to start treating her fondly. "I care for all my friends." Pausing, I then added, "Of course I care for Remus's girl."

For some reason, the phrase that I thought would cheer her up caused her eyes to widen even more. "What did you just say?" she whispered quickly.

Maybe she wasn't used to the phrase yet. I chuckled. "I said that of course I care for Remus's girl."

She frowned, causing me to frown in return. What was going on in this girl's mind? "I'm not his girl," she snapped at me, going back to sounding bitter.

Was she mad at me?! Well, I didn't do anything. I just heard the nickname from other people. I thought she was used to it by now. Shrugging, I responded, "That's what everyone is calling you."

Her mouth opened slightly. "But, we're not even talking right now-" she began stammering.

'Right now' were the important words. Soon, everything would work out and they'd be together. The perfect couple – Remus and Ivy. They were just in the middle of some problems. "Because you ran out on him," I added, confirming my thoughts.

She frowned. "I just didn't know what to say. I needed some time to think. Is that such a crime? Did he think I was just going to accept it right then and there?"

According to what Remus had said at breakfast, that's exactly what he had thought. "He did, actually," I told her. "He was hoping that you were going to understand right away. He thought you would sympathize with him."

"But-" she began stuttering again, staring off into space. "I have to go..." And before I could tell her to wait, she had ran out of the common room.

Remus was still moping at dinner. We tried everything to cheer him up but nothing worked. I even tried my best joke.

"You know what's intense?"

Remus blinked at me.

I grinned. "Camping!"

He stared blankly at me.

"Because...you know...camping is in...tents. Intense."

And then he frowned. Okay, that didn't work.

We had planned on joking around with him after dinner, but those plans immediately ended when Remus disappeared up the staircase as soon as we entered the common room. And it was only eight.

So, what were we supposed to do now?

"Hey, Padfoot!" James began nudging me.

I looked over at him. "Listening."

"Ivy's over there. Why don't we talk to her instead?" I followed where he was gesturing. She was sitting on the couch by herself, working on what looked to be an essay.

"Good plan," I agreed. "Wormtail, are you coming?"

I turned around slightly to look at Peter behind me. His eyes were strangely huge. "Uh – no, I'm just going to --"

And without even finishing his sentence, he scampered up to the dormitories.

James and I shrugged and made our way over to Ivy.

I had to poke James to speak first, but finally, he cleared his throat and said, "You have to say something to him."

Ivy looked up at us, her eyes analyzing us.

"I will," she finally answered. "I just need some time."

James looked over at me, mouthing the word 'time', signaling that we were both right. And then he glanced back at Ivy, giving her a look before going up the staircase.

She immediately looked back down at her parchment and I noticed the way a frown made its way onto her face. Did we offend her? That's not what we wanted to do – we just wanted her and Remus to get back together. We wanted to try to be friends with her.

"You okay?" I decided to ask.

She didn't answer for some time. "You were right," she finally said. I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "About the girl comment."

Oh, that. Why was she so upset about it? I mean, it was just gossip. Hogwarts was known for gossip. I walked around the couch and took a seat next to Ivy on the couch. Maybe we could change this – maybe I could get her to realize that she needed to forgive Remus and, at the same time, help her with these rumors. Yes, there had to be a way.

"Sirius?" I heard her say.

I had the perfect plan. Looking up at her, I grinned. "So, where's your story?"

She responded by rushing up into the dormitories and disappearing for a few seconds to return with her journal in her hands.

"Here it is," she exclaimed, sitting back down on the couch. I reached for it but she held it away from my hands. "Now, why did you want to know where it was?"

She was getting nosy now, but I couldn't just come right out and tell her my amazing plan. I leaned back and answered, "People have been calling you Remus's girl because you've been seen with him everywhere you go." She opened her mouth, her eyes shining, ready to protest my statement. "That's what they see, Ivy. They see you with him. It's just a stated fact."

I watched as she frowned in response, crossing her arms. Just like a little kid who didn't get her way. Just like what I did when I didn't get my way.

I grinned and said, "I promised to help you with your story awhile back. And I think I can help you with something else too."

She raised an eyebrow at me and didn't say a word.

"Now," I added, "What would happen if people saw you suddenly hanging out with other people?"

Ivy paused, thinking it through. "They'd think that...Remus and I broke up?" She sounded confused and unsure. But was she right.

"Exactly. And since I'm in debt to you, I can help you with that."

Why was I offering to help Ivy Bennett? Not quite sure why, but it couldn't be all bad. She wasn't as bad as I thought – just a quiet, shy girl that Remus fancied and I had to tolerate. It wasn't going to be that bad – maybe this whole writing process would be interesting. Maybe Ivy was secretly interesting.

"Isn't this going against Remus? You know, one of your best friends?" she asked.

"Trust me," I exclaimed. "I know what I'm doing."

She blinked at me, her hands visibly shaking. "Um," she suddenly stuttered, trembling as she opened her journal. "So, I haven't written anything in awhile-"

And when I leaned forward interestedly, I wasn't faking it. Because, in some strange way, I wanted to know about this story. And helping one of my best friends in the process – this was an ingenious idea.

I am a genius.

* * *

My word count is dying on me, so I thought this chapter was longer than it actually was, and I liked the way I ended it so I didn't want to go and add more.

This just means there's more chapters. Definitely more than 20. Probably 30...to 40. (It'll be 100 knowing me.)

So, I enjoyed writing this chapter more than...last week's. I don't know why; I guess sometimes it's easy to write and sometimes it takes forever.

I'm going to try and reply to the reviews for this chapter...just because I miss doing that. Thanks. (SubliminalmessagegobuyPaperTownsbyJohnGreenit'samazing)


	7. Finally, Took Long Enough

Of course I was right.

It went from "Did you see that Ivy girl and Remus together?" to "Robert was seen with Cecilia – wait, a Slytherin/Hufflepuff relationship?" in the matter of three days.

Ivy's romantic life just dwindled down into nothing. Now, the Robert and Cecilia relationship – that was worth gossiping about.

Helping Ivy with her story ended up not being that bad. She had good ideas – well, at least I suppose they were good ideas. Who was I to say a novel was good or bad? But I thought her story was interesting. I tried to help. But I think she was growing tired of my useless ideas.

I just didn't get this whole writing thing. I really was trying though.

She would ask the strangest questions randomly. Maybe they had to do with her story and I couldn't see why. Like on Sunday, she asked me if I thought dreams were real.

And I answered with "no because I once had a dream where I was fugitive". And really, would I be stupid enough to get in trouble with the law? McGonagall – definitely. The law – no.

She said she was afraid of a dream and I told her to be a Gryffindor.

And then the conversation changed suddenly. Out of nowhere.

"Why aren't you afraid of werewolves?" she asked, looking away from me.

Did this have to do with her dreams? I paused, thinking through an answer that would get her and Remus to start talking again.

"Because they're just like us. Because Remus didn't deserve it in the first place and he shouldn't be punished for it further." The truth was always good. Maybe she would finally understand. Maybe she would want to forgive Remus.

She took in a shuddering breath. "Do you hate me?"

Her voice was thick with emotion. What a good question. The answer was simple. "No." I couldn't hate anyone – other than my mum and my relatives. And Ivy – she was just a girl who Remus fancied. How could I hate her for that? I could dislike being around her (well, I was pretty much over that) but I could never hate her. "I know that you want to accept him. And I know that you will, in time."

Especially if I kept pushing her to.

She fell silent, looking down at her lap. Glancing up, I noticed the time. An hour until the full moon.

"Listen, Ivy, I've got to cut this short," I told her, standing up. "Same time tomorrow, right?"

She nodded, barely locking eyes with me, and I raced up the staircase.

Remus was standing by the doorway when I opened the door. He had to jump back from keeping the door from hitting him as I flung it open.

"Moony!" I greeted him. "How you are feeling?" I clapped him on the shoulder with a grin, managing to close the door behind me with my foot.

He sighed heavily, a normal occurrence around this time of the month, and said, "Same as always. Terrible."

"Cheer up," I exclaimed. "Tomorrow will be the day after the full moon and you won't have to worry about it for a whole 'nother month."

He shook his head at me. I _almost _blurted out my camping joke again, but there was a frantic knock at the door.

All four of us looked over at the door but we didn't make a move to open it.

"I need to talk to Remus!"

Ivy. Finally.

Remus abruptly turned around and faced us. "I don't want to talk to her," he whispered loudly, shaking his head.

"Oh, come on, Moony," I said. "You have a couple minutes."

"No, we don't," James told us. "We have no time to spare."

"But what if she wants to apologize?" Peter asked.

Remus didn't say anything. James frowned. I went over to the door and pulled it open before they could say anything.

At first, she just stood there, out of breath and looking like she was about to fall over. And then her eyes widened slightly and she looked beyond me to see Remus standing there.

I turned to face the both of them. I wasn't supposed to be included in this conversation – even if it was because of me.

"I don't care."

My eyebrows raised a little. What a brave proclamation. James and Peter just stared at Ivy while Remus's mouth fell open.

"What did you say?" Remus asked.

Slowly, they began walking toward each other.

I suddenly wanted to keep a total of all the romantic cheesy things between them. I mean, this slow walk toward each other in the middle of the room was classic.

"Really, Remus, we've got to go," James interrupted their slow walk. Remus looked over at him with a "keep out of this" look.

"I said that I don't care that it's the full moon," Ivy exclaimed, staring deeply into Remus's eyes.

Hey, I could write this stuff for a living. No wonder Ivy filled up pages of romantic nonsense. It was easy.

I looked up to check the time and realized that we only had a few minutes to get Remus down to the grounds. Taking a step forward, I said, "Um, guys, we only have a few minutes."

They began ignoring me. "You're not-"

Ivy shook her head. "I've been stupid. I'm not afraid of you. It's not your fault. You're still Remus."

"Ten minutes," Peter spoke up. I didn't know he was keeping track of time. Usually, he lost track of time – this was new.

They weren't going to give up that easily. "Why were you so afraid in the first place?" Remus asked.

"That night in the common room – the dream, remember? These black four-legged animals with yellow eyes were going to kill me."

Wait – this all began with a dream? That was why Ivy asked me about dreams! Of course. She wasn't just being random.

"You never told me that," Remus said quietly.

James moved over to the pair, and after giving them a look, said, "Remus, you don't want to transform in the school, do you?"

James was right. We already wasted too much time. We had to get Remus out of here.

He tried to bargain with us. "I just need two minutes."

I shook my head. There was too much danger if something happened here. "We don't have two minutes. Ivy, you need to leave." I hoped the worry in my voice wasn't too evident.

Ivy looked at us. "What about you three?"

We all shared a look saying the same thing – 'how do we explain this now?'. James cleared his throat. _"_We will tell you later, Ivy, promise. We just don't have the time right now."

That seemed to work. She moved out of the way of the door and let us pass.

I laughed as I passed by her, not able to keep it in. "We appreciate you finally talking to Remus," I told her, "-but you have the worst timing."

Remus tried to get another glance at her as he left through the door and I had to drag him along. As soon as we hit the threshold, he turned around and said, "You're amazing, Ivy Bennett."

It was the first time I actually saw her truly smile.

I know that all of us were eternally grateful for Ivy's turnaround. Especially since the full moon was strangely calm that night. None of us got hurt. And that had never happened before.

And he was released from the hospital wing early that morning. Released from the hospital wing in a _good mood_.

If this was how it was going to be every time Ivy was around, then we were going to chain her to Remus. Seriously.

On the way down to breakfast, we heard someone singing. Sounded like Peeves. He probably found his latest victim.

When we rounded the corner onto the staircase, Ivy was standing there, absolutely drenched. Right again.

"Hey, there you are -" Remus began and then got a good look at the wet girl. "What happened?"

"Peeves," she said, trying to get the water out of her hair.

James shrugged next to me. "At least it wasn't us. We'd be more creative."

Very true.

Remus immediately took a step forward and brought out his wand, helping Ivy dry off. James and I exchanged another look. This boy was smitten. "Thanks," Ivy said, making Remus smile.

"What are you doing up this early?" I decided to ask as we made our way down the staircase. We were only up this early because of the whole full moon thing. If I had a choice, I would be sleeping for another three hours. The whole day if those things called classes didn't get in the way.

It took her a moment to answer. "Well, I was going to check up on Remus, but he wasn't there, obviously." Another pause, and then she lowered her voice. "And I want to know how you all help Remus during the full moon."

We all came to a halt.

What were we supposed to say to _that? _No one knew – no one could know... And now Ivy wanted to know and we couldn't tell her here. We promised we would tell her – but were we being serious then? Could we actually trust her with this?

She knew about Remus. Why couldn't she know about us? But she wanted to know _now_?

"Now?" I asked, looking around at the open space surrounding us.

She nodded. I didn't know what to say. Whose call was it to say "oh, yes, we can tell you everything, Ivy!". Then Remus sighed and opened the door to a classroom.

If Remus thought it was okay...

So we walked in, locking the door behind us. What did we have to worry about? Ivy already knew Remus was a werewolf...

"So..." Ivy said, trying to move along the conversation so we could get out sooner.

I looked over at James. He glanced at Peter who finally looked at Remus. "Okay," I said, getting the confirmation. "What we're about to tell you is secret. You can't tell anyone."

She nodded again, ready to take anything. After all, she heard about werewolves.

"Have you heard of the term Animagi?" James asked.

Ivy shrugged. "Sure, it's-" And then she trailed off, and I knew she had figured it out. "But...how?"

I grinned at the shock in her voice. "We found out about Moony's little problem in second year. It took us until last year to finally successfully transform."

"You're unregistered," she said with widened eyes.

I just shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

She just stared at us. Didn't she have any questions? Why wasn't she freaking out? I could see by the way the corners of her mouth turned upward that she didn't have any objections to it. In fact, it looked like she was amused.

So I took this moment to step forward and say, "Hello, I'm Padfoot, and I've been described as a mangy old mutt." Taking her hand, I shook it firmly, trying to keep a straight face.

"I'm Prongs," James followed me, and then added, "Sirius insists on calling me a pretty deer, but I prefer stag."

Peter took his time to step forward. "I'm Wormtail. I don't really think my tail looks like a worm..."

Lies. "It really does. The creepiest looking rat's tail I've ever seen," I whispered to Ivy, not even caring that Peter was frowning at me.

Remus shrugged next to me. "Uh, I'm Moony, and I'm...just a werewolf." He said it as if it wasn't interesting being a werewolf. More lies.

Ivy nodded, failing at hiding her smile. "Oh, well, nice to meet you all."

I had hoped this wouldn't change much. And I was partially right. The only thing that changed was that Ivy was spending a lot of time with us.

Well, mostly with Remus. They were getting quite close. We told him that he should ask her to Hogsmeade and I didn't understand why he was insisting that she would say no.

Was he blind? She was head over heels for him. Even I could see that.

Because he never asked, I decided to try a different approach. I asked Ivy if she wanted to work on her story instead.

Remus didn't even flinch. Oh well, his loss.

Making my way down to the grounds, I saw Ivy sitting under the oak tree with Lily. That was like...a perfect situation for Remus and James. Why weren't they here? Why was I here?

Oh, right, working on Ivy's story. Maybe I should get Remus and force him to help her instead.

As soon as I walked up into view, Ivy began waving me away. Away...I wasn't needed. What was she doing? 'Not now' she was mouthing at me.

Because of Lily?

Well, I could get around that.

Ducking behind a tree, I changed into my Animagus form. I hid myself, peering around the tree to see how far Ivy and Lily were.

Slowly, I made my way over to where they were sitting, very quietly to sneak up on them. They weren't even paying attention. Instead, they were talking about something.

Lily saw me first. Her eyes fell on me and she just stared, opening her mouth, ready to say something.

But I was quicker. I nudged Ivy's arm with my nose. It happened like I thought it would. She screamed, moving away from me and falling onto Lily.

I would have laughed if I could.

She scrambled to sit up and finally took notice of me.

Okay, Ivy, you can do it. Just remember what I told you. You know it's me...

She stared for a long while with wide eyes. It took a couple seconds but then she finally mouthed 'Sirius?'.

There we go. I barked in response.

Lily looked at Ivy. "Where did this dog come from?"  
Ivy shook her head. "I have no clue." She moved back to where she had been sitting, watching me. I stared back at her and cocked my head.

"Do you think he's friendly?" Lily asked.

To get Ivy to pay attention to me, I began nudging her hand. She visibly cringed and then hesitantly began petting me on the head.

"I think so," Ivy laughed.

Wonderful, she was amused. I laid down next to her, staring up.

Lily smiled. "Poor thing. He just wanted some company."

Wow, Lily called me a 'poor thing'. I would have to take note of this. Tell James. He'd be jealous. Ivy set out her journal in front of me and began flipping through the pages to where I had ended. She began combing her fingers through my fur.

I tried to imagine Remus's face when I would tell him about this. He'd be indifferent about the entire thing but he'd definitely hiding some jealous. Hell, a lot of jealousy.

I can't wait for that conversation.

Lily watched me, her eyebrows raised. "It almost looks like he's reading your journal."

I saw Ivy smile. "Yeah, it does."

Lily went back to doing what she was doing before: a boring essay.

Instead, I turned my attention back toward Ivy. She rolled her eyes at me (not sure why – maybe she was trying to tell me that I was an idiot...it seemed to happen a lot). I wanted to laugh so I grinned instead and wondered what Remus could possibly be doing that was better than this.

* * *

I find that writing Sirius's POV is extremely difficult at sometimes and I rather hate it. Hmm. I guess it depends on what mood I'm in.

Any another stories I promised will definitely be written before...February. I know that seems far off, but I'm including my winter break when I'll have a lot of time to write. I probably finish everything then.

Thanks for all the reviews and ideas.


	8. Moody Moony

Chapters 42-45 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing.

* * *

"Oh, Sirius, you're amazing..."

I mumbled a 'mmm' in response, rolling over in my bed.

"Wake up Sirius...honey-bunch," the feminine voice continued.

But it was so early.

"Siriuussss....I want to give you an early morning surprise."

My eyes snapped open. "Okay," I answered without thinking first.

I didn't even have time to focus on the figure in front of me before I was hit with ice cold water. "Errrgh!" Scrambling to get out of the wet bed, I danced in place at the side of my bed and looked over at James who was snickering. "What is wrong with you?!"

"Oh, honey-bunch," James exclaimed in a girly voice. "You said okay."

Peter rolled off of his bed in laughter. Even Remus was laughing at me. "I hate you," I muttered darkly, brushing the wet hair out of my eyes.

"Not my fault you fell for it, oh, what was this? Only the fifth time, right?" James laughed as I made my way to the bathroom.

Shutting the door behind me, I began scowling – not because of James's creepy girl interpretation, but because I wanted it to be a real girl.

It had been too long since Mary.

Pushing the thought out of my mind, I slowly began getting ready for class. Urgh, class – really, just kill me instead.

I managed to sleep through class for the next couple days. Well, sleep through History of Magic. The other classes were the same. Pretend to do work but not actually do it. For example, Potions. Have your partner do the work.

My partner in that class is a Hufflepuff by the name of Sylvia. She likes doing the work – at least, I think. She always volunteers to do everything and all I have to do is sit back and watch. And when Slughorn's nearby, sit back with the textbook and watch. Like I'm giving instructions. Which I'm not. Because Sylvia is perfectly fine with doing everything and I'm not going to do anything if she wants to do it. She actually gives me little smiles from time to time.

I wasn't blind – I knew what she was doing. But I decided to wait it out. Just wait and see what she would do.

On Tuesday, she never took her eyes off of me. I stared back at her, an eyebrow raised, waiting for her to do something. She just smiled and continued to look at me. On Thursday, it was the same. The _exact same _teasing game.

This was taking longer than I thought.

I spent Friday night playing Gobstones with James. But my mind was elsewhere, on Sylvia, and what I could be doing with her right now if she would just stop her game. Maybe I had to just say "screw it" and start snogging her during the next class.

Looking up, I saw Ivy watching us, curled up on the couch. She never actually played any games with us – just sat there and watched closely, her eyes intently focused on the game. Sometimes I saw her helping Peter with his Charms homework. Other times she was walking down corridors with Remus, smiling at random things he was saying.

And I was beginning to grow accustomed to her always being around. A fifth Marauder really. And who ever thought it would be Ivy Bennett?

That next week, I noticed that Sylvia was smiling at me. Leaning over the cauldron and smiling like she knew something I didn't.

"What are you smiling about?" I questioned her, a curious look on my face.

I watched as the smile spread even more. Oh god, I loved her smile. Her teeth showed just slightly, a quick flash of white – brilliant, perfect white. "Nothing," she replied, looking down at the table and turning a page of her book.

I couldn't believe it – she really was teasing me.

Something hit me on the back of the head. I turned around and noticed the piece of parchment on the table. The loopy handwriting was scrawled almost illegible.

_Just snog her already. What are you waiting for? Prongs_

Turning around, I caught James's gaze. He raised his eyebrows in question and I just pointed next to him where his potion was overflowing. As he scrambled to clean up the mess, I turned back to Sylvia.

"So, Sylvia..." Her name was so easy to draw out.

She looked up, her hazel eyes twinkling. "Do you want to meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight?" she suddenly asked before I had the chance to say anything.

My eyebrows automatically raised in surprise. Did she seriously just ask me to the Astronomy Tower?This girl had _nerve_...nobody had asked before I had a chance.

I grinned and watched her smile back at me.

-0-0-0-0-

"So, how's Sylvia?" James asked suggestively, sliding into the seat next to me.

I looked over at him. "Do you want the details?"

I could see Remus grimace out of the corner of my eye. "Please, no."

Even Ivy was frowning, curled away in her little ball like she always was.

It had been a week since I had met Sylvia in the Astronomy tower. Long story short, she didn't disappoint.

We still weren't officially "boyfriend and girlfriend". I never asked – she never asked – we were too busy snogging anyway.

"She has skills, I'll tell you that," I said, amusing myself with their reactions.

James just gave me a look. "Skills? Are you trying to be vague?"

Remus looked absolutely relieved that I didn't go into detail. I don't know why he doesn't like a good detailed story. Shouldn't he want to know how good Sylvia was? Just in case.

It was probably Ivy. He was too busy staring at her to even think of another girl.

Peter, however, was leaning forward, waiting quietly for the next piece of information. I didn't know why he wanted to know so badly. It wasn't like Sylvia would ever look twice at him.

Even though Sylvia and I were getting closer, we still weren't talking. Another week passed and I didn't know anything about her. Well, other than she was a Hufflepuff and she had brown hair...

Oh, and hazel eyes.

And she was an _excellent _snogger.

James, who knew he wasn't getting any more information about Sylvia from me, began talking about Lily. Or asking random questions about her.

Good thing was that Ivy knew some answer. Now James knew what Ivy's favorite color was. He could die happy.

One night, as Peter asked about Sylvia, I noticed something.

"Hey, Moony, where's your girlfriend?" I asked.

Remus blinked at me. "I don't have a girlfriend."

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "You know, your girlfriend, Ivy Bennett. Usually sits there." I pointed to her spot on the couch.

"Okay, first, Ivy is not my girlfriend," Remus began. Oh, right, she wasn't...yet. "And second, weren't you listening? Her roommates want to spend time with her. Lily said that we've been stealing her."

James nodded. "Remember? When Lily came over and sat next to _me _at lunch?" The giddiness in his voice made me cringe. He leaned forward and added, "Do you think she's talking about me?"

I scoffed. "No, of course they're talking about how Remus and Ivy are madly in love."

Remus actually turned red. Bright red across his cheeks. "They're not talking about me. Probably..." He trailed off, his eyes frantic. "Girl stuff?"

James, Peter, and I all exchanged a glance. "...So, you?" I supplied once again.

"I'm not in love with her!" Remus exclaimed.

The way his voice was getting higher told us that he was panicking. "Oh, really?" James teased. "You don't love her?"  
"No," Remus insisted.

"Do you like being her friend?" James asked.

Remus didn't even hesitate to answer. "Yes."

"Do you like talking to her?"

"Yes."

"Do you fancy her?"

"Yes." Immediately, Remus realized what he said. "No, I mean..." he began babbling.

But the rest of us were all grinning. We heard what he had said. "That's not what you said, Moony. You fancy Ivy Bennett..." I singsonged.

He was frantically shaking his head, trying to hide behind a book. "No, I don't. She's...different."

"You fancy her long beautiful hair..." James grinned.

"And her big green eyes," Peter chimed in.

"And the way she writes," I said.

Remus's face was hidden in his book. "So?"  
I raised my eyebrows. "So? Are you admitting your feelings, Moony?" I didn't actually expect him to say anything. I thought he would try to deny it for as long as possible.

He groaned in his book and didn't say anything.

"What was that?" James asked, leaning forward dramatically and cupping his ear.

Remus's eyes were barely visible over the top of the large book. "Okay, yes, are you happy now?"

I couldn't contain my grin. James and I high fived each other while Peter stared, wide-eyed. "Our little Moony is growing up," James announced.

"It happens so fast," I proclaimed, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.

Every time we saw Ivy for the next couple days, we nudged Remus. When she sat down with us, we smiled at Remus. When she said something to Remus, the rest of us nodded at each other.

Young love.

Speaking of young love, Sylvia was still meeting me up in the Astronomy tower, in empty classrooms, behind the tapestries. It wasn't showing any signs of slowing down. In fact, I was thinking about asking her to be my official girlfriend.

Why wouldn't I? She was perfect in every way. Well, the ways I knew her. Which was mostly the way of her body. And she wasn't even the jealous type. If I told her I was busy working, she would understand without questions.

She probably didn't know that I was working with another girl, but that was okay. It was Ivy. And Ivy really wasn't a threat to my relationship.

I could see Remus watching me and Ivy during our writing sessions. He had no clue what we were doing and watched with wide eyes. But he didn't try to ask. I'm sure Ivy would tell him the truth if he would just ask. Instead, he watched and pretended that nothing was wrong.

But I knew it was killing him inside.

Maybe it was the full moon coming up. Remus was beginning to seem a little touchy.

"Full moon tonight," James announced in Transfiguration the next day.

Remus stared down at his textbook. I could have sworn he had flinched. "I think I'm well aware."

"Too bad Ivy can't come with us," Peter said.

I knew by the way Remus's head snapped up that he was going to be moody. He glared at Peter and said, "Great idea – putting Ivy in danger." He looked at Ivy. "Don't get any ideas."

She stared at him and responded, "I'm not stupid, Remus. I'm not going to run out onto the grounds and follow you all."

Oh really, because I could see that happening. Or maybe not. Ivy would want to help Remus but she would probably be too scared to follow us.

"Because I won't be able to stop myself as the werewolf. I won't know who you are and I could hurt you," Remus added. I knew that Remus couldn't bear the thought of hurting Ivy. He would hurt himself before hurting her.

Ivy smiled softly. "Don't worry. I have no intentions of being reckless now."

And even though I didn't know Ivy as well as Remus, I knew she was being serious. However, the frown on Remus's face told me that he wasn't sure.

He kept looking back at the castle as we made our way to the Whomping Willow. He really was frightened that she was behind us.

"Remus, she's not coming," James tried to assure him for the millionth time.

"Yeah, there's no one behind us," Peter added.

Remus frowned. "If you hadn't said anything, you would have given her the idea-"

"Remus," I interrupted him, grabbing him by the shoulder and making him face me. "Ivy is smart. She knows that she can't come with us. She's probably going to wait for us to come back. I promise you – she's not going to follow."

He just shrugged out of my grasp and continued on his way. This wasn't going to be a good night.

I tried not to upset him even more. I tried to stay out of his way as he paced in circles, waiting for the night to be over. But every time his yellow eyes landed on us, he snarled. I couldn't tell if it was because Remus was angry with us or the wolf was just angry.

Suddenly, Remus snarled and lunged at me, clamping down on my shoulder. I didn't let myself cry out; instead, I threw him to the side, stepping back.

He tried to swipe at me but I managed to back him into a wall. When I pushed him against the wall with more force than I intended, he whimpered and fell to the ground.

That was the worst of it. He spent the rest of the night lying in the corner and watching us with weary eyes.

The full moon finally ended at around two in the morning. Remus didn't say anything when it ended, just let us help him to the hospital wing, where we hid himself in him covers as Madam Pomfrey fretted over him.

And me. I was stuck in my own bed, some foal smelling substance on my arm, healing the deep cut. Down the side of my face, there were a couple cuts and bruises, traveling down to my arm, but not as serious. Remus wouldn't turn my way – he was probably feeling guilty.

But I wasn't mad at him. It wasn't his fault.

"Did you stay up waiting for us?" James suddenly asked and I could tell he wasn't talking to Madam Pomfrey.

"What happened?" Ivy's voice.

There was a long pause from James. "Um, Remus was acting worse than usual. And Sirius got in his way..."

Was she going to start freaking out? Run over to Remus's side and make sure he hadn't hurt himself? Hopefully, she wasn't crying. I could just imagine her face – with tears and all.

"No, it's not as bad as you think," I heard James exclaim. "Sirius just has a few cuts and bruises. That's all."

Was she worried about me? "Where did Madam Pomfrey go?" Ivy then asked.

"We sort of bribed her to leave for a bit." Not a bad bribe. Just promising her we would never get into a situation like this again. Or more like never letting her see it again.

The hangings around my bed were pulled open and I saw Ivy staring at me, her eyes widened. She looked absolutely horrified at the sight of me.

So I laughed. "Hey, Ivy," I said. "Should you be in bed?"

She kept staring at me. "Not when you're all like this."

I tried to shrug, forgetting about my arm. I tried to hid my wince but it was hard. "I'm not that bad." Without even thinking, I added, "You should check up on Remus – he's worse and he wants to see you. And you don't want to talk to me..."

"Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?"

Why couldn't she just admit that she wanted to run to Remus. I chuckled and said, "Just go see Remus, Ivy." Hopefully, she wasn't thinking that it was her duty to talk to me.

Sirius chuckled. "Just go see Remus, Ivy."

She blinked at me, finally pulling the hangings back around my bed. I heard her make her way over to Remus and some soft conversation, complete with gentle laughs, before drifting off.

When Sylvia didn't show up to visit me in the hospital wing, I knew something was wrong. Wasn't your girlfriend/not girlfriend supposed to visit when you're confined to a bed alone?

But I didn't think much of it. I was just looking forward to the end of 6th year. We were going to Hogsmeade for the last weekend – all of us, not Sylvia and me. We never did anything together. It was always just the Marauders and other Gryffindors that showed up.

We were looking for Ivy so she could join.

Mostly because Remus wouldn't shut up about her. 'Do you think she'll visit for the summer?' 'What if she changes over the summer?' Stupid questions like that.

So we found her in the quill shop...of course. I didn't even know there was a quill shop in Hogsmeade! Wow, I learned my new fact of the day.

"Aha, found her!" James shouted in the middle of the shop, quickly making her way over to her.

Remus gave him a look, probably pleading with him not to say anything. "Actually, I was the one that told you that she would be here." Bringing the subject back to himself. Good move, Moony.

"We're headed to the Three Broomsticks," I said, hoping Remus would thank me for this. "And we even had them save us a table so we wouldn't have a repeat of what happened last time. Your roommates will all be there too."

"Okay," Ivy agreed without an argument, grabbing some object off the shelf. "Just let me pay for this first and I'll be there."

As soon as we left the shop, James turned to Remus. "See, now she'll spend the whole day with us. You can thank us later."

Remus just looked amused, slowly following us.

When we entered The Three Broomsticks, I turned around and noticed that Remus was no longer behind us. Where had his disappeared to?

He couldn't be with Ivy. That would be too perfect.

It was loud in the building as we found our table and tried to order some drinks. I ended up shouting across the table, making Marlene double over in laughter.

After about ten minutes, I saw two people enter the building, looking around. I couldn't see them clearly, but since the girl had blonde hair and there was a guy with darker hair with her, I could only assume it was them. "We thought we lost you, mate!" I shouted over the noise, waving over the couple.

The couple. I wish Remus could hear that.

"Sorry," Remus immediately said, walking over. "I decided to wait for Ivy."

I could have rolled my eyes at the sappiness of that gesture, but instead, I just sat back in my chair and stared at them.

"That's adorable!" I heard Marlene squeal – yes, squeal, it was just that high-pitched.

Ivy and Remus shared a "look" which, if I was writing it down, would have quotes around it. Because it was a "look", all implications...well, implied.

Everyone began talking about how they'll miss everyone, and as I held my butterbeer in my hand, I decided that it was a great moment for a speech.

I scrambled to stand up on my chair, getting the attention of everyone around us immediately. "I just want to say..." I said loudly, raising his butterbeer high in the air. "-that I will miss you all...because I love you."

I got the response I expected – a roll of the eyes. Grinning, I raised my bottle. "Cheers," I exclaimed, taking a drink.

Turning around, I saw Ivy take a small sip of her drink, sitting back and sinking into her chair. Did she really think she was going to hide through the entire thing?

"Hey, Ivy..." I exclaimed.

She didn't seem to notice me at first. It wasn't until she looked up and noticed everyone staring at her did her eyes grow wide.

"Come on, say something," I urged, looking down at her.

It took her awhile to do anything. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I don't have anything to say."

"Oh, come on," Mary added. I didn't expect anyone to help me. Wow. "Just say how much you love everyone."

"Yeah," Alice said. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"It'd be fun," James exclaimed.

"Just a sentence," Lily pleaded. I almost fell off the table in shock – Lily was on my side. Amazing.

"Loosen up a bit," Sirius proclaimed, reaching down to grab her hands. They were small in my own, resisting only slightly. I pulled and then heard her sigh.

It took her awhile to climb up on her chair and then stand upright on the table. She kept looking down as if it was going to break. Everyone around us began cheering and whistling. I began clapping loudly, adding in phrases like "finally" and "amazing".

"Um," Ivy stuttered, her cheeks turning red. "This year was...weird." She tried to laugh. "But I made some new good friends. And..." She looked around, trying to find her next words. I waved her on to continue. "I...love you all?"

But where was the cheers? We all waited, seeing if she would finally end her speech with the 'cheers'.

"Cheers," she finally exclaimed.

FINALLY. I took a long drink of my butterbeer, giving Ivy a quick grin before she made her way back down into her seat. I waited awhile to sit back down and instead, watched Ivy and Remus.

She looked absolutely shaken as Remus turned to hear and said something that I couldn't hear.

She responded and then Remus took her hand with a soft smile. And when I saw her smile back, I knew it wouldn't be long before both of them finally realized what they had.

They needed to be together.

* * *

Um, this chapter is 1000 words more than usual. Why? Because I wanted to end 6th year with this chapter. I'm going to start putting the chapters of NSMW at the top that I use in each chapter.

Hope everyone had a great Halloween.

And is anyone doing NaNoWriMo? I am and I'm going to use a new livejournal to post updates. However, my novel isn't going to be edited, so it's going to be very raw and probably full of mistakes and bad scenes, but I'm using November to just write and then the other months to edit. The new livejournal is now my homepage on my profile.

Thanks for everything! I write for you all.


	9. No More Pranks?

Chapters 46-49 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing

* * *

"Hey, Moony." I turned around to find nobody behind me. Where had he disappeared to? Probably ran off to Flourish and Blotts?

Why didn't he like Quality Quidditch Supplies?

It was a _good _store. Broomsticks and snitches and quaffles and bludgers...what else could Moony want?Oh yeah, books and quills and other boring things.

"Padfoot, look at this broom..." I stared more closely at the broomstick James was ogling at. It was a pretty good broom, but it was way too much for something that would be out of style in a couple years. Yes, I kept track of money. Okay, all for broomsticks, but at least it was something.

"It's the fastest broom ever made!" James exclaiming, pressing his nose against the glass.

"Yeah, but it costs as much as a house."

"No, it doesn't!" James snapped at me, turning his gaze away from the object.

Suddenly, someone stepped in between us. "Um, hey." It was Remus – back from wherever he was.

"Hey, Moony! Where have you been?" I asked.

He paused, and then said, "I ran into someone on the way." My eyes followed to where he was motioning and saw someone with short, blonde hair and a littler version of the someone.

Hmm, strangely familiar someone.

I unconsciously leaned forward, trying to see where I knew her from. No, I didn't snog anyone with short blonde hair. At least, I don't think so.

I probably did. But this was someone familiar – I had to remember her somewhere else.

Huh, she had green eyes. Green eyes – like...

"Ivy!" I exclaimed, finally recognizing the girl in front of me. Wow, she looked different. The shorter hair made her look older – more...grown-up – oh wait, that's the same thing. But still, it worked for her. In a strange, different kind of way.

"And little Ivy," James said, looking down at the smaller version of Ivy.

"Oh," Ivy exclaimed, pushing the girl forward a bit. "This is Eleanor, my sister. She'll be starting Hogwarts this year."

I watched as Eleanor froze. Just like her sister. "Hi?" she finally said.

I grinned. "Aw, Ivy, she's just like you." And then, just for good measure, I turned to Eleanor. "I'm Sirius Black. Nice to meet you."

Eleanor stared up at me with the widest of eyes (even wider than Ivy's) and just continued staring. I guess she didn't have anything to say.

How amusing.

-o-o-o-o-

Usually, I looked forward to going back to Hogwarts. I spent all of the summer vacation waiting for September 1st, when I would finally be reunited with my friends.

But spending the summer with James's family was different. I didn't want to go back to Hogwarts anymore. I wanted to stay with the Potters and sleep in and do nothing.

Instead, we were back in King's Cross, standing with James's parents and saying our goodbyes.

"You have everything, James?" James's mother asked.

James nodded. "Yes."

Remus and Peter were already with us, waiting patiently as James said his last goodbyes.

Suddenly, there was a loud knocking. James immediately looked up from his conversation with his mum and looked for the source of the noise.

His eyes landed at something and he pointed out something behind me.

I turned around to see Ivy sitting on the train, looking at us. I waved at her with everyone else.

"Who's that?" James's mother asked, her eyebrows raised in question.

James grinned. "Oh, that's Ivy Bennett. Remus's secret girlfriend."

Remus did his usual glare and then rolled his eyes at us. James said goodbye to his parents one more times and then we made our way onto the train.

"You need to stop giving us that glare," James exclaimed. "It's only a matter of time-"

Hey, there was that glare again. "She's not my girlfriend. She'll never be, okay?"

Peter looked confused. "But...you fancy her. Shouldn't you-"

Taking one look at Remus's expression, I groaned. "Oh, Moony, you seriously aren't going to use your 'furry little problem' as an excuse?"

Remus frowned. "I'm not...right for her."

I snorted. "Then who is?"

James was looking in compartments, trying to find the one Ivy was in. "In this one!" he finally exclaimed, sliding open the door of a compartment on the right.

And, even though Remus had complained about us teasing him about Ivy, he still took a seat next to her. James and I exchanged a quick look, and then I decided to change the subject.

"Finally, seventh year!" I said loudly. "You know what this means?" Remus shrugged. James didn't say anything. "Pranks, of course!" I answered myself. "Right, Prongs?" I glanced at James to see him looking...uneasy or something.

"Uh, you see, I'm trying to cut down on the pranks."

I did not hear James say that. Please tell me I didn't him say that. It was seventh year. What was he talking about?

"Uh, you see," he began stuttering for some reason. "I'm trying to cut down on the pranks."

...Cut...down...on...pranks? What did that mean?

"What do you mean?" Peter voiced my concerns, his eyes wide in surprise.

The same surprise I was feeling.

I watched James pause again and then he reached into his pocket and brought something out. "I'm, uh, Head Boy."

And there was that gold badge in his hand. No, Dumbledore would never let James be Head Boy. There was a mistake or something. Or James was joking.

Ivy looked as shocked as me. "You're kidding me."

But he wasn't. Even I could tell that. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Remus just kept staring at that stupid badge. "I thought Head Boy would be Timothy Jennings."

"You weren't even a prefect," Ivy proclaimed.

James shrugged, putting the offending badge back in his pocket. "I don't know why Dumbledore made me prefect, but since he did, I guess I should act it. Right?"

No, that didn't mean...

Seventh year was ruined.

My whole life was ruined.

The door opened again, causing all of us to look over to see the intruder. "Oh, there you are, Ivy." Lily. Oh great, with James being Head Boy, what was he going to do about Lily? This could not end well.

I heard Ivy clear her throat and say, "Lily, this is my sister, Eleanor."

Wait – Eleanor was in here? I looked over to where Ivy was and saw someone hidden behind a book. "Whoa, didn't see you there-" I said.

I could barely see her eyes over the book. "Hello."

Lily say "hello" in return and then turned her attention back on Ivy. "Have you seen Timothy Jennings? I think he's Head Boy and I want to talk to him."

James was going to have a field day. His seventh year just got a million times better. Mine was still debatable. It all depended on whether or not James was kidding about the no pranks thing.

Ivy slowly shook her head. "No, I haven't seen him. And I'm pretty sure he's not Head Boy."

Nice clue, Ivy.

"I am," James spoke up.

I immediately turned to see Lily's reaction. Her eyes widened a bit and she just kind of stared. No screaming? Come on, there had to be some sort of yelling. That's what she was known for. "What?" she finally said.

Remus must have saw some danger because he jumped in and said, "It's not a joke, Lily. He really is Head Boy."

Okay, Lily...and go crazy.

But she just stared.

And stared.

And stared...

"I'm going to find Mary," she exclaimed, turning around and leaving without a shout or goodbye or anything.

James slowly sat back and let out a small 'hmm' sound. "Well, this year is going to be interesting."

Interesting wasn't even beginning to cover it.

No pranks, no James/Lily fights, and everything so different before the first day of school? Interesting was an understatement.

I tried to tolerate this new James for the next few days. He was all quiet and law...following...and boring. Lily, however, was beginning to pick fights with him again.

I was getting used to it.

"We're supposed to patrol the halls tomorrow!" she screamed from across the common room.

Ivy was talking about her sister and we could barely hear her over the fighting. Oh, well, it wasn't like we could do anything to stop it. It was just going to continue _forever_.

Why couldn't we go back to sixth year?

"How's your sister doing?" Remus asked, trying to drown out Lily's rant.

Ivy shrugged, and said, slightly louder than usual, "She's doing okay. I think she's lonely though since she doesn't talk to anyone in her house."

To my surprise, I heard James answer Lily's rant in a calm voice and I could finally speak without yelling. "She always has her books to entertain her."

"That's true. She loves her books more than anything."

I had gotten used to yelling with my mother, but after spending a whole summer with the Potters, I had forgotten what a headache it is. I just wanted to go over there and tell Lily to shut it, but I didn't want James to kill me.

"Like you with your writing," Remus exclaimed, motioning to Ivy's journal.

Oh, yeah, her journal. I wonder how she was doing with that.

Suddenly, Lily began yelling again and I looked up to see James watching her with a defeated look.

He didn't just let Lily get to him. No, that would be-

Then he leaned forward and said something with a frown on his face.

No, by the look on her face, she was the one that lost.

I watched James disappear up the staircase and then turned to Remus. "Moony, go talk to him." Remus just looked at me with a weird expression.

"Why me?"

Well, that was obvious. "Because you're the sensitive one."

Remus mouthed 'sensitive one' to himself, as if he didn't know that he really was the sensitive one. He really was though. I didn't care enough, James wasn't good at it, and Peter was bad at everything. Hence, Remus being the sensitive one.

I watched as Remus looked over at Ivy and she shrugged. Wow, she was on my side.

"Fine," Remus said, standing up. "But don't expect me to be the one that always has to sympathize with James." Peter followed Remus up the dormitory, leaving me alone with Ivy.

"She's going to kill him before the year is over," Ivy said, shaking her head. "Dumbledore should have saw this coming."

But what if Dumbledore knew something? He had to have a reason? I mean, he wouldn't just do this to break up the Marauders. "You never know. She could-"

"Doubt it," Ivy muttered, yawning.

Her yawn made me realize how tired I was. With this pounding in my head, all I wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep...anywhere. On the floor, in the dungeons, it really didn't matter.

Ivy began scrambling around for her things. When I saw her grab her journal, I decided it was a good time to ask. "How's the story coming along?"

She didn't respond for a second. "I wrote a bit over the summer. Nothing's really happened yet. Sebastian and Anne are getting to know each other though."

Oh, wait, she wanted some advice.

What could I give as advice? Well, what did I know? I knew about...um, oh, being a guy and since it was from a girl's point of view, she could change it. "You know what would be a good idea?" I asked. She shrugged in response. "Write some from Sebastian's point of view. I'd like to see what he's thinking."

She seemed almost startled as she looked down at her journal and hesitated to answer. "It could work," she said slowly.

I yawned, feeling my eyelids begin to close by themselves. Stretching out, I stared up at the vast ceiling and then...nothing.

Urgh.

Something was poking me.

In the arm.

It hurt.

I tried to get away from the poking and moved slightly. No, now it was nudging.

All I wanted to do was sleep!

Was someone whispering my name? "We're going to be late for class..."

Hey, it was a girl. But I didn't remember any girl last night. I would have remembered. At least, I should have remembered.

Or...

That was Ivy's voice. What was Ivy doing here? Why was I waking up next to her? I opened my eyes and decided to make sure. "Ivy?" My eyes fell upon her and I knew I was right. "What're you doing here?"

"We need to go," she said instead, getting up.

Oh, we were on the couch. We must have fallen asleep last night here. That made sense. I slowly stretched and watched Ivy run around, trying to grab everything. Running a hand through my hair (I needed a shower so bad), I yawned as Ivy began speaking frantically.

"We're late for class and McGonagall is going to kill me!"

But there was no one in the common room. Wouldn't someone have woken us up if class had already begun?

"Ivy-" I tried to begin.

She started pacing, running her hand through her hair, trembling.

"Ivy..." I repeated.

She didn't even acknowledge my voice.

"Hey, you!" I shouted and she finally turned around to look at me. "Calm down. Sit down and take a breath."

She basically threw herself down on the couch next to me. Her eyes were wide and frantic and I could see that she wanted to move before she did it. So I grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to sit still.

Ivy's eyes grew even wider as she stared at me. Okay, now I had her attention.

"We're not late," I told her, staring into her eyes, making sure she understood. "Someone would have woken us up on the way to breakfast. It's okay."

She looked as if she was about to faint. Did she finally understand? Was she going to keep calm?

A loud clearing of the throat interrupted my thoughts. I took my hands off Ivy's shoulders and turned around to see who it was.

Ah, Remus. Looking confused and embarrassed.

Why?

...OH. That must have been an awkward scene to walk in on. Great, now he was going to be all jealous of me. Maybe finally he would make a move.

Um, Sirius-" He looked at me. "We were just wondering where you were."

"Fell asleep on the couch last night," I answered his question. "How's James doing?"

Remus shrugged, clearly tensed. "He really didn't want to talk about it. He's just sulking and being very depressing."

I snorted. "Oh, he'll get over it."

Remus's eyes went back to Ivy. He was dying inside, I knew it. "I think you should go talk to Lily. She's probably wondering where you are." Oh, wow, his voice had a bit of an edge to it. Maybe he was just angry.

We watched as Remus left through the portrait hole and then Ivy fell over dramatically with a groan. At least she was as conflicted about this as he was.

"Well, he'll be jealous for weeks," I tried to lighten the mood.

She tried to laugh, but it was so fake. She was hurting inside. She knew that Remus was hurting. Maybe this was the push they finally needed.

* * *

I wrote this in about two hours and I think it's mostly made of crap, but if you think it's made of awesome, maybe tell me? Using the new weird review button?

This chapter was crammed in at the last minute because I've been so busy with my NaNoWriMo novel. It's turning out quite well, actually. I have about 13,000 words. If you want to read it, it's my homepage on my profile. And I have a link to my NaNoWriMo page on my profile as well.

I just wanted to tell you that I was looking up classes for my major and I found out that Writing Fiction is taught by only one professor.

The one that told me I couldn't write. The class is required. I'm going to go cry.

Okay, moving on, you're all amazing and, in case you don't know that, I'm going to be making a new video...soon-ish.

Oh, and I'm seeing John and Hank Green on Friday. AHHHHH!

DFTBA.


	10. Just Call Me Cupid

Chapters 50 - 54

* * *

"Prongs!" I saw James walk by me, not even stopping to talk. Okay, if Remus and James were both going to be moody today, then I was going to have to talk to Peter.

All day. Him watching me...eyes never leaving me....following me around...all day.

Okay, that was not happening.

"Prongs!" I shouted again, grabbing onto him. "Today is a lovely day, don't you think?"

He barely even looked at me. "Why is Remus mad at you?"

I shrugged as we made our way out of the portrait hole. Ivy had left about five minutes ago when Lily came down from the dormitory. After Remus stormed out, I had decided to wait for James. I didn't know he'd be moody too. "I slept last night on the couch."

"Oh, I thought you were with a girl," James said.

I shrugged again, wondering how to answer this. Straight approach was good. "I was..." Okay, maybe straight approach was too much. "Sort of," I added quickly.

James raised an eyebrow. "You were sort of with a girl? How is that possible?" And without having to say anything, I watched as the recognition passed through James's eyes. "Don't tell me that's why Remus is angry at you."

I shrugged for the third time, giving James a knowing look.

"You were with Ivy," he concluded and I just stared at him. "Why the hell were you with Ivy?" James stopped in the middle of the corridor to face me.

I rolled my eyes. "We were snogging, of course." I watched as James's eyes widened and he stumbled backward in shock, almost falling over. "I'm joking, god, do you think that would really happen? We both just fell asleep on the couch," I finally explained. "Remus caught us together and you know how little things like that upset him. So, he's mad at me. Whatever, I didn't do anything." I shrugged for the millionth time.

James didn't say anything and we just continued to walk in silence.

"Hey!" Peter jumped in front of us, coming out of nowhere. James and I were unfazed. "You forgot to tell me you were leaving."

"Yeah, sorry about that Wormy," I muttered. But I had other things on my mind.

Like...

How to make Moony understand that nothing happened.

Make sure Ivy wasn't afraid of me.

Get James to stop moping everywhere.

I had to do _everything_.

We entered the Great Hall and, even though Remus looked as if he didn't want anyone sitting next to him, we took our regular seats.

"Hey, Moony," James said, patting him on the back. "I'm sorry to hear about-"

I swung my fist and hit James as hard as I could...I aimed for the face, got the shoulder. Damn it. "Shut up," I hissed.

Remus just looked at me, his eyes widening. I didn't understand why, but he was looking at me strangely. "It's fine..." he finally said, looking like he was lost...or something. I couldn't tell. "I'm not mad at you."

Oh, right and I didn't like pranks.

I was about to give him a sarcastic answer, but then I noticed Ivy dragging someone small to the table. Her little sister.

I saw Remus look over and notice her and then look away really quickly. I grinned at Ivy to distract her from the way Remus was acting and she slightly smiled at me. James and Lily were ignoring each other; that definitely wouldn't last long.

And Ivy's sister was just staring, looking scared to be there. Oh, well, maybe I could make her feel better. "How are you, Ellie?"

She just blinked. I saw Ivy smile again. Of course she wouldn't answer. She was just like Ivy. I laughed and continued, "Are you enjoying your first year here?"

Eleanor nodded slowly, still not meeting my eyes. Maybe she was having trouble at Hogwarts. James did the same thing – not looking at me when he was lying.

"Do you like hot chocolate?" An idea came to me.

"Yes." An actual answer – that's good.

I leaned forward to talk to her. "We could take an adventure down to the kitchens. You, me, and Ivy."

I don't know what I said but then, Remus stood up quickly, muttering something about leaving. And then he hurried out of the Great Hall.

Idiot.

He _knew_ that would upset Ivy. And he knew that she would try to follow.

"I'll be right back," she muttered, turning on her heel and leaving after Remus.

Hopefully, Remus would listen to her. If not, this was just going to continue forever. And Remus and Ivy would never realize what was in front of them.

They must have gotten into a huge fight. For the rest of the day, they kept quiet, never saying a word to each other. And there was definitely something that happened – it wasn't just them decided to be quiet. No, they were ignoring each other. Tensing up when the other got too close.

For the first time that day, I saw James and Lily exchange a glance. They were wondering what was going on. Their little fight didn't matter anymore. It seemed like Remus and Ivy needed more help.

That night, Ivy secluded herself by sitting alone on the couch. Remus sat across the room, watching her carefully.

I leaned against the wall, watching both of them with my arms crossed. I just waited for one of them to finally crack and then everything would be great. But, no, Ivy was too preoccupied with stabbing her journal and Remus was too busy sending glares.

I just couldn't stand watching this anymore. Pushing myself off the wall, I walked over to Ivy.

"What are you doing?"

She visibly flinched, probably not expecting me to come over here. Her hair fell into her eyes, shielding me from her view.

It took her a moment to finally look up at me. And when she did, the expression on her face scared me for a second.

I never thought I'd see Ivy Bennett look mad. It was pretty interesting.

"Nothing," she said in her angry voice.

It really wasn't an angry voice – more of slightly louder than normal voice with a deeper tone.

So I raised an eyebrow. She was mad, okay, but what was she mad about? Taking a seat next to her, I looked to see her stare straight ahead and not even glance at me.

Really, was she that angry? What happened? "What happened between you and Remus?"

She looked the opposite way – where Remus was watching us. "He's being an idiot," she finally exclaimed, looking back down at the table in front of us.

Yes, Remus was an idiot, but that didn't mean that he meant it. "Ivy," I tried to explain, scooting closer to her so we could talk. She continued to stare forward. "Remus really likes you. I'm sure he didn't mean whatever he did."

"I doubt it."

I sighed quietly, watching the broken girl. "Well, Remus will get over it. He can't stay mad at his friends for too long. He's just not like that."

She began shaking her head. "I'm not his friend."

What did she mean? If anything, she was more of a friend than she realized. Remus couldn't have said anything that bad. "Of course you are."

"He ended our friendship." I thought she had to be joking – but the way her voice hardened told me otherwise. No, Remus wouldn't do something like that.

What was going through his head?! "What? Why would he do that?" I asked as she finally turned to look at me.

Her eyes stared into mine and I thought that maybe she was trying to tell me something. But I had no clue what she was thinking.

And all I could think about was how much of an idiot Remus was. He seriously needed a crash course in women. He obviously had no clue what he was doing.

"I-I..." She began stuttering her words and I just patiently for whatever she had to say. It was common for her to do this; I had actually gotten used to it.

Nothing strange about Ivy Bennett stuttering.

"I don't know - I have to go," she frantically said, racing out of my sight and stumbling up the staircase.

Thinking about this whole conflict made my head hurt.

I just needed to sleep. Trudging up the staircase, I immediately fell onto my bed, not even having enough energy to change.

Instead of letting sleep overtake me, I stayed awake, waiting for Remus to come in. I had to know something from his side of the story. It piqued my curiosity.

The door opened, making that awful creaking sound.

"Moony?"  
"I don't want to hear it," he immediately responded.

Defensive Moony. I hate defensive Moony. It's so hard to talk to him.

"So, I was talking to Ivy..."

He snorted. Very professional.

"And she told me some interesting things."

I sat up in my bed to see Remus looking at me with a surprised expression. "She told you?" he said slowly.

I nodded. "Yeah, she told me."

Remus looked frantic suddenly. "What did you say?"

I paused, thinking it through. What did I say? Why was Moony looking like he was about to kill me? Was it because I was hesitating? Maybe I should answer. "I told her that he really likes you."

He just stared at me. Shouldn't he be thanking me for trying to get them together? "You did _what_?"

I blinked. "Well, I'm sorry if it upsets you-"

"Of course it does!"

Wow, he was really mad. "I was just trying to help. I won't do it anymore then," I muttered, falling back down on the bed.

"How were you helping?" I heard Remus ask.

I rolled my eyes. "By making you sound good?"

There was silence. I turned to see Remus looking at the floor. "Oh," he said softly. "Nevermind."

He _really _needed that lesson about women. When I had no clue where he was coming from with my knowledge of women, there was a problem.

-o-o-o-o-

Ivy went missing after the whole fight. I don't think I saw her at all that weekend. Remus was moody, James was feeling better, and Peter followed us around as usual.

On Sunday, Lily stormed down into the common room and looked around.

"Watch out, mate, she's about to start something," I quickly whispered to James.

And now she was stomping her way over.

"I need your help."

Wow, didn't expect that. She was looking at both of us. She was talking to us civilly. What was this alternate universe?

"Ivy won't come down from the dormitory," Lily began to explain.

I nodded. "Oh, we know. We've got moody Remus with us."

Lily took a deep breath. "Do you – um, know – I can't believe I'm asking this - any way to get up into the girl's dormitory?"

James stared at Lily for awhile but shaking himself out of his transfixed state and exclaimed, "Of course. Do you want our help?"

She clenched her teeth and nodded.

We made Lily turn around (and close her eyes) before taking our wands out of our robes. "_Steti_," James whispered, hitting the side of the railing.

A soft hum told us that the charm worked.

"Okay, let's go," I exclaimed, stepping on the first step – with no consequences.

Lily was staring down at the staircase in surprise.

"I can't believe that worked," James said, giving me a look. He was trying to make it seem as though it was our first time doing it, so Lily wouldn't be as offended.

That didn't work.

"I can't believe you even thought of this. What were you thinking?" Yeah, she might have been a little angry.

"We wanted to get into the girls dormitories," I defended ourselves. "Is that such a crime?"

Lily scoffed. "Why, yes. I think it is."

We finally got to the landing and Lily opened the door, immediately making her way over to a lump in a bed.

"Ivy, this is an intervention," Lily said softly, lightly pushing on the lump. "I brought some people who want to help."

James cleared his throat. "We're here on behalf of our client, Remus J. Lupin."

The lump groaned. "I don't care." Wow, the lump has a voice.

"Just hear them out, Ivy," Lily proclaimed. "They really want to help you and Remus."

A pair of eye peeked out from under the covers. "Fine," she whispered and struggled to sit up under all of her covers. Immediately, she began running a hair through her messed-up hair as she bit her lip.

"Remus is driving us insane," James immediately started. "He won't stop with the moping and the complaining. I am going bloody insane!"

Mental, really.

"Okay?" Ivy said softly.

"He absolutely misses you; he just doesn't want to admit it," I added. "He's being stubborn for once in his life. We still don't know what you did but it can't be all that bad. Just talk to each other."

If they started talking again, the whole world would be righted. Finally.

"He doesn't want to talk to me," Ivy said, looking down at the bed.

James shrugged and put a grin on his face. "We'll force him. And if you won't talk, we'll steal some Veriterserum and force you two to tell all of your secrets."

She looked frightened at that thought. "If you can get him to talk to me, then I will talk to him," Ivy responded.

FINALLY.

"Thank you," I sighed.

"Success," James exclaimed, giving Lily a grin.

Ivy's eyes widened and Lily said, "We've come to a mutual agreement. We've decided to try a friendship."

Whoa, when did this happen?

I looked over to see Ivy raise eyebrow in question. The action made me laugh.

Lily must have not noticed because she just turned to James and started arguing with him. Like normal. "Now, about this whole staircase to the girls' dormitory thing..."

Okay, now that James and Lily were getting into this friendship thing, did that mean I had to play matchmaker for them too?

Great.

Just call me cupid.

* * *

I actually wrote this chapter a little each day instead of waiting until the last moment. I hope you all liked it better.

And I went to see Hank and John Green last night. I was stuck in the overflow room watching them from a screen...but then they took pity on us and came up to the room. I have some videos on my YouTube. (John directly said into my camera "thanks for being awesome, Ashley". I died.)

Thanks for everything.


	11. What Is Up With Her?

Chapters 55-58 of _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

He tried to run away before the rest of us were fully awake. Thankfully, Peter's pants saved the day as Remus accidentally got tangled in them and stumbled, falling into the wall.

"Moony!" James exclaimed, noticing his escape and falling out of his own bed to grab the escapee. "You're not getting out of the intervention!"

Remus looked down at the hand enclosed around his wrist. "Um, you do know I could just take my wrist back and walk down the staircase?"

James shook his head with a dark look. "Honor system, Moony. Honor system."

He let go of Remus's wrist and went to go get dressed. "Does he even know what an honor system is?" Remus asked, probably not expecting an answer.

I shrugged. "Do you?"

Remus opened his mouth to answer.

"Okay, don't answer that-" I interrupted him. "I don't feel like falling back asleep."

Remus honored the "honor system" by waiting at the door for the rest of us. He just watched, almost tiredly as we hurriedly pulled on our socks and shoes, trying to find where the hell our essays went to (I swear, I wrote the entire length (okay, maybe I was a few words short) and then the ink disappeared and left me with a blank roll of parchment).

"Do I have to talk to her?" Remus started whining as we walked down the staircase.

I rolled my eyes. I never thought I'd see the day where Remus wouldn't want to talk to Ivy. It was like...we were in another dimension.

"No, you just have to stare at her until she can read your thoughts," I told him sarcastically. Remus glanced at me, clearly not impressed by my sarcasm.

James pushed Remus down on the couch and we sat on either side of him, forcing him to sit there with no way out. Unless he wanted to crawl over the table. Which I doubted.

I decided to pass the time with a little song.

"_This is an intervention...something something...tion. _Wait, wait – _this is our intention. And not abstention. Cause that's...not...good...ition."_

Remus shook his head at me slowly and said, "I will talk to her for as long as you want if you never sing again."

Seemed like an okay trade-off. "Can I still rhyme?"

"I think your rhyming was awesome," Peter spoke up, his large eyes even bigger than normal.

I grinned. "Why, thank you Wormtail."

Remus was about to answer, but I saw his eyes wander and stop at something behind me. Turning slightly, I quickly glanced at Ivy coming down the stairs.

"Okay, talk to her," I agreed quickly to his earlier proposal.

James leaned forward and said in a hushed voice, "Don't get mad at her."

Remus frowned. "Why do you think-"

But James ignored Remus and just waved Ivy over. "Ivy, come here!"

I seriously thought Ivy was going to try to run away, but instead she sighed and slowly made her way over. She stopped a couple feet away, staring at us awkwardly and fidgeting her hands as if she really didn't want to be here.

"This is your intervention," I began to explain, gesturing to the seat across from us. We had this whole thing planned. It wasn't just a normal intervention – there was a detailed plan.

"What about breakfast? I haven't had anything to eat since yesterday!" Ivy tried to complain.

Lily, our other conspirator, came through the portrait hole, carrying Ivy's breakfast. There was no way Ivy or Remus were going to get out of this one. We thought of everything.

Ivy groaned loudly, watching us with a cautious gaze.

"Don't complain, Ivy. Sit down and talk." She pointed to the chair and, to my surprise, Ivy actually moved toward the chair and sat down quickly, almost falling over the side of the chair. Lily gave her the tray of food and Ivy just stared down at it, as if she was afraid to look up at us.

"Here, drink." Lily then handed her a goblet. We had previously thought that to get some Veritaserum, but when that became impossible (no, not impossible, Lily was just a pansy), we decided to just psych her out.

Ivy shakily brought the cup up to her lips and took a sip. I watched as she locked eyes with Remus and let out a slow breath, as if waiting for him to say something first.

I looked over at Remus to see him giving James a look. Raising an eyebrow in questioning, I waited to see what Remus was getting at. Remus cocked his head to the portrait hole and then I understood. Remus – wanting to be alone with Ivy. Finally – he wanted to talk to her alone. This is what they needed.

"Well, I'm hungry!" James announced, standing up quickly. "Yeah, um, we'll just leave you two to it then."

I followed, giving Remus a clap on the back before disappearing through the portrait hole.

"Do you think they'll finally admit their feelings for each other?" James asked as we walked down to the Great Hall.

I shrugged indifferently. "Well, Remus is probably never going to speak a word. Ivy's too shy to say anything at all." They really were never going to get together at this rate._ "_We really just need to give them a love potion or something."

Lily turned sharply on her heel. "You will do no such thing. If Remus and Ivy are meant to be, then they'll figure it out on their own."

I frowned. "You're no fun, Evans."

She sent me a glare and then turned back around. "However, if the time does come, the broomcloset trick is our safest bet."

I grinned broadly.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Something about Ivy Bennett that I just don't understand (other than writing a novel, being shy, stuttering when speaking...) is how she handles all of her problems.

She probably doesn't realize that she lets everyone know. Just by that worried look on her face, everyone can tell that she's worrying.

I'm the opposite. I'll just tell people what's wrong. I don't let the worry eat me up on the inside. I tell people. Like how everyone knows that I want to get back together with Sylvia. It was no secret.

I wanted Sylvia Williams.

There was a little problem, however. She was ignoring me. I didn't understand – we were together last year. We had some good times. Didn't she want a repeat of it? Why was she resisting me? Who could resist me?

I never needed a plan to get a girl before. They usually just came to me. But I knew I would need a plan to get Sylvia.

Maybe I could make this work. Not just get Sylvia in the process, but help someone else out too. Ivy needed to get out – have some fun.

That was when I had a genius idea.

As I raced down into the Great Hall, I hoped two things. One was that she would say yes, because if she didn't, then the whole thing would be ruined. I wouldn't get Sylvia and Ivy wouldn't get out and have fun. And two – I hoped Remus wouldn't kill me. Hopefully, he would understand that this was strictly a friend thing.

"Hey, there's Padfoot!" I heard James say as I quickly made my way to the table. He immediately started talking about something, but when I had an amazing idea, I couldn't just wait for James's ramblings.

"Sorry, mate, but I have to talk to Ivy real quick." I watched as she she looked up at Remus, who gave her a confused look. James sat back and let me say whatever I had to say.

Ivy finally turned around, a look of bewilderment on her face. "You want to talk to me?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yes." I paused at the look on her face. She was really surprised that I wanted to talk to her. Well, prepare to be surprised, Ivy Bennett. "Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

Silence.

And then a soft "what" spoken so quietly I could barely hear it.

Ignoring the looks the others were giving me, I slid into the seat next to her. "Okay, as you know, I have a little problem."

She blinked at me. "Um-"

"You and Lily are the only girls I know that aren't interested in me in, you know, that way." She kept blinking at me. "And James would kill me if I asked Lily to Hogsmeade."

"Without regret," James said, interrupting my lovely speech. I imagined Lily's glare in my head and continued, "I need you to go with me to Hogsmeade to make Sylvia jealous."

She didn't answer me right away. And I thought she would immediately want to come. Didn't she want to get out of the castle? Get some fresh air or something?

Maybe it was. Maybe she didn't want to go with me. Maybe she preferred Remus.

"Uh...I don't know," she finally mumbled.

She didn't want to go. I didn't even care who was watching. I was going to beg. Getting down on my knees, I clasped my hands and pleaded with her. "Oh, please, Ivy. For me?" Reaching for her hand, I held it firmly, waiting for her to say yes.

She just stared at me.

Squeezing her hand softly, I added, "A favor for a friend?"

More blinking. She looked down at the floor and muttered, "I'm supposed to go with Lily."

Easily remedied. I looked up at the red-head. "You don't mind if I steal her, do you, Evans?" She raised an eyebrow at me. Good enough. "Okay, good. Now, Ivy, please say you'll go with me."

Who could say no to the adorable Sirius Black pleading on the floor? I knew I had her.

Ivy sighed, biting her lip. "You owe me."

Success! I grinned and kissed the top of her hands. "I'm so glad you're my friend, Ivy," I told her, enjoying the look on her face. Grabbing a piece of toast, I quickly made my way out of the hall. I had some planning to do.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I should have known that she would be talking to Remus the next morning. Slowly, I walked over, watching them intently.

He was listening to her speak, his eyes watching her every move. She was smiling at him, saying something. It was amazing how a fight couldn't even break these two apart.

Waiting for a pause, I stood behind them. Finally, there was a long pause after Remus. "Want to know a little secret?"

Ivy jumped a bit (it was so easy to freak her out) and looked over at me. Noticing me standing there, she looked back at Remus and waited for me to continue.

"Since Ivy ditched Evans, and James had no one to go with, guess who's going together to work on their "Head duties", whatever that means."

Oh yes, I had the gossip of the year. Century, even.

Ivy's eyes got really large and Remus just looked at me. "You're kidding," Ivy said.

"Nope," I exclaimed with a grin. "Looks like little Prongs finally got his date with Evans after all."

And, of course, Remus tried to ruin the fun. "It's hardly a date. Lily will make sure of that."

So I ignored him. "Anyway," I emphasized, "James is practicing acting all responsible today. It'll be interesting."

James was currently yelling at little Ravenclaw. The boy, surprisingly, just stared back at James, not even fazed.

"And what is your name?" James asked in a large voice. Oh, he was never going to live this down.

"Liam Pritchard," the boy said in response. It looked as though he was excited to talk to James. How strange.

"I'm sure you were well aware of the rule that no students under third year are allowed in Hogsmeade, yes?" Rolling my eyes at James, I waited for this whole ordeal to be over. When he tried too hard to impress Lily, it was just too much to watch.

"I just thought-" the Ravenclaw started to defend himself.

No use doing that when James was on his Head Boy rampage.

"You thought wrong." I snorted at that phrase. "Ten points from Ravenclaw." The boy ran off and James sighed loudly, turning around and spotting us. "Even the Ravenclaws this year are a tricky sort..." he began to explain himself.

But we were already laughing.

"You taught him, Prongs," I told him with a grin.

James had no sense of humor. He just frowned at us and said, in a hard voice, "I'm going to find Lily. You know, for our date."

Oh, yes...his _date_. The one Lily didn't even know about. Sometimes, he was just pathetic. I shook my head of this thought and turned to Ivy. "You ready?" I asked her, holding my arm in a "gentlemanly" fashion.

Girls liked that, right?

Ivy cautiously looked at Remus and then back to me.

Or maybe this was just too awkward for her. With Remus standing right there and all. But she took my arm anyway with a "uh, yeah."

To help her feel a bit better about this, I gave her a grin. She only stumbled. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

Hopefully, she wouldn't start hyperventilating.

"So, what do you want to do today?" I asked. Maybe she would finally stop freaking out so much.

She took awhile to answer. "Um, do you want to go where Sylvia is?" she asked softly.

Ivy was absolutely brilliant. This is the reason why she was perfect for this job. "Brilliant idea, Ivy."

We walked in silence to Honeydukes. She often fell into step behind me, barely able to keep up with my long strides. I found myself stopping and watching her struggle.

She breathed a sigh of relief when we reached the store, walking inside the crowded room. My eyes quickly scanned over the crowd until they landed a very familiar brunnette.

She was just standing there, smiling with some of her friends. Like she wasn't thinking about me. Like I never asked to Hogsmeade.

What kind of girl ignored Sirius Black?

Fine, I'd show her.

Reaching out for Ivy's hand, I pulled it and turned her toward me. She gasped, clearly not expecting me to press her against me.

Amused by her reaction, I smirked and moved one of my hands to her back, not giving her an escape.

I could practically feel her heart pounding. I wondered briefly if she ever had been in a situation like this and then decided to see to take a step forward.

Slowly beginning to lean over, I watched Ivy's eyes widen.

At the last minute, I glanced in Sylvia's direction to see her reaction. And she wasn't even there! She had left in the middle of my display.

Pulling away, I said, "They left." Letting go of Ivy, I looked longingly over at where Sylvia previously was.

How dare she -

A movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Ivy had stumbled again. "You okay?" I laughed.

It took awhile for her answer. But it always took awhile. I was used to it. "I'm perfectly fine," Ivy exclaimed, smiling. "Let's go somewhere else."

She bolted out of the store and didn't even wait for me to follow.

What was up with her?

* * *

Yes, I skipped last week. It's mostly because of NaNoWriMo (I won!) but also because I didn't want to post a chapter that wasn't...complete. So, I took a vacation.

But Christmas break is coming up. Which means...CHAPTERS.

Hope all of you are doing well. Thanks for sticking with me.


	12. Move On

_Chapters 59 - about 63 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I had absolutely no idea what was going through Ivy's head.

It wasn't unusual; this happened every time I was around her. I never knew what she was thinking. Other girls – I understood them. I knew exactly what other girls wanted. Most of the time, it was me.

But since Ivy didn't want me, I didn't know what she wanted.

Why did she run away? Did I scare her? Did I get too close? Was she repulsed by me?

Of course. She didn't want to be near me because she didn't fancy me. I always had to remember that – Ivy was one of the girls that didn't like me. She thought differently. I scared her away.

Finally catching up to her (how did she run that fast?!), I immediately said, "Want to go to Scrivenshaft's? I know how much you like looking at their quills."

Her voice had an edge when she spoke. I could only stare at her with widened eyes. "I don't think that Sylvia would be there."

Was she that upset? What did I _do?_

"That doesn't mean that we can't just take a quick look around," I tried again.

But she didn't even look at me. She just kept walking forward, eyes cast on the ground. And it was my fault. I was the one to make her act like this.

"Look, Ivy-" She stopped, noticing the way I hesitated. What was I supposed to say to her? "If what I did to you back at the store freaked you out, I'm sorry."

She just began shaking her head. What did that mean? What did she ever mean?

"I mean," I struggled to find the words. "I know how you feel about me. I know that it makes you uncomfortable to pretend you're romantically involved with me."

She twitched. Was I making this worse?

"And I'm sorry it upsets you this much," I added quickly. "I promise, I won't ever touch you again."

She looked up, locking eyes with me. I stared back at her. "I don't understand it," she finally spoke. "You have girls lined up to go on a date with you, and you choose to take me. You could have just dumped the girl afterward."

She didn't know.

She didn't know that I wanted her to go with me. She didn't know that I was doing this for _her _too. I would never just use her – is that what she thought? I used her? We reached the shop and walked inside. She immediately went to look at the quills, trying to ignore me.

What was I supposed to say to her? Why did she make this so hard? Why couldn't she be like every other girl and I could actually understand her?

"It wasn't going to go with anyone to make Sylvia jealous," I began to say. "I wanted to go with someone that could make the trip enjoyable. I don't know many girls that would have made this Hogsmeade trip fun, except for you and Lily."

She stared ahead at the display and softly said, "You wanted to go with me?"

Why did she sound so surprised? Was it that crazy of a notion? I found myself grinning at thought. "You sound surprised."

She looked at me, eyes wide. "I am. I'm no one special. Why go with me?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "You're my friend, so why wouldn't I want to go to Hogsmeade with you?"

Ivy just stared at me for a second and turned away, eyes immediately downcast. I moved to look at the next display of quills (I could pretend quills were interesting...at least for a couple minutes) and looked down to see two black shoes right next to me. It wasn't Ivy because she was standing over on the other side. It was someone else.

No, not someone.

The someone. My Sylvia.

"Hi," she said in that sweet voice as she began playing with her hair. "What are you two doing here?"

Yes, it had worked. She was standing right in front of me, wanting to know what Ivy and I were doing at Hogsmeade together. She was jealous. I was so going to get her back.

I grinned. "Ivy and I are just enjoying our date."

Sylvia smiled. Oh, she was jealous. "Oh, if you two are together, then I'll just...nevermind..." She motioned toward the door and made her way to leave. But she couldn't leave! Not when she was right here.

"Ivy and I aren't together," I quickly interjected. "We're just going as friends."

"Oh." She stopped and looked at us.

I had her. It was the perfect time. "So, do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade on the next trip?" I asked with a charming grin.

And...yes.

Sylvia looked up into my eyes, and then said. "I'm...busy. I'm sorry."

Okay, that was not what I expected. Maybe she – but why – no, she must have meant something else. I – what the hell was going on?!

I shook my head, trying to get rid of this awful daydream I was having. And then I saw Remus open the door into the store, his eyes stopping at the strange sight in front of him. He looked at us, confused for a second before I grabbed him and began steering him away.

"You will never believe what just happened to me," I began when we were safe away from the two girls.

He blinked at me and his eyes widened in fright..

I immediately scoffeed. "No, I didn't take advantage of Ivy." Not in that way, at least. Why did he always think the worst?

Remus let out a slow sigh and then waited for me to continue.

"It's just – Sylvia said - " I choked on the word. I didn't know how to say it. "She said – nuhh..."

Remus blinked. "No?"

I winced. "Uh...maybe."

Suddenly, Remus was rolling his eyes at me. "You seriously cannot say the word 'no', can you?"

I scoffed. "Of course I can."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"No..." He crossed his arms. "...way she can be serious..." I finished with a frustrated sigh. "What is she thinking? I fancy her. Why doesn't she understand that?"

"She does understand it," Remus exclaimed. "She doesn't feel the same way."

I stared at him. "What?"

He looked me in the eyes. "She. Doesn't. Fancy. You."

"Eh?"

"Sylvia doesn't fancy you anymore."

But...what? I stared at him, trying to understand any hidden meaning behind that. "You are speaking in code, Moony."

Remus rolled his eyes and pulled on my cloak, leading me out of the store. "Come on, I'll explain it to you."

"Wha-?"

Listening to relationship advice from Remus was like listening to Professor Binns in History. I tuned out his rambling as we made our way up the road. He just didn't have anything interesting to say.

I just wanted Sylvia. And she had to want me. She was just playing hard to get – something, anything. Nobody rejected Sirius Black.

-x-x-x-x-

Something strange was going on. First, Sylvia had turned me down. Second, the rest of the Marauders were acting...well, strange, of course.

Instead of Remus shaking me awake, they didn't even bother to wake me up until they were all leaving the dormitory.

Did they not want to be seen with me anymore? Did I lose my manliness? Was I not manly enough to be Marauder?

Wait – if that was the case, then Peter should have kicked out a long time ago. Maybe it was something else. Was Remus mad at me because I took Ivy with me yesterday and waited until now to finally act on it?

I needed to know and I wasn't getting any answers.

I was only able to get down to the Great Hall for the last minute of breakfast. There was definitely a reason why they didn't want me to be there. And I was going to find out.

There wasn't enough time to devise a plan. I wanted Sylvia with me as soon as possible. I would have to figure it out as I went along. That wasn't all bad; I was very good at improvising.

It looked like James was going to be Plan A. He was trying to avoid me by rushing out of the portrait hole later that day. But I wasn't about to let him go that easily.

"Prongsy!" I called out, grabbing his arm and holding him back from running away.

"I'm going to do rounds with Lily!" he whined, trying to wrestle his way out of my grip.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't care if you have to go snog Lily..."

"I wish," James muttered.

I ignored him. "I need you to go over to the Hufflepuff table tomorrow-"

James started frantically waving his hands, this annoyed look on his face. "I'm not going to talk to Sylvia. If you're so worried, you go talk to her. Frankly, I don't know why you're freaking out. It's just a girl, Padfoot-"

"No, it's not that!" I interrupted him. "It's the fact that someone said 'no' to me and I need an explanation.

James rolled his eyes. "Well, then, go talk to Moony. He's the sensitive one."

And so, I had my plan B. Turning around quickly, I clambered back through the portrait hole and went to find Remus.

"REMMMMMYYYYYYYY!"

He was on the couch, reading one of his textbook while munching on chocolate. Big surprise. He peered over his textbook and sighed loudly.

Like he didn't want to talk to me. It didn't matter anyway – he was good for advice. He would know why Sylvia said 'no' to me.

Wait – maybe she said 'yes' but to another date. I never even thought about that. Of course. She wanted to go out with me – but she was waiting until the right time.

"Nevermind," I told Remus, waving him off. "I figured it out all by myself."

Throwing myself in the chair across from him, I watched as he looked at me sceptically. "What did you figure out?" he asked slowly, raising a quizzical eyebrow at me.

I shrugged, trying to sneak some of his chocolate. He caught me and quickly swatted my hand away. "Sylvia wants me and she's waiting for the perfect day for our date."

Remus held the chocolate away at a safe distance from me and gave me a strange look. "That's what you think?"

"Yep," I answered proudly. He probably thought I wouldn't have been able to figure it out on my own.

"You..." Remus let out a laugh. "Really? Sylvia told Ivy that she doesn't want to ever go out with you."

Wait – what?

"Yeah, right," I answered. That was a lie – of course she wanted me.

Remus began rubbing his temples in frustration. He had no reason to be frustrated with me – I was completely right. "Why can't you just give it up? Go find another girl like you always do. You are so oblivious to who actually likes you."

I shrugged. "Everyone."

Remus stared at me. "Lily?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not. She hates me. Though I think our Prongs might have a chance this year."

He paused and then said softly, "Ivy?"

I laughed. "Moony, you know she only fancies you. Just go out with her already."

For some reason, Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed up all of his chocolate. He looked as though he was at a loss for words. He just stared at me for a second, and then shook his head. "Listen to me. Sylvia doesn't want you. Move on." And then he disappeared up the staircase with even a goodbye.

Move on? Who else was there?

-x-x-x-x-

There was no choice. I had to move on. Slyvia wouldn't even look my way anymore. I needed to find someone else.

And without this whole Halloween "social" or whatever coming up, I needed a date. And fast. Who was available?

I ignored all of the fourth and fifth years who were watching me walk down the corridor and tried to pick out anyone from sixth or seventh year.

Holly Whellen. No, she liked to whine about everything.

Oh, wait, there was that brunette from Ravenclaw that I snogged two Christmases ago. But, no, she hated me for ignoring her.

Mira...something-or-other. Nope, I never snogged her, never deserted her, never dated her friends (at least I don't think). She was a definite possibility. I turned on my charming grin and began to make my way over to her.

"Hey, Sirius."

Marlene McKinnon stepped in front of me, making me come to a halt. She smiled at the look on my face and then said, "So, how have you been?"

I tilted my head at her. "You saw me two minutes ago, Mar."

Her smile grew into a grin and I knew exactly what she was thinking. Okay, Remus, you wanted me to move on. I could do that.

* * *

I really don't like the way Sirius thinks. It's all choppy and short and sometimes confusing, but if I wrote like I wanted, it would sould like Ivy. Oh, and the chapter is only short because I would have had to start another scene.

But, don't worry. I start break next week and that means amazingly long chapters.

Oh, and I have a favor to ask. Nobody Sees Me Wishing was nominated for Best Ending in the Quibbler Awards. Voting begins...sometime at the beginning of January. Right now, it says January 6th but it's not set in stone, I think.

Vote for me? I'll....write some awesome things.

Like a Christmas one-shot, Remus POV, AU ending, Eleanor and Liam's lives, and...random things.

Thanks.


	13. Pirate Or Ninja?

_Chapters 64-70 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

"Pirate or ninja?"

James rolled over, facing away from me. "I dooooon't caaaaare..." he whined. "Why should I care if you are a pirate or a ninja?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, tying a black piece of fabric around my head. "Because...it determines if you die by super ninja powers-" I held out my hands in a dramatic pose. "Or..." I took off the headband and reached for my sword. "My awesome sword of death."

James blinked at me. "Um, how about me not dying at all?"

"What's sexier?" I asked, looking in the mirror at my black costume.

I didn't even bother to look over at James, not expecting an answer. To my surprise, I heard him say in a high pitch voice, "Oh my god, Sirius, you're so sexy in anything. But even more sexy with nothing on."

I took his answer seriously, nodding to myself. "I could go as a nudist."

James was halfway out of the door before I even finished. "Okay, I'm out of here."

With a grin, I looked at myself in the mirror again. Turning to the right, I looked up and down, checking every inch of my costume. Maybe this wasn't sexy enough.

I wonder what Marlene was going as. Probably something amazingly sexy. She would be the type to wear -

Okay, no. _I_ had a dilemma. First, my problems.

Maybe someone else could help me. Remus! He was probably just sitting down in the common room, doing nothing anyway. He could give me his opinion – well, after being all sarcastic and unwilling. But, after awhile, he would definitely be able to give his opinion. And then, I'd most likely choose the other costume, because Remus never agreed with me.

I took off my ninja shirt and grabbed my uniform, putting it back on. I bounded down the stairs quickly, knotting my tie as I finally reached the common room.

And there was Remus and Ivy, sitting on the couch talking to each other. Maybe he was asking her to the social. He needed to.

Making my over, I jumped on the back of the couch and said, "Are you two busy?"

Remus looked up and I noticed the quill in his hand. Damn, that meant he was busy. "I'm working on an essay but Ivy's free," he answered.

I looked over at the blonde, raising my eyebrows hopefully and grinning at her. "Great. Can I borrow her then?"

If Remus was going to offer her up, I was going to take that chance. I needed someone to help me.

And Remus just smiled. "Sure."

Whoa, something was up. I shook my head, deciding that my problems were worse. I mean, what's worse then not knowing what to wear?

Ivy got up, quickly following me without a word.

Good, someone to help me. I hastily made my way up the staircase and said, "Something has been bugging me lately. I mean, I thought I'd wait, but it's better to get it out of the way now."

I looked over at her to see her eyebrows raised.

We finally reached the dormitory and I walked inside, grabbing my costumes and gathering them on the bed. When I turned around, Ivy was standing by the door, looking in the room with shifty eyes.

I laughed. "You can come in."

She bit her lip and then took a couple steps forward, closing the door behind her. She had probably never been in a guys' dormitory before.

Well, except for that whole sleeping-with-Remus exception.

But who was counting that? (Well, actually we were never going to let Remus forget it.)

I turned back to find where I had put my headband. It wasn't anywhere to be found. Maybe James stole it – he was eying it suspiciously earlier.

"I brought you up here because I'm confused," I exclaimed, turning to her. "And I'm hoping you can help me."

I began unbuttoning my shirt quickly, trying to get my costume on as quick as possible. I wanted Ivy to see my wonderful choices.

I threw my shirt on the bed and reached across the bed to pick up the first costume. I reached for my pirate costume and pulled it over my head, tugging slightly on the strings.

She looked a bit sick when I turned to face to her. There was the wizarding flu going around – maybe she was getting that. I ignored that thought and changed the subject back to myself.

"This one?" I asked. "Or..." I pulled the white shirt off in one quick motion and then slipped on the black one. "This one?"

Ivy looked like a grindylow out of water. She just stared at me, mouth opening and closing like she didn't know what to say.

"Um," she finally breathed out, eyes looking every which way except on me. "What are your costumes?"

Her voice was a little strained but I didn't make anything of it. Instead, I grinned and grabbed the white shirt again. "Pirate." I then showed my dark outfit. "Or ninja."

She bit her lip so hard that I could have sworn she was just going to draw blood. I watched her stare at me for a few seconds. Her mind had to be whirling. I could tell just by looking at her.

"Pirate," she said softly. "It suits you."

Hmm, she had a point. The openness of the white shirt did suit me very well. I pulled off the ninja costume, throwing it on the floor and then grabbed my buttoned shirt, taking my time to do up the buttons. It wasn't as if Ivy was going to leave.

"So," I decided to make conversation. "Are you going to the social with anyone?"

Hopefully, Remus finally asked her. And then I wouldn't have to listen to him complain and mope all night about how he was alone and he wasn't having any fun. I just couldn't stand it when he went on and on about that. Especially when I was trying to have a good time.

"No," Ivy finally answered, looking down at the ground.

She looked up and our eyes met. I raised an eyebrow at her questioning gaze. "You should go with Remus," I told her while straightening my tie.

She immediately began shaking her head. "He actually just asked Dorcas to go with him and she said yes."

Wait – _Dorcas_? Since when had he liked _Dorcas? _He never talked about her, never mentioned her, never talked to her before. Was Ivy lying to me to save herself from embarrassment?

"I thought he liked you," I exclaimed, absolutely confused.

"We're just friends," she repeated, like she was a broken record. I had heard all of that before – friends and nothing more and all of that nonsense.

Well, fine, if she was going to play it that way. "Well, then, let's go congratulate Moony some more." I began walked toward the door, ready to ask Remus the many questions I had for him.

Then suddenly, she said, "Who are you going with?"

I raised my eyebrow, wondering why she didn't know by now. She was _roommates _with Marlene, and Marlene loved gossip. Why wasn't she spreading the "news" around?

"Didn't Marlene tell you?"

"What?" Ivy said as soon as I finished my sentence.

I laughed at her confusion and went to open the door. "I thought that Marlene would have told everyone by now. She has really kept it a secret?"

She followed me down the staircase, looking at me with her wide, curious eyes. I was so used to that expression on her face by now. She was either wide-eyed or confused. "When did you ask her?"

"Yesterday," I answered as we reached the bottom of the steps. Remus was walking over to us, a certain look on his face that I didn't understand. "Hey, Moony! I heard the big news!" I told him with a grin.

Remus groaned, trying to walk away, but I laughed and grabbed onto his shoulder. "So, Dorcas, huh?" I jabbed him in the gut and Remus held his hand to his side as if he was in pain.

"Stop," he groaned, turning away. "It's just the Halloween social. Nothing to obsess over."

I just continued to laugh. "But Remmy's got a date to the ball!"

Remus shrugged off my hand with a deep frown. "Shove off," he muttered.

I rolled my eyes at his attitude. He didn't have to be so defensive about it. I was just trying to share in his celebration.

Shaking my head, I walked off to find James and tell him the big news.

-x-x-x-x-

"Mar, are you done?" I asked, leaning against the door.

I had _tried_ to wait down in the common room. But she was taking _forever_. I had never had to wait this long in my life.

Banging my head against the wall, I sighed loudly and said, through my teeth, "Marlene, we really have to go."

I heard giggles. Numerous, high-pitched giggles. I flinched involuntarily. "In a second, Sirius," she responded, drawing out the 's' at the end of my name.

I was almost asleep by the time I heard the door opening. I looked up hopefully, expecting to see Marlene in the doorway.

But, no, it was Dorcas. She smiled sheepishly at me and moved to step around my body that was lying in front of the door. "Sorry, Sirius. She's taking forever, I know."

I groaned, going back to hitting my head on the wall. Dorcas gave me a sympathetic look before heading down the stairs.

What had I gotten myself into?

Finally, fifteen minutes later, the door opened again.

I sighed first, taking my time before looking up. And then I sighed again, though this time, it was in relief. It was Marlene...finally.

She was standing in the doorway, her hand resting on the edge of the doorframe. With her other hand, she was swinging her cat tail, watching me with an eyebrow raised.

I couldn't help but smirk. "Very nice, Mar," I exclaimed as I stood up.

She grinned at me, reaching out to fix my shirt. She pushed apart the collar and patted it down. "You look handsome yourself."

As we walked down into the common room, I let my eyes roam over her costume. Cat ears almost hidden in her thick, wavy hair, a tight black suit that showed every single curve, a tail that was attached to her hand.

Yes, I had definitely picked the right date. Even if she had taken forever to get ready and made me wait, the rest of the night would _definitely _make up for it.

"So, Sirius..." Marlene purred, turning to face me. "You want to dance?"

I looked around at everyone standing around. This party did need some livening up. "Come on." I grabbed her hand, ignoring the way she burst out into giggles, and pulled her against me.

She immediately began giggling, pressing her fingernails into my back.

I winced, but managed to grin. There was no reason to have a bad night when I had someone like Marlene.

"Want to hear something funny?" Marlene whispered in my ear, ever so slightly grazing her lips against the skin.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

She laughed. "Have you seen Ivy today?"

Ivy? Why were we talking about Ivy? "What about her?" I asked. Why would Marlene want to talk about another girl tonight?

The smile on her face was a bit frightening. "We gave her a makeover."

I blinked. "You gave_ Ivy Bennett _a makeover?"

She giggled again. "Not really a _makeover, _per say. It's more of a drastic change of clothing, if you get what I'm saying."

She had to be joking. "Seriously?"

Marlene grabbed my hand and began dragging me over to the couch. "I'll show you."

Remus and Dorcas was standing in front of the couch, talking to a lump. Oh, wait, it wasn't a lump – it was Ivy huddled under a blanket. She looked completely terrified sitting there, trying to hide away from the world.

I decided to grin at her. Maybe that would make her feel better.

"Ask her about the makeover," Marlene said in my ear.

I looked back at Ivy. "Marlene here says she gave you some sort of makeover."

Ivy let out a sharp breath and began furiously shaking her head. "No, I don't-"

Marlene laughed, hanging onto my arm. I was beginning to hate that giggly laugh. "Oh, come on, Ivy. You can show off once in awhile."

Ivy didn't hesitate to respond. "Not when I don't feel comfortable with it."

Judging by the look on Marlene's face, that isn't what she wanted to hear. "I spent all that time getting you ready and you're not going to hide it all night."

"I'm not taking off the blanket," Ivy said.

Did Ivy just say 'no'? Really? Ivy Bennett – sticking up for herself? Who would have thought?

Marlene's nails started digging into my shoulder. I shook her off. "Just take off the blanket, Ivy," she said slowly.

Ivy shook her head, holding the blanket tighter to her. I felt Marlene try to lunge forward, but before I could stop her, Remus was holding her back.

Marlene whipped around to face him with a snarl. "Let me go, Remus. It's not my fault she's being ungrateful," she growled.

This cat had claws.

"Ivy doesn't feel comfortable wearing those clothes. She's not ungrateful," Remus defended her.

"She's very modest," Dorcas quickly added.

I grabbed Marlene's arm and pulled her next to me. "Listen, she doesn't have to show us..." he said softly. I didn't want them to start trouble. I smiled at the look on Ivy's face; she was grateful.

"What's going on?" I turned to see Lily and James hastily making their way with looks of concern on their faces.

Marlene turned sharply on her heel and whined, "Ivy won't take off the blanket! I spent forever on her makeover, you know that."

Lily looked over at Ivy and then shrugged. "Ivy can do whatever she wants. If she doesn't want to show off her costume, she doesn't need to."

Marlene frowned, clutching back onto my arm, as if she needed support. But, truth be told, I wasn't even on her side. Ivy didn't have to show the whole common room her costume. It was her choice, not Marlene's. Besides, Marlene was being a pain in the ass.

I looked over to see a slow smile making its way onto Marlene's face.

This couldn't be good.

"What blanket is that?" she asked, drumming her fingers on my arm.

"I don't know," Ivy answered slowly. Suddenly, her eyes widened and she bit her lip hard. Something was wrong.

Marlene giggled softly. "I believe that's my blanket," she said. "And you're not allowed to borrow it. Let me have it."

Ivy's fingers curled around the blanket and she began shaking her head. "No, just let me use it tonight."

"It's mine and I don't want you using it so give. it. to. me." Marlene narrowed her eyes at Ivy. I shook off her arm again, stepping away slightly.

I did not want to be a part of this.

Ivy's eyes began scanning the room, and I knew she was looking for a way out. I didn't understand why she didn't just run up into the dormitory. Did her roommates ban her from going in or something?

She finally rested her gaze back on Marlene, her worried eyes now narrowed into a glare. I didn't understand; why was Ivy glaring at Marlene? She had no way out of this, right?

For a second, I thought about dragging Marlene away and telling her to shut up. But this was Ivy's fight – not mine.

"Fine," Ivy said suddenly, standing up. She took the blanket off, handing it out to Marlene. "It's your's."

A strange quiet fell over the group.

"Can someone take the charm off the dormitory?" Ivy's voice cut through the silence, as she folded her arms over her chest.

I didn't pay attention to who removed the charm. I just heard Ivy say thanks as she threw Marlene another glare and walked up the staircase.

I tilted my head, trying to figure out when Ivy suddenly got a body.

Suddenly, a sharp pain in my stomach caused me to look away from her retreating figure. "What?" I hissed, turning toward the person who had hit me.

Remus was shaking his head at me. "No," he said shortly.

I laughed, hitting him back. "Don't worry, Moony. It's not like that." He frowned at me, clearly perturbed at my realization.

There was nothing to worry about; it was just a realization.

* * *

Another chapter done. I actually really liked this one. The next chapter will be out – well, I don't know. I've decided to just post when I finish a chapter. There will be an update at least once a week though.

I'm planning posting a Christmas one-shot...before Christmas. Other stories are pending.

Sometimes, I think that I need a break from writing, but I just can't. So, I'll keep going. Forever and ever and ever. Oh, and the whole Quibber Awards thing...I'll post the information to that after Christmas.

Thanks for all of the reviews, alerts, and favorites.


	14. A Little Firecracker

_Chapters 70-72 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

We were still talking about it the next morning.

"Thank _god _Ivy's outburst made Marlene walk away in a huff. I was about to do something drastic if I had to spend one more moment with her," I said, buttoning my shirt.

Remus made a face. "Why did you even ask her?"

I shrugged. Why did I ask Marlene? She was just there – someone I hadn't been with before. Someone to compliment me. I gagged dramatically. "I have no clue."

James snorted. "You always pay attention to _looks_, never _personality. _Maybe you would have avoided the whole Marlene fiasco if you pay attention to the right thing."

I raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Since when have you gotten all sensitive? That's Moony's job."

James laughed. "I've been spending too much time listening to Moony's spiels."

Remus made a thoughtful sound. "Spiels. Nice word, Prongs."

With wide eyes, James exclaimed, "I'm using words like him too!"

We both looked at each other in horror. "Run away! Go now before it takes ahold!" James and I scrambled down the staircase, leaving Remus alone in the dormitory, probably shaking his head in disbelief.

I went to go claim the couch since nobody was down in the common room. A few seconds later, Remus came down the stairs.

"Oh no! Hide!" James whispered. We ducked underneath the table.

I could hear Remus's chuckle. "You guys are really taking this too seriously." And then there was a pause. "Good morning, Dorcas."

Of course. Distracted by a girl.

"Are you coming to breakfast?" Remus's head ducked under the table.

"Noooo..." I exclaimed, rolling on the floor. "The sensitivity. I can't stand it."

Remus sighed in exasperation. "I'm going with Dorcas. I'll see you down there."

And then the evil villain was gone.

"That was a close one," I said to James with a relieved sigh as we clambered out from under the table. In front of us, Peter was staring in curiosity.

"Wormtail, did he get you?" James asked seriously.

Peter stared at us wide-eyed. "What?"

James and I both burst out into laughter and made our way to the portrait hole.

"Was Marlene really that bad?" James asked as we walked down a staircase.

I looked over at him with an expression of horror. "She was like...Evil Feline Woman. She kept hanging on me and giggling and it was just too much for me to handle. Besides, that whole thing with Ivy. I can't believe she would do that – I really thought that she was going to break the poor girl."

James grinned. "Ah, but Ivy didn't."

"Ivy was almost an actual _Marauder _last night," I added. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Ivy had done that. It brought a grin to my face.

There was a pause before James said, "Do you think Remus is really over Ivy?"

The way he jabbed me in the stomach last night made me believe the answer was no. I mean, he was clearly upset by the fact that I realized she had a body. It was just an innocent observation and I almost got killed because of it. I shrugged. "He likes Dorcas, but I don't know about Ivy." I laughed. "You can't say he didn't enjoy the view last night."

James grinned. "Bet his dreams were filled with Ivy wearing short skirts and tiny shirts."

"He'd kill us if he was here," I commented as we made our way into the Great Hall.

I caught sight of Ivy sitting at the table, looking down at the food on her plate. I nudged James and discreetly pointed over to her. We quickly made our way over with huge grins on our faces.

I took the seat next to Ivy and leaned forward to see her face. She looked over at me hesitantly, her eyes trying to shake my gaze. I grinned to reassure her and said, "You're definitely an honorary Marauder, Ivy."

She immediately looked away and back down at her plate. But she couldn't hide her smile.

We had decided that we were going to show her exactly what being an honorary Marauder was that day. All four of us followed close to her all day.

She looked back at us a couple times, clearly shaken.

"I think we're scaring her," Remus announced.

I laughed, clapping him on the back. "You're just overly sensitive."

Remus looked at me with an exasperated expression. I was used to it. "Why do you keep bringing this up?"

We didn't justify that with an answer. Instead, we went through the doors into the library to see Ivy had disappeared in there. And, aha, there she was – sitting by herself with her journal in front of her.

"Hey Ivy!" James shouted. I grabbed one of the cushioned armchairs and dragged it next to her while Remus pulled up a chair, Peter stood awkwardly, and James sat on her journal. Nice.

She stared at her trapped journal for a second and then looked up, brushing her hair out of her face. "Hi."

"You sound tired," Remus said, analyzing her.

See, he's totally the sensitive one. He acts like a mother. Who else would be worried about health?

"Just working on some essays," she answered, sitting back and looking up at us. She stared at us for awhile and then said, as she began nervously playing with her hands. "I was just wondering. Why exactly am I an honorary Marauder?"

She couldn't be serious. Did she see the amazingness she did yesterday? "Are you kidding? You told off Marlene and she had been annoying me all night."

"And you told her off in the middle of the common room," James added.

Remus smiled at her. "You didn't give in."

"You stood your ground," Peter spoke up.

I grinned, sitting up to look at her. "And you looked damn good while doing it."

I watched as a blush appeared on her cheeks. She obviously wasn't used to compliments like that. "I doubt it," she muttered, looking back down at the table.

I didn't understand why she couldn't see it. Everyone was talking about it – she was the talk of the day. Didn't she want the recognition with it?

"Honestly," James continued. "Everyone thinks you're just a shy, reserved little Gryffindor, but in reality, you're a little firecracker. You need to let that out more often."

Ivy Bennett being a firecracker...I would have never believed it before yesterday.

"That's your Marauder side," I proclaimed, and then added, "Especially with that costume you were wearing yesterday. At least Marlene knew what she was doing with that."

Another compliment and more blushing. She couldn't be used to compliments about her appearance. She needed to hear them sooner or later.

James nodded, looking over at me quickly. "I bet Remus enjoyed that view."

I grinned and looked at Remus for a reaction. He was staring back with raised eyebrows and an expression of alarm. "No, no, no..." he began scrambling to say. "I'm going out with Dorcas. It's not like that between me and Ivy."

Such a lame answer. Rolling my eyes, I said, "Yeah right." I picked up one of the many books on Ivy's table and began flipping through it.

Boring stuff, of course.

I said the excuses in my mind as Ivy began. "We're friends," she said the same time I said it in my head.

James shrugged and then said something I had forgotten about. "Well, then, that's good. Because relationships between Marauders and honorary Marauders is forbidden."

Oh, yeah. That rule. There really wasn't any use for it before. I had almost forgotten about our whole constitution we created in 3rd year.

With rules like 'Hop on one foot for five minutes at least once every week', we were bound to forget about it.

Ivy seemed confused. "Isn't Lily an honorary Marauder?"

I almost laughed out loud. James had asked Lily to be one in fifth year and she had almost hexed him to death. The sight of James flailing like a mad man came to mind.

"She doesn't want to be an honorary Marauder, so she's not a problem," James gave the short explanation.

Wait – Lily.

There hadn't been any fighting. I couldn't even remember the last time they had fought.

"What is going on between you two?" Ivy asked the same question on my mind.

James wouldn't look any of us in the eye as he shrugged casually. "We're friends."

Big, fat liar. I would get it out of him later. Or take drastic measures. He couldn't keep information like this away from me.

"You've fancied her since fourth year and you're acting this casual about it?" Remus asked, clearly skeptical like myself.

And then James grinned. "Maybe."

He wasn't going to say anything.

Git.

--------------------------------------------sc7----------------------------------------------------

Why was November such a boring month?

The Americans had Thanksgiving to gorge themselves with food, but we didn't have anything. We had classes and homework and more boring things.

The only thing we had was the first Quidditch match.

And it wasn't even an interesting one. We won by a landslide.

What's even worse is that, with James and Lily being Head Boy and Girl, they didn't want to have a celebratory party. Which meant no firewhiskey. No fun being drunk.

Just boredom.

I tried to plan as many pranks as possible. Ivy accompanied us on most of them, watching with wide eyes as we threw dungbombs down on first years. We even gave Filch's cat a bath and the painful meows made Filch believe his cat was being murdered.

We weren't caught.

How boring.

Remus and Dorcas spent most of their free time together. I couldn't help but think that this wasn't going to end well. I could see that Remus still fancied Ivy by the way he looked at her. But Dorcas was oblivious to it. How long would that last?

James wasn't telling me a single thing about Lily. I even dumped a bucket of ice water on his head one morning. That just resulted in many curses being thrown in my direction.

But, as November finally ended, that meant one thing.

CHRISTMAS.

I _loved _Christmas. It was my holiday – the one that put me in good spirits. Sure, Valentine's Day and Easter and all those other holidays were pretty good, but Christmas was a clear favorite. Presents and desserts and even cheesy gimmicks like mistletoe.

I never thought James liked Christmas as much as me, but judging by the massive grin on his face, I was beginning to think otherwise. He kept grinning throughout our entire game of Exploding Snap, barely paying attention to the way his cards kept blowing up. Was he really this excited about Christmas that he couldn't concentrate on anything else?

"So..." I said slowly. "Do you want to go see what Christmas decorations they put up in Hogsmeade this weekend?" If he was this excited about it, I was going to try and support his...weird ways.

He shook his head. "No, I'm actually seeing someone this weekend."

Remus, Peter (who sneezed loudly) and I exchanged a look before turning back to James. "What? Who?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Oh, I have to get started on that Potions essay. I'll talk to you guys later." And, just like that, he was gone.

He had a _date _to Hogsmeade and he wasn't even going to tell us who it was? He was going to leave me alone this weekend with nothing to do? He. Was. Dead.

Suddenly, Ivy walked up, smiling at us. "Hi," she said softly.

Okay, there was no way I was going to go alone. I stretched out on the couch, enjoying James's absence some way. "Hey, Ivy, are you going with anyone with Hogsmeade this weekend?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Why now?" she asked, not even trying to hide her frustration. I guess I deserved that. After thinking I was using her and all.

I laughed despite that, because it was still quite hilarious that she was showing her exasperation without concealing it from her. "Remus is ditching me for Meadowes, Peter isn't even going because he has a cold, and James just told us that he seeing someone. Please say you'll come with me!"

She paused and then said, "Wait. What did James say?"

Remus, the human memorizer, exclaimed, "He said, 'I'm actually seeing someone this weekend'. And that was verbatim."

Ivy took a moment, biting her lip and probably thinking something through. "Lily said the same thing to me," she finally whispered.

We all shared the same look. There was no possible way that James had a _date _with Lily Evans. We had spent the last couple years trying to convince him that it wasn't possible, and then, suddenly, they were getting together.

Things like that didn't happen, did they?

"There's no way..." I exclaimed in disbelief.

Remus was shaking his head. "They would have told us," Remus proclaimed rationally. "We're just jumping to conclusions."

But it made sense. The whole grinning thing and the being happy and the not telling us. Prongs was finally getting his date with Lily Evans.

THE WORLD WAS ENDING.

"But what if they wanted to keep it a secret from us?" Ivy began theorizing. "What if they thought of this beforehand? What if they knew we would react in this manner and they wanted to try to the relationship before all of the friends were involved?"

Peter nodded. "She's right."

"That actually makes sense. They would do that," Remus agreed. Of course he would agree with Ivy.

But it made sense. I was just confused. Why wouldn't he tell me?

"They didn't tell me," I said out loud, "What was Prongs thinking? I would've thought that he'd tell everyone in Gryffindor tower. Maybe even the whole Great Hall."

Ivy softly nodded. "Maybe we're wrong."

I frowned. This just wasn't happening. Why was James keeping a secret from me? We told each other everything. If he really was going on a date with Lily, why wasn't he telling everyone? Why was he keeping it a secret?

I needed to know.

It was time for those drastic measures.

I looked over at Ivy and grinned. "Still up for going to Hogsmeade together?"

She raised an eyebrow at me, but I knew the answer that was on the tip of her tongue.

* * *

I wasn't even planning on updating today! I was procrastinating this chapter forever and then, at the last minute, I began writing and didn't stop.

I am planning on writing Remus's POV during winter break. I don't know when, because I get into these writing moods, and then that's when I write everything. But I will post something soon.

Oh, I posted the site where I was nominated at the top of my profile. Voting hasn't began yet, but it's there to look at.

Thanks.


	15. Fun in Hogsmeade

_Chapter 73-74 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing (I really need to start including more material, I guess...)_

* * *

James disappeared early that morning, even before I woke up to interrogate him. I sighed loudly, catching Remus's attention.

"What are you complaining about now?" he asked.

I began rummaging underneath my bed for some spare parchment. "I was planning on interrogating Prongs before he left and now I have nothing to go on when I follow him around today."

Why didn't I have any parchment? I ducked underneath my bed and found a sock. "Hey, I found that sock!" I shouted victoriously, waving it behind me.

"You're never going to find anything down there," Remus's voice came out of nowhere. "What are you doing anyway?"

I opened my mouth and began choking on the dust. "I'm dying! Noooo..." I groaned, rolling around and covering myself in dust.

Of course, Remus didn't come to my rescue. Instead, he just sat on his bed, watching me die. I emerged from underneath my four-poster and frowned at him. "I was dying under there and you didn't even care."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I doubt you can die from inhaling dust."

I leaned against the bedpost. "Hey, you probably have spare parchment lying all around. Can I borrow some?"

He just gave me an exasperated look again and pulled open his drawer. "Here. Don't lose it."

Grinning, I exclaimed, "You've gotta have some trust in me. I'm not that stupid."

I didn't like the way he stayed silent after my comment. I narrowed my eyes at him and added, "Hey, have you seen the Invisibility Cloak?"

Remus shrugged. "James told me to tell you that he hid it."

I blinked. "What?! Why?"

He didn't answer immediately. "He knows what you're doing, Padfoot."

I muttered a few curse words underneath my breath before trudging down into the common room. Falling into a chair, I brought out the parchment and began writing.

SIRIUS BLACK'S PLAN.

The big, bold letters spread out across the top of the page. Now, what exactly were we going to do? We didn't know where James and Lily were going to be – we would just have to wing it.

SPY ON JAMES AND LILY.

Self-explanatory. We were going to be ninjas. Maybe I should have been a ninja for Halloween; at least I would have gotten some experience.

FOLLOW THEM. DON'T BE SEEN.

But what if we were seen?

IF SEEN, LIE.

That covered everything. Checking the plan, I folded it up and placed it inside my pocket. I would have to show this to Ivy later.

I quickly made my way down to the Great Hall and, since I was already running late, grabbed a muffin before heading outside to see where Ivy was. She was waiting for me right outside the doors, rubbing her hands together for warmth and watching the other students make their way to the village.

I walked up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder softly, hoping it wouldn't startle her. "Hey." She turned around and acknowledged me. "All set?"

She took a moment to respond (as always – she was probably just trying to come up with the best, well-worded answer) and then said, "Um, yeah. I'm ready." Except with answers like that, maybe she wasn't thinking about creating the perfect answer.

She turned away from me, looking away at the people passing us. I watched her reaction, seeing her frown and then bite her lip, finally looking back at me. "So..." she began quietly. "What's the plan?"

Perfect. She asked. "Simple," I answered, brandishing the piece of parchment in front of her. "My plan." I passed her the plan, and she looked at it briefly before taking it stealthily. We were pretty good at this secret stuff already.

I watched as she read through the plan. Her eyebrows raised slightly as she finally looked up at me.

"We're going to be spies?" she asked, a small smile playing on her face.

I smiled back and took the parchment from her, putting it back in my cloak. "They won't tell us about it, so yes, we're going to spy on them."

She sighed softly, with a slight roll of the eyes. "Why can't I ever just go to Hogsmeade for fun?"

Why couldn't we have fun? Surely, she didn't believe that it was going to be boring going on a trip to Hogsmeade with me. We were going to be _spies. _What was more fun than that? How many girls wanted to be her shoes right now?

I found myself laughing and explained, "Who said spies couldn't have fun? You're with Sirius Black and you're automatically required to have fun. Besides..." I grinned and nodded to the girl passing us. "We're got to make all those girls jealous that keep staring at us."

She turned to look quickly and we both watched Marlene (ew) walk by and glare. "They're going to kill me," Ivy exclaimed, squirming in her coat, probably to hide from the world.

I chuckled to myself at her reaction. "I'll save you," I reassured her. I didn't want her to run away when we had some work to do first.

We began to walk toward the village in silence. I thought about telling her a joke, something to distract us from the cold, but everything I thought up was lame. Ivy was different – she wouldn't like those lame jokes.

I had never been as lost with a girl as I was with Ivy Bennett.

She said she wanted to have some fun. What could we do for fun? What would she like? I looked down at the ground and stared at the decent amount of snow covering everything.

She stopped in the middle of Hogsmeade, looking around at the shops with interested eyes. I immediately bent down and gathered some snow in my hands, forming it into a small ball.

"Where to first?" I heard her ask.

I stayed silent, waiting for her to turn around. She waited a few seconds, and then finally began to turn curiously.

The snow flew from my hand and hit her right in the face. SQUARE. IN. THE. FACE. Bulls-eye.

She blinked at me, this absolute look of shock on her face. I couldn't help it – I started laughing. Just the look on her face – it was hilarious. She looked absolutely frozen – surprised that I would even do that.

I grinned at her as she wiped the water off of her face.

"The look on your face was priceless," I told her, trying to get her to say something.

She just kept staring, blinking ever so often. Maybe she was mad. I couldn't tell when she wasn't showing any expression.

"We should be looking for Lily and James," she finally said, turning around in the direction of the Three Broomsticks.

Oh, she was mad. Why the hell was she mad? I was trying to get her to have fun!

Groaning, I began reasoning with her. "Oh, come on, I told you you'd have fun with me. It was just a snowball."

Her mouth was set into a hard line. "Let's just go," she exclaiming, motioning to leave.

I frowned but stepped in front of her anyway. I couldn't force Ivy to have fun. She was just one of those girls that were impossible to understa-

_Ow! _I almost fell forward as something slammed into the back of my head. Something cold and wet and -

"Hey!" I spun around, searching for the perpetrator and finally landing on Ivy. "You said you didn't like snowballs!"

She smiled at me and I almost fell over in shock. She actually had a mischievous side. Who knew? "You deserved it," she exclaimed, stepping back.

She was _challenging _me.

I grinned and moved to grab some snow, never taking my eyes off of her. "I hope you know this means war, Miss Bennett."

She grinned back at me. "I hope you know I'm going to win, Mister Black." She threw some snow at me – not even stopped to make it into a snowball.

I quickly retaliated and threw some snow back at her, careful to throw it at exposed skin. Wasn't that the point of snowball fights? To make the other person want to give up? Snow on a coat didn't really do anything.

Her hat was getting in the way off getting her in the head. I made my way over to her, catching her offguard and pulling the hat by the tassel.

She reached up and realized that the object was missing. She quickly turned around and said, "Give me my hat."

Ivy held out her hands as if I was just going to willingly give it to her. No, I wasn't about to give up that easily.

"Not until you declare me the winner of the fight," I responded with a smirk.

She frowned. "That's not fair."

I smiled, and held the hat in front of her, watching as she followed the swinging hat with her eyes. "Exactly."

She tried to reach up and grab it but I was too tall for her. She still had about six inches to go when she was standing on her tiptoes. She groaned softly, finally putting down her arm, and said, "Fine, you win."

I always win.

Seeing as she wasn't going to move away until she got her hat back, I stepped forward and pulled it down on her head, smiling down at her.

She didn't say anything – didn't even meet my eyes – as I fixed the hat on her.

Reaching the bottom of the hat flaps, I found that I was looking down at the ground and, just like her, I didn't want to meet her gaze.

A crazy thought entered my head: I didn't want to let go. And I didn't know why.

"Um," I heard Ivy murmur.

My eyes snapped up to hers and I realized what an awkward situation we were in. What a strange moment. Maybe it was the cold.

I let go from her and hastily turned around, letting the grin appear back on my face. "Close fight," I exclaimed.

"Yeah," I heard her say behind me.

Okay, back to business. I spun in circles, looking around at the different shops. "If James and Lily didn't want anyone to see them, where would they go?" I asked.

She took her normal amount of time to respond. "The Shrieking Shack?"

At first, I wanted to say something about how nobody ever went there and how it was a stupid idea. But it was the exact opposite. "Somewhere no one ever goes..." I nodded, seeing her thought process. "Good thinking, Ivy."

We walked in silence again. I didn't understand why we never had anything to chat about. She wouldn't want to hear about pranks, would she? Did she only like books?

As we walked up the hill, I caught a glimpse of red hair. And then someone with black hair. Yes, it was them! I glanced over at Ivy and we moved out of sight, just behind some trees. Taking a few steps forward, we clearly saw their faces.

James and Lily were together. On a date. In Hogsmeade. Prongs finally got the girl. Who would've guessed that? Especially with the way he used to scream at her in fourth and fifth year?

Screaming "WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?!" in the middle of the corridor was not the way to charm Lily Evans.

But James finally got her. I would have to tell him congratulations.

"Come on..." I pulled on Ivy's cloak and pulled her further in the trees. We couldn't have them see us. It was in the plan.

Ivy moved a branch down so we could see their faces more clearly. "Why didn't you bring the Invisibility Cloak?" she asked suddenly.

"James hid it and I couldn't find it this morning. I think he suspects something." Probably because Remus told him. I was never going to tell Remus my plans ever again.

James said something to Lily and I strained to her, but it was impossible. They began making their way down the hill, talking animately to each other.

Without even thinking, I reached out and found Ivy's hand, quickly interlacing her fingers with mine. We were going to have to follow and we couldn't get separated.

I pulled her to my side, noticing how easily she reacted. "Stay close," I muttered into her ear, and we slowly walked down the hill, watching the couple in front of us.

James and Lily disappeared into Honeydukes. That would be tricky – going into a crowded store and trying to follow them.

I turned to Ivy for her thoughts and saw her staring ahead, focusing intently on whatever was in front of her. "They're going into Honeydukes. Do you think it would be safe to follow them?" I asked.

She let out a breath and then said, "There's a crowd, so it will probably be okay."

A crowd could either be a good or bad thing. Maybe we could try it – we were ninjas, after all. Without saying anything, I tugged gently on her hand and we made our way into the shop.

No red hair anywhere. No unruly dark hair. Where did they go?

But I did see someone else very familiar. "There's Moony," I proclaimed, pointing to show Ivy where Remus and Dorcas were trying out chocolate.

She smiled at the sight of them and we walked over to greet them. Well, more of interrogate them. They had to have seen James and Lily – even just walking in.

"You two haven't seen James and Lily, have you?" The question slipped from my lips before even a hello.

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but then his eyes flickered down to our hands.

And I knew he was getting the wrong idea. He was going to yell about how I was taking advantage of her and be very disappointed in me.

I didn't even do anything wrong.

Did I?

* * *

Check that out. A chapter on a Tuesday.

I'm sitting here, watching White Christmas and I randomly decided to write. So, here you are – a chapter in the middle of the week.

Hope you are all having an amazing holiday.


	16. Handholding

_Chapters 75 - 80 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

You know what? I hadn't done anything wrong. Remus couldn't just assume that we were doing something – we were just spying.

I decided to tell him the truth. After all, the truth was always the best answer. At least that's what I heard. Telling lies was so much more fun, but if it was going to cause Remus to have a panic attack, I'll just stay with the truth. "We saw James and Lily up by the Shrieking Shack and followed them in here."

And...he just kept staring at me.

Remus was with Dorcas. Was he really mad at me for _holding hands_ with Ivy?

"Uh, we were spying," Ivy added softly.

Now both Remus and Dorcas were staring at us.

It was _hand holding_. What was so bad about hand holding? Little kids held hands and they never got a stare-down for it.

Ivy flinched suddenly, and I knew that it was time to let go.

I couldn't stand the tension in the air. "We didn't want to lose each other," I began, trying to think of a joke to end this. "So, instead of conjuring up some handcuffs, we just decided on hand holding."

Remus wasn't even looking at me anymore. Instead, he was looking over at Ivy, his eyes narrowed as he analyzed her expression. They were having a whole conversation without words.

I wonder if she was "saying" anything bad about me. Hopefully, she didn't hate me and was telling Remus what a pain it was to be around me.

Suddenly, she pointed over to the other side of the store, breaking eye contact with Remus. "Lily's over there," she exclaimed, standing up on her tiptoes to see over everyone's heads.

She was right. They were standing together closely, looking at the items on the shelves. Enough awkwardness. It was back to the spy business.

"Have fun," I said to Remus before grabbing ahold of Ivy's hand.

He could just deal the hand holding. I didn't care if he was jealous or angry or whatever. Ivy was with _me, _not him. He was with Dorcas anyway; he had no right to be jealous of us.

"I'll see you," Ivy said before we disappeared from view.

James and Lily were quickly making their way outside and we followed, stepping out of the door and back into the snow. They stopped, sitting at a bench in the middle of the village. If they didn't want anyone to see them, they were doing a crappy job.

Slipping in between two shops, we leaned over the wall to hear what they were saying.

"I almost feel as if somebody's following us," Lily said and began to look around. I pulled Ivy back and we lay flat against the wall.

Ivy looked at me, nodding slightly to show that it was okay to sneak a glance again. We leaned forward a bit and peered around the corner.

"Hogsmeade is safe. You don't have to worry," James said in response.

Oh, yes, because Ivy and I were _so _dangerous_._

Lily looked around again, but thankfully didn't even glance in our direction. "It's not that. It's...different."

James smiled suddenly and said, "You're paranoid someone's going to see us."

Why was she afraid someone was going to see them? If she was, why were they talking _in the middle of Hogsmeade? _They'd fail at being ninjas.

Lily shook her head. "No. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if our friends were following us around this whole time."

Oh, really?

"Then why did you want to keep this a secret?"

A secret rendezvous! Ivy and I looked at each other quickly, both thinking the same thing. When we looked back at the couple, they were sitting even closer.

Lily took a moment to respond. An "Ivy-sized" moment. "Because I'm such a hypocrite!" she finally blurted out.

"Who cares?" James said. "The past shouldn't matter anyway. It's all about what's to come. And I'm personally very thrilled to have you in my life."

Cheesy, Prongs.

Lily smiled, clearly falling for the cheesy statement. "You're just being charming." She paused as James laughed. "Oh, and I'm not paranoid. Sirius and Ivy are eavesdropping on our conversation."

It took me a moment to realize what she said. She – wait, what?

I groaned out loud and Ivy sighed next to me. When had she seen us? Were we really that bad at being ninjas? And here I thought we were being pretty good at the whole thing.

James spun around, looking around frantically. "I knew Sirius was planning something!" he said loudly, squinting his eyes in hopes to find us.

Since Lily already knew we were there, there was no reason to hide anymore. I rolled my eyes and took a few steps forward, out of the safety of the wall. "How did you even know we were here?" I asked Lily, locking eyes with her.

"You two aren't very good at spying," Lily explained with a smile on her face.

Could it be possible? Could Lily Evans find this _amusing_?

"I'm sorry-" Ivy began to apologize, sounding as if she was about to cry.

James cut her off. "Don't be sorry. We both saw this coming. We shouldn't have even tried to keep this a secret."

Ah, a _secret_?_"_What a secret?"

Lily paused, looking over at us and then at James. Finally, she said with a sigh, "James asked me to Hogsmeade and I said yes."

VICTORY. "I knew it!" I exclaimed.

Ivy smiled brightly and asked Lily, "You finally decided to give him a chance?"

All Lily did was nod, as if it wasn't a big deal. But it surely was a big deal, especially since James would be talking about this for the next couple days, no weeks. Maybe years. "He deserved a chance after all he's done."

Never was there a truer statement. I took a step forward and threw my arms around the two of them, patting them both on the back. "So, how's the date working out?"

"It'd probably be better if we weren't interrupting it," Ivy spoke up, looking very awkward standing by herself. But when was she not awkward?

James pulled away from my grasp and grabbed Ivy's hand.

Imagine if Remus was here and saw James holding Ivy's hand. He'd go berserk. Hand-holding was a _sin_.

"Thank you!" James exclaimed excitedly.

Ivy exchanged a look with me, but I ignored it and tightened my hold on Lily. She looked as though she was going to kill me. Well, she'd have to get used to it.

Suddenly, James pushed me off of Lily, narrowing his eyes at me. "Hey!" I complained. If he didn't want me touching his girl, he could have just said so.

"Maybe we should get going," Ivy said, pointing down the road.

"What? Why?" I asked. Even if they were on a date, it didn't mean that we couldn't hang out with them. It could be like a group date – but Ivy and I wouldn't be together. It was a group...thing.

"Let's just go..." Ivy began pleading with me, grabbing my cloak in her grasp and pulling slightly. I shrugged away and then, even though I wanted to stay, agreed, turning down the street to leave. Ivy immediately followed me, as we began walking down the road.

We couldn't even spy anymore. They had ruined my whole plan. My whole day was ruined.

"They totally ruined our plans for spying," I told Ivy, very annoyed.

She bit her lip and then said, "We need to brush up on our skills."

I couldn't help but smile at her use of the word 'skills'. It always slipped my mind that she had a sense of humor.

We made our way into the Three Broomsticks and I immediately caught sight of Remus and Dorcas.

I had the urge to grab Ivy's hand just to see what he would do this time, but restrained myself. But instead, we walked over to the table without any hand holding. Remus looked at us with a knowing look – as if he knew everything that just happened.

He probably did. Maybe he was a ninja in his spare time. It was always the ones you never expected.

"Caught?" he asked smugly.

I hated it when he acted like he knew everything. "Be quiet, Moony," I muttered, sitting down in the nearest chair.

Ivy answered his question with a simple nod, making me frown. Remus didn't even deserve an answer.

Sitting back in my chair, I began counting down the minutes until the trip was over.

Remus looked amused. I would have to steal one of his books later.

------------------------------------------------sc07--------------------------------------------------

"Why didn't you tell me about your date?" I asked James for the millionth time. I had cornered him in the dormitory, after following him around all day.

He answered with the same thing: "Because I knew you'd freak out."

I leaned forward, leaning over the bed to look at him. "You could have just told me. We tell each other everything."

James sighed, taking a couple steps toward the door. "I'm sorry, okay?"

He sounded frustrated – not sorry at all. Rolling my eyes, I sat back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Fine."

The footsteps stopped. "I promise – from now on, I'll tell you everything."

I folded my arms and made a disapproving noise. "Why don't you just go find Lily?"

I didn't think he would actually listen to my advice. I thought that he might stay and tell me everything about the date. But, instead, he opened the door and disappeared down the staircase.

Peter sat up on his bed and stared at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked him harshly, turning to look.

He let out a surprised yelp and quickly followed James down the staircase.

If James was going to forget all about me because he finally had Lily, then what did I have left? I didn't have anywhere to live, anywhere to go. I couldn't stay angry at him when he was my best mate.

With a sigh, I made my way down into the common room and found Peter sitting in a chair. "Hey, Wormy, want to play a game of Gobstones?"

Peter began nodding excitedly and I worried that he was going to wet himself.

I had to admit – watching Peter lose at Gobstones was about as fun as pulling a prank on an unsuspecting Slytherin. He was just so pathetic-looking, covered in the nasty juice but looking just as excited as ever.

"PADFOOOOOOOOOOT!"

I looked up, immediately recognizing the voice. "PROOOOOOOOONGS?" I shouted back.

Suddenly, James came clambering through the portrait hole, his eyes wide and frantic. "You've – oh, you'll _never _believe what - " He doubled over, trying to catch a breath.

I raised an eyebrow. Something had happened. "What happened?" I asked. It had to be something big. Like Snape falling down some stairs... Wait, hopefully, that's wasn't it. I couldn't miss something like that.

"Remus and Ivy...snogging...library..." James forced out.

"What?!"

Everyone looked over at us interestedly. Hurriedly, we made our way up the staircase and into the dormitory.

"But Remus is with Dorcas!" I said even before the door had closed behind us.

James nodded frantically. "Lily and I caught Ivy and Remus in the library. Ivy said she was trying to show Remus that they weren't right for each other."

Seriously, how did that girl's mind work? "What? That makes no sense," I said. "How's Remus taking it?"

James shook his head. "I don't know. But, oh my god, you should have _seen _it. Lily is freaking out – she didn't want to tell anybody - "

I blinked. "Then why are you telling me?"

"Fine, if you don't want to know about the adventures of the romance between Remus and Ivy, then I'll keep it to myself next time."

I snorted at his choice of words. "Remus's love life is the reason I wake up every morning," I added.

James grinned. "Exactly. Besides, we tell each other everything, don't we?"

I laughed. Our previous argument was all the past - we couldn't stay angry at each other for long. "Did you hear?" I asked as we made our way out of the dormitory. "Remus has a problem with hand holding."

James's eyes widened dramatically in mock surprise. "No wonder he can't keep a girlfriend." He paused and added, "And has so many problems trying to get Ivy."

But at least Remus could understand her. If only I could finally understand everything that went through her head.

* * *

I rather missed all the Sirius/Ivy interaction in this chapter. But, I promise, the next chapter will have much more interaction. Actually...I think the next chapter or the chapter after might be one of the most interesting chapters of the whole story. I wrote a scene for this story before I even wrote it from Ivy's POV.

Oh, that reminds me. I posted a fluffy AU piece for Christmas. If you haven't read it yet, you should check it out.

Thanks for reading.


	17. The Parents

_Chapters 81-84 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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James and I were returning to the common room when we saw Remus making his way through the portrait hole. Quickly exchanging a glance, we both hurried down the staircase and bolted over to where Remus was slowly dragging his feet across the carpet until he finally settled into a chair.

"Moony!" James exclaimed, placing a hand on his shoulder. "How are you?"

He looked up at James wearily, as if he knew that James told me. But he didn't say anything, just shook his head and looked down at the floor.

Peter, who was still sitting at the table where we were playing Gobstones, suddenly said, "Want to play a game?"

Remus shook his head again, not even looking up.

Moody Moony. I _hated _when Remus went through his moody moments. He always depressed me with his talk of how the world wasn't fair and everything was going to turn for the worse.

Seriously, how could his situation get any worse?

As Dorcas stopped in front of us, I realized that there were many different ways his situation could get worse. Like this. And her next words. "Um, Remus, can we go out in the corridor to talk?"

Remus didn't argue. He looked at her for a second and then sighed, getting up and leaving out through the portrait.

This was going to break him. I turned to tell James how awful the situation was, but found that he was walking over to the girls' staircase, eyes set on the two girls watching the whole scene.

"What's going on?" I heard James ask.

Lily began shaking her head. "Dorcas is ending their relationship."

I frowned deeply, wondering how Remus was going to react to this all. He had finally gotten a girl after all of his troubles, and now he was going to lose her.

Was it because of Ivy? Did Dorcas find out about that? Probably not. I don't think Lily or Ivy would tell her something like that.

"Because of...?" James asked softly.

Ivy answered with a short no.

At least Dorcas didn't know. If she would have known about the kiss, the break-up would probably be many times worse. Girls tend to go crazy if they find out you kissed someone else behind their back.

Even if it was just one time.

But Remus wasn't like that. He was the faithful kind – he just made a small mistake. Hopefully, he wouldn't take this break-up too hard. I didn't want to deal with some more Moody Moony for the next couple weeks.

At least he got a snog session from Ivy before everything went downhill. Maybe he could finally take a chance with her. After all, she was his dream girl and they were perfect for each other. Remus had his opening – all he had to do was take it.

I seriously doubt he was going to.

-----------------------------------------------------sc07-------------------------------------------------------------

Grabbing the bed post, I slowly began inching my way out from underneath the bed. "Guess what I found?"

Remus didn't even miss a beat. "Your other sock."

I held it out in front of me. "How long do you suppose it was down there?"

James took the piece of clothing from my hands and held it out using both hands. "It looks so small. I'm guessing...second or third year."

Remus was shaking his head again. "Don't you clean under your bed at all?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, but there's a vortex under there, and it just randomly spews out different items every so often."

Peter immediately stood up from his bed and then crouched, peeking underneath. "I don't see one."

"It's invisible," I told Peter seriously. This answer seemed to please him, and he immediately fell back onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

How he could sleep when we were packing was beyond me.

"What is with all these socks?" I asked, throwing them onto Remus's bed.

When I turned around, Remus was staring at me with wide, horrified eyes. "What are you doing?!" he shrieked, immediately jumping on his bed and brushing off the socks like they were contimated.

I doubt they were. I mean, I wasn't that messy.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Three knocks, actually. Which meant it was only one person.

We all looked up at each other (except for Peter, who was probably already sleeping). "Come in," Remus said, looking over at the door.

Ivy walked in, looking down with a frown at the items all over the floor. And beds. And lamps. Everywhere, really.

"What are you doing in here?" Ivy asked, looking absolutely terrified.

I laughed to myself and went back to throwing my clothes in a pile.

"Packing," James answered, throwing random items into his trunk.

Ivy began stepping around all of our stuff, holding out her arms for balance. "Shouldn't you have all this stuff in your trunk then?"

Was that how packing was supposed to be done? News to me. "Eventually," I answered her with a laugh. Or we could just take the easy way out – crumple everything together and magic the trunk shut.

"This is too exhausting," I heard Peter mumble. Hmm, he wasn't sleeping – crazy.

I shook my head amusedly and went back to finding all of my socks.

Wow, my black socks. I thought I had lost these back in fifth year. They were my favorite pair too. At last, we were reunited again.

"What are you doing?" James asked, looking over at me with raised eyebrows.

I stared at him. "What are _you _doing?"

He blinked at me. "You can't respond with the same question."

"You can," I retorted.

James paused, and then said, "Are those the socks you lost before the Quidditch match last year? When I asked if I could borrow your lucky socks and you didn't have them and then we LOST THE STUPID GAME?"

I scoffed. "You need your own lucky socks. These are mine. Besides, it was your bad playing that caused Gryffindor to lose."

His eyes narrowed. "You didn't just say that."

I nodded slowly. "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"God, remember that article that Rita Skeeter wrote about the match? When she was trying to start her own school newspaper and she failed by writing things that nobody understood."

Oh, yeah, that crazy blonde girl that went around with a green quill. "Didn't she write about how the brooms were faulty or something and then started talking about your bum?"

James snorted. "Something like that."

Suddenly, I remembered something that had to do with writing. "Hey, Ivy, are you still working on your story?" I turned to the girl who was still talking to Remus.

She stared at me for a second and then said, "A little bit."

Which probably meant that she was working on it in her head at the very minute. We still had to work on that story – maybe I would finally get some insihgt into how Ivy Bennett was.

"We have to work on that. Remind me, okay?" I told her.

She finally answered with a small, "Okay."

I turned back to packing my trunk, finally just magicking everything into the small space and forcing the clasp closed. I didn't have the patience folding and unfolding everything like Mr. Obsessive over there talking to Ivy.

"Hey, Sirius," James whispered, nudging me slightly.

"What?" I hissed at him.

A grin appeared on his face. "Guess what I'm doing in two weeks?"

I gave him a strange look in response. I didn't like the whole guessing game when the answer wasn't any revelance to me.

James leaned forward. "I'm going to visit Lily Evans during break!" he exclaimed in a giddy voice.

My eyebrows rose. He was already going over to her house? How many dates had they been on again? "Congratulations, mate. Are you meeting the parents?"

He shrugged. "I guess. It will probably just be a quick passing though."

Wait – if he was going over there, where was I going? Was I going to stay with his parents and bother them instead?

"Moony said he's going to watch you," James answered, practically reading my thoughts.

I blinked at him. "You're treating me like a pet."

James laughed. "Aren't you one, Padfoot?"

We both burst out into laughter at the same time.

-------------------------------------------------------------sc07-----------------------------------------------------------

Remus stared at me as I stood on his doorstep.

"Aren't you going to welcome me in?" I joked, holding out my arms.

He just kept looking at me, as if he was surprised I was standing in front of him. James had told I was coming, right?

"Didn't you volunteer to take in Padfoot next?" I laughed, giving him a strange look.

He frowned. "I thought that was next week."

I grinned. "You're losing your mind, Moony."

He teetered for a second on the top step, but then grabbed my arm and began walking down the side of street.

"Hey, where are we going?" He didn't answer and instead, continued to pull me along the street, mumbling something about how this was going to be a disaster. "What's going to be a disaster?" I asked him.

He turned to face me, almost knocking me backward. "Can you promise me something?"

"Sure," I exclaimed.

He sighed, holding up a hand to his head as if he had a huge headache. I'd often been told that I caused a huge headache, but I had just got here.

"If I said we're going somewhere, would you behave?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Ooh, where are we going?"

I knew he was going to sigh even before I heard it. "Follow me."

By follow me, he meant that I had to grab along of him because he was planning apparating somewhere. If he was apparating somewhere, then that meant our destination was going to be pretty interesting.

We ended up in a neighborhood, with building quickly packed together in a row. Remus began mouthing some numbers and then his eyes lit up as he finally landed on the green building labeled 402.

"We're going to visit Ivy," he quickly said.

My eyes widened. "Really? Ivy?"

We were visiting Ivy. At her house. With her parents. This was going to be interesting. "Wait – why?" I asked.

Remus shrugged. "She invited me for dinner."

"Interesting." I couldn't help the grin from appearing on my face.

Remus turned around and shook his head at me before climbing up the stairs and, after taking a deep breath, knocking twice on the door.

I quickly followed him and I watched as Remus waited with bated breath for someone to open the door. When the door finally swung open, it wasn't Ivy at the door, but someone with darker hair and definitely old enough to be Ivy's mother.

Of course, it was Ivy's mother.

"Hello, Mrs. Bennett, I presume?" Remus immediately said with a smile. "I'm Remus Lupin."

Ivy's mother smiled back at him, looking at him closely. I hadn't noticed before, but Remus had definitely spent more time than usual to get ready. He was wearing a nice shirt and slacks. "And who is this?"

She glanced over at me. I stepped forward and grinned at her. "Sirius Black, ma'am. Lovely to meet you."  
Ivy's mother took a moment to respond (aha, now I know where Ivy got it from!) and then said, "May I take your cloaks?"

"Yes, thank you," Remus said, taking off his cloak. I quickly followed him and then ran a hand through my hair. Ivy's mother gave me a strange look.

"Make yourselves comfortable," she said, and then looked to her right and, following her gaze, I realized that Ivy was standing there. "You three can talk while I finish dinner. It'll be just a moment." And then she disappeared through an archway into another room.

"I'm sorry!" Remus immediately began apologizing. "I forgot that Sirius was staying with me over break because James went somewhere with Lily and I had to bring him."

I laughed, remembering James's joke. "You make me sound like a pet."

Ivy let out a slow breath. "It's okay. I'm glad you're here, Sirius," she said.

I grinned. "Why, thank you, Ivy. It's great to know I'm appreciated." I sent Remus a glare and he just sighed.

"Why do I put up with this?" he muttered.

I turned around, taking in the nice open entryway and all of the painting hung on the walls. "Nice place you've got here."

"Thanks," Ivy said, moving into the room where her mother had disappeared in.

Speaking of Ivy's mother... "Ivy, can you go get Eleanor and tell her that dinner is ready?" She came bustling in, holding a pot of something that smelled delicious.

Food!

Ivy stepped back slowly. "Sure," she said and then took her time leaving the room.

A tall man with dark hair and narrowed eyes burst into the room. "Sarah, who are these boys in my dining room?"

Ivy's mother began laughing. "Ivy's schoolmates," she answered from the kitchen.

I could feel Ivy's father staring at me. "So, which one of you two are interested in my daughter?"

Both of us weren't expecting that question. Remus's eyes grew large and he began choking on nothing (air, maybe). My mouth dropped open and I let out this surprised laugh.

"Both of you?" Ivy's mother peeked out from over the corner.

I grinned and shook my head. "No, I'm not interested in Ivy," I tried to explain as nicely as possibly.

Her mother narrowed her eyes at me. I felt the urge to step back. Then she moved onto Remus and I looked to see both her and Ivy's father watching Remus intently.

"I'm – we're friends," Remus managed to blurt out.

Ivy's father sat down across from us at the table. "Friends. You looked like you were about to have a heart attack over there."

Remus shook his head slowly. "No, we're...really good friends."

I rolled my eyes.

Ivy's mother came out, carrying a bowl of potatoes. "Surely, you've seen her as more as a friend at least once."

Remus let out a slow breath and said, softly, "I mean, she's beautiful, I'll admit-"

Ivy's parents exchanged a glance and then looked back at me. "What about you?"

Oh, they were talking to me. About Ivy. A romantic question about Ivy. "Oh, um...no, never actually."

I couldn't even fathom it.

* * *

This chapter sets up the next one. But I can't tell you how.

I had a pretty interesting day - someone left a pillow on my porch and said that they were Joe Jonas by texting me. I knew it was my friend but it just kept going. It was hilarious.

Oh, I've been writing...something else.

Preview:  
I stopped writing suddenly, holding my quill in place as a thought occurred to me.  
For the past couple days, I had been trying to figure out what was wrong. It wasn't something simple, like a forgotten essay or a missing quill; it was something more important.  
Peter had suggested that I had the flu, but I quickly dismissed that thought. It couldn't be the flu for I didn't feel sick. I had a nagging feeling that something else had changed.  
Then, all of the sudden, I realized something was _missing_.

What could it be? I'll be posting....soon.


	18. Ivy Green Eyes

_Chapters 85-86 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

Ivy's parents wouldn't stop talking to Remus all throughout dinner. They avoided even looking in my direction. And the one time Ivy's mum actually turned slightly toward me, it was with a glare and this evil frown.

At least it was better than getting attacked with personal questions from protective parents. And suggestions that were definitely hinting at...something.

"When is the next Hogsmeade trip? You two should go together." That was Ivy's mum's idea.

"You'd better not touch my daughter!" And that was Ivy's father.

Seriously, he threatened Remus. And Remus stared back at him with wide eyes, looking as though he was going to fall out of his chair and run away.

I watched, amused, as Ivy looked horrified at what her parents were doing. Ivy's mum was trying to hide a smile at Remus's reaction. Eleanor kept sneaking glances at the situation in front of her as she tried to eat her food. And Ivy's father just kept glaring.

Looking both and forth between them, I grinned and then continued to enjoy my food. Food was so much better with conflict.

--------------------------------------------------------------sc07----------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of winter break wasn't as eventful. I managed to sneak into my parents' house and find my mum's old books. I thought it was pretty creative – a much better present than what I got Ivy for her birthday last year.

I only hoped her parents thought the present was just as good.

Or Remus's present. _Especially_ Remus's present. He bought her _jewelry_. Of course Mrs. Bennett was going to freak.

Remus tried to ask me what Ivy's parents really thought about him, and then continued to worry about his Christmas present.

I continued to ignore him, but he just kept at it, refusing to shut up about it. I looked up with a sigh.

"Moony," I told him. "You gave her jewelry. On Christmas. It's like...the equivalent of a proposal." His eyes grew wide and he slowly began shaking his head. "Her parents have already invited you into the family. Have fun."

Remus whimpered and began turning around in frantic circles.

It was the last day before the end of winter break, and the train ride back to Hogwarts was possibly the most boring one yet.

Everyone just stared at each other.

Ivy looked scared to lock eyes with Remus, but she was wearing the bracelet he bought for her. I didn't know what she was thinking – if she was wearing the present, wouldn't she want to thank Remus?

Maybe she was just being her normal Ivy-self.

Which meant that she was strange.

On the way up the castle, I stopped and admired the large building in front of me. Only six months left to run this school – what were we supposed to do after? How many more pranks could we fit in? Hopefully, another big one on the Slytherins.

"We have only six months left to wreak havoc on this school," I told everyone, sighing loudly.

"Six months left to keep you from doing something stupid," Remus added, looking over at me.

James grabbed Lily who was standing next to him and began with his mushy speech. "We're going to make these six months the most exciting ones yet," he announced.

"As long as your version of exciting is not dangerous," Lily said with a grin on her face. Nice to know that the definition of 'exciting' made Lily grin.

"Of course not," I said as soon as James did. We grinned at each other.

"I'm excited for graduation," Peter suddenly spoke up, snuggling back in his coat.

Graduation? What was that? Were we even going to graduate?

"And I'm excited to get to work studying for our N.E.W.T.S.," Ivy added, raising her eyebrows at us.

I heard James groan as I did. "That's no fun," I exclaimed, trying to imagine studying for the rest of six months. It didn't work. "Didn't I show you how to be fun? Did you already forget?"

I looked at Ivy out of the corner of my corner and saw that she wasn't standing next to me anymore. She wasn't- "I think I remember."

The snow she tried to throw at me flew over my head. I was about to laugh at her (and the way she was staring at me like she knew she failed) but then another snowball hit me in the shoulder, knocking me off balance.

Ivy whipped around and saw James who was grinning at us.

He was going to get it.

"Thank you," Ivy said to James as I quickly bent down to gather some snow.

He grinned at her, not noticing me. "No problem." The snowball I threw hit James right in the head.

Score.

He immediately retaliated and the snow war began.

"We're not first years, you guys," I heard Lily try to stop us. Like that was going to work.

Remus and Peter were already beginning to gather their own piles of snow. I managed to get James in the face three times, Remus five, and Peter seven (I would have gotten Peter more if he didn't keep ducking all the time).

When I almost tripped over Ivy standing behind me, Remus immediately began waving his hands to call the game off.

He so fancied her – I mean, stopping a snowball fight for a girl? Fail.

By the worried look on his face, I knew that he was thinking that Ivy was going to run away because of what I did. He was always worried that our antics were going to scare her away one day. With a sigh, I turned toward her and said, "You're okay, right?"

"Fine," she insisted. "You only hit my foot. It's not going to kill me."

"Good," I exclaimed with a sigh of relief. "I don't want Moony to kill me. He's worried that we will end up pushing you away."

She stopped, turning toward me with a confused expression. "What?"

I shrugged and then glanced up to see that Remus was out of hearing range. "I think he's worried that we won't get along with you. So, the rest of us are trying to show him otherwise."

Ivy frowned at me and then looked away, refusing to make eye contact. She seemed a bit distant during dinner too, which caused Remus to jab me in the stomach.

And it hurt.

Because when it comes to Ivy, Remus gets vicious.

Like a wolf...er, werewolf.

"What did you do?" he hissed at me. I looked up at Ivy and tried to give her a smile. She looked away.

"I...said nice things to her. _Very _nice things. Nothing bad at all. Mmm, these are some good sprouts, huh? Yum."

He stared at me, unconvincing. "You scared her."

I shook my head, stuffing my mouth with as many sprouts as possible. "No, I was nice. She's just being her quiet self."

Remus didn't seem to believe me. When we went up the staircase that night and began to get ready for bed, he kept opening his mouth like he was going to say something.

But then he shook his head and continued brushing his teeth.

I was just about to crawl in bed when he appeared next to me, staring me down in the death glare of the century.

"Why can't you like her?"

I blinked in surprise. "What? I like her, I do." How could he possibly think I didn't? At first, I couldn't stand her but she was quite endearing after awhile.

Remus just shook his bed and walked back to his own four-poster. "It'd be nice if you showed it a bit more, instead of scaring her off."

I scoffed at him, throwing the covers over my body and settling into a comfortable spot. "Enjoy your Ivy-filled dreams tonight, Moony," I teased him.

The lack of response said it all.

----------------------------------------------------------------sc07--------------------------------------------------------------------

We were up against the wall of McGonagall's classroom. Oh, what McGonagall would do if she knew the activities that happened right underneath her nose. I smirked slightly as I went back to focus on the current situation.

The girl underneath me made a noise of satisfaction as I moved my mouth to her neck. Her hands were woven through my hair, pulling as she groaned and gasped.

I lifted her up for better access as she wrapped her legs around me. I could barely feel the extra weight as I claimed her mouth with mine again. She responded with an equal amount of passion and I was caught off guard when her hands began to tug at the bottom of my shirt.

I groaned when she lifted it up just enough to graze the skin underneath. She was going to be the death of me, I swear.

Weaving my one of my hands through her short hair, I brought her mouth crashing onto mine again, desperately wanting to hear her moan again.

She gasped, breaking off the kiss and taking a sharp breath.

Opening my eyes, I saw a pair of green eyes staring back at me. Ivy-green eyes.

Oh god – Ivy.

I gasped for breath, my throat burning, sitting up suddenly and causing my head to throb painfully.

It was too hot, scorching, and I couldn't breathe. Stumbling out from under the covers of my bed, I took a couple steps and ran a trembling hand through my hair, eyes frantically moving to one object to the next.

Ivy Bennett. I had a _dream _about Ivy. Remus's Ivy.

I was _snogging_ her in my dream – and wanting to do more, so much more with her.

But I didn't even think of Ivy...she was...it was... It wasn't possible to think of her – she couldn't – she was off limits – I didn't like her like that.

I couldn't fancy Ivy. I couldn't want to kiss her. I couldn't have her.

Cursing under my breath, I slowly fell back onto my bed, and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

It was dream – that's all it had to be.

That's all it could be.

"Padfoot, get your lazy arse up!"

I had a dream about Ivy. I had a dream about Ivy. I had a dream about Ivy. I had a dream about Ivy.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I couldn't want her. I couldn't want her. I couldn't want her. I couldn't want her. I couldn't want her.

"PADFOOT!"

My neck made a cracking noise as I turned it quickly toward the shout.

James was staring at me and laughing. "You're drooling, Padfoot. Stop fantasizing about your girl of the week and get ready for breakfast-"

I didn't even know what I was doing, but suddenly, I was on my feet, glaring at him. "I'm not fantasizing about anyone. God, why do you think that?!"

James blinked at me as his hands stopped tying his tie. "What's wrong with you?"

Furiously, I shook my head. "Nothing is wrong! Just go to breakfast by yourself and leave me alone."

He stared at me for a few seconds. What if he knew I had dreamed about Ivy? Did I say her name last night?

What if Remus knew? I couldn't fancy his crush...basically love of his life.

James shook his head suddenly and looked away. "You got up on the wrong side of the bed," he complained, turning away and forcing the others out of the dormitory.

They could never know. It was just a dream anyway – it didn't mean that I fancied Ivy. She was just Ivy Bennett. It was like snogging your sister anyway. It didn't mean anything – it couldn't mean anything – I couldn't look at Ivy like that.

Remus would _kill_ me. Maim me and _then_ kill me.

Grabbing my clothes quickly, I put them on and strode out of the dormitory and out of the portrait as quickly as possible.

Maybe if I saw her, I would realize it was just a dream. Nothing would be different.

I focused on getting to the table without paying attention to anyone else and sat down in my normal seat.

James didn't even look over at me. Remus glanced up with a curious look. Would he realize what was going on? Would he get jealous? Would he jump across the table right here and now and start cursing me until I had to be admitted to the hospital wing?!

No, he didn't have anything to be worried about. Ivy wasn't that girl. She was a friend-type. Not a...

Oh god, I couldn't even think straight.

Glancing down the table, I caught my first glimpse of her. She was listening to Lily, but her eyes were wandering elsewhere. She really did have nice eyes – they fit her name perfectly. The exact color of ivy. They weren't almond-shaped like Lily's, more round. Her wavy hair stopped right below her chin, pinned back on either side. Her nose was small – dusted with almost invisible freckles. The sides of her face had a few more noticeable freckles, but only if -

Why was I analyzing her? I mentally hit myself. I didn't need to know this much about a friend.

Maybe I was just trying to see what similarities she had to the Ivy in my dream. Maybe someone else had ivy-green eyes. Besides, Ivy couldn't be the girl in my dream – the girl in the dream definitely knew what she was doing. Ivy wouldn't – or maybe she was being secretive about her life. Maybe she really knew how to snog like that.

No, no, no, damn it. I couldn't think like that! Looking back down at the table, I then became aware that she was watching me.

I glanced up to meet her eyes. She looked almost startled. It must have been the way I was looking at her – the restraint from just going over there and replicating the dream was killing me.

Abruptly, I stood up, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. "I have to go," I spoke as calmly as I could.

In my mind, I was cursing the whole world.

* * *

Yes, the second half of this chapter was actually written a LOOOONG time ago. Like months and months and months. Probably around April.

So, there you are. A dream. It's always dreams, isn't it? Dreams were a big thing in Ivy's POV too.

Chapter on a Friday! Whoo. Thanks for everything.


	19. Life Lesson

_Chapters of 87-88 Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I've spent many hours dreaming about girls. I've been distracted before by fantasies and watching certain girls that catch my eye. I've spent whole classes thinking about my love life and planning out what was going to happen that night.

But with Ivy, it was different.

I wasn't just distracted. I was transfixed with watching her. I couldn't do anything else. I couldn't talk to my friends, I couldn't concentrate on class, I couldn't even think straight.

And I was _angry_. I was thinking about a girl that I couldn't even have. I was spending my time dreaming about someone I couldn't even touch.

Because she was off limits. She wasn't mine. I couldn't go over there and throw her against the wall to snog.

No, because she was Ivy Bennett. And I couldn't touch her. I couldn't. _Couldn't_.

I found myself narrowing my eyes in her direction. She was the cause of my pain – it wasn't her fault, but she was the reason that I was in such agony.

I just wanted to grab her, press her against me, lose my fingers in her hair and just snog her until we couldn't breathe...

But she didn't even like me like that. If I told her, she wouldn't ever talk to me again. She was already afraid of me – I couldn't do any of the things I wanted to do to her.

I leaned back in my chair and looked back over at her. She was sitting on the other end of the common room, periodically looking up at me all flustered.

Flustered – like she knew what was going through my head and was trying to make it worse! She had to know what she was doing – with the rosy cheeks and the cute furrowing of the eyebrows and oh god, this was _torture._

Any other girl, _any other, _I could have just gone after there and shown her how much she was affecting me. With Ivy, it was impossible.

I watched as she scrambled out of her chair, practically stumbling over to Remus.

Remus – the reason I couldn't even touch her. Letting out a slow breath in frustration, I leaned forward and watched as they talked to each other so easily. Ivy was already his for the taking.

Ivy was _his_. Not mine.

I growled underneath my breath and then realized that they were walking over to me.

"Hey Padfoot," Remus said with a small smile as they made their way over.

But I couldn't concentrate on him when _she _was so close to me. She needed to take a step back – she was too close. "Hey," I finally said.

Remus pushed Ivy even more forward and she stumbled again. She was _right there_. I didn't know what to do. _"_Um, hi," she said softly.

She needed to take a few steps back. I couldn't think – she needed to go away. "Hi, Ivy," I forced myself to say.

"Do you have a problem?" Remus snapped at me.

I looked at him, trying to forget that Ivy was there. "No."

"Then why do you keep looking like Ivy like she's an awful human being?"

If only he knew. But I couldn't tell him. I couldn't just say "I WANT TO SNOG YOUR LOVER" in the middle of the common room. "I'm not," I replied instead, looking away from the two in hopes that they would just leave.

"Yes, you are," Remus insisted, this hardness to his voice.

Like he knew everything. Like he knew what was going on. He didn't know a single thing.

I stood up, almost knocking over the table in front of me, and held out my arms dramatically. "There's nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. So stop acting like there's something wrong and stop prying into my life!"

I didn't even look at their faces before I trudged up the boys' staircase. I didn't care what Remus thought – he was the problem. And I didn't care what Ivy thought – because if I hadn't stormed off, I would have done something regrettable.

It was time to take drastic measures.

But how was I going to forget about Ivy when every time I closed my eyes, she was there, in front of me, willing to do anything I wanted?

I couldn't stand it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------sc07-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sirius, what's wrong?" Remus tried for the millionth time that day.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, trying my hardest to get out of his sight. He just kept asking and prying and I couldn't tell him a single thing. All I wanted to do was to get Ivy off of my mind and he kept mentioning her.

"Look," I said, facing him. "It isn't about Ivy, okay? You don't have to worry and follow me around. I'm _fine_."

Before he could say anything, I made my way down into the common room, hoping that he wasn't following me.

He probably was. If I turned around, he would be right there, ready to ask another annoying question.

I sighed loudly and looked down into the common room from the middle of the staircase. When my gaze fell upon Donna Edwards, I stopped and realized something.

I didn't need Ivy. I had many other girls just lining up to be with me. Who said I had to stick with her? Maybe all I needed was a good, healthy dose of snogging from different girls.

Yes, that was it.

Smirking, I leaned across the banister of the staircase and whispered, "Hey, Edwards. How are you on this fine evening?"

She looked up, her blue eyes meeting me curiously. "Sirius Black..." She tested out my name and then smiled.

I was in.

Donna was aggressive – she kept trying to pin me to the chair and force her tongue down my throat. She was the complete opposite of Ivy -

My breath stopped at the thought of her and my stomach churned uncomfortably. Trying to push the thought from my mind, I pulled Donna back to me, causing her to giggle.

She was the complete opposite of Ivy – the girl that I _wanted_ to snog. But I couldn't snog her. I couldn't touch her. I couldn't _ever_ have her.

God, I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her!

Pulling back, I flattened myself against the chair. "Hey, Donna," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking, "I'll be right back." After struggling to get out beneath her, I ran away as quickly as possible.

Of course, I didn't have any intentions of being "right back". I needed someone that wasn't the complete opposite of Ivy – someone in the middle, someone that wouldn't remind me of her.

Sitting in a chair in front of the fire was Emily, the 5th year prefect. She looked completely bored, legs hanging over the edge of the chair and staring up at the ceiling.

She didn't become prefect by slacking – no, she was pretty smart. And she also liked to have fun. Perfect combination. Emily looked a bit apprehensive when I sat down next to her.

"What are you doing, Black?"

I grinned and raised my eyebrows at her. "Why so formal, Foster?"

She laughed and continued looking up at the ceiling. "Is there something you want?"

Leaning over, I caught her gaze. "I'm thinking...you."

The corners of her mouth twitched upward. "Oh, really?" She looked at me for a second, and then leaned forward, barely grazing her lips with mine before pulling away with a smirk on her face.

Was she trying to be a tease? Trying to act all coy and cute. I wonder if Ivy would be a tease like Emily; she was genuinely coy and cute – she could probably pull off being the whole tease thing without even trying.

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

I was pulled back to reality to see Emily staring at me with a puzzled look on her face. A puzzled look that Ivy had mastered.

I scrambled to my feet and took a couple cautious steps backward. "I need to – yeah..." I didn't dare look at Emily again as I strode over the opposite side of the common room.

God, why was everything reminding me of her?

All I wanted to do was have the freedom to touch her without the threat of Remus killing me. And without her never talking to me again.

My hands were slowly curling into fists and I just couldn't even think straight and I was just so frustrated with the whole thing that I grabbed the first girl that walked by and pushed her against the closest wall.

The dark eyes of Susan Grason stared back at me. And then she was pulling on my tie, bringing me down to her level to kiss me.

I didn't complain – finally, someone that knew exactly what I wanted. I pressed her against the wall and grabbed her hands, pinning them to her sides.

"Everyone's watching," she murmured in my ear, kissing it lightly before moving down my neck.

I chuckled softly. "Exactly."

She moved back and smiled.

Ivy-green eyes stared back at me.

Immediately, I jerked away and pulled out of her grasp. "God, what is wrong with you?" I shouted, taking a few steps back to distance myself. She was a Metamorphmagus. How did I forget that?!

She frowned at me, her eyes narrowed in disgust. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _you?_"

I shook my head furiously and snarled, "Nothing. God, why does everyone think that?"

All I wanted was a distraction. Was that too much to ask for? What was so wrong with trying to get something (someone) off of my mind?

This was it.

I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't force myself to stop thinking about her. This was a _stupid _idea.

"What's wrong?"

Looking up, I noticed a girl sitting across from me with short, dark hair. She looked truly concerned and I didn't even know who she was.

I shrugged, leaning back onto the couch. "I'm giving up..." I muttered.

Giving up on everything and everyone. No more Ivy, no more girls, no more anything. I didn't want to worry about it anymore.

Marauders and pranks were the only things that mattered.

Maybe tomorrow I would finally do that epic soap prank on Snivellus. After all, he was tragically afraid of the perfumy bars of cleanliness.

She was smiling at me now. "What?" I asked.

"You're really serious, aren't you?" she said with a laugh. "You're Sirius Black. You can't just give up on something – except if it's homework."

I raised an eyebrow at her. She knew way too much about me – maybe she was a stalker, which was slightly interesting. "Who are you?"

She laughed again and shrugged as if it wasn't important. "Lucy and I just might've been admiring you for awhile now."

I sat up, intrigued at her forwardness. "Really?"

"You're cute," she exclaimed with a smile.

I don't even remember making a decision before I leaned across the table and caught her in an unexpected kiss. She didn't pull away, instead, she gave my shirt a little tug.

The next thing I knew, I crawling across the table to join her in the chair. And then we were snogging and it was _good_ and everything I had previously said about giving up seemed like a stupid idea.

"You really think I'm cute?" I asked against her mouth.

Her laugh was infectious. "Of course." She leaned down, capturing my lips again.

We laughed and joked about things that made me forget all about the trouble I was in. Conversations about ukuleles (evidently, they're little guitars) and then more snogging.

An hour later, she was pulling my hands away, laughing and trying to talk at the same time. "Sirius...come on-" She grabbed ahold of both of my hands and held them away. "What are you doing?"

"You make me laugh," I told her honestly.

She tilted her head at me. "Why?"

I shrugged. "You're an extremely happy person."

Lucy looked at me for a long moment. "You know, you don't have to give me any compliments. I'll be okay..."

I raised an eyebrow at her words. "What are you talking about?"

She chuckled softly, playing with the hair at the back of my neck. "Tomorrow, you'll go on and forget about me." What was she talking about? I moved to interrupt her but she shook her head. "Something was really bothering you tonight. You needed this today. And my stupid crush made me want to take the chance even though I knew it would only be for tonight."

"Lucy..." I said softly.

She shook her head, moving off of the chair. "Feelings pass, Sirius. We can be friends or at least try to be or not. It doesn't really matter. Anyway, thanks."

I stared after her as she climbed up the staircase and disappeared from view.

Why couldn't I just snog someone without a whole life lesson?

* * *

This chapter is pretty confusing to me. It's the whole going from girl to girl without any pauses in between.

Anyway, I'll be posting again on Saturday. That's when the voting for the Quibbler Awards begins.

Oh, and I recommend the song "Inspired By" by Lena Gabrielle (check out her myspace) while reading this chapter. I got some ideas from that song.

Thanksthanksthanks.


	20. An Acceptance of Sorts

_Chapters 89-92 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

She was sitting by herself on the couch, writing an essay. Nobody else was around – not Remus, not Lily – nobody to come and interrupt.

If there was going to be any perfect chance, this was it.

I tried to seem casual about it as I walked up and sat down next to her. She looked at me curiously and I grinned at her. "Hi Ivy..."

Her eyebrow raised and she just stared at me.

"How are you?" I continued.

She blinked once. "Why are you talking to me?" she finally said, her voice barely a whisper.

This was it. "Uh, listen..." I moved a little closer and she immediately jumped, moving over to the other side of the couch, her eyes wide. I ignored her reaction and continued, "I – I really – I'll just come right out and say it. Don't freak out, okay?"

She didn't do anything, but it didn't surprise me.

I moved my hands to take hers and she pulled them away, her eyes widening. She was already afraid of me; there was no way she was going to take this news without freaking out.

"I...really just..." I looked at her as she stared back with the most captivating expression and I just wanted to... "-want to kiss you right now," I finished quickly.

Ivy didn't make a motion to move so I leaned forward.

It happened in a second – suddenly, she pushed me back and scrambled off the couch. She tried to run away as quick as possible, but ended up tripping over her feet, coming to a halt in the middle of the common room.

I didn't expect her to acknowledge me ever again, but she suddenly turned around and began speaking hysterically. "I can't, oh god, I – I can't, no - " There were tears streaming down her face.

And it was my fault. I had caused those tears. I had scared her so badly that I reduced her to crying. What was I thinking – telling her? Of course she would never see me in that way. Of course the idea would scare her to death.

I _had _to ruin everything.

As she turned away, I immediately shouted every curse word I knew underneath my breath and began kicking the couch as hard as I could. I didn't even pay attention to the shooting pain in my foot as I continued, muttering every single angry word I could think of.

I was still ignoring the pain when I looked up and caught sight of her across of the room. Except she wasn't alone anymore.

She was holding onto Remus, crying softly into his shoulder. Remus looked confused for a second as he wrapped his arms around her. I knew exactly when Ivy finally got out enough words for Remus to understand by the way his eyes narrowed and then he looked around the room furiously.

His eyes locked with mine.

I stared back at him as he tried to burn a hole in me with his death stare.

Remus was going to _kill _me.

"Hey, you – wake up now!" Something hit me over the head. My eyes snapped open and I found myself staring at the ceiling of my dormitory.

My second dream about her.

Growling softly, I rolled over and hit my pillow a couple times before stomping off to get dressed.

This was _ridiculous_ and I couldn't even do anything about it. Ivy would run away to Remus and he would hate me, but I couldn't just forget about her. Not when she haunted my dreams _every single night._

I couldn't go on like this anymore.

"Padfoot, are you - "

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy. Her name repeated in my head over and over and all I thought about was Ivy, Ivy, Ivy and I was going crazy and I couldn't _think_.

"You look sick."

Why did I even want her? I didn't need her. She wasn't any better than the other girls at Hogwarts. Why was _her_ name on repeat in my head?

Trudging down the staircase, I tried to scream over the chorus of 'Ivy's in my head.

"What is wrong with you?"

Turning around, I saw James standing behind me with a disgusted look on his face. Like he had a reason to be disgusted. He didn't have Ivy's name blocking all of _his_ thoughts.

"Nothing!" I told him. I couldn't tell him about the chorus of Ivy playing in my head.

And then Remus, knowing somehow that we were talking about Ivy, decided to interrupt. "Nothing? Sirius, yesterday you went from being moody and depressed to snogging four girls in one night. Something's wrong."

What was I supposed to say?

'Oh, yeah, um...I wanted to snog Ivy but I didn't want you to kill me, so I decided to snog all those other girls to get her off my mind, but it didn't even work and now she invades my every thought and even my dreams.'

Yeah, no.

So, I said, "Maybe I just felt like it."

James scoffed at me like he knew exactly what was going on. "Oh, yeah, because breaking four girls' hearts in one night in always on my agenda too."

I was tired of it and running out of excuses. I threw my hands in the air and began making my way to the portrait hole. "Listen, nothing's wrong. I'm just not feeling well lately."

"So that's why you've been giving Ivy all those dirty looks?"

I halted immediately when I heard her name. It sounded out of place hearing it spoken out loud rather than over and over again in my head. "I have not been giving her any looks," I explained slowly. "I told you – it's just that I haven't been feeling well. It' s nothing."

"What do you have against her?" James continued to ask me.

I rolled my eyes. Did I just tell him this? "Weren't you listening to me-?"

"She thinks you hate her," Remus cut me off.

_She thinks I hate her._

I had done it – I had pushed her too far. She wasn't ever going to speak to me again.

Was she upset? Did I make her cry? I couldn't stand it if I made her cry. Crying girls were a weakness, and Ivy crying would _kill _me.

_"_Really?" I said, barely able to take in a breath.

"Yeah," Remus confirmed. "She's not taking it very well."

What was I supposed to do now? I couldn't tell her the real reason I was avoiding her. I couldn't just stop avoiding her and start up a conversation like nothing happened.

I didn't know what to do. And for the first time in my life, I hated not knowing. I had prided myself on living in the moment, but it was impossible.

Ivy Bennett didn't deserve to be written off as "in the moment".

---------------------------------------------------------sc07------------------------------------------------------

I _tried _to talk to her.

First time ended up being a short "hi". She stared at me for a long second and then said a breathy hello in return. And that was the end of that.

By the fourth time, we were getting into the "hello, how are you, good, that's great".

Remus was watching us like we were both crazy.

Even Lily had to laugh at our conversations. They were so forced because I had no clue what to say to the girl that plagued my thoughts.

There was a battle in my mind at all times.

I'd be talking to Ivy about Potions or something and then my mind would be screaming random things at me. 'YOU'RE TALKING TO HER. KEEP TALKING. IVY BENNETT. SNOG HER. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. JUST REACH OUT AND SNOG HER. DO IT.'

And if it was anyone but Ivy, I would have been snogging her already.

Instead, I was teetering on my toes, watching her with cautious eyes as she brushed her hair back and bit her lip and god, she was teasing me and she had to know it.

I found myself staring at her all the time.

All I could do was stare. I wasn't allowed to touch her. But I could watch her. I could memorize her every move and how she liked to bite her lip when she was nervous and how she always looked thoughtful and how she walked (she had a quick walk when walking to classes and slow when she had nowhere to go).

"Hey, Moony, can you help me on that essay?" James said next to me.

I was brought out of my daze as I watched them hurry away with Peter, leaving me alone with Ivy.

So, this is what awkward feels like.

She was biting her lip again and looking down at the table in front of her.

"You okay?" I asked.

I didn't expect her to respond for awhile. Finally, I heard a breathy, "Um, yeah, I'm fine."

Was I supposed to apologize? We were alone – I had the freedom to say anything. Except the whole dream thing. I couldn't tell her about that.

"I'm sorry that I made you think that I don't even like you," I began rambling. "Because I could never hate you. I was just stressed out. You know, with school ending and some...other things."

She raised an eyebrow at my 'some other things', but didn't ask me about it. "It's okay. It just caught me off guard..."

Her words were surprisingly soothing – like she was saying that my actions were perfectly fine even though they were far from it.

But I wasn't about to complain.

She began twiddling her thumbs and I sighed, sitting back. She looked bored, but I didn't know what to say to continue the conversation.

Wait – her journal.

Her journal that contained her writing.

Which meant that it contained her thoughts.

Maybe I could finally understand what she was thinking.

"I'm pretty sure that I made a promise some time ago that I still need to carry out," I exclaimed, sitting forward eagerly. "You have your journal with you?"

Her face went blank for a second and then she looked at me with wide eyes. "Um, I'll be right back," I exclaimed, running up the stairs and stumbling over them (as usual).

I couldn't help but feel victorious. I was finally getting somewhere. I still couldn't touch her, but I was going to know what she was thinking.

Standing up, I began pacing around the common room, too anxious to sit still.

And Remus didn't even get to read her journal. I was going to be ahead of Remus – I was going to know something about Ivy Bennett that nobody else knew.

"What are you doing?"

James was staring at me with an amused expression.

I shrugged, continuing my walk around the common room. They immediately followed, falling into step next to me. Many of the other students were beginning to give us strange looks.

"We like our exercise," I explained to the nearest students sitting next to the fireplace.

Of course it was a group of girls who immediately burst into giggles about how we were all so fit (except they were a bit perplexed by Peter).

"Seriously, what are you doing?" James repeated.

I shrugged again. "Standing still is overrated," I exclaimed as we continued our second lap around the room.

They all stared at me with confused expressions.

"Have you been getting into the firewhiskey again?" Remus asked in a hushed voice.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not stumbling everywhere, am I?" Just for show, I tripped over my own feet, gracefully recovering with a grin.

"You're happy," Peter pointed out as if it were a sin. If _only_ I was holding hands with someone. "Why are you happy? I thought you had detention with McGonagall tonight."

I stopped in my tracks and watched as the three continued to walk without me.

McGonagall. The Snape prank.

She had caught us at the last minute and, instead of deducting any house points, assigned us with a detention on separate nights.

And I had forgot.

"Padfoot, is something wrong?" I heard James's voice.

Hopefully, Ivy wouldn't be too disappointed. But she couldn't be as disappointed as me.

"Listen..." I told them, heading toward the exit. "If you see Ivy, can you tell her that we'll have to reschedule?"

Only James was able to show any expression before I left through the portrait hole. His mouth dropped open in an 'o' as Remus and Peter just stared blankly at me.

"I'm guessing that's a yes," I concluded with a grin. "Thanks."

Let them speculate.

* * *

Last chapter before the new semester. You know what this means - yes, once a week updates.

But the next chapter is bound to be very interesting. In this one, not much happened. But the next chapter is crazy full of awesome...

Okay, I have some announcements:  
1. Quibbler Awards. Today (Saturday, January 10th) is the official beginning of the voting. If you want to vote for NSMW, there's a link to the Quibbler Awards at the top of my profile. The voting form won't be up until later tonight though, so don't forget. Voting goes to the 20th. I really doubt that I'll win, but if I do, there will be surprises in store. (I have no clue what I meant there.)

2. I love Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. You should too.

3. Remus's POV is actually being written right now! Celebrate!

4. I am reading _An Abundance of Katherines_ by John Green for one of my college courses. NERDFIGHTERS.

And that's all I had to say. I'm going to go pack. Thankkkkks.


	21. For Her Safety

_Chapters 93-96 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I heard from gossip. I had to hear that my brother fully gave into my parents' ways by _other people. _

Some Slytherins were talking to each other in the corridors and I saw my brother in the middle of it. I hadn't seen him for a long time – we conveniently stayed away from each other. But, there he was, telling everyone a story with a big satisfied grin on his face.

He was saying something about how mum and dad were so proud of him.

That should've been my first clue.

And then the gossip started. It started off vague - "did you hear about..." and then grew into something that made me stop in the corridor - "I saw the mark on his arm."

I had heard about Voldemort from my parents – they were supporters, of course. I, for one, thought that the crazy psycho needed to be shipped off to Azkaban. He was gaining followers with marks branded onto their arms – the Dark Mark – to do his biding.

And my brother – my own brother – was one.

How was I supposed to react to that? Was I supposed to just take it and go on? Was I supposed to forget I had a brother?

We used to be close – when we were children. We used to play Quidditch together and practice nonsense spells around the house.

I found myself sinking into a chair, throwing my bag of books on the table in front of me. I felt as though I couldn't breathe – something that I had experienced only when my parents kicked me out of the house.

I was losing everything.

Grabbing my textbook out of my bag, I set it in front of me and opened to a random page. Usually, I couldn't stand it when it took all of my energy to get through a single page in a textbook. But, now, I took the distraction.

"Hey, Padfoot. Are you – is that a book?" Someone had grabbed the book from in front of me. I looked up to see James ruffling through the pages with a raised eyebrow. "You do know that you were just doing homework."

I shrugged. "Regulus is a Death Eater." I didn't even care that there was no "build up" to the revelation. I needed to tell him – it didn't matter how I did it.

James looked down at the book and then back up at me. "Your brother?" he asked, his voice strained.

"Do you know any other 'Regulus's?" I tried to laugh, but there was a weight pressing down on my chest that wouldn't let me.

James let out a slow breath. "Are you okay?" He looked truly concerned for me, which I _hated. _Nobody had to feel sorry for me.

"Wonderful."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you trying for sarcasm?"

"Noooo..." I answered, dragging out the word.

James frowned at me. "Listen, you don't have to hide your-"

I knew exactly what he was going to say before he finished. "You know what? Can you just leave me alone for awhile? I don't feel like talking right now."

I went back down to my textbook without looking up at me again. After a few seconds, I saw him get up and leave the common room.

I should've felt bad but I already felt like crap. Instead, I went back to reading, letting myself enjoy the comfort of the chair. If I had my way, I would never move from this chair. I never wanted to leave this spot.

But with Remus's transformation, I knew that I had a problem. What I was supposed to do? Leave and remain frozen while the others helped Remus? I wouldn't be any help to Remus like this. I was worthless.

Nobody talked to me for two hours. _Two whole hours _of my life wasted away on homework. On things I would never need to know.

In the back of my mind, today's events kept replaying. Regulus, James, missing out on Remus's transformation.

I was an awful friend. An awful brother. An awful person.

Then someone was slowly sitting down in the chair across from me. "You're actually studying?" I didn't even need to look up to know that it was her. Maybe she didn't know about the incident yet. Maybe she really thought I was just studying.

I looked up at her and tried to laugh. A dead hollow noise came out of my mouth instead. "Yeah, N.E.W.T.S are coming up and all."

And then she said it. "I heard about your brother."

Did everyone know? Was everyone talking about how my brother was a traitor and I was probably one too? "You did?" I managed to say without letting myself sound weak.

"Listen." Her voice was soft, but it made me look up and catch her gaze. "I know it must be hard for you, but Remus really needs you tonight." I wanted to say something – anything – about how I couldn't help him and it would be a waste because I wasn't useful. "And, don't forget, he's also your brother. You can't forget him."

My brother. All three of them were. And they weren't going to abandon me – not like Regulus. We would die before betraying each other. "I know," I said. "I just – I don't want to – I don't feel like moving."

It was a lame excuse. And I knew it wasn't going to work.

"But for Remus?" Ivy pressed on.

I breathed out slowly. "I wouldn't be able to help." And if something happened to Remus because I couldn't do anything...

"Just being there would help him, Sirius," Ivy said.

She was right and it was killing me. I glanced to the side to see Remus watching us, an anxious look on his face. His eyes were so worn, so tired, and I couldn't leave him alone._ "_They are like my brothers, you know. James, Peter, Remus...all of them," I began to say. "And I don't want to let them down. Not like...Regulus." I looked at Ivy. She smiled softly back at me.

As I walked over to where Remus was waiting, I saw him let out a relieved breath. I couldn't help but feel the same way.

-x-

N.E.W.T.S were taking up all of our free time. I couldn't even play a game of Gobstones with someone because they were all studying and studying and studying.

And 7th year was supposed to be the best one yet.

Lily and Remus were still studying late Saturday night while James and I watched lifelessly. How much reading could a person do in one day?

James turned to me. "Do you want to play Exploding Snap?" he asked with a yawn.

I grumbled understand my breath, looking back to the two reading in front of me. "Do you want to steal their books and beat them over the head with them?"

James tried not to smile. "Do you want Lily to kill you?"

I rolled my eyes and didn't answer him. How late was it anyway? We were the only ones in the common room. Not even Ivy was studying – which was saying something. She was probably already asleep.

In fact, I hadn't seen her for awhile. Maybe she was sick of studying too.

Studying for this long is _insane_.

"I'm going to sleep..." I mumbled, pulling myself out of the chair.

I didn't even get any response. Well, thanks for all the good night wishes. I'll treasure them. Hopefully, I won't have nightmares tonight. If I do, it's your fault – remember.

I refrained from telling them that and slowly dragged myself over to the staircase.

I heard the portrait hole creak open behind me and turned around to see who was coming in at this time. They were obviously out after curfew. Maybe I'd get to see James act all Head Boy-ish before heading off to bed.

"Oh, god..." Mary scrambled through the portrait, her voice frantic and broken. She was visibly shaking, holding her arms tightly across her chest as if she was going to fall apart.

"Mary..." Lily immediately jumped up, forgetting her homework on the table. "What's wrong?"

She hurriedly shook her head, looking down at the ground. "They have her – they took her – I don't know – oh god."

Her frantic mumbling caused me to walk back to the middle of the common room. Remus had put down his book to listen to Mary while James joined Lily's side.

"Who took whom?" Lily asked softly.

I watched as Mary could barely breathe. "Ivy." Remus jumped up from his spot on the couch while I took the last couple steps over to them. "Some Slytherins...in the dungeons..."

It felt as though I had forgotten how to breathe.

"Where?" Remus quickly asked.

Mary shook her head again, tears streaming down her face. "I don't know!" she cried.

I was already halfway up the staircase before she had even finished her sentence. Pushing my weight against the door, I threw myself into the dormitory and rummaged through the drawer that I knew it was in.

My shaking hands finally grabbed ahold of the map and I bounded back down the stairs, not even closing the door behind me.

"I...solemnly swear that...I'm up to...no good," I panted as I placed my wand on the parchment.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I already had it open. Everyone gathered around the table as I set it down, eyes searching frantically for that little dot that said Ivy Bennett. It had to be somewhere. Where was she?!

"There!" Lily threw her finger down on the side of the map. She was on the grounds, near the lake, with...

They all looked up to meet my eyes.

My jaw clenched. "I'm going to kill him..." I growled, letting my hands slowly curl into fists.

-x-

I sprinted down to the grounds, map in my pocket just in case. I didn't slow down until the lake came into view.

Everyone was right behind me – I could hear their hurried breaths and footsteps.

There were figures standing on the edge of the lake. Three people facing toward the lake as if something interesting was happening out there.

Stopping a safe distance away, I struggled with the map, finally bringing it out and opening it. "_Lumos_," I whispered, moving my wand around to find that dot. Ivy Bennett – no, she wasn't on the grounds. Where was she? My eyes scanned the map quickly.

My heart stopped when I saw where she was.

Remus suddenly was beside me, looking at me with wide eyes. He saw it too.

"I'm going to kill him..." I whispered again, shoving the map into Remus's hands. "Find her," I said before blindly making my way over to the laughing group of Slytherins.

I couldn't even think – all I could see was how Avery and Wilkes and my own brother were laughing, doubled over in _laughter _because Ivy was out there in the water, struggling to even stay al-

"_Furnunculus_!" Avery shrieked, turning around in circles. Wilkes stared open-mouthed at the new boils that appeared on his skin.

"_Expelliarmus!"_

But I was already waiting for his counter. "_Protego!" _

We both put our wands down at the same time. Regulus just stared at me with an amused expression. "Too afraid to hex me too, dear brother?"

Oh, I could have hexed him. Avery and Wilkes were just closer. "You want to be next?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

Regulus raised an eyebrow at me. "What are you doing? We're just having some fun with your friend."

"You tried to drown her!" I shouted at him, wanting so badly to glance back and see if she was safe, but I couldn't when Regulus had his wand pointed at me.

He scoffed. "She's nothing."

There was silence after his words and I stared at him for a few seconds, ignoring the way my heart was beating even faster. "_Expelliarmus!" _

Regulus didn't have time to respond before I caught his wand in my head. He looked at me with wide eyes, speechless.

I let out a sharp breath. "She's everything."

And then I was rushing back to where the others were kneeling on the ground over a darkened figure.

Skidding to a stop next to the figure, I didn't take time to analyze before I grabbed her freezing hand in mine.

She was coughing loudly, hacking up water – so much water. How much water did she take in? Was she drowning just from the water she inhaled?

There were the sound of footsteps behind me and I turned slightly to see Regulus standing a few yards back, a terrified look on his face.

I didn't have time to deal with him.

"Ivy, can you hear us?" I began pleading with her, stroking her hand. "Open your eyes." My heart was pounding so hard that it was beginning to hurt to even take a single breath.

Her eyes opened slightly, just enough to see the green behind her eyelids. I let out a sigh without realizing it, hearing it echoed from the rest of the group.

She twitched slightly and then winced with an sharp intake of breath. I winced with her, noticing that her leg was sitting at an odd angle.

And then her body relaxed and her eyes closed once again. For a fleeting, awful second, I had thought she was gone. I didn't know what to think or what to do, but the fact that I might have lost her was pressing down on me, making me lose my breath.

"She fainted," Lily then said, which caused me to look up at her.

Fainted. She was alive – it was okay. But she still had a broken leg and she had inhaled all of that freezing water, and there was the possibility of internal injuries. She needed to see Madame Pomfrey.

I ignored the way by breath was coming out in short, shaky bursts and looked down at Ivy, wondering what was the best way to get her up to the castle. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on levitating her or using any kinds of spells.

I didn't have time to worry about this. Without saying anything, I placed my hands under her body and then lifted her up into my arms.

"We have to go to the hospital wing," I said, surprised that my voice was still working.

I couldn't even glance down at her – every time I did, it looked as though she was lifeless. Her head kept bopping dangerously, so I moved her and placed her against my chest. She immediately fell back onto my collarbone, unmoving. She was soaking – cold water seeped through my cloak and made me hold onto her tighter, afraid that I would drop her from the way I was shivering.

I walked as fast as I could – up the staircases, down the corridors, into the doors of the hospital wing – trying to get there as fast as possible.

"Madame Pomfrey!" Lily shouted behind me.

We didn't have time to wait for her. As soon as my eyes found the first bed, I hurried over there, wrenching open the curtains and placing her on the mattress.

"What is this? It's three in the morning!" I turned around to see Madame Pomfrey coming into the wing, wrapping a robe around her.

Her eyes then fell on Ivy. "What happened?" She hastily made her way over and placed her hand on Ivy's forehead, then scanned the rest of her body, eyes stopping on her leg.

"You three stay there-" She pointed over at James, Remus, and me. "Ms. Evans, come and help me get her out of these wet clothes."

They shut the curtains on us and I immediately looked down at the floor, not knowing what to do. Remus kept teetering on his feet and I could hear him breathing hard – almost as if he was crying. James fell back onto one of the beds and stared up at the ceiling, unblinkingly.

What good came out of tormenting Ivy? She never did anything – she was just my friend. Did my brother know that? Did he know that he could get to me by using her?

She didn't deserve being used like that – she didn't deserve any of this.

Regulus said that she was nothing. If she was nothing, then why did I see that terrified look on his face?

Maybe he realized.

He was in too deep.

-x-

I was jolted out of my sleep by the awful pain in my neck. For a couple seconds, I refused to open my eyes and wondered why I was sleeping slumped over.

And then I remembered.

My eyes snapped open and I expected to see Ivy sleeping in front of me. Instead, her eyes were staring back at me, wide-awake.

It took me a second to realize that she was _awake _and not unconscious. I sat up straight, suddenly very awake. "You're awake." My voice was rough, but I didn't even take a second to clear my throat. Instead, I leaned forward and looked over her. "Are you feeling okay?"

She just stared at me for a few seconds and I began worrying. What if she lost the ability to speak? What if she couldn't understand me? But then she nodded.

I let out a breath and found her hand, taking it in mine. "Thank god."

"Ivy?" Remus stirred awake, his voice almost tearful. "You're okay."

Her eyes watched him carefully. "What happened?" I was surprised to hear her voice – it wasn't soft as usual, but crackly.

I looked over at Remus as he looked over at me. She didn't remember. "Mary came to the common room and told us what happened in the dungeons," I started to explain. "It was late. Only us four-" I looked over at James and Lily who were still sleeping. "-were awake. We checked to see where you were and when we saw you were on the grounds, near the lake with..." His name caused my throat to tighten uncomfortably.

"Those Slytherins, we immediately ran down to the grounds," Remus continued for me. "We have a map-" He showed her the piece of parchment. "It's a map of Hogwarts and it shows where everyone is. It showed that you were in the lake. Sirius went for the Slytherins." Those awful, sad excuses for wizards. "I got you out of the lake with some help from James and Lily."

"We thought we lost you," I found myself whispered. "We thought you were dead. Regulus..." I managed to whisper his name. "-only seemed to notice the severity of the situation at that point. He looked truly scared. He ran away, and I had to hex Avery and Wilkes." It surprised me that they weren't in the hospital wing.

"You had a broken leg and you weren't breathing," Remus said. "We didn't know any healing spells for that, but I had taken a course on muggle resuscitation over the summer. Thankfully, you started breathing again, but it must have been too much because you fainted. Sirius carried you up to the hospital wing."

Hopefully, she wouldn't be scared of the fact that I carried her up here. I didn't know how she'd react to the whole thing.

Tears began to well up in her eyes. I stopped breathing. "Thank you," she whispered, staring up at both of us.

I couldn't control myself. Just hearing her thanking me made me lean forward and want to do something to show her how I felt. She didn't flinch as I brushed her hair out of her face. Instead, she just stared up at me, her eyes round and confused. And then I placed my hands against the edge of the mattress and pressed my lips to her forehead.

I could have sworn I heard her take in a sharp breath.

* * *

This chapter is actually longer than usual. Celebrate!

Oh, and voting is still going on for The Quibbler Awards. Go now if you want. The link is at the top of my profile.

I wish I had more to say. Other than you're all awesome, of course.


	22. Staying With Her

_Chapters 97-99 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing

* * *

_

Madame Pomfrey forced us out of the hospital early in the morning.

I immediately went into every excuse I had to stay there – I didn't need breakfast, I could go without classes, I wanted to be here, I deserved to be here. It didn't matter to her though. She ushered us out personally, locking the door behind us.

Oh, and charmed the door.

"Might as well go down to breakfast then," James said, just when I was beginning to plan my break-in into the hospital wing.

Remus must have known that I wasn't going to move, because he grabbed me and started pulling me along.

"I can walk by myself, Moony," I joked half-heartedly, shrugging away from his grip.

We had only taken a few steps when Mary rounded the corner. She was walking quickly, almost sprinting even.

"She's okay?" Mary exclaimed when she caught sight of us. She didn't even bother to slow down, even if that meant passing us and having to turn around to continue the conversation.

"She's fine," Remus answered but Mary had already disappeared behind the "locked" doors. Pomfrey was just keeping _us _out.

At least Ivy had Mary to keep her company. I didn't want to leave her alone with nobody to talk to all day.

I just wish I could have been the one by her bed, holding her hand, without ever even leaving her side. And it'd be great if Ivy didn't object either.

When we finally reached the Great Hall, I looked around, stopping at the the Slytherin table. What had happened to my brother and his _friends_? Were they still here – laughing and stuffing their faces with food?

My eyes landed on a familiar face at the table. He _was _still here, quietly eating his food without talking to anyone. Avery and Wilkes weren't to be found – had they gotten expelled? But then, why was Regulus sitting there? He deserved to get kicked out.

Calling Ivy nothing should have been enough to get him expelled.

James and Lily disappeared halfway through breakfast and I just went on eating my bacon. They were doing the disappearing thing a lot lately – which obviously meant one thing.

I quickly finished my bacon (that was pretty awesome) and watched as Remus sat across from me, drumming his fingers on his book.

He wasn't even reading.

Quietly, I eased myself out of my seat and then raced out of sight. I didn't want Remus following me – he'd just complain about how break-ins were illegal.

Yes, I was going to break-in into the hospital wing. If Mary got to go in, I had the right to be there as well.

I had carried her to safety. Did that mean anything? Shouldn't that have been an excuse to let me sit by her side and make sure she was fine?

I couldn't stand not knowing what Ivy was doing. I needed to be with her – I needed to see how she was. I wanted to talk to her, understand what she was thinking, listen to her talk, hear her breathe.

Yesterday could have ended all of that. There would have been no more of Ivy's thoughts, no more of her quiet murmurings, no more watching her write and how the words just seemed to come so naturally to her. The world would have lost her. The world needed to hear her amazing stories – she needed to be recognized.

Pushing those thoughts from my mind, I climbed the last staircase and hurried down the corridor, all the while planning this elaborate break-in including some fire, rope, and a swarm of hornets.

Turning the corner, I saw the door to the hospital wing wide open.

Well, so much for my elaborate plan.

And there was James and Lily, talking to Ivy as if they didn't just leave breakfast without telling me that they were going to visit her.

I frowned and quickly thought of all of the insults I wanted to yell at them.

They knew I was worried about her.

They didn't even ask me.

Where they scared I was going to do something to her?

Did they figure me out?

But when I looked over at Ivy, I forgot everything when her eyes locked with mine.

"How are you feeling?" I grabbed a chair and swung it in my direction, sitting down next to her.

She stared at me for a second and then looked down, actually picking the sheets of the bed clean. "Fine, just bored." Her voice was soft and I had to strain to hear.

I could feel James and Lily's stares but I didn't do anything to let them know. Instead, I stretched out in the chair, making myself comfortable.

I wasn't going anywhere.

Ivy's eyes flickered up to mine. "You don't have to be here, you know," she said.

She didn't want me next to her. Of course, what was I thinking? She didn't even like me – just sitting here probably made her uncomfortable. "I mean," she suddenly continued, "it can't be that interesting sitting there all day staring at me. I'm the one stuck in this bed, not you."

Did she seriously think I would want to be anywhere else?

I rolled my eyes at her ramblings and smiled. "There's nowhere I'd rather be, Ivy. Trust me."

She bit her lip. I couldn't tell if she was angry or surprised. I wanted her to be flattered but I knew there was no chance.

-x-

She didn't have a problem with me – at least I don't think she did.

I followed her around to classes and, every spare minute, I was asking her random questions like how she was and what the time was (she didn't know; instead, she mumbled something and looked down at the floor).

If she really didn't like me, she would have told me by now, right?

But did she even have the courage to tell me to go away?

I tried to keep my distance for a day. And then when she smiled at me from across the room, I couldn't help myself. I was right there next to her a second later.

I cold hear what James would say if he knew: I was like a little lost puppy. I cringed at the mental image at first and then just laughed.

We were in the common room on Friday – just me and Ivy. She was writing an essay or something and I was playing with the Gobstone pieces. James was off with the love of his life and Remus was doing normal library work.

It surprised me when Ivy didn't go with him.

Maybe she didn't mind the stalking after all.

"Um, Sirius." I looked up and caught her gaze.

"Yes?"

Her mouth opened and closed a couple times and then she blurted out, "You...you keep looking at me."

And I couldn't tell if she was offended or not. I decided to answer jokingly, hoping she wouldn't have a heart attack. "Well, if it bothers you that much, I won't look at you anymore."

But then she said loudly, "No!" Startled, I looked over at her. "I mean, I don't mind it, it's just...you're paying more attention to me now, and I don't understand-"

She didn't understand why I wanted to be near her? I couldn't tell her why – that was impossible. Instead, I said, "That night when my brother found you in the dungeons-" Without even realizing it, my voice dropped to a soft whisper. "-all I could think about was how you were hurt because of somebody that used to be so close to me. And I couldn't bear that thought. I'm worried that he'll try something when I'm not there...and it scares me that I wouldn't be able to do anything. I don't want anything to happen to you, Ivy."

Would she understand?

She stared for awhile, completely still. I wasn't sure she even took a breath.

"Oh," she finally muttered.

She didn't even know what to say. She was scared of me now.

Well, way to go, Padfoot. You screwed up now.

"If it's frightening you, I'll just-" I tried to explain myself, but she quickly cut in.

"No. It's fine. I didn't know you were so worried about me. I just thought you were..." She stopped and I wondered if she had figured it out. Thought I fancied you? Why yes, Ivy, that's just it. "...I'm not even sure. I just needed an explanation, I guess."

She hesitated – maybe she was slowly understanding it. She kept staring at me, like she was analyzing me, and I felt sick.

"You're doing it now," I said suddenly, trying to laugh and get that sick feeling out of my stomach. My hands were feeling jittery so I grabbed one of the game pieces and kept playing with it, throwing it up in the air and catching it.

What could I do to make her understand without scaring her away?

Girls liked gifts, right? And Valentine's was coming up – what if I got her something? But what if she took it the wrong way? But what if she would realize that she liked me once she saw the gift?

It was worth a try. I needed to do something. I couldn't just keep staring at her and wondering what it would be like to have her.

Okay, so I had to buy her something. A Hogsmeade trip was scheduled for tomorrow. I could use that to get Ivy something.

But what if she was going on the trip too? What if she saw me?

I fumbled with the game piece in my hand and, after letting out a slow breath, said, "Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?"

She blinked at me for a couple seconds, thinking her answer through. If she was going, I would have to sneak in on a weeknight. But then Ivy would wonder where I had disappeared to.

"Nothing," she suddenly exclaimed, "I was planning on writing actually." Perfect. And then she added, "What about you?"

I grinned, immensely glad that I would have the chance to get her something. "I actually have plans to go on the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow."

"Oh," she replied shortly. And then she scrambled to get up, saying, "Oh, um, I have to meet Remus in the library." She was fumbling with all of her textbooks, barely able to fit them in her bag.

I grabbed the book closest to me (Transfiguration) and handed it out to her. She looked over and saw the book in front of her. "Uh..." she hesitated, pushing back her hair in an adorable way. "T-thanks."

And when she grabbed the book, I was able to feel her hand on mine again. Ivy immediately turned away, tripping over her own feet.

I couldn't help but laugh. Just a simple action amused me to no end.

-x-

There wasn't any way I was going to find a stupid present in Hogsmeade. And not just any present – a present worthy of Ivy and Valentine's Day all wrapped up in one.

I stared at the display of quills forever and then went into Honeydukes and stared at the chocolate.

Okay, chocolate wouldn't work. Moony would find a way to eat it all.

If only there was a way to package Madam Puddifoot's. But maybe Ivy didn't like that stuff. Maybe she hated pink and hearts and the whole Valentine's image.

She seemed like a romantic type of girl – I mean, she was writing an epic love story, right?

Yeah, Sebastian and Anne. They were going to fall in love, so it had to be an epic love story.

If Ivy didn't like the whole pink hearts thing, what would she like?

The only time I had ever bought a girl anything was when I tried to give that one Hufflepuff was box of chocolates. Evidently, she was allergic and it didn't work out. I wasn't that great at picking out the greatest presents.

Presents from Sirius Black were supposed to be the best though.

I stopped in the middle of the village and sighed heavily.

This was useless. Besides, there was a chance that Ivy wouldn't even like a present from me. Maybe it would ruin everything.

"Sirius?"  
Looking up, I stared at the brunette in front of me for a few seconds. "Um..." Her name escaped me. The only name I could think of was 'Ivy, Ivy, Ivy.'

She took a step forward. "Sylvia."

I blinked.

"From Hufflepuff. We went out, Sirius," she elaborated. I expected that she would be mad that I didn't remember her, but instead, she just looked amused. "What are you doing here?" She didn't even wait for my confirmation that I remembered her.

"I'm getting a present," I told her. "I'm just...uh, taking a break." I couldn't tell her that I was having trouble picking out a stupid present. She would probably laugh at me.

"Ah," she said, like she was thinking about it. "For who?"

Why did she have to know? "For a girl?" I responded, almost in a sarcastic tone.

She just smiled at me. "I have a suggestion." And then, without even saying anything else, she was walking toward a shop with all sorts of random things in its windows.

I had to follow her.

It was a weird gift shop, from unusual presents ranging from singing Cupids, to teddy bears that let off a shower of fireworks that formed words. I watched all of the singing and sparkling items for a second, and then turned to Sylvia who was standing in the middle of the store.

"Okay, what?" I asked, holding out my arms.

Did she expect me to send one of those Cupid things?

She did that smiling thing again and told me to look around. I rolled my eyes and began searching through the displays.

Singing grams – too simple.

Jewelry – too much.

Chocolate – that would be surrendered over to Moony.

Turning around, I realized that I was standing next to their selection of flowers. They covered a whole wall, wrapping in different ribbons and other trimmings. There were signs posted above all of the different sorts - "_Beautiful flowers,_" "_Changing colors," "Mood," _and then a selection at the end - "_Always in bloom."_

Flowers.

I could give her flowers.

And not just roses – no, that was expected. I needed something better than that.

Sylvia came over after I had picked up a bouquet of red tulips and then did her whole smiling bit again. I just glanced at her with a curious expression.

As I paid for the gift, she turned to me and asked, with this knowing look on her face, "Do you know red tulips mean a declaration of love?"

I just grinned. "Perfect."

* * *

Why is there a chapter on a Thursday? Because of **AuthoressMegz**. She's awesome and this chapter is for her.

I'm thinking about working on Everything You Ever Imagined this weekend, so there might be a new chapter of that.

Thanks for being awesome and voting for me.


	23. A Problem With Presents

_Chapters 100-102 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I kept the flowers in my bottom drawer (after I had thrown everything else out and left it in the middle of the room much to the disgust of Remus), carefully hidden from anyone who would start asking questions.

I knew that they would soon know – but that didn't stop me from trying to avoid it for as long as possible.

After figuring out the game plan, I realized there were three possibly scenarios:

1. I could tell James, Remus, and Peter and then James would kill me, Remus would encourage James as he was killing me, and Peter would shake his head at the mess in front of him.

2. I could not say anything and they would kill me afterward.

3. I could kept it quiet until afterward and then explain myself and live through the experience.

Even though number one was the most creative, it still involved my death, so number three was the favorite – it involved me living. Which meant I had to keep this a secret until Valentine's.

But, every time I looked over at Remus, I could tell that he knew. He was analyzing me all the time with annoying narrowed eyes and this pinched look on his face.

As if I was doing something wrong.

But I _was_ doing something wrong. Even though the outcome could ruin everything, I didn't care. I was going to do this. Even if Ivy hated me. Even if Remus never talked to me again. Even if James decided to hex me.

Maybe it was the wrong decision to get Ivy a present.

But I was still going to do it, because I didn't care.

Well, that was a lie. I cared about what Ivy thought and how she would react. I knew that there was a chance she'd never speak to me again, but maybe if I pleaded with her, she'd forget about the whole thing.

And then I wouldn't have to hurt her and I'd still be able to take a chance.

I let out a slow breath, trying to figure out what I was going to do. I knew one thing: I was not going to die. It was my mission to live to see February 15th.

James managed to be distracting as he frantically set up his surprise for Lily. He kept pacing and fumbling with the dozen roses he bought, making loud crinkling noises as he played with the wrapping the flowers came in.

"Does Lily like owls?" He suddenly turned to us, almost dropping the rose in his hand.

I stared at him.

Remus shook his head slightly. "James," he began rationally, "Lily owns an owl."

James's eyes lit up as he turned back to his roses. "Okay, then she must like them," he muttered to himself before going back to work.

"It would seem so," Remus answered monotonously, turning back to his own work. He thought Valentine's Day was a waste and let us know that three years ago when James wouldn't stop talking about Lily.

He had ignored everyone last year, but this year, with James already with Lily and there being no practically no "failure rate" as he called it, he was trying to help.

He quickly looked my way, as if he knew what I was thinking. Or maybe he expected me to brag about my date for tomorrow.

Instead, I just rolled my eyes in James's direction and fell back on my bed. I just wanted tomorrow to be over with.

This was such a stupid idea.

-x-

"What did you get for Ivy?"

My eyes snapped open. How did he even know I got something for her?!

I wrestled out of my covers, struggling to sit up and come up with an excuse as to why I had even bought her something when I saw James looking over at Remus.

I should've known. I was becoming paranoid - this was not good.

Remus just fumbled with something in his cloak pocket and shrugged. "It's nothing big."

So, he had gotten her something.

Was there a rule that said that two friends couldn't give the same girl gifts on Valentine's? There had to be – it sounded like a perfectly good rule to me. Like in the Official Rule Book of the Marauders. Where was that thing?

Oh, Moony was going to _kill _me.

I quickly placed a Disillusionment charm on the tulips so no one would notice that I was carrying a bouquet of flowers around and then ignored Remus's ramblings about Ivy as I got ready.

"Girls like flowers, right?" James slided over to me a couple minutes later, looking straight ahead as if the wall was the most interesting thing in the world.

"I sure hope so," I answered without thinking.

Then James looked over at me with raised eyebrows. Maybe I said the wrong thing. "Who did you get flowers for?" he asked in a whisper, as if he knew that I wanted to keep it quiet.

I tried my best to roll my eyes at him and leave it at that. "No one. Let's just go."

"Oh, come on..." James pleaded with me as we made our way down in the common room.

I could have told him since Remus wasn't with us. But in my scenarios, James was the one to actually kill me. And I didn't feel like dying.

Pausing, I finally said, "Oh, yeah, I'm totally giving Lydia some flowers. You know, since she's such a wonderful person."

James snorted. "She's a sweetheart."

"Anything but actually," I said with a smile.

He began talking about how awful Lydia was and I couldn't help but grin at my genius involving changing of the subject.

When we entered the Great Hall, none of the girls were there yet. I saw James quickly scan the table and then sit down, watching the entrance for the arrival of his loved one.

I, instead, placed the hidden flowers in front of me and then grabbed some breakfast, using the time I had before Ivy showed up.

When James scrambled to his feet a minute later, I knew they were coming. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James greet Lily and then sit back down again, as he doted over her, smiling like a lunatic.

I kept my eyes on my plate, enjoying my piece of my bread.

It was like my last meal.

How dramatic.

I didn't even look up when my usual presents began building up. The usual presents were always good for one thing - free chocolate. And that was it.

My eyes wandered over to the first present that clearly said the name Lydia on the tag. Grimacing, I pulled the present closer to me and then, after inspecting it, handed it to James.

He immediately grimaced too. "Ew, Lydia from Slytherin sent you a gift."

And she probably spiked the chocolate with a love potion. She just didn't know when to give up. "My mother was always trying to set me up with her. I thought she hated me. I was sure I made it clear that I didn't like her," I explained out loud to everyone else. I didn't want Ivy to think I actually liked her.

I watched her for a couple minutes, stealing glances as she slowly ate her food and watched everyone around her.

When she placed her silverware down on her plate and grabbed her bookbag, I knew that it was time to make my move.

Quickly, I grabbed the invisible flowers in front of me and stood up slowly, as to not attract everyone around me. Muttering the counterspell, I saw the flowers reappear in my hands and then took a step forward, stopping right behind Ivy.

She didn't notice at first. It was Mary who was sitting across from her – she watched me with wide eyes, eyes transfixed on the flowers.

"What?" I heard Ivy ask.

Mary just mumbled in response and then Ivy finally turned her head.

I could tell that she noticed the flowers when she stopped abruptly and almost dropped the strap of her bookbag.

After letting out an audible breath, she looked up and caught my gaze. Her eyes considerably widened as she stared at me and just kept staring as if she didn't know what to do.

I slowly pressed the flowers into her hands, hoping that she'd at least take them. Her fingers slowly wrapped around the bouquet and I was able to let go as she took them from me, still staring as if she couldn't take her eyes off of me.

She wasn't screaming. That was good, right?

I took the chance and leaned down, and when she didn't pull away, kissed her quickly on the cheek.

I was so close that I could practically feel her eyelashes flutter, which made my heart skip a beat. I barely found my voice to say "happy Valentine's Day, Ivy" right next to her ear.

The way she let out a quiet gasp made me back away and quickly hurry out of there. She took the flowers – that meant something.

That _had_ to mean something.

And everyone saw me give her the flowers. It was only a matter of time before the questioning would start.

I quickly made my way into the classroom, realizing that I was the first one there. I took my seat at the back of the classroom and waited for people to start coming in. Drumming my fingers on the desk in front of me, I ignored the way my heart was pounding uncomfortably as people finally took their seats.

She came in behind Lily, my flowers still clutched in her hands. Her eyes kept wandering down to them, as if she couldn't remember why they were there.

And I couldn't tell if she hated them or not. There was this blank look on her face with no indication of what she was thinking.

During class, she sat in her seat, hands at her sides instead of furiously writing the day's notes. Was being distracted a bad or good thing?

Surprisingly, nobody had said anything to me yet. Maybe they were waiting to kill me until Ivy wasn't around to watch. I winced, sitting back in my chair.

Ivy bit her lip and placed a hand on her desk, barely touching her quill. She still refused to pick it up.

I barely noticed how Lily had reacted to James's roses. I saw her smile once and then ignored it for the rest of the day. I couldn't meet Remus's gaze – I knew there was probably murder in his eyes. He probably thought I was propositioning Ivy or something.

Oh, god, what if she thought I was propositioning her?

She thought I just wanted – she was never going to talk to me again. Never.

How could I be such an idiot?!

Quickly, I made my way down the corridor to find her. She had just left the Great Hall; I had to run into her sooner or later.

A loud slam caught my attention and I skidded around the corner to find her standing in front of the wall.

It was the first time I ever saw her really angry. She kicked the wall a couple times, eyes shut tightly as if she was trying to block out something.

And I knew what that something was.

Me.

My throat closed up and I couldn't even breathe. I never meant to hurt her like this.

She turned around hastily and I could see that she was crying. Crying._ I_ made her cry. I made_ Ivy Bennett_ cry.

I watched hopelessly, trying to think of the words to say. Why did I even think that giving her flowers would be a good idea? She would never like me. She probably only dealt with me because she had to. Because of Remus.

"I'm sorry."

She jumped at my words and then slowly turned around, hesitantly meeting my eyes.

"W-what?" she stuttered, not even bothering to wipe her tears away.

If I could, I would've just wiped them away myself. Instead, I managed to say, "I got you those flowers because I thought you might like them. I didn't think you would take it the wrong way. I didn't mean to, I don't know, proposition you or whatever you're thinking that's gotten you upset."

She watched me warily, biting her lip. At least she wasn't running away.

"You obviously hate them," I continued shakily, "-and it was the wrong decision and I'm not pressuring you into anything, I promise. Just a friend giving another friend a present. Nothing more, really."

Maybe being friends was all that we could be. That's all she wanted.

She blinked and then said, in a choked voice, "It's fine. I'm okay with it. You don't have to apologize."

I tried to smile at her, but my chest hurt too much. I nodded mutely and then turned away, hoping that this was the end of it.

-x-

If only I had a Time Turner.

I could go back and stop myself from ever giving her those flowers. Even if it was illegal to mess with the timeline, I didn't care. If I went crazy seeing myself, it would be worth it if Ivy was never upset again.

So, I waited for my death patiently that night as I sat in the common room.

But it didn't come. In fact, everyone acted as if nothing happened.

Okay, wasn't Sirius Black giving Ivy Bennett flowers supposed to be the talk of the school? Was anything I did supposed to be the talk of the school? After worrying about it forever, it was just going to blow over like that?

I didn't even get a lecture from Remus. Or death stares. Or anything. It was like Valentine's Day never happened.

I didn't know whether to be relieved or not.

I was alive – that was a definite plus. But I had spent so many days planning this and nobody noticed – that was just plain annoying.

I tried to ignore it like everyone else, but I couldn't help but watch Ivy every time I had a spare minute. She was currently sitting down across from me, listening to James's ramble on about his new seeker.

He had the right to – Barnes was unbelievable. We were sure to win the House Cup this year and I couldn't wait for the party at the end of the year.

James started talking to Lily and I looked over to see Ivy staring at me.

My eyebrows rose – she was actually looking at me. And she immediately looked down at the table as if she was embarrassed.

She didn't seem angry at me – there was no trace of anger in her eyes, just embarrassment. Was she embarrassed because of what I did? Or was she embarrassed for me?

Then she looked up suddenly and fixed her eyes upon me. "I really didn't hate the flowers, if that's what you're thinking."

I blinked at her.

"I was just surprised and I really do like the flowers," she continued, and then with a smile, added, "A lot."

She liked them. She wasn't going to run away or never talk to me again. I didn't lose her friendship or ruin anything. Because she _liked_ the flowers.

I felt as though I could breathe again. Leaning forward, I beckoned her closer. She hesitated, finally leaning forward (slowly, of course, as if she didn't want to).

"I actually had to go to Hogsmeade to get those. They're charmed so they'll never die. I didn't want to get you flowers so that you could slowly watch them die. It's a bit depressing."

She smiled at that – her soft, amused little smile.

"Well, I never had a chance to say thank you. So, um, thank you."

I smiled. "You're welcome."

She looked back down at the table again, clearly flustered.

I grinned at her behavior. I loved nothing more than seeing her flustered.

* * *

I'm sorry this chapter isn't the best. It was written over the course of a couple days on a couple different comptuers. I might go back and redo it later.

Other than that happy news, in case you didn't know, my laptop is dead. We'll see when I get it back.

I posted a video on YouTube about this story. The link is at the top of my profile. You should check it out.

And I actually got runner-up at The Quibbler Awards for Best Ending. At first, there were other stories that won for that category, but they messed them up. So, I'm runner-up. Thank you so much for voting.

And for reading. You're amazing.


	24. In Reverse

_Chapters 103-105 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

"But – why?"

Peter kept whining as we walked back to the common room, stomping his feet and spinning himself in circles.

"We're saving up for the big end of the year bash," James explained again for what seemed like the millionth time.

"But – "

I turned to Peter and grabbed ahold of his shoulders, glaring down at him. "If you don't stop whining, I will chuck you into a group of Slytherins."

Peter's eyes widened considerably and he quickly turned away from me, hobbling ahead of us and making scared little noises as he tried his best to get away.

"Come back, Peter!" James called after him. "It's not like we're going to maul you!"

And that only made him limp away even faster.

He managed to disappear into the common room minutes before us (only because we slowed to a crawl of a walk) and run up the staircase into the dormitories.

As soon we went through the portrait hole, my eyes fell onto the girl standing next to Lily, as they both watched the groups of people recapping the entire game with exaggerated hand motions.

Some sixth year came by and grabbed James, babbling about how amazing the game was. Remus disappeared to claim the couch before someone else got it, practically throwing himself across the piece of furniture.

I looked back over in Ivy's direction and she suddenly met my gaze. I grinned and made my way over to her.

Ever since Ivy assured me that she didn't hate me for Valentine's, I felt as though I could talk to her again. I didn't have to worry about what she thought – she liked my gift. She liked me.

Even if she didn't fancy me, that was something.

She greeted me as I took a spot next to her, leaning against the wall. Looking over at the group of girls in front of us, I saw that one of them was glaring at Ivy.

No wonder she never wanted to be seen with me.

Slowly, she began to inch away from me – probably because of that girl's death stare. For a second, I contemplated asking Ivy if she wanted to go somewhere more private.

But then I realized how bad that sounded.

But she couldn't just leave.

"Hey, I never helped you with your story," I found myself saying instead.

Okay, yes, that worked. And it didn't sound like I wanted to snog her in an empty classroom. No matter how appealing that sounded.

"Are you free then?" she asked.

I could practically see the girl watching us throwing a fit with her friends. So, I grinned. "Of course."

Ivy left to get her journal and I decided to bug Remus.

"Moony, you saved the couch for me!" He didn't protest and moved over to the other side of the couch. "Wait – did you actually save it for me?"

He rolled his eyes. "Why are you so surprised?"

"Aw, that's so touching," I teased him, falling back onto my side of the couch.

"So, holding up without the celebratory firewhisky?" Remus shot back.

I had to hand it to him – that was good. I shrugged, leaning back on the couch and staring up at the ceiling. "At least I will remember tonight when I wake up tomorrow."

Though it didn't really bother me that I couldn't remember any of my drunken nights. I couldn't have said or done anything really bad or someone would have told me.

I looked over to see Remus staring over toward the direction of the girls' dormitories. Turning my head, I saw that Ivy was walking over, journal in her hands.

"Hi, Remus, Sirius," she said with a smile, sitting in the empty spot that Remus created between us.

She opened her journal, furiously flipping through the pages as though the world would end if she didn't get to the correct page, and then handed me the opened book.

Without a word, I let my eyes fall onto the book in front of me.

Okay, Sebastian and Anne were talking – they really seemed to fancy each other. Well, Anne definitely liked Sebastian. She thought Sebastian didn't like her in return – but how could she think that? It was so obvious.

Both of them just needed to see that they liked each other and then everything would work out between them.

When I finished the first page, I heard someone say, "Ivy Bennett?"

I looked up for a second and noticed that there was a young girl standing next to the couch, looking extremely nervous to be talking to us. She probably was only a second or third year. She only captured my attention for a second before I went back to reading.

"Yes?" I heard Ivy ask softly.

"Um, someone's waiting for you outside the portrait," the young girl told her, her voice shaking.

"Thank you," Ivy said. I could hear the sound of footsteps as the girl ran away quickly. "I'll be right back," Ivy said and I saw her get up out of my perharial vision.

I barely had time to nod.

Sebastian and Anne were in the middle of an intense conversation – they seriously had no clue what they were babbling to each other. Who knew if Anne was going to accidentally let something slip?

A hand appeared in the middle of the page.

"Hey!"

I looked up to see that Remus was attached to the offending hand. "What are you doing?" he asked, practically glaring at me.

Yes, glaring. Because Remus Lupin was _jealous _of me.

"Reading. It's quite a delight, Moony," I said in a sophisticated voice, pushing his hand off of the book and continuing to read.

"No, really." His hand covered the words again.

I looked up at him, annoyed. "Can't I just read in peace?"

The girls that were previously glaring at Ivy just stared at me as if I just shouted that I loved unicorns and rainbows. Even Remus was staring at me, his mouth open in shock.

"You're seriously reading?" he asked, the disbelief even evident in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. "Why is it such a crime?"

He looked as if he didn't know what to say. "You're reading Ivy's story?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "And?"

Remus paused, looking down at the journal in my hands and then back up at me. He stared for awhile, as if he was analyzing me and then said, "You don't get it, do you?"

I made a face. "Are you saying I'm not smart enough to understand her story? I'm not stupid, Moony." Just because stayed up studying and got the best grades out of all of us…

He slowly began shaking his head. "You don't," he muttered.

I scoffed, going back to the story. "Whatever. I'm the one reading it, not you."

He sat next to me for a couple seconds and then quickly got up, muttering about how he was tired before bolting away.

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say.

-x-

When I was jolted awake, I heard a loud thud and groaned at the sudden noise. Rolling over, I opened my eyes to see Ivy's journal on the floor.

What was –

Oh, I had been reading it, trying to finish it before going to bed and I must've fallen asleep.

I didn't even remember getting tired – I just remember waiting for Sebastian and Anne to just pounce on each other and finally admit their feelings. And the whole thing with their parents and the village hating the idea of them talking. It was just like a firecracker waiting to go off – I couldn't just put it down and wait to see what would happen.

Remus spent all last night complaining about how I wouldn't go to sleep. Teasing me about how I was giving up beauty rest. I don't know what he was talking about – I didn't even need beauty rest.

I found something better.

Grabbing the journal off the floor, I quietly began getting dressed for the day. Slipping out of the dormitory, I went over to the girls' dormitory and waited for someone to come down.

Dorcas was the first one to come down, looking down at the steps as she descended the staircase. She didn't even notice I was standing there until she came to the very last step.

Startled, she stared at me with wide eyes before saying, "Good morning."

I flashed her my best grin. "Good morning, Dorcas. Is Ivy still up there? I have to give something back to her." Okay, that was a lie. I still wasn't finished with her story yet. But I couldn't just tell Dorcas I wanted to talk to her – that wasn't urgent enough.

She softly shook her head. "Actually, Ivy never came back last night. I don't know where she is." She paused and then added, "Sorry" and sounded really apologetic about it.

I just shrugged. "That's okay. Thanks for the help, Dorcas."

Ivy never came back to the dormitory after last night. Where had she gone? That young girl told her something –

Oh.

Someone was outside waiting for her.

And then she left the common room and never came back.

I froze, realizing what that could mean. She could have run into my brother again. Why hadn't anyone noticed? Why didn't anyone try to find her?

Without even thinking, I made my way out of the common room, hastily shutting the portrait hole behind me. I couldn't go get the Marauder's Map after sneaking out of the dormitory this morning. I would have to find her the old-fashioned way.

I made my way down the staircases – I needed to go to the dungeons first. That's where she was most likely would be if they got her.

While running past the hospital wing, I caught sight of a little first year walking the opposite way toward me.

Why did he look so familiar?

"Hey, kid!" I slowed to a walk as I got closer.

He looked around and then turned his attention back on me with wide eyes. "Me?" he asked.

"You're that Ravenclaw kid – Lee-something, right?"

Wasn't he Ivy's sister's friend or something? Maybe he knew something.

He blinked at me. "Liam," he finally said. He gave me a strange look (it wasn't my fault that I was panting; I was just trying to catch my breath) and then added, "Are you looking for Eleanor's sister?"

I looked up hopefully. "Why?"

He pointed behind him. "She's in the hospital wing with Eleanor. I was just leaving to get a quick breakfast."

In the hospital wing? Why was she in the hospital wing?!

"Oh, Eleanor's the one who's sick. Not Ivy."

Was I that readable?

I patted Liam on the shoulder quickly. "Thanks, kid."

He gave me that look again. "Liam," he corrected before continuing his walk down to the Great Hall.

I made my way into the hospital wing, watching for Madame Pomfrey and then caught sight of an occupied bed on the right.

There was a small blonde girl in the bed, sleeping soundly and next to her, Ivy was sleeping in a chair, head tilted to the side. Quietly, I walked over and stopped next to Ivy.

"Ivy…" I whispered.

She didn't move.

"Ivy, wake up," I tried again. She stirred slightly but didn't wake. Chuckling to myself, I reached out and brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes, watching as she subconsciously reacted to my touch.

And then her eyes were suddenly staring back at me. I hastily moved my hand awake. "You're awake," I stuttered, taken aback at being caught.

She just blinked at me and struggled to sit up, stretching slightly. "What time is it?" she asked, clearing her throat.

"About eight." She let out a sigh. "In the morning," I added, having a feeling she really had no clue what time it was.

By the look on her face, I was right.

"How did you know I was here?" she asked, looking over at her sister who hadn't even moved.

"Caught that Liam kid in the corridor," I explained. "He was heading down to breakfast and he told me that you were sleeping up here. Is Little Ivy okay?"

She nodded. "She'll be okay, just Sanor's."

Sanor's was nothing serious – just a common wizarding cold. Which was good because that meant Ivy could come to breakfast with me. I grinned at her and exclaimed, "Well, then I'm officially kidnapping you to get some breakfast."

Ivy hesitated, glancing at her sister. "I can't just leave her alone."

"Liam's coming back up," I added. "Come on, you need to get some food." I held out my hand, hoping she'd actually take it and agree to come with me.

She bit her lip and then, to my surprise, actually reached out and placed her hand in mine.

I couldn't help it – I had to grin as she smiled shyly at me. Her fingers curled around mine as I led her out of the wing.

I told myself to ignore the way she lightly kept her hand in mine and concentrated on making conversation.

"So, I've been reading your journal," I began, watching as she stared straight ahead. "And it's really good. I actually stayed up and read last night. Moony thought I was going crazy because I was "voluntarily giving up my beauty rest" or something like that. He's been acting a little strange lately." Because he was jealous, of course. "Your story is pretty interesting to keep me awake for that long. Usually reading puts me to sleep but I didn't even feel the slightest bit tired reading your story. I guess that's a good thing, huh?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

I suddenly yawned and then realized how it proved my point. With a grin, I said, "See, I'm tired. Look at what you did to me, Ivy."

She just looked around as if she didn't have anything else to say. So, I added, "You don't mind if I keep your journal and finish reading it later today, do you?"

She took a moment to respond and I thought for a second that she was actually going to say 'no.' Maybe I said the wrong thing. Maybe she didn't like that I was so interested in her story. It was her personal property after all.

But then she said, "No, keep it."

"Good." I smiled at her.

We finally reached the Great Hall and I hesitated, wanting to squeeze her hand for reassurance. She was just about to walk into a room full of students that would see us holding hands. I didn't want her to be afraid. There was nothing to be afraid of, especially since I would kill anyone that tried saying anything.

But, before I had the chance to, she had withdrawn her hand and quickly walked away from me into the Great Hall.

She didn't want me to hold her hand.

Remus's fear was right – hand holding did hold extreme consequences. What if I had scared her away?

All I did was hold her hand! Why was it such a sin?

Taking in a deep breath, I followed her to the table, watching as she watched Remus, never taking her eyes off of him.

"Um, Remus," she suddenly said. "Can we talk really quickly? Outside?"

I tried to ignore the sickening feeling in my stomach but it wouldn't go away. If she was running off to Remus, I must've done something really bad.

I was getting nowhere with her, and in fact, it was like we were going in reverse.

* * *

I'm not sure about this chapter because when I like something, most of you hate it so I'll remain indifferent.

Anyway, no, I do not have my laptop back. This was written on my mother's new laptop, which I'll be stealing until I have mine back. I almost didn't post this weekend - Liam was distracting me with his own series of awesome.

Thanks for sticking with me!


	25. One in the Same

_Chapters 106-109 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

Ivy found me on the couch later late one night, reading her novel.

There was no rule against friends reading each other's stories. It wasn't as if I was giving Ivy any special attention. Remus probably was still jealous, but it wasn't anything. I wanted to finish what she had written – I promised her. And friends keep their promises.

I almost didn't notice when she sat next to me and scooted over to peer at the page I was on. She didn't say a word, but I could hear her breathing rapidly, almost as if she was afraid of what I thought. I kept reading, waiting to finish the last page before I said anything.

Sebastian and Anne were in Sebastian's shop and they were talking. I could almost hear their confessions when the page suddenly went blank.

I paused, making sure that there wasn't any more I was missing. Opening my mouth slightly, I looked over at the girl next to me. Ivy was staring at me with wide eyes, leaning forward slightly. I blinked, surprised that she was sitting this close to me.

What was I going to say again?

"Hey, you two!"

James's voice interrupted my comment and Ivy immediately moved away from me. I could have sighed in frustration but instead, I turned to see him practically skipping over to us.

Skipping (not rare for him actually) meant one of three things:

1. Prank time.

2. Lily time (ew).

3. Or...a party.

"What's going on?" Ivy asked. If it was going to be number two, I was going to have to perform the killing curse on myself. There was only so much you could take. And hearing about "Lily time" isn't really a pastime of mine.

"I just remembered something!" James exclaimed, attacking the couch by rolling over it and landing on the other side of Ivy. "Friday is your birthday."

Which meant he wanted to have a party for her – number three.

And I would have to get her something this year and not just a stupid IOU. But not too elaborate of a present. We were only friends, after all.

"Yes, it is," Ivy exclaimed.

Or maybe the party could be her present. It was perfect. James grinned and I poked Ivy in the arm lightly to make her look at me. She had this adorable (no, not adorable) bewildered look on her face. "Why don't you let the Marauders throw you a party?"

She blinked a couple times and then said, "Uh, no."

"Why not?" James said. "We owe it to you."

She shrugged slightly and I noticed how uncomfortable she was. "I just want to have a quiet birthday."

But if she had a quiet birthday, then what could I get her as a present? Marauders parties were legendary and Ivy deserved one.

Peter suddenly appeared next to me. "It'd be fun though!" he said, smiling at her. Yes, Peter, use your "charms" and get her to agree.

"Fun for you," Ivy said. "But it wouldn't be fun for me. And since it's my birthday, shouldn't I get the birthday I want?"

'In a way,' I wanted to tell her.

"Of course," Remus said instead, walking over to us. She gave him that smile that they had reserved for each other. "What do you want?"

She paused, looking very thoughtful (not adorable). After a couple seconds, she finally said, "Um, I guess I just want to have a normal day. Without any pranking or hexing or anything remotely stressful."

How could a birthday be a "normal day?"

James laughed. "Yeah, I'll just go to Dumbledore and ask him to forget about the N.E.W.T.S this year."

"As long as you don't do anything stupid, it'll be a great day for me," Ivy explained.

She sounded truly sincere – she really didn't want anything to happen on her birthday. And if that was what she wanted, who were we to say otherwise?

"Fine," I agreed. "We promise that we won't do anything stupid."

And she smiled at me. "Good."

"But-" I found myself saying, "-we will make it your best birthday ever."

She stared at me for a few seconds, trying to figure out what I meant. "Oh...great..." she finally said slowly.

I had to grin at her hesitation.

-x-

It wasn't until she went up to bed did I remember the journal in my hands. I thought about giving it to one of her roommates, but Ivy was probably going to bed and she wouldn't need it until tomorrow anyway.

Without anything to do (with the exception of that Potions essay, but really, it wasn't a priority), I began flipping through Ivy's journal again, skimming the worn pages.

It was crazy that she would spend so much time writing a fictional story. How did she even come up with these ideas? They were so specific – how Sebastian was wearing his shirt with certain buttons undone and how his shoes were laced together.

Did Ivy just come up with random ideas out of the blue?

If I was writing, I wouldn't know how an article of clothing was exactly. I would have to think about it. Looking down, I glanced at myself and counted the buttons – six. Turning back to the page, I realized that Sebastian also had six buttons.

I had figured out her secret – she used real life to write her story.

She probably used real people too. Anne was a lot like her actually. Same personality and same appearance (except for a different hair color). And Sebastian, well, he would be Remus.

Except for the fact he wasn't anything like Remus.

He was almost the opposite of Remus – loud, spontaneous, even being a bit of a jerk to Anne when they first meant. And Remus was never a jerk to Ivy – he was always kind.

Unlike me. It seemed like such a long time ago when I hated to be around her. And now, it was the opposite. The opposite for Sebastian too. Even though it was in Anne's point of view, I could see that Sebastian was falling for the main character.

I flipped back a page, eyes falling onto the description of Sebastian. The first glimpse of him only described him as being a dark-haired young man.

For some reason, my heart began pounding madly as I hastily turned to the next section.

Light-colored eyes.

Next page.

Tall.

Fingers fumbling through the pages, I frantically made my way throughout the story. Flashing grins, womanizer, always laughing, making jokes, troublesome, flirting, voicewalkattitude – he was _just like me_.

I stopped to take a breath, resting on one of the last pages.

The conversation Anne and Sebastian were having was _exactly _like the one that Ivy and I had – almost down to the very word.

Did she think I wouldn't notice?

Why didn't I notice before?

What did this mean?

Why was she writing about me?

Was it even me? Was I imaging this? The whole dark-haired, light eyes, tallish figure of Sebastian could have been inspired by me, yes, but it didn't mean anything.

Maybe she didn't even realize that there were similarities. Maybe it was because I was helping her write it. Maybe she was trying to show me her appreciation by writing me into the novel.

But as the love interest? To the main character? Ivy's main character that was her in _every single way_?

The love interest – she saw _me _as the love interest. She wrote about how Sebastian was this hopeless love that would never notice Anne in return when I didn't know she was alive.

Could it – was it possible that it was about me?

I set the journal on the table in front of me and leaned forward, reading over the pages again.

_My eyes followed him as he walked across the road, carrying a bundle of supplies for the shop. I let out a shaky breath at the sight of him and almost forgot what I was standing in the middle of the road for. _

_He smiled at his uncle when they locked eyes, not like his usual grins reserved for his friends and lovers. How I wished that he would just look at me once, lock eyes with me, so I could get lost in those light-colored eyes that would brighten when he would catch a glimpse of me. He would grin at me, one eyebrow rising in amusement as I would stutter and stammer at the close proximity of our bodies._

_Maybe he would kiss me – just spontaneously – like he did with all of those other girls. A short, quick peck on the lips. That is, if he would notice me first. _

_I shook my head slightly, taking in another deep breath before turning around. I couldn't let myself get lost in my fantasies._

It was us. Ivy was the one standing in the road and I was the one she was fantasizing about. It wasn't my imagination – she wrote about _us._

Which meant one thing: she fancied me.

-x-

"Why is he smiling?" "Is he crazy?" "He's finally gone off the deep end." "I think he killed someone." "Did he get a new girlfriend?" "He's obviously in love with me." "Is he planning a prank?"

I sat back in my chair, listening to the frenzied chatter around me. I hadn't been able to erase this secretive smile off of my face last night. According to James, I had been smiling during my sleep.

It was possible – I did have a dream about her.  
I watched as she turned slightly in her chair, eyes connecting with mine. My smile widened at the sight of her and she quickly turned back around, her ears turning red.

I made her blush.

She barely made contact with me all day, as if she knew what I was thinking. I just continued smiling, watching as she stumbled over her own feet and blushed deeply when she looked in my direction.

I didn't think she was going to say anything. But, on the way down to dinner, she suddenly turned around and said, out of nowhere, "Can you please stop doing that? It's really creeping me out."

She was looking at me nervously like she didn't want to make eye contact with me. That only made my smile bigger. "Is it making you nervous?"

And then she hesitated, letting out that shaky breath that Anne was known for in her novel. "No," she obviously lied.

My smile immediately turned into a grin at her weak lie. She twitched slightly when she saw it and I turned and continued walking down the corridor toward the Great Hall.

Her footsteps were cautious, following me slowly, probably watching my every move. I gave her another grin, hoping it would cause her to say something again.

"This isn't about a birthday party for me or something?" she immediately exclaimed, her ears turning red. "You're not planning anything, are you?"

"It better not be because I haven't heard anything about it," James said, his voice lowering dramatically.

I chuckled at Ivy's expression. "No, it's not about your party."

She blinked at me and then hastily made her way down the corridor. I could tell she was trying not to trip.

It made me smile.

She spent the rest of the night with Remus, but for the first time, it didn't bother me. Because I knew that Ivy fancied me. Not Remus – _me. _

She probably thought of me when she was with Remus and even before she went to bed. When she was lying there, looking up at the ceiling, I would be the person she would think of before drifting off to sleep…

Peter and James kept trying to talk to me, but I couldn't help but let my mind wander to that shy girl who _fancied_ me.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Peter and James staring at something behind me, their eyebrows raised slightly in surprise.

"Why are you smiling?" I heard that voice behind me.

I turned to see her standing behind me, teetering on her toes as if she was ready to run. She nervously tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and bit her lip.

I couldn't help it – her cute, panicked look made the corners of my lips twitch upward. "Because I'm a happy person," I answered simply.

She stared at me for the longest second, eyes never wandering from mine. For a moment, I thought she was going to confess. But then, she turned on her heel and left through the portrait hole.

"What are you doing to the poor girl, Padfoot?" James asked as soon as she left.

I paused. "Nothing," I answered truthfully. Nothing new anyway.

-x-

It took a day for the doubt to sink in.

I was sitting in Transfiguration when I realized that I could be seeing myself in this Sebastian character because I wanted to. Ivy could have been thinking of someone else – even no one – and I was just overreacting.

And then I couldn't smile anymore.

Because I was _wrong_. I had made up this whole thing just to think that Ivy liked me. Was I really that desperate? Why did I go out of the way for her?

On the way back from dinner, I stopped on the staircase, hand clutching the railing tightly. What if I was just scaring her away?

I needed to know. I needed to know if I was Sebastian – or if Ivy thought of me at all. But I couldn't just ask her – what if I was horribly wrong?

Groaning to myself, I began trudging up the stairs. All of those times where I wished I knew what Ivy Bennett was thinking couldn't even compare to now. I didn't just want to know – I needed to know.

Maybe I could ask someone. But who? Remus – no, he was too involved with her. Besides, he still might kill me by suggesting such a thing. So, who was left? James didn't know her that well. Peter wouldn't even know where to start. Lily...well, she would be a possibility if it wasn't so hard to get an answer out of her. Maybe one of Ivy's other roommates.

Or...

Maybe a family member.

Turning the opposite direction of the other Gryffindors, I began to make my way down the staircase. Why didn't I think about this before? Ivy was close to her sister – of course Eleanor would know something. And maybe she had the answers that no one else could know. I should have gone to her at the beginning of the year.

She was staring up at the ceiling when I entered the room, book upside down on top of her as if she just set it down (probably to analyze what she had just read). Her eyes were wide open – at least I knew she wasn't about to fall asleep yet.

"Hey, Ellie!" I greeted her, pulling out a chair to sit in.

She jumped slightly, clearly startled by the intruder's voice and turned to look at me. Realization passed through her eyes. "You're Sirius," she said, stating the simple fact.

"Yes, I am." I grinned at her.

She kept staring at me, moving slightly to get a better look. "Why are you here?"

My grin got wider. "Want to go for a little walk?"

Eleanor was silent for a couple seconds and then began shaking her head slowly. "I'm supposed to stay here."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the chair, shrugging. "And you're supposed to come on a trip to the kitchens with me. You promised."

Her eyes lit up suddenly. I knew the mention of the kitchens had caught her interest. "Wouldn't we get in trouble?" she asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Maybe."

She paused, staring at me with her eyes that were almost identical to her sister's. "Okay," she finally agreed, pushing the covers to the sides and pulling herself out of her bed.

I responded with a big grin as she came to stand by my side awkwardly, looking up at me as if she didn't know what to say. I reassured her with a couple "nothing bad will happen"s and then we set off for the kitchens.

At first, we walked in awkward silence, which really wasn't working. I couldn't figure out how to ask her about Ivy without making myself seem like I was going after her sister like she was prey. Instead, I said, "Have you snuck out before?"

She shook her head. "No, Liam's usually there and he doesn't want to risk my safety."

I snorted. "Pansy."

She smiled at that and, feeling more confident, I continued questioning her. "So, what have you been doing?"

And I knew her answer even before she said it out loud. "Reading books." Aha, now we were getting somewhere.

I nodded at her and said, casually, "Did you know your sister is writing a novel?"

"Oh, yes," she responded immediately. "I actually read it over break and she still doesn't know." I didn't expect that she actually read the whole thing. This made it even better.

"Yeah, I'm reading it too," I told her.

She remained silent. What was I supposed to say next? Maybe I should just get the point. Say that I fancied her sister…

We finally reached the kitchens and I tickled the pear to get inside. I let her climb in first and followed.

She ordered a hot chocolate (reminding me of her sister) and sat across from me, holding the mug in her hands as she stared me down. I smiled at her.

"She let you read her story?" she finally asked, taking a sip of her drink.

I nodded. "What do you think of it?"

Eleanor just blinked at me, tilting her head and watching me with wide eyes. "Don't you know what it's about?"

I decided to play it clueless. "It's about two people that fall in love. One is an ordinary citizen of the town and the other-"

She snorted into her hot chocolate. As if I said something funny. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"What's so funny?" I asked cautiously.

"Don't you understand?" she asked softly.

I shrugged, leaning back. "It's pretty self-explanatory."

Eleanor sipped on her hot chocolate for a few minutes and then looked over the mug at me. "Well?" she impatiently drew out her words.

I smiled at her. "Well what?"

She set the mug in front of her, never taking her eyes off of me. "Do you love her back?"

The grin spread across my face slowly. Eleanor watched me as if I was a mad man. "I believe I do."

-x-

When we slowly opened the door and peered inside, my eyes landed on a figure standing next to Eleanor's bed. Eleanor let out a little gasp of surprise (probably because she was caught leaving) and then rushed inside.

I followed her inside and saw the familiar silhouette.

"Sirius?" Ivy asked in disbelief, staring at me intensely as if she wasn't sure it was me. And then her eyes fell onto her sister.

She looked extremely worried and I struggled to say, "Hey, Ivy." What if she was mad?

"Hi," Eleanor greeted her.

Ivy let out a slow breath. "Where did you take her?"

She looked as if she was about to faint. "Here, sit down first," I said, motioning to the chair she was standing next to.

I moved to sit in the other chair as Eleanor scrambled back into her bed. Ivy slowly sat down in the seat, her gaze never wavering from mine. She was waiting for an explanation.

"I was passing by the hospital wing on the way back from dinner and I thought since your sister has been sitting in here for the past couple days that maybe she'd like a trip down to the kitchens."

Ivy quickly looked over at her sister. "You accepted?"

Eleanor just smiled shyly. "I wanted to go somewhere. Liam wouldn't take me – he was afraid for my well-being."

"And you just took her down there?" She sounded surprised, maybe even a bit worried.

"Don't worry – it was just a harmless trip the kitchens," I tried to explain myself. The last thing I needed was her being mad at me.

She sighed loudly, leaning forward and placing the palms of her hands against her forehead. She looked so angry.

"Oh." I suddenly remembered the book I had with me. "Here's your journal. I've been meaning to give it back to you." Maybe getting her journal back would make her feel better.

She eyed it and then took it from my hands.

I found myself speaking before I could stop myself. "You really should finish that last scene, you know. Besides, I have a feeling that Sebastian is falling for Anne and the rest of that scene should really portray that."

She looked at me and I knew I saw fear in her eyes. I smiled to reassure her.

* * *

Well, hello there. This chapter was exclusively written for Ivy's birthday. I was going to post on her birthday and we were going to celebrate.

You can guess that didn't work out.

Oh, well, happy belated half-birthday to me and happy belated birthday to Ivy!

So, I really hoped you liked this (longer) chapter. Thanks for reading and everything!


	26. My Favorite Pastime

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Chapters 110-112(ish) of Nobody Sees Me Wishing

* * *

She agreed to work on her story with me that Wednesday night. Actually, she stuttered and blushed and I took it as a yes. I never realized how nervous and adorable she was before when she talked to me. Her stuttering and blushing were just for me. Me.

Remus was chaperoning our little rendezvous – peering over his textbook at us every few seconds. It wasn't like I was going to do anything.

Besides, I was content with only watching her.

She was leaning over her journal, her bottom lip placed beneath her teeth as she absentmindedly chewed it. Every few seconds, she would reach up and brush a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and slowly curl her fingers as she put her hand back down.

Her eyes quickly scanned across the page, rereading what she had just written. She was so focused that I wondered if she even remembered where she was. Suddenly, she stopped, still looking intently at the page, but I knew she wasn't reading anymore.

She hesitated, letting her quill fall onto the table. I expected her to just pick it up and continue writing as if nothing happened. But then she startled me when she asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

So, she had noticed. I grinned, wondering how bad I could make her blush. "Why do you think I'm looking at you in certain way? Can't I just admire my favorite author?"

She didn't blush yet – just looked really confused. "You're admiring me?"

I shrugged indifferently. "What's wrong with that?"

Ivy paused, looking around the room, stalling her answer. I watched as she bit her lip again and I could practically see her frantic thoughts. She didn't know how to respond when she didn't know how I felt about her.

And she wasn't used to people admiring her. They didn't even know what they were missing – watching her was becoming my favorite pastime. Well, other than pranks of course.

"Nothing, I guess," she finally answered, fumbling to pick up her quill.

I smiled and leaned forward to read what she had just written. "What are you writing?"

Hopefully, it was something that would convince me that the story really was about me. Eleanor's confirmation finally made up my mind, but I wanted to hear Ivy say it.

She smiled and rolled her eyes, as if I said something really stupid. "My story?" she responded.

I laughed at the way she rolled her eyes at me. "I know that," I exclaimed, leaning forward with a big smile. "What's happening?"

Ivy shrugged, shifting her eyes down to her journal. "Um, I don't know. Should I take your advice?" she asked slowly, fiddling with the quill between her fingers.

I couldn't stop from grinning. She actually wanted to know my advice? Perfect. "It seems as if you're writing Sebastian in that direction, so I would say of course," I vaguely said. I wasn't about to say, "Well, since I'm Sebastian, it seems like he should be in love with Ivy – I mean, Anne."

She blinked at me. "Uh – okay." And then she carefully wrote her next sentence. I leaned forward to read over her shoulder.

_I watched as Sebastian bid me farewell, failing to hide his smile. _

Did I really fail to hide my smile around her? That was an easy answer – I always broke out into a grin when I saw her.

Oh wait, she wanted to know about Sebastian. I suddenly had an idea. "You should have him say something that makes Anne realize that he might like her."

Like "Ivy, I know you're Anne and you're perfect."

Or maybe take out the 'Ivy' part.

She met my eyes hesitantly. "Like what?"

I didn't know how to come up with sentences like Ivy. I stalled, trying to think of a sentence I could use.

What did Sebastian like about Anne? What did I like about Ivy? I ran through a list in my head and then stopped at one.

"Have him tell her that he cannot wait to see her smile again," I proclaimed.

Her mouth turned into this little frown and I didn't know if it was a thoughtful frown or she was really disgusted by my words.

"That's awfully sappy, Sirius," she said, looking at me like I was crazy.

I laughed loudly at the look on her face. "Really? I think it's perfect."

"Can't he just tell her...thanks or something and she can hear the love in his voice or something?"

I snorted at her line. "And you said I was sappy? That sounds like something right out of a romance novel."

Holding my breath, I waited for her next words. "I am writing a romance novel."

She was writing a romance novel – Sebastian and Anne loved each other. She loved me – she just admitted it and didn't even know. I couldn't stop the massive grin from appearing on my face. "So, you admit it then? They love each other."

She didn't even try to hide her surprise. Her eyes widened and she let out a sharp breath, knowing that she was cornered. I had made her frantic – a red blush spread across her cheeks and she started fidgeting.

"No, no, um..." she stuttered, voice shaking. "Anne's just smitten with Sebastian...he doesn't-"

I didn't even try to stop my words. "He does."

Ivy met my eyes again. "What?"

I didn't want to hide it or wait anymore. I needed to tell her what I thought. "He loves her too," I said softly, letting her take my words anyway she wanted.

"Um," Ivy continued to stutter, looking down at her journal and refusing to look back up at me. "Uh...okay, um, so that's how you see it?"

How I saw it? What did she mean by that? Was she trying to find out if I fancied her by using confusing language, or did she really have no clue?

I still had no clue what was going through her head.

"Yeah, that's how I see it," I reassured her, hoping that she would take my words for what they actually were.

She was almost shaking violently, burning a hole into her journal with her intense stare. Without a word, she opened it again and, after a couple tense seconds, began writing again.

I leaned back into the cushions of the couch and continued watching her. Now, she wrote frantically and kept looking around anxiously. Her nervousness added to my fascination – she was definitely my favorite pastime.

-x-

And then she began avoiding me.

Could she be any more obvious? She was deliberately turning the other way in the corridors and turning away when she saw my eyes wander over to her.

She probably thought that I was taking it the wrong way.

I wasn't.

If anything, it just made me grin and watch her stumble, fumbling with everyday tasks. Because she knew I knew something and it was going to kill her. She didn't want me to know anything – it was her little secret.

I was going to corner her before breakfast the next day, but she immediately bolted out of the common room without even taking a second glance at me.

Remus, standing next to me, blinked once and then looked at me with a frown. "What did you do to her?"

I raised up my hands in defense. "Why do you always assume it's about me? I didn't do anything."

But Remus continued frowning that disappointed frown at me. I tried to replicate it and it just made him sigh at me. "I'm being serious here," he exclaimed, and then quickly added, "Don't ruin it by that awful pun."

I laughed. "Moony, I promise that I'm not doing anything to Ivy. She's just being…jumpy, I guess."

Jumpy, no. Scared to talk to me because she realized I knew her secret, yes.

Remus shook his head at me. "I'm going to get Peter and James. Promise not to do anything stupid?"

I scoffed. "You treat me like I'm five." There was a pause. "No fair, Moony…" I whined, but I was grinning.

Remus tried to show me he was serious by giving me a stern look before leaving to go up the dormitories.

I danced a little jig for awhile, and then a painful grumbling in my stomach stopped my dance-fest. Oh well, I didn't have to wait for them.

Going through the portrait hole, I ran down the staircase, trying to get to the food in the Great Hall as soon as possible. And Ivy was going to be there – I couldn't wait to see her stumble again.

Turning the corner, I recognized the two people walking in front of me. Or I had to slow down because they were just leisurely walking along and only got a good glimpse of their faces because I was trying not to run into them.

"Hey, Ellie!"

She flinched slightly at the nickname and then stopped, turning to face me. That kid she was with (the one with the L name or something) looked curiously behind him.

"Hi, Sirius," she said, turning back to continue walking. I fell into step with them, momentarily forgetting about my hunger pains.

I smiled. "How are things?"

She glanced up at me, this curious look in her eyes. "Fine. Told her yet?"

Right to the point – had to appreciate that. I shrugged amusedly. "I'm waiting for the right moment. On her birthday, maybe."

It would be the perfect birthday present. But, I couldn't just leave it at that - I had to get to Hogsmeade and buy her something really special.

Eleanor smiled. "Do you want me to talk to her?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You want to be my accomplice?"

"She loves you – she just needs a push. I can do that." She shrugged as if it wasn't even a big deal.

I noticed the L kid watching us. "You want to help-" His name really was on the tip of the tongue – I knew it, it was right there. I decided to guess and hope for the best. "Leon?"

His eyes narrowed at me (oops?). "Liam," he corrected with a frown.

Huh, Liam – had to remember that. Or not - his reaction was pretty amusing.

Eleanor smiled at that while Liam didn't even try to answer my question.

"So, you're going to talk to her?" I asked Eleanor. We had reached the outside of the Great Hall and we stopped in the archway.

Eleanor adjusted the strap of her bookbag. "I'll go right now," she said, giving me a smile before entering the hall.

Leaving me with Liam. I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

I turned toward him with a smile. "So, how are you, Lancelot?"

I only got an annoyed look in return; he didn't even try to answer me. Instead, he walked into the Great Hall with a roll of the eyes.

Grinning, I followed him in, letting my eyes fall onto the Gryffindor table. Eleanor was standing in front of Ivy, saying something while Ivy looked concerned.

Ivy quickly scrambled out of her seat to follow Eleanor. I walked out of the way so she didn't see me and watched as they walked out into the corridor.

Eleanor managed to send me a "secretive smile" – just a small upturn of the lips. But I saw it and I knew what it was – our secret code.

James and Lily came in a couple minutes later, doing a double take when they caught sight of my grin.

"What did you do _now_?" James emphasized the word, leaning forward interestedly.

Why did everyone assume I was doing something? "I'm just in a good mood today," I told him, chewing on a piece of bacon.

"What are you doing to Ivy?" Lily accused, leaning right in front of my face. She slammed her hands down on the table and stared right at me.

I just laughed. "I'm not doing _anything_." Evidently, my teasing tone didn't sit well with her.

"Sirius!" she hissed at me.

I shook my head. "What am I doing, Lily? It's not like I'm stalking her, am I?"

Lily watched for a few seconds, narrowing her eyes at me. "No," she admitted slowly. "But I'm going to find out what you're hiding."

I continued shaking my head, looking down at my plate. Believing it to be the end of the conversation, Lily leaned back into her seat.

"You just wait until her birthday," I muttered to myself.

It was immediate. "What did you say?!"

Grinning innocently at her, I responded, "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

-x-

I managed to leave Hogwarts later that night through the secret passage into Honeydukes.

It wasn't like Valentine's Day – this time, I knew exactly where to go. And when I entered the store, it was as if it was calling out to me. It sparkled in the stand, glinting under the lights and catching my eye.

Decorated with ivy and tulips, I knew I found the perfect gift.

It was sitting in the back of my dresser drawer, away from any prying eyes. It was a different drawer than the one I stored the tulips in; I had a feeling that Remus was looking for any gifts when I wasn't in the dormitory.

He was suspicious of me, especially after the way I've been acting around Ivy for the past couple days.

He didn't have a right to be suspicious.

Well, not yet anyway.

If everything went the way I hoped it would, he would have a right after today.

It was finally Ivy's birthday.

* * *

Hey, that rhymes! Oh yeah.

Yes, this chapter isn't all that exciting (and short), but the next chapter includes Ivy's birthday and I'll probably update this weekend anyway.

And it's the anniversary of the first chapter of Nobody Sees Me Wishing. That's why I waited until today to post.

If any of you have stuck with me for that year, you're the awesomest.


	27. Just a Confirmation

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Chapters 112-113 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing

* * *

"Watch this," James whispered to us quickly before locking his determined gaze on a figure across the room.

I raised an eyebrow at his comment, glancing at the other two before turning back to James…who was halfway across the common room and running full speed at Ivy.

She didn't have a chance.

He had lifted her off the ground a second later, spinning around and around in dizzying circles.

I made my way over, ready to pry James off of her if he kept it up; I could hear her soft, frantic pleas, telling him to put her back down on the floor. But I knew she was enjoying it all the same – she honestly couldn't think that we had forgotten.

James finally stopped spinning, placing her on the ground with a huge grin. "What? Don't like birthday hugs?"

I could help but laugh at the look on her face. She took a moment to compose herself before saying, "Not when they make me nauseous."

James laughed. "Fine then. No birthday present for you."

He failed at trying to hide his present from her, moving too slowly to hold it behind his back. Ivy took one glance at it and gave him a knowing look. It was a rare expression for her – one that included raised eyebrows and the beginning of a smirk on her face.

Yes, Ivy Bennett was _smirking. _I grinned at the sight of it.

Even James was surprised at the look on her face; he immediately put the gift in her hands and said, "You win. But only because it's your birthday."

She took her time opening the gift, slowly peeling the wrapping paper from the sides first and then taking off the paper without a tear. I already knew what the gift was – I heard James asking Lily what she would want.

After placing the paper down next to her, she turned over the box and stared at the quills for a couple seconds. When she looked up again, she had a genuine smile on her face. "These are amazing. Thank you, James."

"Anything for the birthday girl," James responded and then held out his arms as if threatening to grab her again.

She took one look at him and then bolted from the room, almost skidding out of the portrait hole. We immediately burst into laughter.

"Are we really not going to have a party?" Peter asked as we followed Ivy out of the common room, keeping our distance so she couldn't hear us.

Remus shook his head. "No party. Just a nice, relaxing day for her. That's what she wants."

James nudged him. "And what did you get our little miss Ivy for her birthday?"

Remus glanced over at us and then shrugged. "Nothing to obsess over." James opened his mouth to say something but Remus knew when to change the subject. "By the way, asking Lily about Ivy's present was nice of you."

James practically beamed. "I know. I thought I was being pretty crafty."

"I got her a book," Peter exclaimed. "All I knew was that she liked reading, so I thought it would be a good idea."

I thumped him on the back. "Using your head, aren't you, Wormtail?"

Remus eyed me. "What did you get her?"

He still hadn't found the clip in the back of my drawer and I knew that he was frustrated that he didn't know. He was trying to be all "sly" by asking randomly, but I knew what he was doing.

I grinned and said, "Wouldn't you like to know."

I got an immediate frown in response. Even James quirked an eyebrow at me. Peter just continued on his way to Great Hall; food the only thing on his mind.

There was barely anyone at breakfast when we arrived and we took advantage by taking massive portions of everything.

Ivy sat across from us, watching us eat with an amused expression. She barely touched anything on her plate, poking at her eggs half-heartenedly.

Maybe she knew what I was planning.

I stopped chewing my toast and thought about it. No, she couldn't know what I had planned. I hadn't told anyone – not even James or Remus or Peter.

How would that conversation even go? "Oh, hey. I'm just going to tell Ivy I fancy her for her birthday and then maybe we'll have a snog after."

Actually, I was fine with her confirmation back. I could do without the snogging.

I raised an eyebrow at her. She glanced up and caught it at the last second. The corners of her mouth twitched upward as she studied the look on my face, and I found myself grinning.

Ivy then bit her lip and looked back down at the table. I twirled my silverware around and tried to convince myself (yet again) that nothing was going to go wrong tonight. If she was blushing and being all adorable around me, it had to mean something. She couldn't turn me down.

Throughout the day, I had to keep telling me that there was no way this could end disastrously. Awful outcomes kept replaying – Ivy crying, saying I was wrong, hitting me with her journal, hexing me until I was writhing on the floor.

I cringed at that mental image.

I couldn't think like that. This was the perfect chance to tell her how I felt and I wasn't going to let it pass me by.

Classes that day were the same – except for people coming to wish Ivy happy birthday every second. She was flustered every time, saying thank you before looking away to hide her blush.

She only caught my gaze once during Transfiguration. I tried to smile at her but her eyes immediately returned to the parchment in front of her.

I held back a sigh, leaning back in my chair. This was no time for second thoughts. I had to do this – today, not tomorrow or the next day.

But what if I ruined her birthday?

But what if I made it?

During dinner, I lost the ability to eat. James began prodding me, asking why I wasn't stuffing my face as usual. I just shrugged, mentioning something about hating food (or something).

I skimmed the Great Hall, landing on the Ravenclaw table. Eleanor, who was sitting across from Liam and facing toward me, noticed my gaze on her. I gave her a quick thumbs-up and she raised her eyebrows. As soon as I nodded, she leaned across the table and began whispering excitedly to Liam.

At least she was on my side about this.

I couldn't even bring myself to look at her. I managed to slip away before the end of dinner, leaving everyone as I went back up to the common room.

What was I going to say?

How was I going to tell her?

I couldn't just say "Oh, Ivy, I love ya, babe."

She deserved better than that – something perfect. But what?

I had to wing it. Sitting down in a chair on the opposite side of the common room from the fireplace, I waited until Ivy and the others came back from dinner. Most of them failed to realize that I was sitting there. Only Peter gave me a strange look as he passed by. I sat back and waited for Ivy to be alone.

Remus was talking to her – giving her his present. I knew what he had bought her – a new journal and an expensive one at that.

Ivy looked amazed, taking the journal and, without any hesitation, opening it to the first page. And then she began writing, her quill furiously moving across the page. She had an idea – and a good one at that, by the way she was writing.

I couldn't interrupt her now.

She was too busy getting lost in the world of Sebastian and Anne to even –

Sebastian and Anne. My lips slowly curved into a satisfied smile as I pulled myself out of the chair. Throwing myself down in the seat next to her, I waited patiently for her to notice me.

Several seconds passed and I found myself itching to start a conversation. "New journal?" I exclaimed.

Finally acknowledging me, she looked up and blinked at the sight of the grin on my face.

"Yes, it's amazing," she responded with a smile.

I chuckled at her enthusiasm, leaning forward, trying to gauge the look in her eyes. "It's very nice. It was Remus's present, right?"

She didn't even take time to answer – only went back to writing and muttering a quick "mmm."

She wasn't getting out of it that easily.

"Are you writing your story in it, then?" I added, leaning forward even more, only centimeters away from her face.

Turning the page, she said, "I'm planning on transferring everything from the old journal into this one, yes" without even a single glance.

I raised my eyebrow as she continued writing, almost finishing two pages before I realized that I was sitting next to her for a reason.

"Well…" I drawled out, waiting to see if she paid attention to me.

To my surprise, she put down her quill and glanced up at me. Her eyes were so bright, full of ideas and hesitation.

I stared back at her unblinkingly and then leaned forward, watching as her eyes grew larger and she moved back. So close…

Smiling brightly, I forced every rehearsed word from my mind. "Sebastian really hopes that Anne had an amazing birthday and he wants to wish her happy birthday before going up to his dormitory. So, then, happy birthday."

She didn't move.

She just stared back at me, her eyes so wide and I didn't even think she was breathing. She was just…staring. In horror or shock or what, I didn't know.

I waited for her to say something – anything.

Did she understand? Was she confused? Paralyzed? Disgusted?

I knew she wasn't paralyzed when she scrambled off of the couch and rushed out of the room, knocking over two students in the process.

So this was what rejection felt like.

Letting out a shaky breath, I fell back onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling. What had even possessed me to tell her? And now, her whole birthday was ruined because of me. Our friendship was ruined. And Remus was going to kill me.

So many consequences.

"What are you doing?!" Someone hit me, pushing him over by forcing their weight onto my shoulder. James was standing above me, a disappointed look on his face.

And he saw the whole thing…

"Go after her!" He grabbed my arm, pulling me off the couch.

I just blinked at him. "What?"

James began muttering nonsense words under his breath and began pushing me toward the portrait hole. "Go and find her and don't come back until she's with you." And then, with a hard shove, I found myself standing outside the common room.

What was this? Did James want me to terrify her after I humiliated her like that? I stood there for a second, taking in a deep breath.

The Fat Lady peered at me curiously. "She went that way."

Left – toward the staircase.

I didn't question why her or James had just decided to help me. Instead, I began running, sprinting down the staircase and landing on the sixth floor with a jump.

Frantic footsteps echoed down the corridor ahead of me. I hurried down it, ignoring the way my brain told me "stop and catch a breath." Not when she was so close.

If she would only stop running away.

I heard her quick breaths and she clambered down another staircase, rounding a corner onto the fifth floor.

"Sebastian would really love it if Anne would stop running away from him!" I shouted after her, hoping that she would at least stop and tell me what she was thinking. She couldn't run forever.

I finally caught sight of her fleeing down the corridor, stumbling over her own feet as she continued to run.

And then, as I was trying to come up with another way to get her to stop, she suddenly turned around and faced me.

I slowed down, watching the expression on her face. She was trying to look indifferent, but panic shone in her eyes. "What even makes you think you're Sebastian?" she asked, trying her best to sneer at me.

Sneering wasn't her strong point.

Stopping in front of her, I took a couple deep breaths, watching her reaction the entire time. "Because I've read your journal," I admitted.

She had to admit everything now.

And then she was shaking her head and backing away. "You're not Sebastian," she tried telling me.

Taking another step back, Ivy ended up flattened against a wall. When she looked back at me with wide, frightened, he-knows-now-what-am-I-going-to-do eyes, I knew I had her.

She was right there – vulnerable and mine, if I could just make her understand. I took a step forward, almost pleased to see how she reacted by throwing herself fully against the wall.

"You're lying." It was simple – the way she was shivering violently, looking every which way, trying to find the way out…

Ivy took a long moment to respond, and when she did, her voice was breathy and weak. "Why do you say that?"

I was right in front of her now and I could feel her breath coming out in short, frantic gasps. She stared determinedly at the floor and I knew she was refusing to look up at me.

I had already crossed the point of no return – it didn't matter anymore. I reached out and placed my hand against the side of her face to feel her shiver. Slowly, I moved my fingers and brought her gaze back toward mine. She let out a small fearful noise as I stared back at her. "You're shivering-" I explained, feeling her tremble beneath my hand. "-and you refuse to look at me."

She struggled slightly. "Please let me go." I almost cringed at the way she said it tearfully, but I held my ground.

"No. Not until I tell you everything."

Her lip disappeared behind her teeth as she bit down and, after a few tense moments, she finally said, "There's more?"

Did she just expect me to chase after her and say goodbye? Didn't she want to know everything? Didn't she want to hear it?

"Of course," I confessed. "We have to talk about this."

She blinked a couple times, tears forming in her eyes. "How long have you known?"

She wasn't avoiding it – she wanted to know. It was a step in the right direction. "When I read through your journal."

Ivy didn't say anything for a few, long moments. Maybe I really was wrong. But there was no doubt about it – I had to be Sebastian and she was Anne. She couldn't deny it.

"So..." Ivy suddenly said, hesitating and stumbling over her words. "-when you said Sebastian...uh, loves Anne-"

She _was _talking about them in relation to us. I smiled and added, "And you said that Anne loves Sebastian."

"No, I said she was smitten with him," she immediately responded, flinching slightly.

But she was wrong. "In the novel, Anne says she loves Sebastian."

She let out a small 'oh' and looked down at the floor. She admitted that Anne loved Sebastian, which meant…

"Do you...love me?" I asked. She looked up at me, startled. I stared back at her, just waiting to hear an affirmative answer.

That's all I wanted.

Instead, Ivy looked frantic. "Uh...well...I-I...um...maybe...no, I don't know."

I didn't know if she was afraid to answer or if she really didn't know. Even if she didn't feel the same way, I had to tell her how I felt. I couldn't keep lying to her.

I took a chance and brushed back a stray hair behind her ear. She jumped, looking down again with a blush. I left my hand gently resting on the side of her face and used my other hand to take her hand in mine. I smiled and said, "I never thought of you as anything more than a friend. And then one day I woke up, and suddenly, it was...different. I wasn't angry at you, I swear, it was just that I didn't want to be attracted to you, because...you were Moony's best friend and off limits. But then you started thinking I hated you and I couldn't let you think that, so I just...ignored my feelings, thinking you didn't fancy me."

Her eyes flickered back to mine, confused and scared.

"And then I read your journal and suddenly, it made sense."

It was almost inaudible – the little gasp that escaped from her lips. Her eyes widened again, and I knew what was going through her head. She didn't know what to think, what to do, if she was thinking the wrong thing.

I needed to prove it to her, I needed her to stay, I needed her.

Lacing my fingers with hers, I breathed, "So, please, don't run away from me, just...stay."

Moving my fingers to get tangled in her hair, I waited for any sort of confirmation. Anything – just something that said she wouldn't run away from me this time. Something that would tell me that I could breathe again.

And then I saw it – the little downward motion of her head – her _nod_. Her yes, her proclamation, her realization. She stared at me, knowing what she had just agreed to, waiting for my next move.

I expected her eyes to widen in surprise, but she must have known what I was about to do, because she just stared back at me as I moved forward.

She closed her eyes and I knew there was no way out of it – for the both of us.

It wasn't anything like the dream I had about snogging her in McGonagall's classroom. No, it wasn't for a cheap thrill – as soon as I felt her part her lips against mine, I had to tell myself to keep breathing.

She was hesitant, but I didn't want to push her any farther – it was perfect how it was. I took my hand away from hers and, with a shaking hand, placed it on the other side of her face. Bringing her closer to me, I relished the moment, wondering if she felt the same way.

What if she didn't?

I pulled away – resting my forehead against hers. She took a moment to look up at me, her own eyes searching mine.

I didn't expect her next words. "I have loved you since fifth year..." I could feel her breath against my lips and I smiled.

"Sorry to make you wait that long."

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have Ivy Bennett – but here we were and, as she pressed her lips against mine, I knew that my wildest dreams wouldn't have even compared to this.

* * *

Fluff, yeah!

So, there you go - Sirius's version of that day. And I might have screwed it up but I hope I didn't and I hope you like it.

Thanks for reading the uber fluff.


	28. Just a Dream

_Chapters 114-115 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

"I'm dreaming, right?"

I laughed again as she asked the question for what seemed like the millionth time. With a soft kiss on the forehead, I reassured her again. "No, you're not."

Her fingers curled around mine. "This wasn't ever supposed to happen," she muttered, looking down at the floor.

We were still in the same spot at the end of the corridor, even though it was getting later and later. I didn't want to let go of her – she was right there and _mine_ and I could touch her and show her how I felt about her without worrying that she was going to push me away.

The thought made me smile and tilt her chin back up so I could kiss her again.

She only broke apart to whisper, "We need to get back to the common room."

She was right – we couldn't spend forever out in the corridor even though I desperately wanted to. I wanted to be her perfect boyfriend; not someone just using her for a snog.

I didn't want her to be like my past relationships.

Tugging slightly on her hand, I stepped away from her and we silently began walking back toward the Gryffindor tower.

"You okay?" I asked her. She wasn't talking anymore – was she regretting the whole thing? I watched her carefully, watching as she stared straight forward.

"I'm just - " she paused, looking anywhere but me. "- trying to take this all in."

I nodded slowly. "I don't want to rush you-"

"No, it's fine," she quickly cut me off. "I'm just – are you _sure _I'm not dreaming?"

Her adamant tone caused me to laugh loudly. "No, Ivy, I promise you that you are not dreaming."

She smiled softly. "Okay."

The silence back to the common room wasn't awkward at all – it was a content silence, filled with soft smiles and enough hand-holding to make Remus jealous.

...Remus.

I almost groaned out loud. Oh god, I was going to be _killed_. Massacred. Buried alive. Hmm, maybe eaten alive for complete, thorough torture.

However, when we entered the common room, he was nowhere in sight. None of our roommates were in there and only a couple younger students saw us holding hands. Ignoring the way they immediately started gossiping to each other in excited (and jealous) whispers, I gave Ivy a reassuring smile.

"Good night," I whispered.

She gave me a small smile. "Night," she responded, disappearing up the staircase.

I rushed up the staircase to my own dormitory, trying to get my mind around the fact that Ivy Bennett had admitted her feelings for me.

She actually, truly fancied me. I had nothing to worry about.

Pushing open the door, I walked inside to find a game of Gobstones being played in the middle of the floor.

Remus and Peter barely acknowledged me, while James raised his eyebrows questioningly, wanting to know if I had brought Ivy back to the common room.

I nodded slightly and he nodded in confirmation, turning his attention back on the game in front of him.

The game was almost over and (like always) everyone began arguing about who was the winner. James insisted that he won while Remus tried to tell him that he cheated. Peter kept going back and forth between them, taking one side and then switching the next second.

"You're a sore loser, Moony!" James accused.

Remus gestured toward the game. "See, look here, you took this turn when you shouldn't have."

Peter shrugged. "He makes sense, Prongs."

James continued to insist he won, even getting up to do his victory dance.

It was a split-second decision. I would have to tell them sooner or later, and it just slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"I kissed Ivy," I confessed in the middle of one of James's dancing rants.

It was just a fact – but it cut through James's words as if I had screamed it at them. Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing, looking over at me with stunned expressions.

If they wanted to tell me that I was wrong for kissing her, I was ready to handle it.

Nothing was going to ruin my good mood; only minutes ago, I was kissing Ivy in the middle of a corridor. No one could take that away from me.

"Did she run away?" Peter suddenly asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

I flinched, knowing that he only brought that up because of what happened with Remus. I couldn't even look over at Remus – he was probably glaring daggers, ready to pounce.

James scoffed. "Of _course_ she wouldn't run away. She's been in love with him only forever."

Right, she's been – wait, what? I stared at James, eyes widening. "What the - " I sputtered. There was no way that he knew about this and I had no clue. "You _knew_? And I didn't?"

He just laughed at my expression, probably basking in the fact he knew something I didn't. "You can't blame her. She didn't want to embarrass herself in front of you."

And he was acting like it was nothing. But it _wasn't_ nothing when Sirius Black and Ivy Bennett weren't just Sirius Black and Ivy Bennett anymore. We were SiriusIvy. Siriusivy. Sirvy. Sivy?

I shook my head of those thoughts and began to explain, "She wouldn't have-"

James threw his hands in the air as if I told him something extremely exasperating. "Well, then I could have told her that if you would have told me that you fancied her!"

"I gave her a Valentine's Day present!" He had to be blind.

He shrugged at me. "We just thought you were crazy."

I was still trying to bring myself to the fact that James knew the_ entire time _that Ivy fancied me. "It would have been nice to know she fancied me," I said again.

James just clapped me on the back and grinned at me. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it?"

I grinned, stretching out on my bed. "Guess not."

Peter was still staring at me with wide eyes. "You really snogged Ivy Bennett?" he whispered incredulously, his whisper almost making it sound like he just uttered a dirty word.

Just as I was about to answer with a sarcastic remark, my eyes landed on Remus who was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down at his shoes.

The previous words were on the tip of my tongue, but I quickly changed them, letting myself admit the truth. "I really like her."

Peter just raised his eyebrows at me. "That's new," he murmured before clumsily heading over to his bed.

I didn't expect Remus to say anything. I expected the silent treatment and hate glares for the rest of my life. Instead, I got a quiet whisper.

"Is she happy?"

It caught me offguard and I quickly looked up to meet his pleading eyes. _Pleading _eyes – he was pleading with me to tell the truth, to tell him that she was happy and everything was going to turn out great.

Not trusting a spoken answer, I slowly nodded.

"Okay."

I winced at the brokenness in Remus's voice.

He didn't kill me; I was still living and breathing and unharmed. But it didn't stop me from wishing that he would have lashed out and at least tried to hurt me. I deserved it, didn't I?

-x-

I was the first one awake the next morning – too restless to sleep for any longer. I couldn't wait another moment – I had to see Ivy.

The common room was deserted when I made my way down the staircase, which wasn't a surprise since it was so early in the morning. Taking a seat in the best armchair in front of the fireplace, I waited for any sounds of frantic footsteps.

It only took three minutes.

Turning slightly in my seat, I saw her standing on the staircase, still dressed in her pajamas and looking completely panicked.

I wanted to laugh, but instead I said, "No, it wasn't a dream, Ivy. You're awake."

She looked over in my direction, her widened eyes finally meeting mine. She slowly nodded, taking a few steps back up the staircase. "Oh." The familiar blush appeared across her face. "I'll just-...okay..."

The way her embarrassed eyes immediately looked away from me made me laugh. I could her hear stumbled footfalls as she made her way up the staircase.

"Found him!" I heard James shouting about twenty minutes later. The couple people in the common room quickly got out of James's way as he ran over to me with Remus and Peter in tow.

He raised his eyebrows at me. If this was a time for an inappropriate joke, I was completely missing it. "What time is it?"

I shrugged. "Seven something."

James's mouth opened in a surprised 'oh.' I resisted the urge to roll my eyes – I knew what this was. "Is this the start of a new Sirius?" he joked, jabbing me in the side. "Old Sirius would have never gotten up before eight."

This time I couldn't help it - I rolled my eyes at him. "I was planning a new prank-"

Peter's eyes lit up. "Really?"

I gave him a strange look. "Would I be planning something without your help?"

Peter didn't get the joke – he just stared at me for a second. James laughed at the bewildered look on his face and grinned. "What were you really doing down here?" he asked with a suggestive undertone.

To my surprise, Remus said, "Are you going to tease him forever about this?"

Remus was on my side?

Remus, who was supposed to be killing me in my sleep, told James to stop teasing?

_What alternate universe was I in!?_

Suddenly, there was a loud arguing from behind us and I turned around to see Lily dragging Ivy down the staircase. She was reluctant, and I knew why.

I only caught a glimpse of the huge grin on James's face before he rushed over and grabbed Ivy around the middle again.

Two famous James hugs in a row. Impressive.

She clung on as if she was afraid to be dropped and when James finally set her back down on the ground, she groaned.

"You know what?" James excitedly told her, that massive grin on his face. I didn't know whether or not to feel sorry for her. "That whole Marauders code thing, screw it. It was stupid in the first place."

I forgot about that thing. Oh well, it wasn't important.

Ivy locked eyes with me, the worry apparent on her face. 'Sorry', I mouthed, knowing that she was surprised by the fact that I had actually told my James, Remus, and Peter. We had to let them know sooner or later and she had probably already told Lily-

"What's going on?" Lily asked.

Or maybe she didn't tell her anything.

"Oh...um-" Ivy stuttered.

"We're going to be late for breakfast!" Peter suddenly spoke up, coming to my girl's rescue. She gave him a grateful smile as James just laughed and grabbed Lily's hand.

Remus looked at us for a second, trying to figure out if I was lying or not. It was only a long look before he said, "Well, we'd better get going."

Ivy sighed softly, her breath coming out in a short gasp. I immediately reached for her hand, feeling the familiar soft skin against me. Interlacing my fingers with hers, I smiled reassuringly at her. She gave me a small smile in return and, after a deep breath, we began making our way down to the Great Hall.

It was the first time we were holding hands publicly, and I could tell that she was trying to melt into the floor and hide away from everyone. Every time someone passed by, she leaned in closer to me, basically squishing herself against me, crushing our hands in hopes to hide them.

"You know," I finally said to her with a laugh, "-that looks even more suspicious."

She stalled outside of the Great Hall, peering around the corner as all of the color drained from her face.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"I will be," she said.

I squeezed my hand and she finally took a step into the Great Hall. I wanted to tell her "look, you had nothing to be worried about" but I knew that would be a lie. Everyone around us immediately hushed, looking over with surprised expressions.

I wanted to kill the girls glaring at Ivy.

We made it to the table without any killing surprisingly. I watched as Ivy nodded to herself, giving herself that extra boost of confidence before grabbing a piece of toast.

"Ivy."

The voice was too young to be a gossiping, jealous girl. I turned to see Ivy's sister standing behind us. She quickly eyed me and then turned her attention back at Ivy.

She knew.

Just by that glance, I knew she knew. An excited smile appeared on her face as she said, "Are – well, are you and Sirius together?"

It wasn't as if she didn't already know the answer. The excited smile said everything. But Ivy just stared back at her, no answer for her sister.

"I-" she choked, looking down at her shoes.

And I wasn't used to this. Every girl I had previously dated would immediately jump to their feet and proclaim to the word that they were dating Sirius Black. But, Ivy, she was different. She didn't even have any words for this moment. An Ivy-moment.

It made me smile.

"We are," I confirmed for her, wanting to say it out loud. I wanted to tell the world – the whole school – everyone.

Eleanor smiled at me. "Thank you, Ellie. You were right," I added in response to her smile. Holding out my hand, she promptly took it, shaking it with that huge smile on her face.

It was a team effort, after all.

"Hey, wait-" Ivy interrupted us. "She was right about what?"

I shrugged and Eleanor responded, "That night that Sirius and I went down to the kitchens, we talked about your journal."

Ivy didn't look mad about it – that was good. "You – you know about my journal?"

Her sister shrugged with an embarrassed smile. (And it immediately reminded me of Ivy.) "Well, during break, it was just sitting in your room, and I thought it was a new book that I could borrow. So, I read it."

I could practically see Ivy's thought process.

With a smile, I watched as she realized that Eleanor read it, and then she figured it out, and then about Sebastian and Anne.

"You told him about Sebastian?" Ivy came to her conclusion with an incredulous stare. Really, was she that surprised though?

Eleanor just smiled at us. "Well, I'm going to tell Liam that I won the bet."

I chuckled to myself and then turned back toward my breakfast after giving Ivy a knowing smile.

Ignoring Lily's glares, I began enjoying a piece of bacon.

"Um-" Ivy murmured, looking down at the table. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I meant to."

I waited calmly for the Lily lash-out, but instead, she just said, "I expect full details later, I hope you know. Because I'm really interested on how this came about."

Ha, full details – I doubted that Ivy was going to tell her about Sebastian and Anne.

"Uh...okay," Ivy slowly replied, fiddling with her thumbs.

Which meant – "uh, I'll make something up."

Lily smiled brightly at us. I blinked at her. "Well, then, congratulations you two. I never thought I'd see the day when you-" she looked at Ivy, "-finally decided to admit your feelings and you-" she turned her stare on me, "-finally noticed what was right in front of you this whole time. James and I were contemplating throwing you two in a broom closest if this went on any longer and I'm glad to see we don't have to."

I rolled my eyes at Lily's plan, but couldn't help be intrigued. A broom closet would have been _very_ interesting...

Everyone started packing up for class and I waited as Ivy slowly got together her things. She gave me a grateful smile as I stayed with her and then we slowly began walking out of the Great Hall.

Being with Ivy made me realize something.

There were two different types of silence with her – content and worrying. I could tell just by the way she was lagging behind and looking down at the ground that it was the latter.

"Sirius, um..." I glanced over at her, waiting patiently for her to continue. "-why didn't you...get me anything for my birthday?"  
_Oh! _I had almost forgotten about her present – I was so distracted by her that I completely the other part of her present.

I laughed at how she bit her lip and decided to play with her for awhile. "I did you get something – and it was a pretty good present, if I do say so myself."

She raised an eyebrow at me, that lip still tantalizingly behind her teeth.

I smiled as cheesily as possible and said, "You got me, of course."

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "You've got to be kidding me," she exclaimed. "You're not that conceited, are you?"

Little did she know. "Maybe..."

She just shook her head and smiled, probably trying to erase the memory of my remark.

Probably because, even though I could understand her in some rare cases, she was still the mysterious Ivy Bennett.

_My_ mysterious Ivy Bennett.

* * *

A couple little announcements:

1. I may not post for awhile, because it's the ending of the semester and I have CRAZY projects due.

2. GET A TWITTER.

3. You're not crazy - I did post a Camp Rock story earlier this week. I wanted to do something different?

4. I'M HAVING A LIP SYNCHING BATTLE. With Miss Pix/All Around Loon. It's on my YouTube...and her's. And hayleyghoover subscribed to my videos!

That's all I have to say...I think. You all have an amazing weekend.


	29. Silent Treatments

_Chapters 116-119 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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It took Peter an awfully long time to say something. After all of the staring (in the corridors, during class, while eating at lunch and dinner, sitting in the common room), I was expecting the questions. Finally, after Ivy left to go up into the dormitory (and Peter stared at her with wide eyes), he finally said something.

"Why are you dating her?"

I raised an eyebrow at his comment, playing with chess piece in my hand. "What do you mean?"

I couldn't tell what he meant by the comment – it almost sounded like disgust. But it couldn't be – he liked Ivy...well, I think.

"She's Ivy Bennett. You like girls that...aren't Ivy Bennett."

I rolled my eyes at his description, ready with a sarcastic retort, but James quickly interrupted.

"Actually, Wormtail's got a point. You're not using her, are you?"

I stared at them, trying to read the expressions on their faces. They couldn't be serious – did they actually think I would use her like that? She wasn't like any other girl I could just throw away and forget about her.

Remus wouldn't even look me in the eye. He kept his gaze determinedly on the book in front of him.

"I would never do that," I said, emphasizing my words. "I actually like her a lot, okay?"

James gave me a skeptical look. "You say that about every girl you snog. Ivy's different – she doesn't deserve your act of "dating and ditching them." She's been in love with you only fo-"

"You said that already!" I cut him off, frustrated. "Just last night. And I swear, I'm not going to hurt her."

I ignored the way Peter was looking at me with an open-mouthed expression and the fact Remus was still ignoring me. Instead, I locked eyes with James, never blinking, making sure he understood I was being completely honest.

"Solemnly swear?" James asked.

I nodded sharply. "Solemnly swear."

Remus suddenly closed his book and quickly stood up out of his seat. "I have a headache, so I'm going to read over there," he muttered quickly, barely glancing at us before he strode over to the opposite side of the common room. He turned a chair around, facing it away from us and toward the wall and began reading.

James made a face before slowly letting out a breath that sounded like a low hiss. "This isn't good," he said quietly.

Shaking my head, I leaned back in my chair. "I knew he'd be like this." It was only a matter time before he would slip a potion in my pumpkin juice.

"Maybe I'll talk to him," James offered. "It's not like you can just break up with Ivy now; he'd hate you for hurting her. Besides, it's not your fault she loves you."

Did it make me a bad friend for doing this to him? I sighed and then noticed Lily coming down from the dormitories.

She gave us a smile before wrinkling her brow, probably wondering where Remus was. James discreetly pointed over to where Remus was hiding. She glanced over and raised an eyebrow back at us.

Striding over, Lily whispered, "Is he okay?" like he could hear us from all the way over there.

"He'll be fine," James assured her with a smile. "Come on – the library's still open for another hour."

Normally, it would have been my cue to add in a suggestive remark, but instead, I just watched them go with another sigh.

Peter moved in front of me, his wide eyes staring me down. "Do you think you can stay in a relationship?"

I blinked at him, and then answered, "I'm not incompetent – I can be in a relationship, you know."

"But it's...Ivy Bennett," Peter said again, and I definitely heard something off in his voice.

I leaned forward slowly, narrowing my eyes at him. "And what about her?"

He didn't hesitate to answer, "Well, she's not that pretty and she's very quiet and strange and she doesn't talk and likes writing and there's so many-"

His voice trailed off as I gradually leaned in closer to him, an intense look in my eyes. Peter backed away, holding out his hands in defense. "And she's amazing and I'm so jealous of you, Padfoot. I'm so jealous that I can't – _DON'T HURT ME._" Peter raised his arms, shielding his face away from me.

"Let me tell you something," I said as calmly as possible. Peter peered out from behind his cover. "If anything, I'm not good enough for her. She's perfect – beautiful and smart and intriguing, so don't try to say I can find someone better."

Peter nodded frantically. "Okay, you're not going to hurt me, right?"

I moved back in my chair and twiddled my thumbs. "I don't know – what did you say about Ivy again?"

He immediately began mumbling, "She's amazing and you've got the nicest, prettiest girlfriend in the world?"

I had to grin at his frantic tone. "Sounds about right."

My eyes fell onto Ivy quickly coming down the staircase, bounding down the steps and heading over to – Remus?

I watched with a raised eyebrow as she hesitantly made her way over, stopping next to his chair. Maybe Remus would talk to her and she would finally make him see reason.

But, by the way he was ignoring her too, I knew that it probably wasn't going to happen. Their voices carried across the common room (after Remus started raising her voice at her) and I could hear words of their conversation.

Full moon, uncomfortable, hostile...

He _was _being hostile and I had no clue what to do about it. I could only hope that he would get over it sooner or later. I fancied Ivy and she fancied me in return and there was nothing I could do about that. But I couldn't help but feel like I was stealing my friend's girlfriend.

She didn't come over and talk to me after Remus went back to his book. Instead, she teetered on her toes and then made her way back up to the dormitories.

I needed to do something for her – _anything _that would cheer her up. And I had the perfect idea.

-x-

She hesitated, looking at me strangely before taking my hand as I lead her out of the oak doors onto the grounds.

It was still chilly and I knew Ivy was wondering for my sanity as I dragged her further out onto the grounds, trudging through the crunchy snow. She shivered suddenly and I curled my fingers tighter around hers and brought her close to me.

I stopped in front of the oak tree by the lake and gestured for Ivy to take a seat. She looked at me like I was crazy and I laughed. Taking out my wand, I quickly placed a spell on the ground to get rid of the snow and create a warm, dry place to sit.

Ivy smiled at me and we sat down in the shadow of the tree. She immediately rummaged through her bag, taking out her journal to set in her lap. Situating her ink and quills in front of her, she didn't waste any time before scribbling her first sentence.

I grabbed one of her quills and dipped it into the ink, leaning over to see how close I could get to the page before Ivy would freak out. "What are you doing?" It only took a second before she asked.

Keeping a straight face, I answered, "I'm helping you write." I was only centimeters from the page before Ivy yelped, moving away from me.

"Sirius, you can't write in my journal," she tried to tell me.

But I wasn't having it. I stuck out my tongue at her and she laughed, rolling her eyes before going back to her writing. I slowly inched closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what she was reading. Peering over her shoulder, I was only able to read two words before she turned her head to look at me.

I grinned at her and she paused, biting her lip (and I resisted the urge to bring her into a kiss at the sight of it). "Sirius," she said slowly, glancing up at me.

After my murmur of "mmm," she said, "What do you like about me?"

Had she been talking to Peter? How could she not see why I liked her? I moved back, never breaking her gaze as she stared back at me with a nervous expression.

Taking a moment to answer, I tapped my finger on my chin. Ivy let out an anxious chuckle and I smiled at her. "I suppose it's because you're different," I finally answered her question.

She blinked at me, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. I smiled at how adorable she was and leaned forward again and continued, "I also love the way you're shy around others. You just don't open up to everyone – only who's close to you. I love the way you blush when I get too close to you-" I looked down briefly to see her cheeks tinged pink. "-now, for instance." She looked down, the blush worsening. "Every other girl I've ever went out with was outgoing, loud, told me exactly what was on their mind. You, Ivy Bennett, you're a mystery. You're quiet and reserved and I have to fight to know what's going through that mind of your's. And I absolutely love it. I love you."

I didn't even worry about saying those words to her; it just seemed natural, like I had felt like this forever, even though it had took me a long while to finally figure it out.

She took in a shaking breath, a smile playing on her lips. "That's..." she breathed and all I could think was how bright her eyes were and how happy she looked.

She was happy with me – how could I ever think that she didn't like me in return?

"Oh," I remembered, reaching into the pocket of my cloak and closing my hand around the box that held her birthday preset. "I never gave you your birthday present."

Bringing it out in front of her, I waited for her to take it. Instead, she gave me a confused look. "But...you said that you already gave me my present."

I grinned at her puzzled expression and naivety. "You didn't really think all I got you was me, right?"

Ivy laughed and I placed the gift in her hand. She looked at me for a second before lifting off the cover and peering inside.

Holding my breath, I waited for her to say something, _anything_. I didn't know if she'd like the gift; I thought it was pretty and it reminded me of her. But what if she didn't want it?

She took it into one of her hands, bringing it out of the box. Maybe she didn't know what it was – maybe she thought it was an old grandmother brooch.

"It's a hair clip," I told her, surprised to find my voice wavering slightly. "I thought that since your hair longer now, you'd need something to keep it back."

Moving it slightly back and forth, it caught the light. The red tulips shone brightly against the ivy petals and I smiled at the significance of the whole present.

Ivy finally caught my gaze and then I felt the present being pushing in my hand. For a second, I thought she was giving it back.

And that I was in a nightmare.

Or reality – the past days were just a dream. I almost dropped the clip from my shaking hands, eyes widening with the realization that I had either messed up or none of this was really happening.

But then she said, "Can you-?" and I understood. With a relieved sigh and a new smile, I opened up the clip and, hoping I was doing it right, clipped the hair that Ivy was pulling back for me. Her hair thankfully stayed in place and she turned around to face me with a brilliant smile.

"Thank you." Her voice was soft and sincere.

I smiled back at her and whispered, "You're very welcome."

And, instead of resisting the urge, I leaned down, meeting her halfway into a gentle kiss. It was perfect, she was perfect, everything was perfect.

-x-

I fell down into the first chair, my body giving out on me and my breath coming out in a whoosh. Holding my head in my hands, I looked down into my lap and let the night's events replay in my mind.

He was awful and hostile and mean – he had lashed out and I had to push and shove him around.

I _hated _these nights. When he was tolerable, then it was okay. But _these _nights – when he was bottling up his emotions all month and let himself do this...

But it was my fault, right?

I looked over next to me to see James running a hand through his hair and Peter collapsed in a chair.

Madame Pomfrey fretted over Remus's new injuries, silently and quickly, forcing potions down his throat and performing spells on his new scratches.

I watched as Remus took it all; he was so used to it. "It's my fault," I murmured softly, catching James's attention.

He glanced over at me, slowly shaking his head. "No, you didn't-"

"I can't do anything about it," I added, looking down at the floor. "It's...horrible, Prongs – I'm ruining everything."

He continued shaking his head. "You love her," he said softly, so Remus couldn't hear. "There's no crime against it. He won't talk about her anymore and-"

Suddenly, he stopped in mid-word, looking behind me at something. I turned around and saw Ivy standing behind me, biting her lip nervously. She took a hesitant step forward and asked, in a hushed voice, "Is anything...wrong?"

I quickly looked over at James, wondering what to say. "It's just Remus isn't feeling too well," James explained quickly. "He's...feeling under the weather, I suppose."

He couldn't tell her the real reason; she didn't need to hear about Remus's problems, especially when it dealt with her. She wouldn't want to hear about Remus hurting.

But, as she looked over at him in the bed, I knew that she would be able to figure it out. She wasn't stupid, even looking at Remus said everything.

"Remus?"

He wouldn't even look at her. I watched as she slowly made her way over to his bed. James and I shared a quick look before turning back to see Remus met her eyes very quickly.

"Are you okay?" Ivy asked softly.

He was staring at her now – just staring as if he had nothing to say to her.

Maybe I should have felt jealousy when she leaned forward and started tracing the bruise on the side of his face. But I was too preoccupied with the fact that Remus wouldn't even hold a conversation with her – they were supposed to be friends, and because of our relationship, he was going to throw it all away?

He only said one thing to her and it was about his bruise stinging. I couldn't stand to watch this tension anymore. Walking over to Ivy, I pulled her slightly by the arm. "Ivy, let's let Remus get some rest."

She nodded with no fight and he walked out of hearing range, stopping next to the hospital wing doors.

"What happened tonight?" she asked after a bout of awkward silence (and not the good awkward silence).

I sighed, wondering how to answer without making her panic. "Honestly, I don't know, Ivy," I tried to lie. "I wish I could tell you. I think he's not telling us something but we don't know what it is."

I felt awful for lying but-

"Is it about me?"

She _knew_. "What?" I asked.

"I don't think he's telling me something and I have a feeling it's about me." She was visibly shaking, almost as if she was sobbing.

"You're shaking," I said, trying to calm her down, do something to stop her. I placed my hands on her arms, hoping it would comfort her.

"I'm worried," she whispered.

She needed rest – something that would calm her. "Don't worry," I reassured her. "It'll all turn out okay." She was looking down at he floor again, breathing erratically. I leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead, feeling her tremble underneath my touch. "Go back to bed. Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Slowly nodding, she made her way out of the hospital wing doors. I turned back to Remus, wondering what to do next.

James caught my gaze and I knew what he was thinking. We needed to do something for Remus – and the perfect day was coming up.

-x-

"Ah, Ivy!" James noticed her coming down the the staircase first, pulling her into the group. It was early the next morning and James and I were planning a certain birthday coming up.

It was the perfect plan – we were going to get Remus's mind off of his misfortunes and give him the best birthday ever.

"As you know," James continued, "Remus hasn't been feeling well lately-"

"Hard to miss," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

James ignored it. "And his birthday is next week. So, Sirius, Peter, and I have come up with this amazing, spectacular idea. Really, it's genius."

She rolled her eyes again, making me smile. "A surprise party?"

Groaning, James turned to me. "Your girlfriend ruined my explanation," he began whining, even going so far as pouting.

I just grinned. "Don't complain to me. You're her friend too."

"No fair," he muttered, before turning his attention to something behind us. "Lily, love! How nice to see you this morning!"

I rolled my eyes as he ran away from us and then laughed when Ivy had the same look on her face. Taking her hand, I brought her close to me and asked, "Sleep well?"

I kissed her quickly and she pulled away to respond with "okay." After a short pause an a soft sigh, she asked, "How's Remus?"

I shook my head, not exactly sure anymore. He refused to talk all last night and I still didn't know exactly what was going through his head. "Awful, to tell you the truth. That bruise on the side of his face was made by me last night." Ivy's eyes widened and I continued, "He had a rough night – kept attacking everything that moved. I got in his way and had to push him. He hit a wall."

She cringed. "I need to talk to him. I just need to know what's wrong. It's killing me that I don't know."

All I wanted was for Remus to finally admit his problems. "Well, if you succeed at finding out what it is, the rest of us would like to know. Because he didn't tell us a single word."

And, knowing Remus, he was going to try to keep silent as long as possible. And it wasn't going to work. If anything, it was going to worry Ivy to death.

Tightening my grip on her hand, I smiled reassuringly at her. She smiled back at me, but I knew it was forced. Would it always be?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to ignore those thoughts.

No, it was going to work out.

It had to.

* * *

Yes, I wrote a new chapter! And it's pretty long.

Thanks to Suliac Griffin for all of his suggesions - I did use some of them and it helped a lot.

And thanks for reading everyone. You're too awesome.


	30. Forgetting Everything

_Chapters 120-122 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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When I was with Ivy, I had to pause and see if Remus was watching us. It wasn't that I felt guilty – I just didn't want him to be forced to see us. One of his best friends and the girl he still fancied being together had to kill him and I didn't want to torture him even more.

But he was _always _around. All I wanted was to have Ivy to myself and be able to kiss her without Remus watching in the background. With him there, I wasn't _ever _able to do _anything_.

Kiss her quickly and hope Remus didn't see – that was it.

I had no idea what Ivy thought about it. I could see her expression every time I pulled away from her – she bit her lip to try to mask her confusion and maybe even disappointment. I found myself hoping she was disappointed; that meant she wanted something more too.

But it was impossible with Remus.

I sighed, placing my hand underneath my chin and staring forward. My dinner was long forgotten; I was too busy worrying to even think about food. Hopefully, Remus's birthday party would finally end this whole thing.

"Aren't you hungry?"

Looking up, I saw Peter looking at me strangely. This wasn't a strange thing – it seemed like he found a way to look at me like I was crazy every minute.

Ever since I told him that I was dating Ivy.

I ignored him at first, until he began poking me. "Hey, Padfoot, aren't you hungry?" he repeated and I could hear the curiosity in his voice.

Shrugging, I leaned back. "Not really."

James's head snapped up quickly, the food on his fork falling back onto the plate and splattering across the table. "Not hungry?! What is wrong with you and do we need to take you to the hospital wing?"

I managed a laugh. "Nah, I had a big lunch."

That was enough for James. He immediately grabbed another forkful of food. Peter however looked at me skeptically. "Are you tired?"

I shook my head and said, "I'm wide awake actually."

Then Peter's eyes widened considerably and he let out a sharp breath, as if someone punched him in the stomach. I raised my eyebrows at him and he yelped quietly, looking down as if I just threatened to kill or hurt him.

Something was definitely wrong. "What's wrong?" I asked him in a hushed voice, hoping the others wouldn't hear.

Maybe he was disappointed in me. I knew he looked up to me and James, so what if he was disappointed in me because I was going out with Ivy? No, it couldn't be. Not understand why I fancied her was one thing, but this was something totally different.

Peter just gave me one of those looks again. "Are you...hiding something?" he finally asked hesitantly.

"What would I be hiding?" I asked. I didn't have anything to hide anymore. Everyone knew I liked Ivy and he knew about Remus's secret. I had nothing else to hide.

Maybe Peter was just going crazy.

Or...maybe he – no, he didn't fancy Ivy. He had said all of those negative (and absolutely wrong) things about her and there was no way he even looked at her like that.

Peter grabbed me suddenly by the arm and said, in a hushed voice, "I know, Padfoot. It's okay."

I raised my eyebrows at him and wrenched my arm out of his grasp. "What are you talking about?"

He had been acting suspicious and out of place for the past week. What if something happened to him? What if it wasn't even him -

Polyjuice Potion.

I fingered the wand in my pocket as Peter let out a slow breath. "You're a..." He looked around quickly, probably making sure nobody else was trying to listen in. Ivy was sitting a little closer to me than usual, but I didn't turn to see if she was listening or not. I leaned forward to hear Peter whisper, "-vampire."

Oh.

Wait-

"_What_?" I breathed, fighting the urge to laugh at his crazy notion.

He thought I was a vampire? A _vampire_? How did he even -

"You're not tired and you're not eating and you've been different with Ivy. I see what you're doing with her! She's your next prey. You want her blood!"

I couldn't help it – I began to laugh loudly, causing everyone at the table to look in our direction. I could feel Ivy tense next to me, quickly leaning forward to see what was happening. Peter twitched, as if he was going to force her to get out of the way. Like I was going to jump her right here and now and -

The thought had me doubled over in laughter.

"What did I miss?!" James frantically asked, wanting to be in the joke. Remus looked skeptical, probably debating if the joke was worth the laughter.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Peter breathing rapidly, in the middle of what looked to be a panic attack.

I immediately stopped laughing and gave him an intense glare. He stared at me with wide eyes and slowly began to move away.

With a straight face, I grabbed Ivy's hand and said, "Come on, Ivy." She didn't protest – just gave me a confused look – and got up to follow me out of the Great Hall.

I made sure to turn around and flash Peter a quick grin before leaving through the archway. He turned back to everyone at the table with exaggerated hand motions. I could only guess what he was warning them about.

"What was that?" Ivy asked as soon as we rounded the corner.

I grinned at her. "Nothing at all," I teased her, quickly looking behind me to see if Remus was following.

And when I saw he was nowhere in sight, I leaned forward and caught Ivy in a kiss. I had planned to enjoy it, maybe even properly kiss her for the first time in a long time, but then I heard a familiar voice.

It was a reflex; I immediately pulled away, taking a step back from Ivy. She let out a slow breath, looking up at me as if I had just rejected her.

Closing my eyes and sighing loudly, I forced myself to say through clenched teeth, "Are you going to the library?" I knew he was standing behind us, watching our every move.

She blinked a couple times before answering, "Um, y-yeah." There was that lip in between her teeth again.

I ignored it and said, "I'll see you later then."

And I didn't even try to kiss her goodbye. I couldn't when he was there. Instead, I watched as her face fell and she turned away, going up the staircase to the library.

I had to be the worst boyfriend ever.

Turning around, I expected Remus to say something, but he only raised his eyebrows at me as if challenging me. He probably thought I was hurting Ivy on purpose. I sighed and said, "Are you still tutoring that one Hufflepuff tonight?"

Remus nodded. "I'm going right now."

I frowned at the stiffness in his voice and watched him leave.

I was going to go insane if his birthday party didn't work. I couldn't stand this Remus for much longer.

-x-

Leaning back in my chair, I sighed loudly as Lily told us (more like scolded us) about another rule we couldn't break.

"It's for Remus, Lily!" James pleaded, leaning forward.

"You've seen how he's been acting!" I hastily added. "We need to have firewhisky at his party. He deserves the best!"

Lily snorted. "Deserves the best alcohol? I'm sorry, Sirius, but _no_."

We only had about an hour before Remus would come back from tutoring and, at the rate this was going, we weren't going to get our firewhisky or anything worthwhile. Lily wouldn't budge on _anything_ important.

"Convince your girlfriend," I whispered to James.

He shook his head, trying to whisper back without looking too obvious. "I'm not taking advantage of her like that."

"You'd like it," I snapped back. Turning back to Lily, I said, "We need something for Remus's party!"

"No, Sirius," Lily repeated again and again. "James and I are Heads. We cannot just sit back and pretend we don't see it!"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Exactly. We can't bring in the firewhisky on James's birthday – that'd be wrong."

The seat next to me sank down and I looked to see Ivy sitting there. "What's going on?" she asked.

Lily sighed loudly, obviously getting her thoughts in first. "These three want alcohol available during Remus's party. I refuse to let that happen – what if McGonagall found out?"

"Please, Li-llly..." James continued to plead with her. "It'll be the only chance to have a party this big this year. Remus and I are the only ones who have birthdays left, and since Ivy didn't let us throw her a party and I'm supposed to set an example, Remus is our only chance to have a huge party this year."

Ivy leaned forward. "What about the Quidditch celebration?"

James answered before Lily could add her "exactly." "That's after N.E.W.T.S and we want something before to help de-stress and just forget about the pressure. Please, we promise we'll keep it small. Only Gryffindors!"

Lily scoffed again and I rolled my eyes..._again_. "I agreed to the fireworks, streamers, and noise-makers. You agreed to my banner, music, and keeping it only Gryffindors. We're even."

Turning toward Ivy, I explained, "You've seen how miserable Remus has been lately. Maybe some firewhisky will be able to cheer him up. We're doing this for him. Come on, you've got to admit it's a good idea." She wanted Remus to be happy as much as I did. She couldn't see the bad in this.

She paused, looking at me for the longest time before answering, "Maybe you're right."

And just like that, Ivy was on our side. I couldn't help the grin from appearing on my face and then she added, "I mean, a huge massive drunken party isn't such a good idea, but if you kept it small and didn't buy a lot of alcohol. Just...I guess, keep it small. Really small. I don't want anything bad to happen."

I could have kissed her if all of our friends weren't watching. "You're outnumbered, Lily," I exclaimed with a huge grin.

Lily sighed loudly, to show her frustration with us just _once more_ and said, "If it's extremely small."

_And it's a victory!_

I shared high fives with James and Peter and sat back in my seat, extremely pleased. There was no doubt about it - this was going to be the _best_ party Hogwarts had ever seen.

-x-

"REMMY!"

I took a swig of my drink as the guest of honor made his way through the portrait hole. Remus stepped back, his eyes taking in the glorious sight in front of him. Banners, streamers, fireworks, music, and firewhisky – all for him.

It had took hours of planning, but we had done it. A birthday party just for him. And now he wouldn't find a reason to mope around anymore. Success.

I ran up to him with a banner in my hands. "Happy birthday, Moony!"

He stared at me, his mouth set into a fine line. He needed to lighten up and he was going to enjoy himself even if I had to force him.

Throwing the banner over him, I grinned and shoved a new bottle of firewhisky in his hand. "Have fun!"

James immediately came over and whisked the birthday boy away, and I was left with my drink.

Now, where was Ivy?

Turning around, I tried to find her in the crowd, squinting my eyes to see through the masses of people.

She was probably sitting by herself, waiting for the party to end. Or maybe she was talking to Remus – making him finally see reason.

Or did she even know about Remus?

She had to see the look on his face when we kissed. He always looked pained and saddened at the sight of us. Sighing, I took another drink and hoped the firewhisky would soon take my mind off of it.

I saw Peter watching me from across the room and I shot him a dark look for his reaction. He widened his eyes at me and scrambled away quickly. I turned with a grin and went to find a place to enjoy my firewhisky.

Pushing a snogging couple off of the armchair in front of the fireplace, I took the seat and propped my legs up on the table.

"Sirius Black."

The hardened voice made me slowly put down the bottle of firewhisky and cringe. "What are you doing here?" I asked, frowning deeply. I didn't want to deal with her at all.

Marlene McKinnon stood in front of me, with her arms crossed as if she was going to start yelling at me. I hoped not.

I rolled my eyes before she could say anything. "Leave me alone, Mar," I muttered, looking up at the ceiling instead of at her.

She chuckled bitterly. "Why are you with Ivy? It's so wrong."

"Shut up, Marlene." I was going to snap.

"She's not even your type." I couldn't hit a girl, right? "She's too innocent for you." Suddenly, she was crawling on my lap, curling her fingers around my shirt collar. "You need someone with experience. Someone to – you know – fulfill your needs." I watched as she traced her fingers up my arm. Looking up, I saw her lips curved into a sinister smile.

I frowned, trying to move out of her grasp. "Marlene, get off!" She struggled against me, trying to undo my tie.

"Don't try to fight it, Sirius. I know she hasn't been giving you what you want."

And then her lips were on my neck, hot and familiar and _so wrong_. I wound my arms around her frame and then pushed her off of me. She stumbled back and fell into the table with a loud noise.

"What is wrong with you!?" she screeched, reaching out to hit me.

I caught her arm, and said clearly, "Leave. Me. Alone. I'm not touching you, Marlene. You're not Ivy." She stared at me with wide eyes before wrenching her arm away and stomping away.

With a low growl, I continued drinking my bottle to find it was empty. Time to round two.

And to forget everything.

-x-

I rested the bottle (third, forth, fif – who was counting?) against my lips and scanned the room. Everyone was either dancing or talking.

For some reason, I didn't feel like dancing. There was a knot in my chest from something (what was it again?) and I just wanted to sit here and do nothing.

Tilting back the bottle, I drank the rest of the contents and blindly reached next to me for more firewhisky.

Where was it?!

Looking down, I caught sight of a passed-out Peter. Prying the half full bottle from his hand, I swished it around and took a small taste.

Tastes the same.

Shrugging, I downed the bottle and spotted a familiar blonde across the room. A stumbled blonde.

Wait.

Leaning forward (why was my head pounding?) and I squinted to make sure it was Ivy.

It _was. _

She was trying to keep her balance while talking to Marlene (about me?) and then I cringed when I spotted the drink in her hand. Ivy didn't drink. My Ivy would never try it.

Sighing loudly, I took another swig of my firewhisky.

Why was Ivy smiling while talking to Marlene?

I hated Marlene.

Why did I hate her? I racked my brain and couldn't remember.

And then Ivy was looking away from Marlene and pointing at Remus. My old buddy Remus – so faithful and loyal to me. He would never hurt me.

Ivy was staring at Remus with wide eyes like she was having an epiphany (the best word ever...e-piph-any. Piph!) and continued yelling at him. Remus was just listening, replying in his calm way.

I blinked once and the next thing I knew, her lips were on his.

She kissed him.

_My_ girlfriend kissed one of my best friends. My Ivy. And Remus. Together.

Kissing.

Together.

And then she stumbled away out of my sight.

Remus and Ivy – kissing.

_My _Ivy...Ivy...my-

Glancing down, I took one look at my bottle and tightened my grip on it. Tipping back the bottle, I managed to gulp down the rest of the alcohol.

Bottle number...bajillion. Forgetting everything...

-x-

"Oof."

Someone fell into my lap, causing me to drop my new bottle of firewhisky, and I looked to see Ivy giggling only inches from my face.

By that time, I didn't care if she kissed Remus or if she was drunk. She was mine and I was going to show her.

Pulling her close, I smiled at her. "Hullo, Ivy."

Her hands found the back of my head and suddenly, she was kissing me forcefully. Her lips were pressed hard against mine, parting my lips without any hesitation. I opened my mouth and let her in.

She tasted like firewhisky. Not the sweet Ivy I had imagined, but it didn't matter. She was kissing me and I got to taste her for the first time.

I barely noticed how her hands were now pulling at the bottom of my shirt. And then she was moving underneath my shirt and -

"Maybe-maybe we should go ups-" I managed to say in between her kisses.

She captured my lips again and murmured, "Yes, absolutely."

We stumbled up the staircase – and it was never-ending with so many steps and so many kisses and it was -

Oh, wait, dormitory door. Slamming it open, we made our way to my bed. She fell down immediately, taking me down with her. There wasn't a minute wasted. I straddled her, leaning down to pepper light kisses on her neck and nip at the skin.

She reacted with soft noises from the back of her throat.

It had been too long since I had a girl in my bed. Way too long. So long. I needed this – I needed her and I wanted her and there was a willing girl in my bed again. Too long.

Names, needed names.

Names.

Wait, wait, I got it.

"Ivy," I murmured into her neck.

She paused before responding, "Sirius. I love you."

I replied with "I love you" and didn't even hesitate when the words slurred together. No words, just kisses.

Her lips pulled away from mine suddenly and she didn't respond when I inched my hand up her shirt. No moans or groans or anything.

I looked down to see her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly.

An incredulous chuckle escaped from my lips. She was _sleeping_. She fell asleep on me. Without even a second thought, I let myself fall next to her and reached out to pull her next to me.

Sleep.

* * *

You know who's awesome?

Ramenette and Notes-and-Photographs. Ramenette for helping me with this chapter and helping me A LOT with the ending. And Notes-and-Photographs for commenting on this chapter and telling me that it didn't suck as badly as I thought it did.

Actually, it might still suck. It's a bit off and I was really frustrated writing this. It was like I forgot how to write from Sirius's POV. That's what I get for taking a break, I guess.

Oh, list time!

Benefits to Following/Talking to Me on Twitter:  
1. Wordle of the Day - I share the frequent words in a story I haven't posted.  
2. Links to stories I'm not planning on posting.  
3. Knowing when I'm going to update.  
4. Being in with the inside jokes.  
5. You get to be a stalker!

Thanks for everything as always. My reviewers are the best in the world.


	31. To Be Never Separated

_Chapters 124-125 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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* * *

_

I woke up with a jolt to a startling pain in my head and then on my side.

"Wha-" I began to say, but then something furiously started attacking me.

"You're such an _idiot_!" I heard someone shout at me.

With a loud groan, I opened one of my eyes to see Remus standing over me with a furious look on his face. "Wait until I have my hangover potion, Moony." I blindly reached over to grab the bottle that I knew was on my side table, but Remus grabbed my wrist.

"What are you do-"

He threw my wrist down and growled, "You slept with her!"

I blinked and gave him a blank look. "With who?"

He let out an frustrated breath and made a growling sound. "Oh my god, you can't even _remember_. I can't _believe _you!"

I struggled to sit up and placed a hand on my head. I couldn't remember anything that had happened last night. I must have had a lot to drink.

Remus suddenly pushed me hard on the shoulder, knocking me back into the headboard. "What is wrong with you?!" I asked him, eyes flickering up to his angry ones.

"No," Remus immediately responded. "What is wrong with _you _is the better question. God, Sirius." He paused, his mouth set in a hard line. "I don't want to talk to you. Not now, not ever, okay?" he finally spat out, turning before I could respond.

I struggled out of my covers and grabbed my robes on the floor.

"What is going on?"

Barely glancing over at James, I exclaimed, "I think I did something last night and Moony's mad-"

"You don't remember last night?"

I turned toward him sharply. "No. Do you know what I did?"

James swung his legs over the side of four-poster and let out a slow breath. "You might have done something with Ivy."

Ivy...

I couldn't remember her at all.

And then...Remus had said-

"What did you see?" I asked frantically. I couldn't have slept with her. I didn't – I wouldn't do that to her. She was Ivy and she was so innocent. I didn't want to ruin that. I wasn't that stupid. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach.

"Um..." James took his time answering my simple question. I found myself wanting to go over and strangle him. I just needed to know. "You two were snogging each other on the armchair in front of the fireplace for the longest time. And then you left – I guess to come up here. I don't remember anything else."

Oh god.

"I have to go," I said, trying my best not to get sick. Bolting down the staircase, I looked around the empty (and trashed) common room.

He had to be making his way down to the Great Hall. I quickly exited through the portrait hole and started running down the corridors, trying to find out where he was, if he knew anything.

I wouldn't just sleep with Ivy because I was drunk.

I had some restraint, right?

And why was she letting me snog her in front of everyone like that? Why didn't she stop me? Why couldn't I remember -

Oh, wait.

She had been drinking too. And I was so surprised. She would never drink; what had caused her to? Was she trying to show me that she could be fun? Was she persuaded into it?

She was drunk – that's the only reason she allowed it to get that far.

I let out a shaky breath and turned a corner to see Remus quickly making his way down a staircase.

"REMUS!"

He didn't stop.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

At least, I don't think we did anything. I had my clothes on when I woke up and I couldn't remember a single detail from the night before. If I had done anything with Ivy, I would have remembered something.

He stopped on the last stair, turning toward me. "You don't even remember."

I shook my head. "No, I know what we did. We didn't sleep together." It sounded right; it had to be right.

Remus shook his head slowly as I stopped on the last stair next to him. "What were you thinking, Sirius? She was drunk." He lowered his voice, but the angry tone was still prevalent.

"If you forgot, I wasn't in my right mind last night either," I told him, letting my voice drop to an identical tone.

I wasn't going to let him stay angry at me.

"You still had her in your bed. Whatever happened to a slow relationship with her?"

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. I had been afraid to kiss her in front of him and he was criticizing the pace of our relationship? "I have been so careful with her from the very start. I know she's fragile and I didn't want to scare her. We were drunk; it wasn't as if I was planning this." Like I would plan getting her in my bed – she wasn't that kind of girl.

"Or were you?" Remus added, frowning deeply. "I didn't want firewhisky at my party but you insisted on it."

Did he really think I would do that to her? My eyes widened incredulously. "You actually think I planned for Ivy to get drunk and sleep with me? You know I would never do that to her. I respect her way too much for that."

Remus looked up, letting out a scoff.

"You think I slept with her!" I inferred. He thought I would take advantage of her just because I was a sex-starved teenage boy? He _really_ thought of me that way?

"Oh, come on, Remus!" I sighed. Why couldn't he see reason? He was supposed to be the reasonable one. Was he refusing to see reason because he still loved her? "We didn't do anything last night. We just fell asleep and – do you really think I would take advantage of her like that? Is that what you think of me? Or is it just because you're jealous?"

He blinked, his face falling at the question. He didn't think I knew.

"What?" The fake confusion wasn't even remotely convincing.

"You fancy her and it's killing you to see us two together," I began to explain to him. "I understand that but it's also killing her to-"

Shaking his head furiously, he interrupted, "I don't fancy her."

The next words I had planned to say were halted. He wouldn't even admit it. I had seen it from the very beginning and I knew it was going to be difficult for him to see us together. But, even after all that difficulty, he still didn't understand? He had to be lying through his teeth.

"It's okay that you fancy her but the way you're dealing with it is bloody awful. It's been frustrating her and the rest of us. We don't know how to talk to you anymore. And you're doing this all just to show your disappointment with our relationship?"

Remus rolled his eyes and said, in a hard voice, "You figured me out, I guess. Of course I hate everyone because just the two of you got together."

He was just refusing to see the truth. "Don't get angry-" I tried to tell him.

"I'm not angry," Remus interrupted me again. "I just care about her, that's all. Nothing more. I just can't stand the way you automatically assume it has to do with you. I know you wouldn't care if you broke up with her tomorrow, but for her, it'd break her heart. It's not you, it's just her."

It was like his words wouldn't made to comprehend.

I stared at him, trying to understand. He didn't care about me anymore. He only cared about my girlfriend. He didn't want to see us together anymore. He thought I wanted to break up with her.

Break up with her?

How could I break up with her?

I couldn't even imagine it.

Then I noticed Remus staring behind me. Turning slightly, I lost my breath when Ivy was staring back at us. What did she hear? How long had she been standing there?

She immediately looked down at the floor as she took a few steps closer to us. I noticed her hands were shaking violently, as if she was nervous or scared.

Stopping at the step next to us, she let out a choked breath and then whispered, "I can't-" She didn't look up as she shakingly took something out of her hair. My birthday present to her. Holding it out in front of her, she said, "I'm sorry but I just...can't..."

What?

Then I felt it being pressed into my hand.

Without even looking up, she brushed her way past us and down the staircase, disappearing quickly around the corner.

Remus immediately turned around, going back the opposite way without a word.

And I was left there, coming to the sickening realization that I had lost Ivy Bennett. I had disappointed her. I had hurt her.

She was gone.

-x-

At first, I thought it was just a big joke. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to know if it was a trick that she decided to play on me. Something to amuse Remus for the time being. It couldn't be real.

She loved me.

And I loved her.

And people who actually loved each other never were separated, right? Like in romance novels, they always found a way to be together.

-x-

And then, as soon as breakfast ended, I realized that maybe she had only done it for show. Maybe she wanted Remus to think they we weren't together anymore because he was so jealous.

But it didn't matter; he was still jealous. And refused to even glance in my direction.

If I could just talk to her, make sure she was still mine, I would feel so much better. All I wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be fine. It would all work out. And that I understood what had happened and we were still together.

"Sirius?"

I stopped at the familiar voice and turned around.

She didn't even wait for me to say anything.

"It doesn't make any sense. I mean, you and Ivy were in love, right? And if you were both in love, you wouldn't decide to break up for no reason, right? However, Remus does pose a potential problem. However, he seems sensible enough, and I don't think he'd get in between you on purpose. He cares for Ivy too much to do that to her. None of this makes sense."

I stared at the young girl for a second and shook my head slowly. "What did she tell you, Eleanor?"

She looked back at Liam, who was standing a few paces away, watching us. "Um, she said she was coming in between a friendship."

"And she wanted to sit with us from now," Liam added.

I blinked. "She didn't say she was planning this for Remus's benefit or as a trick or something?" There had to be an ulterior motive – it couldn't be real.

Eleanor and Liam both shook their heads. "No," Eleanor finally said. "But people who love each other are never separated, right?"

I bit back a response.

-x-

And then realization set in.

She avoided me, sitting away during class time and with Eleanor and Liam during mealtimes. I never took my eyes off of her, but she never noticed. Instead, she stared down at the desk and table, concentrating on her essays and schoolwork or food.

But never me.

I wasn't a part of her life anymore. But she was still in mine. Everything was about her.

"I need to talk to her," I mumbled quickly the next day, trying to get away before anybody else noticed.

But then Lily was forcing me back into my seat. "No." She shook her head furiously. "She needs time, Sirius. Don't bother her. Let her have some time to think things through. If she really loves you, she'll come back."

But I couldn't give her time when I didn't know what she was thinking. "I never got to talk to her about that night-"

"NO!"

Lily grabbed my wrists and slammed them down on the arms of the chair. "You are not going to talk to her. You are not going to even think about talking to her. You are going to stay in this chair and mope, and only mope. Nothing else, got it?"

I looked at her with wide eyes, and tried to come up with all of the ways to disappear through the chair. "You can't pin me to the chair forever."

As soon as she let go, I was going to go up to the girls' dormitory (wand at the ready for the anti-slide charm) and then I was going to tell Ivy everything. She couldn't stop me.

"How does hundred points from Gryffindor sound?"  
I didn't have time to answer. "Uh..." a new voice said. "What are you doing?"  
James was staring at us with a widened, curious eyes.

"And you!" Lily suddenly said, pointing over at James with one hand (while keeping her other hand on my wrist). "Don't even speak to Ivy if you ever want to touch me ever again."

James quickly exchanged a look with me. "Okay, yeah, that sounds like a good deal, no complaints there," he hastily agreed.

"And you'll tell me if Sirius tries to even look at her?"

Groaning, I tried shaking my head discreetly at James, but Lily turned to give me a dark look before glancing back at James.

"Um, yeah, sure," James said.

And I had nothing hard to hit my head against.

-x-

"One prank!"

"No."

"A half?"  
"No – how is that possible?"

James shrugged, leaning forward. "We could come up with a half prank."

I continued staring up at the ceiling, mindlessly playing with Peter's Remembrall. "Remus would never agree to it."

There was a loud sigh, and then James said, "It's been almost two weeks since that stupid fight. When is everything going to go back to normal?"

The answer was automatic. "Never."

James's face was suddenly looming above me. "You haven't been yourself for _two _weeks, Padfoot. You know how frustrating it is to deal with you now?"

I spun the Remembrall in my hands. "Wouldn't want Lily to dock off points now, would you?"

It was the answer I always gave when he tried to convince me to talk to Ivy or even try to talk to Remus. I had tried talking to Remus, but it always ended the same way: an awkward pause and then he would leave without saying anything to me.

He suddenly shoved me. "You need to get your mind off of her."

I had an automatic answer for that too. "Let's see how long you can go without thinking about Lily. Go."

Only a second passed before James said, "That's not even right. You say her name and _of course _I'm going to think about her."

I pulled myself to a sitting position. "Exactly. So, stop telling me to stop thinking about Ivy."

"Only if you stop moping."

I didn't hesitate to answer. "Never."

Or when I got to see her smile again. It had been two weeks without a smile and she deserved one. Even if it wasn't from me – I could deal.

Maybe we really were over.

Maybe everything was done.

All I needed to see was a smile to make sure.

* * *

A little on the short side, but it's a new chapter! Gasp. And it's a bit fragmented, but that's Sirius's thoughts.

I'll have a new Remus POV chapter up soon. And if you haven't noticed, I have a Eleanor and Liam story up too. That's probably why they keep showing up in this story. I love them to death.

And I'm out of college for the summer. So maybe we'll get a new chapter sooner than...three weeks. (Sorry.)

Thanks for everything!


	32. Right Again

_Chapters 126-129 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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* * *

_

Rolling over, I found the calendar underneath my bed and, after fumbling with the quill hidden between the pages, marked another day with a X.

"What is this?"

Someone grabbed the calendar away from me quickly. I knew who it was and I didn't want to put up a fight. He would start talking about how we needed to resolve our issues and get back together. Peter was the opposite – he kept trying to point out other girls in hopes that I would return to my previous womanizing ways.

But I didn't want that. Not now.

"Are you _seriously _this obsessed over her?" James asked, looking down at me.

I groaned, wanting to go back to sleep instead of being interrogated. I had to deal with it all day and I didn't want it to ruin my morning too. "She's di-"

"Different, yeah, got that. If you just explained to Remus how-"

I rolled my eyes. "How much I ruined everything? Oh yeah, that'll get him to hate me even more. And all I want to do is talk to her – see how she is dealing with this-"

It was just a quick eye roll to the ceiling, but I saw it! And I knew he was hiding something.

"What did you do?" I asked as I got up to stare him down.

James shrugged, trying to make himself look innocent. "Well, you know about my birthday party and how it's probably going to lame because of this fight because you and Remus won't even talk to each other and-"

"Get to the point!" I interrupted him.

"I went to see Ivy," he said in a rush.

I blinked. "Did she..._talk_ to you?" If they had talked, then maybe there was a chance that they could get her back. Maybe James had talked some sense into her. _Finally._

He nodded quickly. I let out a slow breath. This could actually _work_.

"It's not good news, Padfoot." I raised an eyebrow at James's grave expression. What did she say? Did she never want to speak to me again? Did she think that we slept together? "She doesn't want to come back."

"What?"

James slowly shook his head. "I don't know. She said that she couldn't come between you and Remus. She doesn't want to see you two fight anymore-"

I scoffed. "Has she seen us now? She hasn't made this any better-"

"She knows she caused it. Without her, none of this would have ever happened. She's trying to let everyone be happy again."

I about laughed at that statement. "Oh, yeah, I'm bloody fantastic right now."

"You can at least _try_," James tried to argue with me. As usual. Everyday, it was the same thing. _Padfoot, let's do a prank. Padfoot, there are other girls. Do you want to go to Hogsmeade? _

"I'd like to see you try to be happy if you lost Lily," I muttered in response.

James shrugged and turned away. "Then be miserable for the rest of your life. The Marauders can be known as the Miserable Marauders – I think the alliteration there is quite nice, don't you think?"

I didn't answer as he quickly exited the dormitories.

At this point, it seemed as though the Marauders didn't even exist. The last time Remus had talked to me had been three days ago – in a cold murmur of "have you seen my Potions book?"

And April Fools was only a week away – our _last _April Fools. With no prank, it was going to be the worst April Fools. And the whole school would hate us.

I winced, realizing that there was no way out of it. If Remus was going to refuse to talk to me, this was going to continue forever.

-x-

April Fools – it would have been labeled as the worst day of the year if not for the fight between me and Remus, the breakup with Ivy, and the whole chaos with everything. But, if not for all of that, then _this _would have been the perfect example of the disaster so far.

I could tell everyone was waiting – their eyes were burning into the back of my neck. I only stole one glance over at Ivy. She was sitting with her sister and Liam, looking down at her food. Liam was the only one who was watching our table.

I could practically hear the disappointment as we left the room. The sighs and groans followed us out of the Great Hall and James immediately turned to me.

"Great. Now the whole school's disappointed in us."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Yeah, and we could have avoided that if _someone_ wasn't being such a-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Remus cut me off with a dark look before stalking back off toward the Great Hall.

Peter sighed loudly and I was sure even Remus heard. "This is getting ridiculous," he exclaimed.

I glowered at him while James said, "Wasn't it always?"

"Is it ridiculous that I can't be in a relationship because someone else is jealous?" I added quickly.

And both James and Peter had nothing to say to that.

-x-

And Peter – he wouldn't give up.

He was convinced that this whole fight and break-up was just a game or something. Every day, he stopped me in the middle of the corridor and pulled me aside.

"Okay, let's go."

Sighing, I leaned back on the wall. "We've been over this before, Wormtail. I don't want-"

"No!" he exclaimed, pulling me forward out of nowhere. A bit surprised, I watched as he pointed at a brunette. "Her, Padfoot. What about her? She's pretty."

I didn't even hesitate. "She's not blonde."

Peter gave me an exasperated look. "Exactly." He then pointed to another girl – a Hufflepuff with blonde hair. "Okay, if you like blondes so much, how about her?"

I shook my head. "She's walking with a strut."

"That's good!"

"No, that's not-"

Peter grabbed me again suddenly. "Don't say her name."

I turned toward him and said, in a low whisper, "Ivy, Ivy, Ivy."

He automatically recoiled, shrinking back away from me. "No, you can't mention her!"

I would have laughed at his reaction, but instead, I continued, "Ivy, Ivy, Ivy Bennett. I love Ivy Bennett."

Peter watched me, huddled against the wall as if I was going to attack him. "You are crazy and _obsessed."_

Again with that word. Obsessed would be Remus's reaction. I just needed her back; I just wanted her back as a part of our group.

"Tell Remus that," I exclaimed bitterly, forcing out his name.

Peter fell into an awkward silence and I looked away from his twitching form and out into the crowd.

"Hey, how about her-"

I didn't even glance at him. "Don't even try it."

And I could feel him recoiling back into the wall without a word.

-x-

My calendar told me it had been five weeks.

It had felt like an eternity...forever...a long timeless void.

James just rolled his eyes when I told him and complained about how he wasn't going to listen to this anymore. I threatened him to charm my mouth shut. He did. I knew the counter and it was like it never happened.

Before, we would have laughed about it.

Now, everything was different.

And if Remus could just -

If, if, if, if.

Why not when?

Why couldn't we just end this stupid fight? Why couldn't he see that I didn't do _everything_ wrong and he was also to blame?

Pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind, I rolled out of bed to get through another day.

I could feel Remus staring the moment I moved. I sighed, turning toward him. He gave me his signature look of disgust and exasperation.

I was supposed to ignore it as always. I was supposed to walk away and pretend like he was invisible as always. I was supposed to refuse to say anything to him.

But I couldn't do it anymore...

"You know what?" I exclaimed, catching the attention of everyone in the room, including James who was on the way to get ready.

He grabbed me, holding me back. "Don't, Padfoot. You don't want to do this."

I wrenched my arm back. "No, I'm sick of this." Ignoring the reactions of everyone around me, I stomped my way over to Remus who watched me unflinchingly from beside his bed.

"You. You stand there and accuse me of ruining everything and causing Ivy to run away. But, no, it wasn't me. I didn't do a single damn thing. I might have gotten a bit drunk and god forbid, we snogged. And you – you let your stupid jealousy get in the way and went off about how I stole her innocence or something. But do you want to know something, Remus? She _loved _me. She was happy with _me. _And you took that from her. Because of your idiotic jealousy, not only am _I _miserable, but you know she is too. James talked to her a couple weeks ago and she said the only reason that she's not happy is because she's trying to deal with _your _jealousy. And you said I wouldn't care if I broke up with her because she's just another girl, well, she's not. She's Ivy Bennett and she's amazing and she _was _our friend until you ruined everything. So, it's not me, Remus. It's you and it's always been you and if you would stop being so bloody annoying, you would realize that."

I took in a deep breath, never dropping his gaze.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. The air in the room was heavy and I knew everyone was waiting with baited breath for Remus's answer.

"Did she really say that to James?" he finally asked.

I let out a breath and turned slightly to look at James. He was watching us intently. "Yeah, he talked to her and she thinks she's getting between us," I said.

Remus took in a shaking breath, holding onto the bed post. His eyes were downcast now. "Does she hate me?"

I hesitated, and then responded, "No, I don't think she hates you. She could never hate you – you know she likes you too much." _But not the way he wants_, my mind quickly added.

He sunk down, sitting on the bed. "She's miserable?"

I nodded slowly. "I don't think she's happy. She's been trying to get us to be friends again and it's not working. She knows that she failed."

Remus suddenly looked back up at me. "No, it's because she misses you."

I shuffled slightly. "I suppose."

Why wasn't there any yelling back? Wasn't he supposed to respond with his own arguments instead of just sitting there? I glanced back at James who shrugged at the expression on my face.

"I'm an idiot," Remus exclaimed.

"Didn't I just say that?" I responded without thinking first.

I expected him to be mad when he looked back up at me but there was no anger in his eyes. "You're right. She _has _to hate me."

James quickly intervened. "No, no, she doesn't hate you. You just have to talk to her."

"Or we have to show her that we're still friends," I added.

Remus shrugged. "How? I can't just walk up to her and ask if she would fancy a chat. And what could we do to show everyone that we're still friends?"

"A prank!" Peter piped up, running over. "An awesome one, since we didn't do one for April Fools Day and all."

The 'no' that I was waiting for never came. Instead, Remus nodded. "Anything to get her back." He surprised all of us with his comment. And he surprised me most of all when he nodded my way. "And with Sirius."

Peter was practically jumping up and down with excitement. "Ooh, I got it. We should use some of that green goo we got from Zonko's!"

James grinned, pulling out a piece of parchment. "Already ahead of you."

And everything was on the way to becoming right again.

-x-

"Clear over here!" Peter called out from the other side of the corridor.

"And here!" Remus supplied on our side.

James grinned at me and I matched it. "So, this is supposed to solidify on the floor?" I asked, as we grabbed the first pail of the concoction. Reaching in, I pulled out a handful of the green lumpy goo.

"It'll turn into a hard, reflective substance once it settles onto marble," Remus explained, walking over to us. "If on something else, it will sustain this state of matter."

James overturned the pail and it fell onto the floor. It quickly spread across a small section of floor, turning into a slippery, hard substance. "I can't wait to see McGonagall try to walk on this," he proclaimed.

Such a great mental image.

We began to distribute the pails to spread around. It only took ten minutes for most of the corridor to be covered. By this time, students were beginning to gather. With knowing grins on our faces, we continued with our work.

I couldn't help but look for Ivy in the crowd. I wanted her to see us working together. I wanted her to finally realize that we were friends again and everything was going to be all right.

"Hey, let's drop this last pail from up there!" Peter shouted, pointing up the staircase.

We didn't need to be told twice. Within seconds, we were leaning over the railing, balancing the pail in front of us.

"Ready?" James asked.

Our answers weren't even voiced. The pail was already tilted and spilling out its contents on the fl-

No, not the floor.

A girl.

With blonde hair.

Oh god.

People jumped back, screaming their surprise as they tried to get out of the way. Yet, Ivy just stood there, only moving one hand through her now green hair.

I could see her scanning the crowd and I immediately pulled the rest down to hide behind the railing. She turned slightly, resting her eyes on the staircase.

I ducked but heard her call out, "I see you."

James immediately stood up without a fight. He was worried she was angry with us – but she wasn't angry.

She was amused.

The anger in her voice wasn't real – her voice was almost shaking. If she had been angry, there would be no hesitation in her voice.

Ivy moved her head and her gaze rested on the rest of us. Peter and Remus immediately put on smiles to make her feel better about the whole situation.

But I just let the corners of my mouth turn upward as I leaned forward to get a good look at her. She narrowed her eyes at me, but I knew she wasn't angry at all.

She wanted to laugh. She needed to laugh at herself because it was just that hilarious.

When the look in her eyes didn't fade away, I did the only thing I knew I could.

Moving back from the railing, I let out a laugh that ruined the silence in the corridor. She widened her eyes at me and I couldn't help it – she looked so lost while covered in green slime.

It was the perfect hysterical sight.

"Don't you know better than to walk into one of our pranks?" I asked her as I reached the bottom of the staircase.

She tried to brush the liquid out of her hair but it only caused it to spread and I continued to laugh. "I just wanted to tell you that I miss you," she said quickly.

I stopped my sigh of relief at her words and instead, stopped in front of her and waited for my racing heart to calm down. "Really?" I asked, stalling for time. "How much?"

She blinked a couple times, staring at me as if she had no clue how to answer. "A lot?" she whispered in an unsure voice.

_A lot._

I chuckled; if only that could sum up everything I had gone through.

"Did you feel as though you were lost without me? That you couldn't live? You couldn't sleep at night because I haunted your dreams and even during the day, your daydreams were interrupted with my face? Could you wake yourself up in the morning without having your roommates having to drag you out of bed? Did you think about me every second wondering what you could have done differently to avoid this awful situation?" I reached out and she didn't flinch from my touch. I paused, reveling in the fact. "Did you wish for a minute to talk to me because you just couldn't stand not hearing your name spoken from my lips? That much?"

And when I brushed back her hair, she didn't show any motion of running away. Instead, she stared back at me and whispered a quick "yes" in a breath.

I couldn't help but grin. "Good," I exclaimed, bringing her close to me. "Because I've missed you even more than that."

She didn't move away as I leaned forward and, ignoring the way my heart was still pounding furiously, kissed her for the first time in five weeks.

Right then, _everything_ was right again.

* * *

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	33. Boundary Lines

_Chapters 130-131 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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"You know what I want to do?"

It was the night of the "Infamous Marauders' Prank 1978" and we all getting sitting in the deserted common room, long after everyone else had gone up to the dormitories, celebrating our success. I swear I even saw a smile on Dumbledore's face and McGonagall definitely was trying to hide her amusement.

The Marauders were officially back in business.

Leaning over to poke Peter awake, I looked over in James's direction. "What?"

He leaned back over the couch, looking at me upside down. "I want a time-turner so I can go back to sixth year and tell you everything that happens to you and me and everyone this year."

I laughed, grabbing a licorice wand. "Oh, that _would _be interesting."

Remus rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face. "This time last year Lily didn't want anything to do with Prongs and Padfoot here was seeing Sylvia."

I 'hmm'ed, thinking back to the Sylvia dilemma. "You know, I don't remember much about her."

"Do you even remember what she looks like?" James asked, probably as a joke.

I pondered the question for a second, reaching in to the deep recesses of my memory before responding, "She was a brunette and in Hufflepuff, right?"

My remark was met with a round of applause. "Shit, mate, you _do _remember," James exclaimed, frantically brandishing his own licorice wand at me.

Peter was rubbing his eyes as if he was crying over it. Seriously. "I think you're growing up."

"Or my memory is just getting super amazing," I added with a knowing smirk. Or I remembered because Ivy was involved in the whole Sylvia dilemma. But I wasn't about to say that out loud.

James started shaking his head suddenly. ""No, I think I would just like to inform you that you are finally settling down with one girl and relinquishing your man-whore ways."

I took a quick glance at Remus – who was in the middle of an exasperated eye roll – to make sure he was okay with talking about it. It was still a new subject and I didn't want to start anything over again. However, he didn't look offended by James's comment.

"And I would've laughed at you and taken you to the mental ward of St. Mungo's, ," I finally answered.

"You would have trouble grasping the fact that you aren't already…you know…" Peter added quickly, blushing at the subject. Poor little, innocent child.

I opened my mouth to argue but there was nothing to say to that. He was right; I wouldn't believe it – Ivy was special and different and I didn't understand anything about a careful relationship until I was with her. Before that, it was all fast and hectic – snogging in less than two seconds. I opened my mouth and then closed it immediately, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Use your words, Sirius." Remus put in with a smirk.

James didn't even wait for my response. "You treat her like...like a puppy."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "A what?"

"A puppy! Y'know! It's like the same concept! You take care of it, don't let it fall off the bed-"

"Why would I snog a puppy?" I retorted, laughing.

James threw his arms up in frustration. "You get the point!"

I couldn't tell if this was a good or bad thing. I shrugged in response. "Yeah, I suppose." When no one said anything, I went on to elaborate, "I guess she deserves that. She deserves to be treated differently-"

"You know she hates that, right?"

I blinked at the interruption, turning around. "What?" I asked.

I watched as Remus shrugged, glancing down at the Chocolate Frog in his hands. "You can just see how she hates being treated like she's fragile. We all do it and we never think twice about it. Don't you think that's partly the reason why she left – to show us that?"

"Yeah! Even girls want to snog the pants off of us," James exclaimed. "Even if they're all shy and quiet like Ivy."

Remus slapped his forehead. "Not the point, James."

She had never said anything to me about how I treated her. I thought she wanted everything to go slow, considering that she was so innocent and probably hadn't even let any other guy touch her; it was how I showed her that she was different from my other relationships.

"Maybe she just left because..." Peter said slowly, holding his head as if it hurt to think.

"Don't hurt yourself, Wormtail," James interjected.

"...because she wanted to?" He let out a groan because of his lack of a better answer.

I raised my eyebrows at his pained expression while James clapped Peter on the back in a sympathetic gesture. ""It's okay, Wormtail. Girls are mental. They tell you that they look fat while they're secretly wanting you to snog them against a wall."

I had to agree with James on the point of girls being insane. Especially one named Ivy Bennett, I added to myself, leaning back against the couch, storing Remus's words away for future use.

-x-

"Hey!"

I stirred at the sudden noise and buried my face in the pillow.

Too early...

"You all-" I drowned out the noise by pressing the pillow to my ears and snuggled deeper under my covers. More sleep...late night...

"Sirius..."

The voice next to my ear jolted me back to consciousness. I growled softly underneath my breath, not even bothering to open my eyes. If James thought he could do this again, he was sadly mistaken.

"Sirius, wake up..."

I could feel something only inches away from my face. Quickly, I reached out and grabbed his wrist to find it smaller than...wait-

Damn.

Opening my eyes, I saw someone who was definitely not James staring back at me.

"Good morning," I managed to say after clearing my throat a couple times. She just stared back at me, so I let go of her wrist and continued with a laugh, "I thought you were James playing a prank at me. He used to try waking me up using a feminine voice all the time. He's pretty good at it."

She was smiling then. "I bet you're glad I'm not James."

"Immensely," I exclaimed, my voice on the verge of breaking. "So much better waking up to you than his ugly face."

I laughed again, taking a quick glance around the room. Peter was the only one left, making me wonder what had happened to everyone else. And why was Ivy in the dormitory in the first place? Not that I was complaining or anything.

She stood up as I moved to watch her. To my surprise, she didn't look that unnerved to be standing in the middle of the dormitory. Maybe Remus was right. Maybe she didn't want to be treated like she was fragile anymore.

Although I doubted that she wanted to be 'snogged against a wall,' as James so eloquently put it.

It happened in a quick second.

She stumbled and I reached out to steady her. Instead, I pulled too hard and brought her onto the bed.

It was an accident – I didn't plan to do it so I frantically began to think of apologies that were just a mess of words.

But – if what Remus said was right...

She let out a gasp and immediately tried to scramble away. Was she embarrassed because of her reaction or mine – did she want to get up – was she afraid of facing me?

Ignoring all the questions, I let myself laugh softly and reached out, placing my hands on either side of her face.

Her eyes were wide and curious. "It's okay," I said softly, trying to reassure her.

She didn't pull away or make any motion to leave this time. And I took my chance, leaning forward to kiss her.

She hesitated and I almost stopped breathing, sure that I was wrong – _Remus _was wrong. I was scaring her – this was too fast -

But then she slowly moved her lips against mine and I could tell that this was what she wanted. She wanted something more.

That I could do.

-x-

No problem?

Okay, that was just a teensy little lie. I did have a slight problem. With Remus telling me that she wanted more and Ivy finally reacting to my advances, I thought that everything was finally perfect. Except for the _tiny _problem of having no idea where the new boundary line was.

Before it was right there – at the front.

I could toe it without barely even moving. Frustrating as it was, I knew _exactly _what I could and could not do with Ivy. And I was starting to understand and now, the line was somewhere else.

I needed her to say something – to tell me where it was. Tell me how she was reacting. Tell me what she was thinking.

However, with NEWTS approaching, she was too preoccupied with studying to barely even talk to me. There was no time to ask her – only at meal times, and I didn't want to question her in front of everyone.

But I _needed _to know.

"Hi, Sirius."

She didn't even glance up at me as I stopped next to her armchair. She was writing an essay (of course) and by the way she was biting her lip, she had been working for awhile. Which gave me the incentive to cheer her up.

I grinned at the look on her face and, wanting her to look up, said, "Hello beautiful."

It was almost instant. Her eyes were on me as soon as I said the last part of the word. "Did you just call me a pet name?"

I laughed. "Don't like it?"

She paused, looking back down quickly as if she was trying to let me down easy. It was okay if she didn't like it – if she hated it, I didn't have to call her any names. But all I was saying was the truth – why couldn't she accept the compliment?

"It's just...strange," she finally exclaimed.

I chuckled at her description and leaned down for a kiss. Immediately, I pulled back, watching her face for any reaction.

Disgusted? Anxious? Nervous?

Instead, she just bit her lip, looking away from my gaze.

Ivy Bennett, what do you want from this relationship? Be straightforward and clear about it for once! "Okay, what's on your mind?" I asked instead.

Longest pause ever.

She wasn't going to tell me. She was going to say that everything was fine. It probably was for her. Why couldn't she just say what was on her mind for once in her life? Merlin, why did I have to pick "the girl who wouldn't say anything" to fall in love with?

"A-are you attracted to me?"

I blinked once, my train of thoughts halting, and then raised an eyebrow in her direction. Oh c'mon, she had to be joking. "Are you being serious?"  
Her answer was immediate and just slightly wavering. "Yes."

She thought I wasn't attracted to her.

She thought I was holding back.

She wanted more – probably much more than chaste kisses and reassuring smiles.

I had been worrying over _nothing_.

Oh Merlin, help me. At this rate, I was going to drive myself insane.

Letting out an incredulous laugh, I watched as her expression darkened. Oh dear, what did I do now? Did she think I was rejecting her? After all we've been through, she still didn't understand?

I leaned forward and, catching her hesitant gaze, whispered, "Very much so."

Her eyes widened considerably and her lips parted in a surprised expression. I took it to my advantage, closing the gap to fix all those fears she had of our relationship.

"You'd think-" I heard only a couple seconds in. "-that they would find a better and maybe more secluded place to snog."

Ivy stalled against my lips and I growled. "Like in the corridor."

"Behind a tapestry."

"Against the wall."

I pulled away long enough to say to the bystanders, "Shut it! I wasn't the one almost having sex on the couch!" I could feel the heat rising to Ivy's cheeks. "Ignore them," I whispered quickly.

She pulled away only slightly, her nose still grazing mine.

Turning, I glanced over to see James and Peter standing next to us with dumb grins on their faces like they had never seen anyone snogging before. Actually, knowing Peter, he probably closed his eyes if he saw someone snogging. "James, go snog Lily. Peter, go...snog the wall."

Peter's wordless sputtering was ignored as I turned my attention back onto Ivy who was furiously blushing (big shocker there), but still looked quite amused. "Thanks," she said softly and before I could even ask her what for, her lips were on mine once again.

-x-

Quickly making my way down the corridor, I barely noticed passing the Ravenclaws who were walking the other way.

I was already to the end of the corridor when I heard the "Sirius?" Forcing myself to stop, I turned around to see Eleanor and Liam.

"Hey!" I hastily said. "How are you? That's great. I've got to get going now."

Eleanor gave me a strange look as I teetered back and forth on my toes, ready to disappear into the library. "What are you doing?"

Pointing behind me, I said, "Going to the library. Gotta study for NEWTS, you know. Tough exams. Very tough."

Eleanor and Liam shared a quick glance and I debated whether or not I could run away before they noticed.

But then their eyes were back on me.

"You're not going for the exams," Liam announced.

"You wouldn't be rushing around to study," Eleanor added. "In fact, by the way you look like you're about to desert us, I'd say you're going to meet someone. And since you're Ivy's boyfriend, I think it's safe to assume you're going to meet with her."

I blinked. "Sure," I answered the unspoken question, putting my foot back to try and get out of there.

"Oh!" Eleanor suddenly said, stopping me in a tracks. I could have groaned. "And since you're so impatient, it's obvious that you're not getting what you want from Ivy."

I raised both of my eyebrows at her remark, wondering exactly what she was going to say next and how I was going to censor it. I didn't need her telling me that I was sexually frustrated.

"You want-"

"Okay!" I interrupted her. "Nice talking to you. Got to go study now. See you later Eleanor and Lancelot!"

The yell of "It's Liam!" followed me down the corridor as I finally rounded the corner into the library. Madame Pince gave me a dark look as I hurried in to find Ivy.

She was watching me from the nearest bookcase and, as soon as I caught sight of her, motioned me down the row of shelves.

"It's not that crowded as usual," she said, peering down an aisle. "There's a table back there."

A secluded one – hidden behind the bookshelves and perfect for some alone time. It had been _four days _since I was last alone with Ivy. Eleanor was partially right about not getting what I wanted. I wanted Ivy – for a snog.

And even though -

No, I couldn't distract myself with those thoughts.

Putting down my books, I watched as Ivy took a seat next to me, gathering all of her items in front of her, even situating her ink bottle just right.

She flashed me a quick smile before settling down to work.

And I _tried _to get something done. I really did. I even started writing the ingredients in the Essence of Dittany but Eleanor's direct statement had put my mind somewhere else. She probably didn't even realize what she was saying – just a comment on how relationships go – but now she had...

No, studying.

Glancing over at Ivy, I watched as she furiously wrote down everything without even looking at her textbook. She only paused to brush her hair back once (giving me a clear view of her perfect profile and flawless skin and...)

Without even thinking first, I moved my hand over to lightly touch the side of her body. She immediately stiffened and her writing stalled, but she didn't pause to look at me. I could hear her taking a deep breath and I chuckled at her reaction as she let out a shuddering breath.

Her reaction fueled me to go farther.

I caught her offguard by leaning forward and slowly placing a kiss on her jaw.

And her quill went rolling off the table as she tilted her head to urge me to continue. "Sirius..." I sounded almost as if she was warning me, but I could hear the breathiness in her voice. She wanted me to continue. I moved down and felt her tense under my lips. I could feel her pulse was beating erratically and I softly moved to the side to continue wherever her skin was uncovered. (Which was more than usual – her top two buttons were undone, giving me access to her collarbone.)

"We're supposed to be s-studying," she half-whispered and I could feel her words on my lips.

I muttered "I'm studying you" against her neck and she took in another shuddering breath.

"R-really...we have to study..." Her breathy whispers were saying otherwise.

Pulling away, I said. "You don't have to worry about that; you probably already know everything."

She was quick to retort. "What about you?"

Did she seriously think I was going to get anything done with her next to me with _two _buttons undone and four days of no contact between us?

"I think I'm allowed a break from studying to spend some time with my girlfriend and show her how much she means to me," I answered her question with a grin.

She wrinkled her nose but I could see in her eyes that she wasn't protesting. My grin grew wider at the thought. "Well, if you insist..." she finally exclaimed with a small smile on her face.

"Oh, I do," I responded without pause.

Studying would just have to wait.

* * *

Awesome people:  
Ramenette for telling me I sucked. Because this chapter in its early stages did, in fact, suck.  
And Akierin for being so amazingly awesome and helping me fix this chapter. So, without her, there wouldn't be a chapter this weekend. And you should totally read her story Inevitable because it's really good and suspenseful and I love it.

Here's a chapter of fluff for you all to enjoy.

There was so much fluff I almost _died_. But I wrote it for you!

Thanks for reading!


	34. A New Order

_Chapters 132-133 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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"You have to teach me that!"

Looking up from the essay I was "working" on, I saw James striding over to me with a huge grin on his face, waving something in front of me.

I blinked, pushing aside the chess pieces I was procrastinating with, and tried to look at the object that was being shoved in my face. "Teach you how to play chess?" Lifting a piece in the air, I brandished it, showing each side. "_This _is a pawn."

"Shut up," James exclaimed, knocking me over. "What spell did you use to make this appear out of nowhere? It wasn't a summoning charm or anything, right?"

Taking the piece of parchment out of hand, I turned it over. "Why the hell would I send you a blank piece of parchment?"

James shrugged. "I dunno. I thought you forgot to add something. But, bloody hell, that was an amazing spell. It just twisted itself out of midair-"

Shaking my head, I kept checking the parchment for any sign of writing. "That wasn't me, Prongs. I didn't send you anything."

James's eyes widened and he snatched the parchment out of my hands. "You don't suppose it's from a Slytherin or anything, do you?"

I frowned. "It probably would have exploded if it was," I muttered darkly. As an afterthought, I added, "Besides, they're too busy with this Voldemort bullshit to care about lousy Gryffindors anymore."

I didn't expect James to respond, but he surprised me with, "Have you talked to your brother lately?"

I winced; it was the one thing I always refused to talk about, but every so often, James pressed for some information. "No," I gave him my usual clipped answer.

He paused, and then added, "He's still-"

"Yes," I interrupted him with a final tone, letting him know that I wasn't going to answer anymore questions. I hated hearing about _him_ and my whole family. They weren't my family anyways - the Potters were.

James looked away and suddenly, his eyes lit up. I turned in the direction he was looking and saw Lily coming down from the dormitories, her eyes locked on us.

"Did you-" She was only able to say two words before James had forced the parchment in her hand. She faltered, looking down at the object. "What is this?"

"It came out of thin air!" James started explaining excitedly. "Just, you know, twisted its way into a piece of parchment. It doesn't say anything but-"

Rolling her eyes, Lily held out the parchment in front of her. "You're an idiot," she told him as she took out of her wand. "_Specialis Revelio." _Placing her wand in the middle of the parchment, I watched as lines began to form from the tip of her wand.

"Bloody hell," James muttered underneath his breath.

I leaned forward, catching a glimpse of the words that had appeared.

_Congratulations Miss Evans. You used your intellect to successfully figure out this message._

_Could you please inform the following students to meet in my office at 5:00 tonight?_

_Mr. Sirius Black_

_Mr. Frank Longbottom_

_Mr. Remus Lupin_

_Miss Marlene McKinnon_

_Miss Dorcas Meadowes_

_Mr. Peter Pettigrew_

_Mr. James Potter_

_Miss Alice Price_

_P.S. I rather enjoy a licorice whip. _

_Professor Dumbledore_

"Maybe he found out that we were the ones behind the prank," James said after a short pause, taking back the parchment and prodding the page with his wand for more hidden messages.

Lily crossed her arms and pursed her lips. "I had no part in that. And Alice has never broken a rule in her life. It must be for something else."

I didn't know why, but I felt as if it was for something else. If Lily was invited and Dumbledore had praised her _intellect_, wouldn't it be for something positive?

With the anticipation expanding in my chest, I scrambled out of my seat and exclaimed, "C'mon, let's go find everyone." I knew that they would follow without taking a second glance back; there was a strange sense of urgency with Dumbledore's words and we all wanted to know what he was planning.

-x-

"An _order_?" I repeated slowly, trying to make sense of the headmaster's speech.

He was going to put together some sort of resistance group – and he wanted us to be in it? We were all still students of Hogwarts and we weren't trained for anything like this.

Dumbledore's gaze never left mine. "I thought that you would be particularly interested." He didn't elaborate and I knew that most of the people in the room were looking at each other in confusion.

Taking in a slow breath, I realized I didn't have anything to respond with.

What was I supposed to say?

Yes, I wanted to help because my brother and _whole family _were fighting for Voldemort or whatever his name was and I was kicked out of my family because I wouldn't agree to their crazy ideals about purebloods and muggles?

Dumbledore nodded, turning away from me. "Ponder over what I have told you today," he said to the group. "When you are ready to give an answer, find Professor McGonagall and-"

"I already have my answer," I interrupted him. When he gave me a skeptical look, I continued, "If it's that easy for Voldemort to gain followers, then I'm not going to wait to join this order. I want in."

There was no surprise in his eyes but I could have sworn I saw the hint of a smile. "Very well, Mr. Black."

"Me too!" James suddenly spoke up next to me. "I want in too." With a nudge of the shoulder, I looked over at see him grinning at me.

"This is no joking matter, Mr. Potter-" The headmaster exclaimed, staring at James with a blank expression. I couldn't tell if he was disappointed, angry, or what...

James shook his head furiously. "No, I want to take this bastard down!"

Dumbledore didn't flinch or even more at James's outburst. I expected one of his speeches about lemon drops (like the last time when we were caught yelling in the corridor), but instead, he just stared at James and then his eyes flickered over to the other students standing before him.

Turning slightly, I found everyone else nodding along to James's comment, and then I was nodding too.

"You all agree with Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore confirmed.

"We'll do anything," Lily added, momentarily surprising me.

This time, there was a definite smile on the wizard's face. Moving to the side, he gestured to a roll of parchment on his desk. "If you wish to be in the Order of Phoenix, sign here."

Without a word, every student in the room had lined up, anxiously awaiting their turn to put their signature on the parchment.

"Oh, and Mr. Black?" I glanced up from writing my name to see Dumbledore staring expectantly at me. "Even though this is a secret organization, you may want to clue in a certain Miss Bennett to the details of our meeting today."

Ivy.

With a quiet groan, I realized that she wasn't here. Of course she wouldn't be here. After school, she wanted to be an author and fighting a dark lord was far from that.

What was she going to think?

What was she thinking right now? We had missed dinner – she was probably worried sick.

I managed a stiff nod before turning around and making my way down the winding staircase with the rest of the group.

Nobody said a word. I could barely keep myself from bursting out into some joke – _anything_ to lighten the mood – but I knew that it wasn't the time for that. Not when we had just joined the fight outside of Hogwarts.

For the first time, we all were part of something more important than essays and exams.

And it was that thought that kept us all quiet. In shock, or fear, or something else – I didn't know.

As we came to the portrait of the Fat Lady, Remus quickly said the password and we all followed him inside, ready to continue our day as if nothing had happened. We had other things to worry about for now – like the N.E.W.T.S. It would be easy to distract ourselves.

The only person in the common room was -

"Ivy," I said out loud, noticing her confused and worried expression. I didn't want her to be worried – not when she didn't know anything. "How was dinner?"

Stopping in front of her, I watched as she stared at me, as if trying to figure something out. And then her voice dropped to a whisper when she asked, "Where were you?"

The way she said it – it was as if she already knew something. Did Dumbledore warn her? Did she already guess?

"What do you know?" I asked in the same whispered voice.

Instead of an answer, she just stared at me, her eyebrows knit together as if she were in pain. I winced at the look on her face and then grabbed her hand.

Turning toward everyone else, I made a motion with my head to follow. We all took a seat next to the fireplace and I maintained a hold on Ivy's hand.

She was beginning to shake.

"Please, don't freak out," I pleaded with her, leaning closer to comfort her.

"Dumbledore told us that we can tell you," James added.

I let out a slow breath, thankful that I didn't have to tell her alone. I didn't even know where to start – what was I supposed to say to her? What would make her understand?

Looking over, I could see that she was taking in harsh breaths.

"Stop freaking out," I murmured.

She took a second to respond. "I didn't say anything."

Forcing myself to laugh, I exclaimed, "I can practically hear your thoughts. It's okay – just listen."

She relaxed her grip slightly on my hand and James leaned forward to explain. "The wizarding world – it's getting pretty bad out there. Dumbledore said that this man that calls himself the Dark Lord, Voldemort, is rising in power. You know how bad it's getting out there, Ivy. Bradley Masterson's parents were killed the other day by Voldemort's followers. They call themselves Death Eaters. Well, Dumbledore, he's asked us to join an order against Voldemort. We're gonna fight him."

"You're going to be in danger?"

The one sentence was choked out and I just wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Stroking her hand softly, I said, "Yes, but Dumbledore thinks we can do it. He believes in us."

Her eyes were scanning everyone's faces. "Why?"

"We all want to be aurors once we've graduated," Remus spoke up. "That's why we've been asked."

She was struggling to breath again and all I could do was pull her next to me and promise that everything was going to be okay. We still had the rest of the year and we were going to make the most of it.

-x-

Sitting back in a chair, I watched as Ivy sighed loudly, leaning her head against the back of the armchair. She had been studying for the past two hours, never stopping. As soon as she got back from dinner, she had curled herself up on that chair and hadn't moved an inch.

All I wanted was to spend some quality time with her before we had to leave Hogwarts. And by the look on her face, she needed a break.

Slowly, I made my way over to her, stopping in front of the chair with a charming grin.

She looked up, blinking a couple times. "Why-" she began, but I knew what she was going to say.

"Okay, if you're going to say 'why aren't you studying?', you need to check who you're talking to," I said with a smile.

She raised an eyebrow. "But it's the night before. Don't you study at all?"

I shrugged, rocking back and forth on my toes, waiting for her to cave in and say that she wanted to take a break. "Nah. Besides, I'd rather spend it having you destress."

"Destress?" She looked positively adorable all confused. "What are you planning?" Before I could answer, her eyes lit up and she added, "Oh, of course. You have this whole elaborate scheme planned, right? You're going to ride up on a white horse and apparate us over to Paris for a romantic late night dinner. Am I right?"

I chuckled at her fantasies. "Exactly," I agreed with her. "We'd better get a move on before it gets too late though." Holding out my hand, I hoped she would take it.

She paused, looking at me with a curious expression."What do you really have planned?"

She took my hand and I flashed her a grin as we started to make our way out of the portrait hole. "Basically," I began to explain, "-what you just said, just replace riding on a white horse to walking and Paris with the kitchens."

She frowned playfully and I had to hide my smile. "No white horse? I'm leaving then; I just have so much more studying to do."

Rolling my eyes at her joke, I tightened my grip on her hand and exclaimed, "This is the last time I'll ever be able to sneak down to the kitchens and I want to go with you. So, please, just take a small, tiny break?"

With a slow sigh, she nodded and I grinned at her. She laughed as I added a skip to my step and jogged alongside of me.

We were both out of breath by the time we got to the portrait of the fruit and I quickly tickled the pear to get inside the kitchens. After we had ordered our hot chocolates, we sat down at the table, staring at each other without any words.

I stalled, staring over my hot chocolate at her. Something was bothering her; I could tell by the way the silence immediately turned awkward. Watching her every move, I waited for her to say something. I just wanted to know what was on her mind.

"Sirius?" Ivy finally said softly.

I immediately locked eyes with her and waited for her next words, almost forgetting to breathe.

"Do-do you know what you'll be doing?" she asked. I raised an eyebrow at her, not sure what she was asking. "In...the Order?"

It had been a week since the meeting and we hadn't mentioned the Order or even tried talking about it. I didn't know what to say to her. Setting down my hot chocolate, I rapped my knuckles against the table and said, "I don't want you to worry..."

"Just tell me," she pleaded and I could hear the pain in her voice. "I need to know what it means."

Heaving a huge sigh, I tried to find a way to explain. How was I supposed to tell her that I was going to go on dangerous missions? How was I supposed to say that there was a chance that I could be hurt – or even murdered. I didn't even know how to say it to make her feel better. "You know that you mean a lot to me, Ivy..." I struggled to find the right words, but suddenly, Ivy cut me off.

"But?"

I blinked at her question, wondering how she could possibly think that I would want to end everything just because I found the Order? She was something special – something different – and I _needed _her with me to keep me sane.

She was looking down at the table and her hands were visibly shaking. Reaching out, I grabbed her hand and interlaced our fingers together. "But nothing," I exclaimed softly. "I'm not going to let anything get in between us. The Order is something I want to be a part of – to show I'm serious about this fight. With my brother joining his side...I want to show where my loyalties stand. Don't worry. I'm not letting you get away."

Her lip was trembling as she nodded and I pressed my lips against hers, hoping that somehow, that would reassure her – at least for awhile.

* * *

It's a bit shorter than the last couple chapters, but it was a faster update this time!

Thanks for all of the reviews and everything. I appreciate everything that you send me.

I hope I'll back back either this week or weekend with another chapter. We'll see how fast I can get out another chapter of this story. It's almost getting to the end too!

Thanks again!


	35. Missing You

_Chapters 134-136 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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"This sucks," I said out loud, breaking the silence that had fell over the room. It was the last night in the dormitory – _ever – _and we were having a small party just for the guys which meant it was the last night to drink firewhisky and play Exploding Snap until our fingers were burned (followed by passing out on the floor).

Remus chuckled at my statement, shaking his head. "Eloquent."

"What are you going to do without us, Moony?" I asked, sitting back against the headboard of my four-poster.

"Yeah, how are we supposed to help you now?" James added, leaning forward and only stumbling slightly.

Remus just rolled his eyes, but I knew he was thinking the same thing. "It'll be just like it is during summer break-"

"But this is _forever_," Peter exclaimed, scrambling forward to the edge of his bed. "This isn't a couple months."

"I'll live," Remus said. He wasn't very convincing.

I shrugged and said, "I'm sure Dumbledore has thought of something. I think he knows anyway – he knows _everything_."

"He's not a _seer_-" James began saying but I waved him off.

"You never know," I continued, "There could be a potion made by then. After all, Slughorn had said something about a potion being tested at the beginning of the year. By now, it could definitely be ready."

"That'd be nice, but I doubt it," Remus replied.

"You're such a downer," James complained, turning to hang upside down off of his bed. "You are ruining the _party._" He tried to reach over to Remus but instead managed to fall off the bed with a loud thump.

"Wow, Prongs, had enough to drink?" Remus said, trying to hide his amusement and pretty much failing big time.

James rolled over to look at him. "Of course not," he exclaimed before bursting into a fit of laughter. Even _I _hadn't had that much to drink which was really surprising.

But I couldn't drink and try to forget this time. Even firewhisky couldn't stop me from thinking about tomorrow.

Tomorrow when I had no clue where I'd be going or what would happen. I was invited back to the Potter's but I wasn't planning on staying there for long. I had money from Uncle Alphard and wanted to use it to buy my own flat in London. But where would I find one? And what about Ivy? I had no clue what she was doing.

With a sigh, I managed a smile and watched as Remus tried to hold a bottle of firewhisky out of James's grasp.

"Here, Padfoot, catch!" I caught the bottle with one hand as James staggered to his feet and stomped like a little child.

"You guys are _meeeean_!" he exclaimed loudly.

He stared, confused at the immediate laughter and only noticed joined in when Peter fell off his own bed from laughing too hard.

After laughing and accidentally spilling a couple bottles of firewhisky, we finally lapsed into silence again. With a huge sigh, James leaned against the side of the bedpost and looked up at the ceiling. "Do you think the Order meetings will be at Hogwarts?" I was about to answer when he continued. "I love this castle – it's so big and sparkly and _magical_."

I muffled my snort. "Oh, really? A school of magic being _magical_-"

"Shut up!" James reached out to swat me and ended up flailing in the air. "We're gonna be _leaving _forever!" Suddenly, he began singing, "_We're gonna be leavin' on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again, oh babe, I hate to gooooooo!"_

I blinked, wincing at the singing I just heard. "What's a jet plane?"

Remus rolled his eyes (yet again) and said, "Prongs, have you been listening to muggle music again?"

James just shrugged with a grin and continued to belt, "_There's so many times I've let you down blah blah something played around-"_

"Moooooony!" I whined, dramatically covering my ears. "Make him stop!"

Remus mouthed some words of "no, I can't" to me as James continued the loud screeching, "_So many times I've played around. I tell you now, they don't mean a thing!"_

"TORTURE!" I yelled as loud as I could. "Prongs, your singing voice is _bloody awful_!"

Where was my wand to silence him? I didn't care if no magic was allowed after hours – this was a special case and I couldn't take the insult on my beautiful ears anymore. _Of course _my wand would be missing this one crucial time I needed it -

"_Every place I go, I'll thi-"_

I watched in relief as James's mouth kept moving but no awful croaking sounds continued to be heard.

"Thank god," I muttered.

Remus shook his head, putting his wand back away. "Hey, your drunk singing is even worse."

"_HEY BABY," _I sing-shouted, trying to hide my satisfied grin, "_WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!"_

He didn't even hesitate to wave his stupid wand and silence me too. And when I made a motion to snap his wand in half, all I got was a shrug with a smile in return.

-x-

I had always imagine the ride back from Hogwarts to be a huge party with everyone celebrating that we were finally done with exams.

I never expected the silence, but thankfully, it wasn't awkward. It was almost a comforting silence, especially with Ivy next to me and her shoulder brushing mine. Her presence was enough.

The only conversation was Lily asking Ivy what she was doing for the summer. I looked over at her interestedly, not sure what her plans were yet. She replied that she was going to stay with her parents – who I was sure liked Remus more than me. Well, it was bound to be an interesting summer.

Quickly nudging James as the train rolled to a stop, I told him that I was going to say goodbye to Ivy. After a quick eye roll, he joked that he was going to leave without me. At least, it seemed like a joke – he still was still quite bitter about our singing jokes.

She was quiet (as usual) and I didn't say anything as she lead the way through the crowd and out onto the platform.

Goodbyes – I never could get the hang of these. Usually, I ended up breaking things off during the summer because I knew it was going to be difficult to work out. And I liked being single during the summer – more opportunities. But this time it was Ivy and I had to say goodbye to her the right way.

"Um," she suddenly said, turning to me and after brushing back pieces of her hair for a couple seconds, finally added, "You promise to write everyday?"

With a reassuring smile, I said, "Everyday. And since my Uncle Alphard left me money, I'm planning on buying a flat in London. You're invited over any time you want."

Anything to see her more.

"Okay," she agreed and I leaned forward to kiss her goodbye.

She lingered a bit and I grinned at her. "I'll see you soon."

"Soon," she repeated, with a smile.

Forcing myself to walk away, I found myself getting lost in the crowd. Where was James? Did he _really _leave without me? That _basta-_

"Hey, Padfoot, over here!"

Looking to the right, I caught sight of James and Mrs. Potter standing on the other side of the platform. Hurrying over to the train, I grabbed my things and then finally caught up with them.

"Sirius, dear, how was your last year?" Mrs. Potter asked as soon as I was in sight, walking forward to grab me into a hug.

"Great, as usual," I responded with a grin.

She pulled out of the hug, looking at me as if I was hiding something. I laughed as she let go, patting my shoulder to turn to James.

"You know, Sirius has a _girlfriend_ this year, mum," he exclaimed with knowing grin. He knew exactly what he was getting me into.

Mrs. Potter had always lectured me about settling down with a great girl and now she was going to probably throw a party in celebration. I couldn't help with smile at the thought.

"Oh, really? Another one?"

We started to make our way out of the station, pushing our carts filled with our bags. I leaned forward against the handle of mine as James added, "A _serious _one, mum."

Her eyebrows raised and I groaned. Knowing that there was no way out of it (and even if there was, it was Mrs. Potter and she would probably know sooner or later), I said, "Her name is Ivy Bennett and she is – or _was_ now – in our year. Gryffindor too."

Mrs. Potter smiled slightly and then James _had _to add, "She's also the quietest, shyest, most unlike Sirius girl in our year...ever." James's mum opened her mouth to say something but then James continued, "Oh, nicest, innocent-est, if that's a word, and all around _totally not Sirius's type_."

"Glad to know you approve, James," I muttered sarcastically.

"And I love that girl to death!" James exclaimed, and then quickly said, "But not in that way. Sirius has her in that way. I've got my Lily – did I tell you about Lily, mum?"

I was never more thankful for a rambling speech about how wonderful Lily Evans is.

-x-

According to Ivy's letters, her mum wouldn't stop talking about how she disapproved of me every time Ivy walked into the room. I could hear Ivy's frustration through her words and I offered to visit her and make everything better.

I was only an apparation away, but Ivy was still stalling, saying something about how her mum would kill me and she wouldn't want me to be in that danger.

Chuckling, I responded that I needed to see her – it had been two weeks.

And those two weeks included:

James proclaiming his love for Lily.

James's mum trying to ask me about Ivy in the most inconspicuous way possible.

More James proclaiming his love. Through letters and just randomly throughout the day such as "Oh, did I mention that Lily's hair is the same color has this rose. Isn't that ironic – they're both flowers." (I had stared at him blankly after that statement and then walked away without saying anything.)

James saying he was missing Lily _terribly_.

Remus and Peter only sending _a couple _letters to keep me sane.

So, in my new letter, I pleaded with Ivy, promising her that her mum wouldn't mind if I came over and I needed to see her.

But there was only a week until I had my flat and maybe I could survive until then.

"I heard post!" James came skidding into the kitchen. "Was it for me? Lily sent me something?"

Or maybe I couldn't.

The letter came about an hour later and with a thankful sigh, I took the letter from Ivy's owl. After a quick look around (James was probably hiding behind the corner, waiting for the sound of the post again). I slowly opened it.

_Sirius,  
Fine. I caved. You know I would, didn't you? Can you come over tonight? Try to make it a surprise – that way my mother won't think I planned this entire thing. Write back.  
-I  
P.S. It's a...long story. Maybe I'll tell you one day._

_Thank merlin._

_I'll be there, _I scrawled on the back of her post and sent it off quickly.

"HE-" I stopped myself and quickly changed my mind.

_Prongs,__  
I'll be back in a couple hours. Going to visit Ivy.__  
Padfoot  
P.S. If you mention Lily again when I get back, I'm going to stun you – just warning you._

Apparating to the street address Ivy had given me, I looked around the unfamiliar part of town. It was a nice neighborhood with close, neat buildings.

After wandering around for a couple minutes, I finally found the right house. And that only took about an hour. Ivy was probably worried that I wasn't coming now.

Hurrying up the stairs, I reached out and rang the doorbell, hoping that her mum wouldn't answer the door. After a couple seconds, the door swung open and I was relieved to see Ivy standing there with a smile on her face.

Someone was standing next to her – a older woman - and she was staring at me too. I fidgeted nervously, wondering if Ivy's mum had called backup to fight against me or something.

But, no, that was stupid.

Ivy turned to the woman and said goodbye as she began making her way out of the door. Then she stopped in front of me and I knew I was in for it.

"You can invite _him_ over any time you want," she said instead, clearly with a suggestion tone. My eyebrows raised as she smiled at me and walked down the steps.

Turning back toward Ivy, I saw her mother standing behind her with a look of disgust on her face.

Ivy grinned at the sight of it and turned to me with a soft hi.

"Hey," I responded, watching her mum out of the corner of my eye. She was still standing there, watching us. "How have you been?" I asked, trying to resist the urge to just kiss her. I doubt her mum would enjoy seeing that. She'd probably pry us apart.

"Pretty good. I have news," she exclaimed.

I cringed as her mother joined in. "I have to talk to both of you before any of this gets out of hands."

I raised my eyebrows at Ivy. She shrugged sympathetically back at me.

"Ivy's aunt just offered her a flat to live in," Ivy's mum began to explain.

_Perfect_. My immediate grin disappeared though as I caught sight of the look on her mum's face. She was going to _kill _me.

"Since Ivy's of age, I really can't stop her from going," Ivy's mum continued. Leaning over, I brushed Ivy's hand slightly and she glanced at me quickly before enclosing her hand in mine. At least we could have some sort of contact. "But I can have Ivy's father put some enchantments up, make sure you aren't doing anything you shouldn't be, especially any sort of-" Her eyes flickered down to our hands. "-inappropriate contact."

What else could I do? It was Ivy's mum – I had to agree with her. Nodding, I replied with "of course."

And Ivy's mum just _rolled her eyes_ at me. "I'm dead serious, Mr. Black."

I stopped myself from stepping back. "I know," I responded.

I guess that was the wrong answer when she scowled at me before turning to go in the kitchen.

I immediately turned to Ivy and groaned. "She hates me," I said when her mum was out of range.

And Ivy just laughed at me, like my pain was bloody _hilarious. _"I told you," she said with a soft shrug. "You decided not to believe me."

"How can she _hate _me?" I said in disbelief. That could pose a potential problem – I wonder if her mum was going to try to separate us. What if she had a secret thing going on with Remus and his family to get them together? She obviously loved him. What did I do to make her hate me?

"I'm sorry," Ivy said. I looked at her to find her looking down at her shoes, as if she was embarrassed or ashamed.

I tugged on her hand in reassurance and said, "Do you want to get out of here? Go on a walk or something?"

A soft nod was all I needed to lead her outside. Immediately, I could breathe again. It was so stuffy and _scary _inside of Ivy's house. Out here, everything seemed...okay.

"I've never actually done anything that my parents didn't approve of," she said after a couple seconds of silence. "Should I feel this awful?"

"No, of course not." I shook my head. "It'll work out – promise." She turned to smile at me and I immediately felt better.

"I missed you," she suddenly said.

I couldn't help but grin at her. "You know James hasn't shut up about Lily since we've been home? He keeps repeating and repeating that he misses her _over and over again_. Though as _adorable _as he thinks it is, I think he has the wrong idea."

Her eyebrows rose at me and she mouths an "oh?"

"I think it's much better to just say it once and mean it," I said, watching her expression. She tilted her head at me and, resisting the urge to laugh, I said, "I missed you."

I was only slightly surprised when she didn't wait to turn to me and stand on her tip-toes, bringing me into a kiss.

Well worth the wait.

* * *

WHY IS THIS STORY SO HARD TO WRITE? If you are subscribed to me, you know that I've been writing one-shots. Lately, anything has been better than writing this story. I'm sorry about that.

Anyway, the song used in this chapter is Leavin' on a Jetplane by John Denver. Why did I use it? Because it just popped in my head while writing and time period appropriate so I decided to use it. There's another song used but it's only two lines and not as important. And it...isn't time period appropriate.

Thanks for reviewing everyone. I appreciate it so much. Thanks so much!


	36. A New Side

_Chapters 137-139 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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"It's been a week, Sirius."

I looked at Ivy with a stern expression and rested my arms against the doorframe. Running my hands over the frame, I inspected it closely, trying to keep a straight face. After practically patting down the entire outside of the flat (and glancing over to see Ivy making faces at me), I finally nodded, drawing in a deep breath and taking that next step into the room.

"Safe for another day," I exclaimed with a grin.

Ivy rolled her eyes at me. "Are you going to do this every time you walk in here?"

I couldn't help it – even though we had established that her mother wasn't going to come in here and kill me (even though she might do it if she saw me on the street), I couldn't help but love watching Ivy's reaction to my antics. She never failed to make me laugh. Especially today, since she was clearly frazzled.

"What's wrong?" I asked as she quickly turned away from me and then started crawling on the floor. When I realized I was never going to get an answer, I watched amusedly for a couple seconds as she hastily moved everything out of her way. Rocking back and forth between my feet, I waited for her to finish, well, whatever she was doing.

She suddenly sighed, standing up and mumbling something about lost shoes. I raised an eyebrow, clearing my throat and she turned to look at me. "What?"

I wasn't even taken back by the way she snapped at me. Instead, I grinned and said, "_Accio Ivy's shoes_." Three pairs of shoes came zooming in and landed at Ivy's feet.

She glanced down at them and then looked up with me with flushed cheeks. "Thanks." I grinned and had to resist from calling her exasperation adorable. She took my hand, leading me over to the fireplace, a cute frown on her face. "Shut it, will you?" she snapped at me as I grabbed some floo powder.

And you'd think she'd be used to being embarrassed by now. I smiled and said, "You're so cute." She stared back at me and I quickly kissed her, catching her offguard. Before she could even respond, I had already left in the green fire.

Climbing out of the fireplace on Diagon Alley, I went to stand next to the brick wall of the nearby building for Ivy to arrive. This little outing had been all Lily's idea – she had insisted on getting together again. It hadn't even been a month since we had last saw each other, but Lily was already planning reunions. I should have known she would do this.

It wasn't like anything was different either. Well, I had my own place and now Ivy did too. But, other than that, we were the same. If anyone thought our relationship was going to be different, they were mistaken.

Ivy had made it very clear where she stood a week ago when I had accidentally gone too far with her. It was the first time we were in her new flat and I had been teasing her – exclaiming that I wanted to give her mom a show and then brought her into a kiss. And she didn't hesitate to return the kiss, even pressing against my mouth eagerly.

So, like an idiot, I thought that had meant she wanted more and I deepened the kiss (probably crossing the line way too much at that point but I couldn't stop myself), even pushing her blouse up to touch her.

She didn't flinch – just broke away and in my clouded state of mind, I decided that that meant she liked it and went to kiss her on the neck. She was trembling underneath my touch and I was so used to that being a good thing that I didn't even pause to think about the other ways it could be interpreted. I continued to tell her I loved her and missed her and she barely responded. All I heard was soft whimpers and I was so used to going further that I didn't even think to hesitate.

And then, out of nowhere, Ivy's owl came in with post from Lily and gave us a second to think. I had hoped that Ivy was on the same page as me and tried telling her that Lily had the worst timing.

One look on Ivy's face and I knew I was wrong. She just replied with "great timing."

And that's how I knew I had screwed everything up. Gone too far again – wanted something and couldn't have it.

I had to go slow, slow, slow.

I wasn't allowed to touch her too much. After all, too much of something ruined the thrill of it, right? Except, right now, it didn't feel like that. It felt like it wasn't enough.

"Or great timing," I had found myself agreeing..

Just because we had our own places, our relationship was still hesitant. Nothing was new. Though it wasn't like I expected anything.

A sudden cough jolted me back to alertness and I saw Ivy crouching in front of me. Immediately holding out my hand, she took it to help stand up.

"Took you long enough," I continued the previous teasing.

"Just making sure everything was situated," she responded, looking away from me to the alley. The shop next to us was empty and I didn't need to ask why. It was only going to continue declining as long as Voldemort was gaining support.

"Where did they say they were meeting us?" Ivy suddenly asked.

"Florean Fortescue's," I replied. "They should all be there by now."

We were probably running late from my show this morning, but I could care less. It wasn't as if they were going to leave without seeing us first. As we walked up to the parlor, I could see the group sitting at a table outside.

"Ivy!" Lily called out, waving at us. I waved back as everyone scrambled out of their seats to greet us.

As I moved to sit down in the first available seat, I heard Ivy telling Remus about her new flat. Everyone except for Lily stopped to stare at her with wide eyes.

I guess no one told them which was one thing that was different from being at Hogwarts. Everyone would have known by now if we were still in school.

Shaking my head of those thoughts, I ordered my icecream and leaned back in my chair, listening to James's long story about how he had tripped over a black cat on the way and the cat ended up being an Animagus.

Taking the spoon out of my mouth, I remarked, "Just a guess, but then the person threatened to sue you for your gallons and then Lily had to step in?" I laughed at the glare he gave me and shrugged. "Sorry, mate, you're predictable."

"How about you? What have you done that was exciting lately?" James said with a scowl.

I looked over in Ivy's direction and exclaimed, "I met Ivy's mum again."

Remus gave me a look. "Does she still hate you?"

I took my time answering, taking another enormous bite of icecream. "Mmm, we can't all be the perfect gentlemen and have the parents fall in love with you. After all, they already had a grudge against me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Wait-" James interrupted. "You mean Ivy's parents hate _you_-" He pointed at me and then at Remus, "-and love _you?"_

Ivy shrugged slightly, looking down at the table. "They based it on first impressions."

James broke out into a grin which I immediately glared at him for. "This is _priceless_!"

"It's not funny," I muttered darkly.

But James just rocked back and forth in his chair. "Oh, it is."

I didn't respond, discreetly crossing my arms and putting one of my hands on his chair. And with a swift pull back, he let out a yelp and fell backward, flailing wildly as he failed to keep his balance.

"You were saying?" Lily exclaimed, trying to hide her smile behind her hand.

I laughed as James struggled to get up, too angry to even form a sentence.

Glancing over at Ivy, I saw her staring back at me with a bright smile. Perfect.

-x-

Ivy had failed to mention that she had applied for a job at the Daily Prophet when we were at Diagon Alley. I saw her wander away after everyone had left, but I expected her to buy some quills or parchment.

When she finally did say something (four weeks later), it was only because she was sure she didn't get the job. "I didn't want to tell anyone when there was a chance I wouldn't even get the job. It doesn't matter anyway, I didn't get it, did I?" she told me.

But then, a week later, I noticed her owl bringing in post one morning. "Ivy, you have a letter," I exclaimed.

She turned around quickly, almost dropping her toast on the floor, and her eyes grew wide. After an anxious minute of reading, she turned to me with a smile on her face.

"Congratulations!" I said before she had a chance to say anything.

"It's only an interview," she started to say.

I shook my head at her. "No, I'm sure you will get it. You're the amazing writer Ivy Bennett. They'd be crazy not to hire you."

It was something for her to do – a way to be a part of everything. I knew she wanted this badly and I found myself hoping she got it just as much as her.

After the Order meeting (we still hadn't begun anything important; just talks about what we were going to do and more planning), I apparated over to Ivy's flat to ask how the interview had gone. And as I practically was tackled to the ground, I knew it was good news...and a cause for celebration.

She was too excited to say no, so I quickly went to invite everyone we knew. I expected her to protest as I began telling everyone, but the smile never disappeared from her face. Quite a distracting smile too because I couldn't keep my eyes off of her.

"Go get ready," I told her, even though I didn't want her out of my sight. "I'll finish everything here."

Instead of leaving, she sat upon the kitchen counter to watch me for a few minutes, practically reading my mind.

But I couldn't get anything done with her watching me.

"No, really. Go," I said after a couple minutes. How did she expect this party to go on when she was staring me down?

She just continued her little smile and shrugged. "Fine, if you don't want me here."

"Fine," I repeated.

I couldn't stop grinning as she left with a soft laugh.

-x-

I wasn't able to see her again until about thirty minutes after the party had started.

In the middle of my conversation with Peter, I glanced over to see her in conversation with Frank and Alice. My breath immediately hitched as my eyes stopped on her.

She still had on that brilliant smile and she wasn't fidgeting or nervously pacing back and forth. Instead, she was holding a conversation without any problems and she looked truly _happy. _

She looked absolutely _breath-taking_ and she probably didn't even try. My mouth clamped shut and I almost forgot to breathe.

"Padfoot? Are you dying?"

I turned back to Peter who was staring at me with a horrified expression. "What?" I mumbled, the one word barely audible.

"Are you choking?"

I ignored Peter's question, looking back over at Ivy. She was now laughing and I choked in a breath.

"You can't breathe!" Peter's frantic voice interrupted my thoughts.

I didn't even look over at him. "I'm fine. I just need something to drink." And without even taking my eyes off of Ivy, I walked away toward the direction of the kitchen.

Mary was now talking to her and Ivy was laughing again which made me transfixed by the sight. How was it even possible to love a laugh that you couldn't even hear?

As Mary left, she looked around quickly and then her eyes rested on me. I tried to smile at her but it was like I was immobile.

"Why are you standing here by yourself?" she asked as she walked over to me. "After all, you're the one who planned this whole thing."

What was I supposed to say? Oh, I'm just watching you because you're so breathtaking and I don't know why I'm noticing it now. And I absolutely love the way you smile and laugh? No. "I'm just...watching you," I finished lamely.

She blinked. "Why?"

I knew she had to know. She was never going to let this go. "I'll tell you after the party," I said. "Now go mingle."

With a loud sigh, she turned away and made her way over to the rest of the Marauders. Even though I had confused her, she still managed to keep a smile on her face.

I watched her talk to the rest of the guys, her eyebrows furrowed together as they probably spoke about me. There was no doubt in my mind that she was asking them about what had just happened.

I wouldn't be surprised if they noticed the change too.

Throughout the night, she stole glances at me and I caught every single one of them, as I never looked away from her. Finally, she said goodbye to the last guest and closed the door to her flat.

She turned quickly on her heel and I chuckled at her eagerness. "You really want to know that badly?" I joked, and then paused. "What if it's something stupid like...I just realized how beautiful you are and you don't even try."

I tried to keep a light tone, but her eyes widened and she bit her lip. And, somehow, I knew that was thinking the same thing as me.

"Exactly," I murmured, quickly pressing my lips to hers.

Once again, she didn't hesitate to kiss me in return, actually deepening the kiss before I had to chance to. I pulled back after a couple seconds and muttered, "I love your new job," before catching her in another kiss.

She chuckled and then broke it off this time by putting her hands on my face and practically prying me off.

"It's late," she said in a rush of words. "I'm tired."

My heart was pounding now and I pushed my inappropriate thoughts to the back of my mind. "Okay," I responded, trying to catch my breath.

"Good night," she said, pecking me on the lips quickly.

"Night..."

I was incapable of saying anything else. Not when all I could think about was how much I wanted her.

And I couldn't even touch her.

* * *

If this chapter seems off to you (like it does to me), it's probably because I decided to have Sirius think back on things instead of having them happen as it went along. I probably won't do that anymore.

Hey, it only took me a week to update. Win.

Remus's POV will update shortly. I'm thinking of making Liam and Eleanor's story my project for the summer. I'm going to write many chapters at a time, send them to my beta, and then post them one at a time with a couple days in between. They're just too adorable not to write about. And I want to introduce some new characters including people named Jared, Suzanne, and Joseph (well, actually, he's been mentioned before). So, yeah, writing project!

If you have any questions or anything, the best way to get in contact with me is messaging or Twitter. I am always on Twitter.

Thanks for reading!


	37. Problems and Lies

_Chapters 140-143 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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It was supposed to get easier.

I told myself that I could learn control. After all, being with Ivy had always been different and I knew how to respect her by changing my approach to the relationship. Everything was going fine – until she got her own place.

Now we were alone all the time. And I had to see her in her nightgown that was all white and satin and showed way too much skin – her neck and legs and arms and _everything _and she was _driving me absolutely bloody crazy_.

It was like she didn't even notice. She didn't say a word about our relationship – moving forward and anything that would help me breathe again. I couldn't even stay overnight. Not when she looked at me nervously every night, her eyes boring into the back of my neck as if begging me to leave like she didn't even want me there.

Maybe she wouldn't ever want to further our relationship, maybe she didn't want me to touch her at all. I couldn't tell and I wasn't going to just go up and ask her.

_Oh, hey, Ivy. I've been thinking. You know how I haven't spent the night? Well, I really want to, if you know what I mean, and I was just wondering if-_

Maybe she was afraid. Maybe I would scare her away. What if I said something to her and ruined the entire relationship?

But I couldn't take it anymore! I couldn't stand there and be satisfied with just a peck on the lips when she looked completely ravishing and had me wishing she was mine for the taking.

She was Ivy Bennett though. Sweet, innocent Ivy with no experience and still blushed when I deepened a kiss or sent her a look. How was I supposed to ruin that all?

Maybe if I told her in a different way. Maybe I could go up to her and sing the new The Hadronic Heliopaths song that was playing on the radio yesterday.

_It feels like you slipped me a potion. You're all I think about, my only notion. And I wish you'd be my witch tonight._

But what if she just thought I was singing to her? What if she didn't think I was being serious?

Did it matter? I didn't need anything – I had willpower. I didn't _have_ to do anything with Ivy. I could wait. I didn't need to think about how she would react to the simplest touches and the look on her face when I-

Grabbing my wand off the table, I shook my head violently and apparated without a second thought to the flat I knew so well.

I had my mind made up. I had to tell her. I had to let her know what I was thinking. We were a couple. We were supposed to talk everything out. No secrets from each other.

Ivy was standing in the middle of the room in a robe (with that treacherous nightgown probably underneath; I ignored the thought the best I could) and when she locked eyes with me, I hesitated, barely opening my mouth to say something.

But the sheets and pillows on the couch caught my attention, halting the words from my lips. Someone _else_ had spent the night. She let someone else spend the night – _not me_.

My chest tightened uncomfortably. I looked back at Ivy to see that she had followed my gaze and her eyes were wide. "Oh, um-"

The door behind Ivy opened suddenly and I caught sight of Remus exiting the bathroom.

_Remus_.

My friend Remus.

Staying the night over at my girlfriend's flat.

With her. All wet from his shower. The shower she showered in. Without clothes.

I shut my eyes, getting rid of the mental images and then continued to stare at Remus who was frozen in front of the door.

Slowly, I tore my gaze from him and looked back at Ivy whose shoulders were slumped. In regret? What? "Um, uh..." she stuttered and I could feel my stomach drop, "Remus needed somewhere to stay. I...uh...offered him my couch."

_Her _couch.

She was letting him stay the night.

Not me.

Just him. Never me.

"Why didn't you just stay with me or James?" I managed to say, trying to ignore the way my voice wanted to betray me. "I think even Peter's mum would have let you stay over."

"Ivy was the most recent person to offer a place to stay," Remus answered slowly. "And I just...I don't know... I – I can just leave and stay with you if that's better."

But what would that do? Show Ivy that I didn't trust her? Ruin everything even further? What was I supposed to do?

"No," I decided, but I already felt horrible about it. "It's fine. You can stay here – it doesn't bother me."

"Uh – okay," Remus said after a pause. Nobody knew what to say. "I'll just – um...I'll be right back." He quickly left out of the front door without even shoes on.

I couldn't help but hope he would get a splinter in one of his feet.

"You okay?" I heard Ivy ask gently. She knew something was wrong. But she had no clue – _no clue _what was going on.

I shrugged indifferently and continued with my lie, "I'm fine. I'm not jealous if that's what you're thinking. You can have Remus over – it's no big deal." Absolute lie.

"Yes, it is," Ivy insisted. "You won't even look me at me. You always look at me when you talk to me."

The way she pleaded with me made my gaze flicker over to hers. She was staring at me with a bit lip, looking embarrassed or nervous but I really couldn't tell.

"Really. I'm not going to force you to kick Remus out. He needed a place to stay and like a good friend, you offered him one," I said, trying to ignore the way my lie sounded weak.

"Exactly." Ivy walked forward, taking my hand as if to reassure me. "It's different because he's my friend. He's not my boyfriend and I don't have to worry when he stays the night."

She was _worried_.

She was thinking the same thing – and she was _worried. _All this time, I thought I was the only one thinking about spending the night and here she was, worrying about the very act.

"You're worried about me staying the night?" I repeated.

Was it bad? Did she not want me to touch her? No, I could touch her, but I couldn't intimately touch her without a bad reaction.

Ivy shuffled her feet and then said, "It's just when friends stay the night, you talk to them and then go to bed. When someone _else_ stays the night, you don't do much talking at all and then, well, go to bed, if you understand what I'm saying."

She _was _worried about me touching her.

I couldn't help it – I had to laugh at the cruel irony. "You surprise me, Ivy Bennett," I said, trying to spin it into a positive thing. I couldn't scare her with the truth. "And you are so utterly adorable at times that you make me laugh."

She was. "I try."

Taking my chances, I grabbed her waist, pulling her in. The smile on her face only faded slightly and it was into confusion, not disgust. "I don't just have to stay the night as your boyfriend," I reassured her. "I can stay the night as your friend and just normal go to sleep instead of the emphasized go to sleep. It doesn't matter just as long as I get to be with you."

It would have to be enough.

"Besides, I trust you. You can have Remus over anytime you want. I won't go all jealous on you, promise," I added, knowing as soon as the words were out of my mouth that what I said was so wrong. I was already jealous. _I _wanted to be the one staying over all night – not Remus.

But I couldn't do anything about it. Not when she wasn't ready. I could wait.

-x-

With Remus staying over at Ivy's flat, I decided to focus my attention on the Order. It was a good distraction since everything was becoming hectic. Voldemort was rising in power, gaining followers, and there had been a recent threat in Hogsmeade.

Instead of planning, we were beginning to go into action. Dumbledore had already sent Marlene out to search Hogsmeade and Frank and Alice to check Diagon Alley for any threats. It was only small things – but I knew it only going to get more dangerous.

I wanted a big assignment. I wanted to come face to face with my brother and show him what I was doing – who was wrong and who was right. I wanted to meet Voldemort and kill him. I wanted to get rid of the bastard before he did any more damage – before he could hurt anyone else.

It was only a matter of time.

"Padfooooooot!"

I had to get on the next assignment.

"Are you listening to me?"

Dumbledore knew that I was ready.

"Sirius! This is important!"

We just needed to track Voldemort down and- "Ow!" A stinging pain in my arm forced me to turn around. "What do you want?"

I watched as James pouted at me. "Aw, Padfoot, you're being Mr. Grouchy Grouch today," he joked. Before I could say anything, he started again. "I need to talk to you about-"

"Lily," I finished for him.

He gave me a look and then continued, "And about-"

"How you want to propose to her."

James stared at me for a few seconds and then frowned. "Have you been talking to Trelawney lately?"

"We talked about this about-"

I turned around, catching Remus on his way out of the room. He immediately responded, "forty-six minutes" and, without saying anything else, left out of the door.

James watched with his mouth open in surprise. "You're_ timing _me?" he asked, as if he _never _talked about Lily Evans and his undying devotion to her and the way he wanted to propose to her. "I could have _sworn _it felt more like forty-nine minutes," he muttered.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "_Anyway_," he exclaimed, "Do you think she's more old-fashioned? Do you think she'll want the whole "go down on one knee" thing and a nice diamond ring. I have an old Potter family engagement ring but it's a ruby and I don't know if she'll like the change from a diamond – I think she's said she loves diamonds before or was it pearls?"

Ignoring everything James ranted at me, I interrupted, "Why are you asking me? You need to go to Remus, remember? He's the _sensitive one._"

"Am not!"

I blinked at the sound of Remus's shout coming from the other room. "How did he even hear that?"

James shrugged. "He's a werewolf, remember? Super hearing and such, I guess." Well, it sort of made sense. "_Anyway_," James said again, "I am asking you because you're in a relationship and Remus is not, so what would you do?"

There were a few things wrong with this picture.

First, James was asking advice and it sounded like we were two gossiping girls, ready to divulge juicy secrets or something like that.

And second, he couldn't have just asked _that _question.

"What would _I_ do?" I repeated, just to make sure.

James just continued like it was nothing. "Yeah, if you were to propose to Ivy, what would you do?"

_Propose_? I had never thought about settling down and getting married before. Didn't James know that? Why was he asking me about proposing to Ivy? Did he think I was going to? We hadn't even done anything more than snogging really. If she wasn't ready to go beyond snogging, then certainly not for _marriage._

James was crazy.

"I don't know," I finally answered, hoping there wasn't an edge to my voice. "Probably surprise her or something," I tried being as vague as possible.

James shook his head. "You'd give her a heart attack that way. That would never work."

Were we _seriously _having this conversation? "Lily would like it," I responded, trying to get the subject as far away from my relationship with Ivy.

"Like on her birthday!" James suddenly shouted, his eyes growing wide. "That's _perfect."_

"Uh, Prongs, that's like...six months away." Surely, Lily would notice what was going on in _six months _time.

But James just dismissed me with a careless wave of his hand. "Six months isn't bad. I have time to plan and won't have to worry about ruining everything if I had all that time."

"If you say so."

James was always crazy when it came to Lily. Maybe it was for the best.

"Post from Dumbledore!" Dorcas Meadowes suddenly came through the door, holding two letters and distributing them to me and James.

Thank _Merlin _for the distraction.

She made sure we had a firm grasp on them before adding, "It's urgent."

_Urgent._

It was as if everything had changed in a second. The previous light mood had took a 180 turn and now everything was different. Even Dorcas could sense it; she nodded quickly with that knowing look in her eyes before quickly exiting the room.

Just one look at James and I could tell he was thinking the same thing.

-x-

We scheduled a meeting for the next day to go over the little details. It didn't take very long for the news to spread and soon, everyone was talking about it in hushed whispers as if they didn't want us to hear.

It was no secret – we knew what we were doing.

Even Ivy picked up on the tension. The morning of the meeting she paused, staring intently at me and Remus with those judging eyes of hers.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly, as if afraid of what the answer would be.

She knew. However, there was no reason to make her worry just yet.

I didn't hesitate to walk over to where she was and bring her flush against me. Screw Remus watching – I didn't care. "Nothing. I love you," I reassured her, pulling her in for a kiss.

It was tentative and soft – everything our relationship was. And when I pulled away, she let out a slow breath, almost as if she wanted more. No, probably not. It was probably just my imagination again.

Ignoring the pressure building in my chest, I whispered a goodbye and turned to apparate away. I didn't need any distractions right now.

-x-

It took me about ten minutes after leaving the meeting.

How the _hell _was I was supposed to tell Ivy – breakable, worrisome Ivy – about the mission? There was no way to tell her that wouldn't absolutely shatter her.

No, I couldn't worry about hurting her. She would have to be strong. It was only going to be a couple months, and maybe the separation would do some good. What was that strange muggle saying that Remus had in his quote book?

_Absence makes the heart grow fonder._

Even though it sounded like a load of crap, maybe there was some truth in it. Maybe if I left for awhile, everything would be perfect later.

I was just going to say it.

She was writing in her journal when I apparated in. She must have been lost in her own world because she didn't even notice even with the audible crack.

Moving behind her, I leaned in over her shoulder, glancing down at the page. "Writing about me?"

That was all I needed to do – she jolted back to reality and dropped her quill, splattering ink on the page. I couldn't help but grin at her reaction.

"Maybe," she said softly.

I leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her neck. She tensed, but it wasn't in the bad way. Unless she usually whimpered when she hated something – no, no, that was usually when she liked it.

"How are you?" I asked.

There was a long pause before her quiet answer of "fine."

Just tell her, Sirius.

I pulled away suddenly, meeting her eyes. "Promise that you won't overreact-" I began quickly, trying to get the words out as soon as possible. She blinked and nodded. I had to choose my words carefully – not to frighten her. "The Order wants a couple of us to go on a mission early next year-"

"To fight him?" she asked, startling me.

"Maybe, I'm not sure yet. I realize that this means I'll be gone for at least two months but I need to do this." The look on her face didn't change. It was still that wide-eyed, innocent expression that didn't tell me a single thing she was thinking. "You're strong," I added. "I need you to say that you'll be strong for me."

She bit her lip and I winced, ready for an onslaught of tears. But then she just nodded, the same blank expression on her face and I let out a breath of relief.

"It's not for awhile – something may happen before then and I won't have to go."

She nodded again without a word, slowly wrapping her arms around me as if to tell me not to go. Placing a kiss on the top of her head, I tried to reassure her that I wasn't going anywhere.

Even if it was a lie.

* * *

It's a long chapter for once. And I'm not updating on the weekend. Strange.

The song at the beginning of the chapter is by a Wizard Rock group named The Mudbloods and the song is I Wish You'd Be My Witch Tonight. Search for it on YouTube. It's amazing.

Thanks for the response everyone. I love reading your thoughts on my chapters and it keeps me writing. Leave a message on my Twitter too and we can talk sometime. Thanks so much!


	38. A Frustrating Argument

_Chapters 144-146 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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If Ivy was scared to further our relationship, there was only one thing I could do. To avoid hurting her, I had to stay away as far as possible. I wouldn't want to touch her and kiss her senseless if we weren't around each other.

As long as I had work, there would no problems.

Ivy never seemed to notice as I began to drift away and focus all of my attention on the Order. I had expected much more – a fight maybe, but she didn't even notice. Maybe she was too busy with her job too. Maybe she didn't realize anything was different. Or maybe she even understood what I was doing.

Every night, I forced myself to go to her flat, even though I wanted to be _anywhere_ else. She didn't even have to do anything – it could be only one look and I would have to excuse myself _again_ because I was worried I was about to do something rash.

Any other girl and I would have. But Ivy – no, I couldn't even think about it.

Well, that was a lie. I _could _think about it...and dream and imagine. Every night, she plagued my thoughts and, even though I dreaded the idea of another one of _those _dreams, I couldn't wait at the same time. The image of Ivy in that short nightgown of hers with the neckline that showed all of that skin.

And still, that wasn't enough.

But that was all I could have.

Months,_ months _passed without any physical contact to satisfy me. Most days I couldn't even think straight at work. When Dumbledore spoke about the grave severity of the fate of the wizarding world, I tried to pay attention but my mind kept wandering back to that Ivy Bennett.

She was going to be the _death _of me. Slow, painful, unsatisfied death. Which could possibly be the _worst death ever_.

I needed something – something to distract me. Something exciting – not the Order or any type of work. Something fun, reckless, spontaneous like back in Hogwarts when I had no trouble with any of this.

And at this point, _anything _would work.

-x-

Fun – check.

Spontaneous – check.

Reckless – check.

Stupid and something I would have definitely done with James that would have landed us detention at Hogwarts and also could have got us _out _of detention by a series of crazy shenanigans and lots of planning – check and double _check_. Perfect.

With a grin, I circled the most amazing muggle object I had ever laid eyes on.

"Want to try it out?"

The salesperson didn't need to tell me twice. As soon as I swung over a leg and gripped the handlebars, I had to force myself to take a breath. I slowly ran my fingers over the dashboard, checking all of the gauges and lights, my mind whirling with ideas involving charms and spells. Drawing in the clutch, I could imagine flying over the English countryside, wind in my air with only the rumbling machine with me. And with a couple simple charms -

Letting go off the clutch, I looked up at the salesman with another grin. "I'll take it."

It only cost about a quarter of Uncle Alphard's money (probably the best investment yet) and then I was wheeling it off the lot. I couldn't just start it up right away. There were a few things I had to do first.

-x-

The November chill didn't even bother me as I made my way down the familiar street, enjoying that the roar of the motorcycle blocked out any other noise. Ignoring the fact that it was still early in the morning, I revved the motor and then slowed down.

With a grin, I came to a stop, pulling to the side of the road and kicking the stand down. Leaning against the motorcycle, I watched for any sort of movement in the flat in front of me.

She had to wake up by now.

My grin widened as the curtains in her room were pulled the side. I barely got a glimpse of her face before she disappeared. A few seconds later, the door was pulled open and she peered out.

I was about to say something to get her to come out and look at my amazing new purchase but she didn't need any persuasion; suddenly, she was making her way over, huddled in a blanket.

She stopped in front of me, her eyes wide and her mouth open in surprise. I could have sworn I saw her mouth something a couple times. She was probably in shock.

And she didn't even know the best part. "It flies too," I exclaimed, hoping the excitement would break her out of her trance-like state.

"What were you thinking?" Ivy finally whispered, taking her eyes away from the motorcycle to look at me. "We don't have time for things like this..."

I blinked. Obviously, I had heard wrong. She didn't just say- "I wanted something to play around with, you know," I explained. You know, because I can't play around with _you._

She shivered, holding the blanket closer. "You should return it."

What?

I hesitated, trying to figure out every way she could have meant that. She wanted me to part with something I just bought? Something that made me happy for once? After all the danger of being in the Order and having to come home to a girlfriend that _wouldn't let me touch her_.

"You want me to return my motorcycle?" I emphasized. She was just kidding. She had to be.

It was quick nod, but it was sharp and she knew _exactly _what she was doing and _exactly _what she was ruining _again_. I could have _nothing _I wanted. Just because she was quiet and more responsible didn't mean I always had to agree with her.

Pushing myself off the motorcycle, I sighed loudly, trying to stop myself from yelling. I couldn't just _yell _at her and watch her cry. But I couldn't help from looking at her angrily. "Just because you think a motorcycle is dangerous doesn't mean that I have to get rid of it. Just because you're quiet and I'm loud doesn't mean that we need to start agreeing on everything. I don't have to change – I've wanted the motorcycle for awhile and I'm going to keep it, okay? Even if you don't like it."

Drawing in a deep breath, I told myself it was the right thing to tell her how I felt. Because she needed to know everything, right?

But the way she was staring at me said otherwise. She was staring at me as though I had wounded her. "At least I'm not buying motorcycles to satisfy a childhood fantasy," she suddenly remarked, frowning deeply, "I'm stuck in the real world-"

I couldn't help it – I laughed at her extremely false statement. "Oh yeah, stuck in that little office all day rereading articles and writing about current events while I'm off fighting the Dark Lord and trying to save the wizarding world. I'm definitely just living a childhood fantasy here."

"Stop it," she interrupted, her voice actually loud for once. "I just think you should have thought it through before buying a motorcycle-"

And there was _this_ again. "See, that's what you do," I told her with a sarcastic laugh. I didn't even care anymore. I couldn't stop myself from saying _everything_. "You overthink every little thing. I can't even touch you half the time because I think you're going to freak out on me. I don't want to think anymore – I just want to do something – be spontaneous. Something you won't ever understand."

"Fine then," she responded immediately, "You have a problem with me, great. But I have problems with you too-" I just chuckled and rolled my eyes at her direct statement. I wasn't doing _anything_. It was _her _and her stupid 'no, you can't touch me even though we've been together for a long time because I'm too _innocent_.'

"You call me different all the time like it was a good thing," she quickly said. "And now I understand that you were just saying that I'm too different – not for you -"

"Maybe I was," I responded and she fell quiet.

"Maybe...what?" she asked quietly, biting her lip and looking almost afraid of the answer.

But I couldn't change what I thought now. With a loud sigh, I answered, "Maybe this was just a waste of time. Maybe we're too different to have a real relationship."

Her eyes tore away from mine and she looked down at the ground. "Maybe."

Was that it?

Everything was done?

Was this just a simple fight?

"This was just a bad idea," I found myself saying. There was no way to salvage a relationship if we were this different. I didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to hold back. Swinging my leg over the motorcycle, I looked at Ivy and said, "I don't want to do this anymore."

And then, before I could change my mind, I revved the engine and disappeared from view as quickly as possible.

-x-

It was a mistake.

I didn't _really _mean to say all of those things to her. She was my Ivy – I wasn't supposed to get mad at her. She was too fragile.

What if what I had said to her broke her?

What if she was crying?

Why did I even say anything?

She was right; I didn't need a motorcycle.

No, I _wanted_ the motorcycle, but we could work it out to include it. She was just scared for my safety. She was worried about me. I couldn't punish her because she cared for me.

And there was no reason for us to break up over a little argument. All couples ended up in a serious argument sometime in their relationship – and this was ours.

We just needed to talk and everything would go back to normal. As normal as it could anyway. I didn't have to get what I wanted. I just didn't want to lose her.

After a meeting (in which I didn't listen to a single word the entire time), I quickly made my way over to her flat, apparating inside. Hopefully, she wouldn't be too startled. Or crying.

I still had no clue how to deal with crying girls. And a crying Ivy was just that much worse.

But instead of seeing her crying, she was just sitting on the floor, a pile of books next to her. She was staring up at me with a wide-eyed expression and I immediately crouched down to her level.

"What are you doing?" I asked her slowly, hoping that her expression wasn't the beginning of a freak-out. Instead, she just continued to stare at me, biting her lip and looking quite lost and maybe even confused.

She kept quiet, her eyes never wavering away from my face. I looked down, noticing the books strewn across the floor. Picking up the closest book, I looked at the cover and was relieved to find that I actually recognized it. "This is Jane Austen, right?" She couldn't resist talking about her Jane Austen books. I flipped it open and skimmed over it, trying to show her I was interested. "How many of these books do you have?"

More blank staring. I tried to smile at her but I was too worried about her reaction. She had to talk to me sooner or later; I had to know what she was thinking.

"Why are you here?" she finally asked and I could distinctly hear her confusion. As if I wasn't allowed back in her flat or something.

"I always come over," I said slowly.

She looked down, frowning slightly and I knew what she was going to say next wasn't going to be good. "Since we're not together anymore, I just thought-"

"Whoa, what?" Anything but _that_. "I didn't break up with you..."

"You told me that we were too different!" she exclaimed, blinking rapidly, probably to hide her tears. "You said that you didn't want to do this anymore!"

Shaking my head, I stood up, gazing down at her. Why couldn't she understand how it was to be in a relationship? Why couldn't she just leave something be? Why did it have to become such a big deal?

"All couples have fights, Ivy-" I tried explaining.

"But you said-"

"Are we not allowed to fight?" I couldn't stop myself from snapping at her. "Are we supposed to be the perfect couple all the time? I know you read romance novels. The story doesn't just end right after the first kiss and everything works out perfectly. You have to work at things. You can't just give up after a simple fight."

"What do you know about relationships, Sirius?" Ivy responded. "You couldn't even keep a girlfriend for longer than a month in school."

_Why didn't she understand?_

"I kept you!" I desperately began explaining. "I learned from you. But you're just not learning in return." She was smart – she _had _to come to her senses.

But instead, she glared back at me. "I haven't been in relationships before. I don't know as much as you do."

I couldn't stand it.

She didn't understand anything.

And she never would with me.

"Then go," I made my decision. "Learn."

The anger in her eyes disappeared. "What?"

Taking in a deep breath, I forced myself to continue. "You know where to find me." There was nothing left to say. I took in her pained expression and before I convinced myself to stay, I disapparated away.

-x-

"But wait, Lily told me – it can't be true – you _didn't-" _Ignoring James's ramblings, I tried to concentrate on the advanced shield charm I was practicing. "This can't be – did you _really _break up with Ivy?"

Turning around, I caught sight of Remus behind us, practicing his own defense spells. Relieved to see he wasn't paying attention, I turned back to James. "A little louder, please, so Moony can hear you."

James's eyes grew large. "You mean he doesn't know?"

I scoffed, putting down my wand. "What am I supposed to say? Oh, yeah, Moony, I just broke up with Ivy and probably left her there to cry. How do you feel about that?"

"She _cried_?"

I shrugged, raising my wand again. "I left before she really reacted."

James clicked his tongue and then said, "Yeah, Remus would kill you."

Frustrated, I viciously started waving my wand. "Listen, I'm trying to forget about her and I don't want to hear about Remus killing me on top of that."

After a couple minutes of silence, James exclaimed, "He's going to find out sometime."

Gritting my teeth, I responded, "I _know_."

"I don't know why you broke up with her in the first place. You seemed to be getting along and you never complained like you used to do in relationships-"

Tuning out James's rant, I turned the opposite way and continuing practicing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lily whispering something to Remus. He slowly put down his wand and glanced in my direction.

_Great_.

I expected a shouting match, but there was nothing. Instead, he left the room with Lily quietly, without even taking a second glance at me.

I needed to get away from here. It was the only way everything would make sense again.

* * *

Oh, hey, readers. I'm sorry I disappeared for a month. This story isn't being coorporative right now. I don't know why, but it's so hard to write even a paragraph. I have been updating _Don't Stop Believing _though and it's amazingly adorable, so you should check that out if you miss my frequent updates.

I'm sorry again.

Hopefully, this isn't crap. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!


	39. So Close

_Chapters 147-150 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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"Bloody _hell_!"

Keeping my gaze straight forward, I ignored everyone around me and, with the exception of a few curse words underneath my breath, refused to say anything to my gossiping co-workers.

It had started with Marlene and Alice yesterday, after Remus had completely started ignoring me and giving me death glares and I had to hear it through _them. _Ivy went out on a date with _Remus_, one of my supposed best friends, probably to prove that she could date and learn from other experiences.

But did she have to choose _Remus?_ He was supposed to be one-fourth of the Marauders, my best friends, not the bloke who was trying to steal my ex-girlfriend. And did he _really _have to give me death glares like _I_ was the one that did something wrong?

I was saving her from hurt. I was letting her figure out everything on her own, and now I was the bad guy who broke up with Ivy and left her there with a broken heart?

And she _still_ managed to invade my mind every single, possible second of the day when all I wanted was one moment's peace from everything_. _It was absolutely _impossible_. Even though I tried to force myself to think of anything else – Quidditch, the Order, James's ramblings about Lily – she always pushed her way to the front of my mind and bugged me incessantly.

Always.

"_Bloody hell_," I muttered again, stopping over by the opposite wall. I couldn't even concentrate on my defensive spells anymore with the whispers and eyes on me. I tried to close my eyes, imagining myself anywhere else.

"Hey, Padfoot!"

With a growl, I opened my eyes to see James standing in front of me. "What do you want?" I snapped, and then winced at my tone. I couldn't help but sound frustrated.

Instead of being offended, James just shrugged, looking not even in the least bit taken aback. "Nothing much. Though it seems as though you're the topic of the day," he answered with this annoying grin.

"Topic of the _week,_" I muttered. There was no end in sight. Not until I went over to Ivy's flat and begged on my knees for her forgiveness. But how could I do that when I didn't even do anything wrong? Everything would go back to how it was, and we would have the exact same problems.

"You always liked being center of the attention." I rolled my eyes at James's comment, leaning back against the wall. After hitting my head a couple times, I decided that I wasn't going to do any brain damage this way.

"I can't believe he went on a date with her," I exclaimed after a long pause. "What was she thinking picking Remus and he just _agreed_? What if they're together now? What if – what if she forgot about me and she's with him?"

Shaking his head, James said, "No, they're not together. Remus wouldn't be acting this way if they were. I think he's disappointed in the whole situation; he's really getting nothing out of it either."

"He got his date. Probably a nice-"_ Snog, _I finished in my mind, but my throat closed up on the word. If Remus had snogged her, I was going to _kill _him.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by Frank Longbottom shouting my name from across the room.

"Hey! Black, Potter! Dumbledore wants to see you about something!"

I pulled myself off the wall and James and I turned to each other with confused expressions. "What would he want to see us for?" he asked as he pocketed his wand. "We haven't broken any rules, have we?"

I shrugged and couldn't help but say, with a forced grin, "Well, not _recently_."

-x-

Grabbing an extra cloak, I managed to stuff into the bag and then shrunk it to a convenient size. I could hear James sigh across from me. "The Order told us to pack light!"

"It can get cold," I defended myself, placing my wand in my cloak pocket. Looking up, I glanced outside the window of my flat and noticed how late it was already. "We'll see who's laughing later."

Putting the small bag into my other cloak pocket, I turned to look at him. "What's with the weird look?" He was staring at me with pained grin, which looked really unnatural on him.

"Do you think we'll make it back?" he asked, "I mean, looking for Voldemort in supposed Death Eater's hideaways could up killing us, right? You know what? This is dumb and dangerous and a stupid idea..."

I raised an eyebrow at his sudden change of heart. Just earlier this morning, when Dumbledore was telling us about the assignment, he was ready to go right then and there. "Who told you that?"

James let out another slow sigh, refusing to meet my eyes. "Lily said I was stupid for taking this, even if it was Dumbledore's idea, and I – I don't know what came over me, but I had to let her know that I was coming back. I just blurted it out right there." I raised my eyebrows and he looked up at me with a nod. "Yeah, I asked her to marry me."

_Whoa. _"I guess congratulations are in order?" James let out another deep breath. _Oh. _"She couldn't have said n-"

James frantically began shaking his head. "No, no, she said yes."

"Oh, that's awesome, mate." I clapped him on the back enthusiastically with a grin on my face. "You finally got Lily Evans for the rest of your life!" I guess persistence really did pay off. I couldn't stop myself from shaking my head at the idea of Lily Potter.

"Which could be only a couple days," James muttered, causing my grin to quickly disappear. "Lily's worried that I won't be coming back. I can't even – she thinks I shouldn't go, but I need to, right? I don't want this war to go on any longer than it has to. We have to do this. She knows I love her; she has to understand."

I nodded. "She knows, mate. We'll get through this."

But James's words were slowly sinking in. He was right. Lily was right. There was a definite chance this was going to be our last mission.

And I never got to tell Ivy how I really felt. It was too late now.

-x-

Leaning against the concrete wall behind me, I stared up in the dark, trying to get my eyes to adjust and see something, _anything_. We had finally traced down what we thought to be the hideout of the Lestranges after a long month of traveling – and if the Lestranges were hiding, they probably had a good reason.

I let out a slow, anxious breath at the thought of Voldemort possibly being in reach. We were almost there. So close. We just had to be sure; we needed to wait it out in the cellar for any possible clue.

After what felt to be like an hour of dead silence, I could hear James shuffling around, knocking into something that made a brushing sound against the hard floor.

"What are you doing?" I hissed in his direction.

"_Lumos,_" I heard him whisper and saw that he was sitting across from me, against the opposite wall. "Urgh, yes, much better. My eyes were beginning to _burn._"

"What if someone sees us?" I hastened to say, my heart pounding at the thought of being caught before tracking Voldemort down.

James shook his head, looking up toward the ceiling. We listened carefully, slowly coming to the realization that no one could hear our whispers from this deep in the cellar. After a minute of listening, James broke the silence by suddenly asking, "Why don't you care?"

I blinked at his strange comment. "What?" I whispered in return.

"Ivy. Why don't you care?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered, giving him a dark look. I wasn't going to talk about this now.

"But-" James paused, leaning forward. "You were _crazy _about her for the longest time. And then, out of nowhere, you don't care about her anymore. She even went on a date with Remus and you haven't even strangled him yet-"

"I'm not going to strangle one of my best-"

James didn't let me finish as he continued to pry, "You don't care at all?"

"I don't care?" The words didn't even sound right on my tongue. "I – I can't _think_ about her because I care _too_ much," I was beginning to ramble, and for once, I didn't even try to stop myself. "I didn't want to hurt her and I knew she wouldn't understand. I needed to get away before I hurt her. _God_, I love her, I _still_ love her and if you think I don't care, then fine, but it's the farthest thing from the truth. I had to let her go because of her safety, _not_ mine." I let out a sharp breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

James frowned deeply at me. "You broke up with her because you wanted more and she didn't." He was stating it as a fact, and I didn't even try to contradict him.

"Fine, yes, I wanted more, but I didn't force it on her or anything. I _left _for her sake." I couldn't hurt her – I would rather hurt myself than let her get hurt.

"That's stupid," James muttered.

"You're stupid," I automatically responded.

James rolled his eyes at my insult. "Why didn't you just talk it out or something?"

I thought back to that awful day where we fought over the motorcycle and let it get out of hand. It all started with that. "I tried and she wasn't listening," I said quietly, "I didn't know what else I could do."

"Do you think she's ready to listen now?"

I let my shoulders slump. "I love her, Prongs, but-" I stalled, remembering the way she always hesitated around me, "I don't want to scare her into anything."

James's answer, though simple, repeated in my head for the rest of the day. "Tell her that."

-x-

Grinning, I held out my arms, showcasing the motorcycle behind me. "What do you think?" I asked excitedly, practically bouncing just waiting for her reaction.

When I turned back toward her, she was staring back at me with narrowed eyes. My grin faltered. "What do I _think_?" she said slowly, her voice low, "What I think is that you're a reckless idiot!"

I blinked at her harsh words. "What?"

Suddenly, she was striding over, her eyes still narrowed and darker than I remembered. "How could you _do _this, Sirius? I _hate _you!"

Once again, I hesitated, words failing to come out. "I-what?"

"You know what?" She stopped in front of me, only centimeters away and I could hear her breath, loud and erratic. "This is the last straw. I never really cared for you anyway. Be happy with your motorcycle, Sirius Black, because this is it."

She was standing so close that her nose brushed mine, but as I tried to lean closer to prove that her words were just nonsense, she pushed me away. "That's exactly it! You have to stop using me for your satis-"

"I'm not!" I started to defend myself.

I could have sworn I saw her mouth curve upwards in this smirk I never thought she was capable of. "You know what? I've been using you too."

"What are you talking about?"

There was truly a smirk on her face. "I've been using you, Sirius. I've been seeing someone else. Someone you know very well." Before I could ask, I heard a crack of a person apparating.

It happened so quickly that I could barely process it. She was gone, running off to the person, someone that was turned away, and then he turned our way and caught her in his arms and -

It was Remus. And he was snogging Ivy Bennett. _My _Ivy.

I tried to close my eyes, but I couldn't and they just continued in front of me as if they were putting on some sick show. They only broke off for a second and Ivy caught my gaze, her lips curved in that same, cruel smirk.

Was I supposed to be breathing?

Why couldn't I breathe?

"Sirius."

She was going to say something to me.

"Sirius!"

It couldn't be like this.

"_Fuck! _Sirius, wake up!" A jarring pain in my shoulder jolted me to consciousness. Eyes wide, I searched the darkness and found James standing in front of me, his wand out.

"Wha-"

"Get up!" he hissed. "I heard something – I think they know-"

Suddenly, I was wide awake. Stumbling to my feet, I reached for my wand in my cloak. "What happen-"

"_STUPEFY_!"

A blast of red light shot between us and we quickly looked up to see a figure standing at the top of a staircase. "In the basement!" a gruff voice called out and then, before the figure could react, I sent back another stunning spell that hit him squarely in the chest. He slumped against the wall, falling down a couple steps as James and I clambered over him and onto the main floor.

"Send a message to Dumbledore!" James shouted as another stunning spell flew over our heads.

Without even stopping to think, I conjured my Patronus, sending it with a hurried message. Turning around, I defended myself with a shield charm as a group of Death Eaters began to surround us.

"_Crucio!_"

I barely dodged the curse, managing to stun my way through to the door. I could hear James shout more spells and then he turned around, grabbing my attention. "We need to find him-"

Sprinting into the next room, I flattened myself against the wall and lost my footing as someone blasted the entire structure behind me. "_Avada kedavra!" _Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the green light hit the table next to me.

Heart pounding and ignoring the throbbing pain in my shoulder, I turned around and shouted "_Expelliarmus!_" and caught my assailant's wand in midair.

I was about to find James when someone ran in, grabbing the stunned Death Eater's body and then, with a crack, they were gone.

And then it was silent.

"They left!" I heard James shout from somewhere else in the house. A string of curses followed his statement, and I shakingly ran a hand through my hair.

It was – the Killing Curse was so..._close_.

-x-

It took us five hours to wander back to Headquarters; we were both wounded and we had found ourselves lost. I could barely think straight, and I knew James was trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but I knew he was frustrated. We almost had Voldemort, we were _so close. _And neither of us had excelled at healing charms while at Hogwarts, so our wounds remained how they were.

James was bent over, his hands on his knees as he breathed out slowly. There was a large gash on his stomach and head, and he had been complaining about being dizzy and sick. "Do you think our Patronuses made it, or do we have to check in with Dumbledore now?" he asked.

It took me a moment to answer. "I'm sure they made it; we'll have to report back tomorrow. I..." I hesitated before saying, "-have something I have to do, and Lily would love to see you."

"Thanks, mate," he replied, standing up with a grin. "Oh, and good luck with Ivy."

I gave him a look. "How did you know?"

James shrugged and immediately winced. After recovering, he said, "I'm your best mate. Strangely enough, I can sometimes tell exactly what you're thinking."

I grinned and watched as James disapparated.

Letting out a slow sigh, I looked up at the clear sky and tried to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that said I couldn't visit her. It was late and she was probably sleeping already – but I needed to see her.

She had went on a date with Remus. What if my dream was right? What if they were together now? Did I have any right to come barging in her house in the middle of the night?

And Remus was always better for her than I was; I didn't deserve her. But what if she wanted me back? I needed to see her face – I needed her.

Before I could change my mind, I disapparated and appeared in the middle of Ivy's dark flat. Telling myself to breathe, I turned toward the bedroom door and reached out for the doorknob.

What was that?! My eyes snapped open at the sudden sound. I glanced outside the window but I was sure I didn't hear it coming from outside. It had came from the room outside my door – the living room.

Then the door was opening and I panicked, turning away to stand behind the bookshelf. The soft creak of the floor let me know she was right behind me.

Quickly turning around, I felt something hard stab me in the neck and winced; it only added to the pain from my shoulder wound.

"_Lumos._"

And there she was, staring up at me with those familiar eyes. She was visibly tired, her hair a mess, but I couldn't care less. She was _right in front of me_.

"How-how are you?" I forced myself to say. I had to hear her speak.

But instead, she stared back at me, her gaze empty. Her mouth was set into this frown and I could tell she didn't want me to be here. Her pale skin made her look sick at the sight of me.

"You don't look so well," I managed to say, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "I knew this was a bad idea. I'll just...go."

Tearing myself away from her stare, I turned slightly before I heard a sudden shout.

"No!" Looking back, I saw her looking at me and breathing heavily. "I mean – that's not – just -" I took in her stumbling words and waited for her to say something, _anything_. "Stay."

_Stay_? What did she mean-

"I - I don't want you to go," she continued before I could say anything. "You're right; you were always right and I just couldn't be able to stand seeing you leave again. I don't live in the moment and I don't have the life experiences yet but I want to learn them with you...here...with me." She paused, and it was only then I realized what she actually meant. "So, will you stay? Stay the night with me. Stay forever...with me..."

Telling myself to keep breathing (she was actually ready to take the next step and I couldn't even wrap my mind around it), I took a step forward and cupped her face in my hands. "Okay," I whispered and didn't hesitate to lean down, capturing her lips with mine for the first time in months.

I expected her to be frozen, but she responded without any pause, parting her lips against mine and pulling me closer.

Pulling back, I hissed in pain and brought my hand to my shoulder, pressing lightly down on the bruised and broken skin. Momentarily, I had forgotten where I was and all I could think about was the pain.

Suddenly, I was helped to the couch and then looked up to see Ivy staring at me, her eyes taking in my predicament. I didn't say anything, but I know she was taking in my gasp of discomfort as I rolled my shoulder.

Then, she broke her gaze, looking down. I let out a slow breath when I realized what she was doing. After she carefully helped me out of my cloak, she began at the top button, slowly making her way down, only slightly fumbling along the way.

When she finally undid the last button, she hesitated, taking her time before pulling the shirt back and then helping my wounded side out of the arm. She didn't have to ask me to turn around before I adjusted so I was facing away from her.

Wordlessly, she took out her wand and touched the tip to the back of my shoulder and immediately, I felt the pain ease away. With a shuddering sigh, I could breathe again.

Moving back to face her, I found her staring back down at the couch. When she straightened back up, I had the oddest sense of deja vu as her nose brushed with mine and I could feel her breath on my lips. But this was nothing like my dream; now_, _it was _completely_ different, the exact opposite, and my mind was blanking.

I couldn't even force myself to say anything. She was just right _there _and I could feel and hear and see her tremble in front of me. I jumped slightly as I felt something touch my stomach and then realized it was her hand, palm resting there and fingers lightly flexing as though testing out the reaction. My breath caught and she slowly leaned forward, pressing her lips to mine.

It was then I completely forgot everything but her, in front of me, right then and there, and I lost my breath again.

* * *

Ramenette is the reason you have a chapter today because she helped me a lot with one of the scenes. She's awesome and you should read her stories!

I really actually like this chapter, so I'm happy with it. It was giving me a lot of problems at first, but then it slowly got better and easier to write.

Thank you for reading and your reviews! I'll try to get out a new chapter as soon as possible.


	40. Together Again and a Wedding

_Chapters 151-154 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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"Sirius..."

The sudden voice pulled me out of my sleep and, groggily, I was brought back to consciousness. "No, Iwannasleep..." I mumbled into my pillow, grabbing onto the blanket and pulling it against me. I didn't want to get up. My eyes wouldn't open; it wasn't time to get up yet.

Something warm brushed against my ear and I shook my head to make it go away. "Sirius..." There it was again. Groaning, I tried to turn the other way but something wasn't letting the blanket go.

Why couldn't I just sleep for another five minutes? I didn't want to open my eyes; I wanted to stay in bed, huddled underneath my sheets and – wait, no, I wasn't home. I had fallen asleep in the darkness – in a basement of...

The _mission!_ What about the mission?

Forcing one of my eyes open, I quickly focused on my surroundings. I blinked at the light, letting the colors of the room slowly come together. White walls, blue carpet, off-white blanket...

And a hint of green staring back at me.

Startled, I blinked again. A _person_. Someone that looked awfully like-

With another jolt, I frantically tried to remember what happened last night. Attack at the Lestranges, going back to London to tell the Order, and then-

_Ohhh_.

Stretching, I pulled back the covers, watching as she blushed heavily at my languid movement. "Good morning, Ivy..." I tried to disguise the very obvious grin in my voice. I had just woken up with _Ivy Bennett _next to me in bed, not to mention a _naked_ Ivy and she didn't even look like she wanted to run and hide. She was just _there _and staring back at me with this smile that made me want to kiss her and never stop.

Yawning, I failed to suppress my grin and moved my arm around her, reveling at the touch of her bare skin. Moving her closer, I took in her flushed cheeks and kissed her lightly on the temple, trying to convince myself that it was real.

I could feel her next to me.

Not a dream. She wasn't going to disappear as I woke up. She wasn't going to run away, scared or crying. I had her _forever_.

And yet, I knew I had to get up and leave her soon. After finding my voice again, I finally forced myself to ask, "What time is it?"

She moved slightly and I groaned at the loss of contact, reluctantly loosening my grip on her. Moving over to check the time, she finally answered in a soft voice, "Nine."

Already nine. I couldn't even enjoy this moment with her. The Order was probably searching for me, worried something had gone wrong and I had been attacked _again_. With another groan, I leaned forward to kiss Ivy again and made myself get out from under the covers.

I found my clothes at the end of the bed and quickly got dressed, doing up the buttons as quickly as possible. As I turned around, I saw Ivy watching me, her cheeks even redder as she held up the bed sheet against her.

How could this _not _be a dream?

Leaning over, I brushed back a stray piece of hair as she looked up at me. "You know I'd love to stay but the Order probably thinks I was attacked by now and are going to kill me for not checking in last night," I said, resting my forehead against hers. "We'll talk about this tonight, okay?"

She nodded slowly, and I closed the gap, lightly leaving a kiss on her lips. Pulling away, I tried to ignore the look she was giving me (_why _did I have to leave?) and apparated back to the Headquarters, trying to get the image of her out of my mind.

-x-

Quietly, quietly, just close the door...slowly and quietly.

Stepping into the meeting room, I let the door fall slowly back and guided it with my hands. And with a soft click...

"Ah, Mr. Black, how nice of you to join us," I heard Dumbledore exclaim loudly behind me.

Swearing under my breath, I turned around and looked up to see all of the members of the Order staring back at me.

"Hey," I proclaimed with a grin. "Sorry I'm late – slept in _again._" With an apologetic shrug, I added, "Anyway, continue." I took a seat at the back of the room, watching as Dumbledore nodded with that familiar twinkle in his eye.

After a long second, everyone turned back to the front of the room and finally, the attention was turned off of me.

Crisis adverted.

And I thought it was going to be _difficult_...

"_Psst_!" Leaning forward, I saw James motioning over to me frantically with over exaggerated hand movements.

"_What_?" I whispered, catching the attention of Remus between us.

James raised his eyebrows dramatically. "So, what did-"

Trying to ignore the look Remus was now giving me, I shrugged and turned away. I could hear James huff in frustration and the creak of his chair as he sat back.

As I stared up at Dumbledore, I found my mind wandering back to the night before. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate on the Order during a time like _this_? We were finally back together and she _wanted _to be with me. No more hesitating and waiting. I didn't have to worry about anything like that anymore.

Leaning back, I barely listened to the speeches as the meeting went on for what seemed like hours. Everyone else seemed intent and interested in the conversations, and I was only brought out of my daydream after I heard my name and applause. Looking around, I saw everyone clapping and had to bite my tongue, wanting so much to tell them to stop. It wasn't as if our mission was successful. We didn't catch Voldemort, only found his temporary hiding place. By now, he was gone from the Lestranges, and once again, we had no clue where he was.

The meeting finally came to a close and I let out a long sigh, standing up to stretch.

"You!" Someone suddenly grabbed my arm and I turned to keep my balance. James was standing in front of me, his arms crossed as he stared me down.

"What?" I asked, giving him an odd look as he tried to widen his eyes to intimidate me.

"You-" He emphasized the word, practically throwing his finger in my face, "-weren't home last night."

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged and said, "When?" Most likely he was lying, trying to figure out if I had gone to see Ivy or not.

"Four A.M.," James exclaimed, letting a stupid proud smirk stretch across his face.

"Why would you come see me at four A.M.?" I questioned. Unless he really was trying to figure out – _shit._

"Hey."

Out of absolutely nowhere, Remus stepped in, oblivious to our previous conversation. "Welcome back!" he added.

But James wasn't about to let it go that easy and I wanted to strangle him. "Oh, well, I couldn't sleep at all last night," James continued. "So, where were you?"

Ivy would _kill_ me if I told anyone or she would die of embarrassment. I couldn't go around bragging about the night before like she was a conquest or something. It was absolutely different from any school fling. It was _Ivy_.

With a glare, I stayed silent.

James's eyes widened considerably and I knew _exactly _what he was thinking. "No," he exclaimed in a hushed voice.

I tried to intensify my glare, but nothing was going to work.

"You _didn't_."

If he said it...

"James, you aren't making any sense," Remus suddenly proclaimed. _Shit_, I had forgotten he was there. Would he try to kill me – he wouldn't – was it close to the full moon because _then_ he _might –_ _bloody hell. _

"You went to visit-"

Jumping forward, I clamped my hand over his mouth and shook my head slowly. "No," I warned him. Not in front of everyone like this.

"What happened?" I could still hear his muffled voice and cringed as his lips moved over my hand. Ew.

"Wait," Remus exclaimed behind me. "You – have you seen Ivy yet?"

This was not going to end well.

Turning around, I let go of James (who heaved a huge, unnecessarily dramatic sigh) and shrugged. "Maybe I just visited her," I told them as if it was no big deal. Because it wasn't, at least not to _them_.

"At four A.M.?" a new voice entered our conversation. Groaning, I looked to see Lily walking over with Peter watching interestedly next to her.

Just _great_.

Lily stopped next to James and began tapping her foot, waiting for her answer. "We got in late!" I made up a quick excuse.

"I believe we separated ways at _midnight_," James exclaimed with a full-out grin. He _knew _he had me.

Lily suddenly grabbed me by the arm and forced me to turn in her direction. "You...made up then?"

James continued his annoying, little grin. "I don't see you _complaining _anymore."

Wrenching my arm out of Lily's grasp and threw my arms up and exclaimed, "Yes, okay, Ivy and I are back together. You can celebrate and throw a party or gossip, whatever. Whatever you think, I don't even care, but I'm not saying a word." It didn't matter though; they already knew.

"I'm just happy for you, mate!" James exclaimed, trying to tackle me in one of his hugs. "Oh, look, Padfoot's all red."

"I'm not blushing!" I said in defense. But I could feel the heat on my face.

I wasn't _supposed _to blush. I was _Sirius Black_ and Sirius Black did not blush. I was supposed to be immune to it. Looking at all of their ecstatic faces, I deadpanned, "I have to go."

Ivy was _not _going to be happy.

-x-

_I accidentally told our friends_. No, she'd hate me forever.

_They all know. _Know what?

_I'm an idiot and you can break up with me again if you want to. _Okay, no, I couldn't say that.

Taking a deep breath, I apparated inside her flat. She was facing away from me, fixing a vase on a table by moving it around every few seconds, as if she couldn't make up her mind.

"How was work?" I brought myself to say.

She jumped slightly, the vase in her hands wobbling dangerously. "Oh," she exclaimed, putting it down and turning to face me. "It – it was...work. How was yours? Did you get into trouble?"

I couldn't help but flinch and hope she didn't notice. "Well," I began slowly, "I told everyone that I was too exhausted to check in last night." What was I supposed to say? How was I going to say it to her? I couldn't do it now.

"And?" she pried.

She had to know. I just had to tell her. Explain it to her. "And then James exclaimed that he went to my flat this morning and I wasn't there."

"Why didn't you say that you got up early?" she asked after a pause.

"He came over at four," I answered.

Ivy looked down at the floor, recognition passing over her face. "And...?"

Just say it.

"He said I was probably over at your house because I had mentioned I wanted to visit you. They speculated from there."

There.

Ivy blinked rapidly at me. "That means everyone thinks that-"

"Yes," I cut her off quickly.

She stared back at me with a blank expression and then slowly backed up to sit in a chair. She fell into it as if her legs failed to hold her up anymore and said a quiet, "Oh."

She had to hate me. "Listen, forget what they think," I exclaimed, immediately going to sit on the couch next to her. "Don't stress over it."

I could see her trembling and knew that this was it. I ruined it again. She was going to leave me because I was an idiot.

"I'm not going to worry about it," she said and I blinked, trying to make sense of her words. "It's in the past anyway."

Wait – what? "You're not going to worry?"

She shrugged slightly. "I'm going to try."

Had she _really _changed that much? Everything was going to be fine now? No more fights about the petty things and arguments about our differences?

She actually listened to me?

"You're learning," I told her with a huge grin. Everything was going to be different from now on. This time, it was going to work.

-x-

After listening to James's incessant questions ("Seriously, you – but Ivy – I can't believe it. How did you even get her to – no, no, I don't want to know. No, I do. No, nevermind."), Lily's ideas for the wedding ("Just a little ceremony. I don't want to wait with this war. We can have a little, private ceremony with protective spells just in case. February 21st, remember."), and Peter's "problems" ("My mum doesn't want me staying in the house anymore and I don't have anywhere else to go. Can I live with you?"), I was ready to get out and spend some time with Ivy.

However, instead of going out and doing something, we stayed in her flat, talking about our friends and our relationship. It was definitely different now; Ivy didn't try to hide or avoid certain questions. Everything was out in the open, and we could talk about anything. It didn't stop her from blushing and stuttering, but it was easier.

Valentine's Day snuck up on me before I knew it, and I still hadn't found anything to get her. How could anything beat last year? Was I supposed to get her jewelry or something pretty like that? What did she want?

"Ivy-" I began that morning when I appeared in her flat. "Let's go out for Valentine's." It was the only thing I could think of.

But she just frowned at me. "I'd rather stay in today."

Biting back my groan of "again," I reasoned, "But I need to get you something. It's Valentine's Day – the most romantic day of the year and I want to show you just how much you mean to me."

The corners of her mouth turned upward, but she shook her head. "You don't have to get me anything."

I just smiled at her. "I'm not wasting my Uncle Alphard's money on something useless. I want to use it on _you_."

She still shook her head. "No, it's okay."

So began the staring contest. With my arms propped up and my hands underneath my chin, I stared at her across from the table, waiting to see if she would blink.

She had to give in sooner or later. I had to buy her something nice like a bracelet or maybe clothes. Or like...

"Aha!" Setting my hand on the table, I grinned at the girl across from me. "Come on!"

She hesitated, trying to struggle out of my grasp as I grabbed her hand. "What are you doing?" she kept asking.

I took in her confused expression, and then said, "We're going shopping." Her disappointment was clearly displayed across her face, but I expected it.

"N-" she started to complain, but I had already apparated us away. "No, Sirius..." she continued as we made our way down the cobbled street. "Please?"

Bringing her next to me, I shook my head and said, "You need to get a dress, Ivy."

She let out a whimper, as if it was the worst thing in the world. "But I don't want to go shopping. Can't we just stay inside today?"

I grinned at her whining. "No, we're going to find you a dress and I'm going to buy it for you."

She frowned, sighing loudly as she followed me into the first shop with dresses in their windows. She stopped as soon as we stepped inside the store and I took the time to look around at everything. With Ivy's reluctance, this was going to take forever.

Turning to face her, I saw her looking at a red dress in the display. Maybe it wouldn't be that difficult.

"Do you like that one?" I asked. "You should try it on."

Waving over an employee, I watched as the worker grabbed the dress and lead Ivy to the dressing rooms in the matter of seconds. Ivy looked back at me with desperation and I gave her a reassuring smile in return.

When the employee finally came out and ushered me inside, I expected Ivy to be standing behind a curtain or door, trying to hide herself. But she was standing in front of a mirror with tightly shut eyes and didn't notice me behind her.

She absolutely _couldn't _wear that dress to the wedding. It would be torture.

"Not that one," I cleared my throat to say.

Ivy flinched, her lips tightly together in a frown. I smiled, moving forward to place my hands on her arms and leaned down to kiss her on the neck. "Wearing that, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you all night."

I could feel her breath catch in her throat and smirked against her skin. There was no doubt about it; she was going to buy this dress.

-x-

"What if she doesn't show up?"

Rolling my eyes, I sighed and rested my head on my left hand. "She will," Remus, Peter, and I said in unison.

"She's probably going to leave me at the altar!" James continued pacing back and forth, wringing his hands and tripping over his own feet. And it was only eight in the morning.

"No, she won't," we said in unison.

"This was all a big joke, wasn't it?"

"Nope."

"No."

"Don't think so."

James fell dramatically onto the couch, pulling on his tie frantically. "I can't breathe. I can't – _bloody hell_!"

"Hey." I turned to Remus and quickly said, "Going to get Ivy. Have fun!"

"Wh-" I heard Remus say before I disapparated.

It was the day of the wedding and I had made the mistake of going over to James's to see how he was doing. Remus and Peter were already there, trying to calm down the frantic groom.

_James _was getting married to _Lily_. He definitely had a reason to freak out, but after the same rushed questions over and over for an hour, it was torture being around him.

I opened the door into Ivy's bedroom, peering around the corner to see her pining the clip I had gotten her into her hair. Her eyes caught mine in the mirror and noticed for the first time how much that dress accentuated her curves and showed an amount of skin that I knew made her uncomfortable.

She looked _perfect, stunning, amazing._

"You look absolutely-" I couldn't help but smile as I looked at her. There was really no single word for it. "I can't even find a word for it."

Her shoulders finally relaxed. "Like the dress?" she asked, turning to face me.

I laughed, knowing she had _no _idea. "Let's go." If she expected me to be around the entire wedding without touching her, she was sadly mistaken. There was no way this was going to work.

As soon as we entered the building for the wedding, Ivy turned to me and asked if I wanted to go see James.

Listen to James complain and watch him pace? However, I knew Ivy wanted to go see Lily and nodded anyway as we separated ways.

The door into the room was easy to find, and wincing, I pushed it open.

"Hey, Padfoot!" I heard James shout immediately. "Come join the party!" He was lounging on the couch, looking completely relaxed as he grinned and waved at me.

"How are you feeling?" I stole a glance at Remus who gave me a shrug in return.

James quickly sat up, leaning forward and grinning even wider. "I'm _great_. Positively wondrous."

"Brilliant," I exclaimed, sitting down next to him.

James sighed, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling. "Today is a great day."

I grinned, greatly enjoying the change in attitude. This was _much_ better, a nice change from frantic exclamations.

"Almost as great as the Great Prank of 1975. Remember that?" James questioned.

"One of the favorites," I remembered, sighing with the very memory. "Tons of balloons, levitation spells, random potions, and Snape sprouting wings and trying to fly out of the window."

"I love you guys," James randomly proclaimed, going back to staring at the ceiling.

"Moony!" I frantically waved him over in a hushed voice, glancing awkwardly over at James. "Did you put – you know – anything in a drink or something?" Remus frowned deeply. "Because if you did, it's absolutely brilliant," I added hastily.

"Nothing," Remus answered. "I just talked him down. It took me awhile though; almost the entire time you were gone."

"Hey, Ivy!" James suddenly shouted and I felt the couch move as he sprinted off the couch, grabbing Ivy into a hug before I could even catch a glimpse of her. "You look stunning," he proclaimed, grinning at her before finally letting go.

"Lily sent me-" Ivy began to say, but quickly closed her mouth after Remus wildly waved at her to stop.

"Lily sent you?" James let out a sharp breath.

Oh no. "Um-" Ivy stuttered.

James started gasping in air, taking a few steps back and falling onto the couch. Pulling on his hair, he began the moaning and groaning again. "She's not going to want to marry me. What was I thinking?"

Taking in Ivy's shocked expression, I made my way over to her. "Remus just got him to calm down. Thanks."

"Sorry," she said with a slight shrug.

Without another word, she left me with the hyperventilating James. Looking over, I saw Remus quickly talking to him, hoping to salvage the wedding.

After all, Lily would _kill _us if the groom never showed up.

-x-

James standing at the front of the church. Check.

Lily walking down the aisle. Check.

The rest of the wedding party in their places. Check.

And my awesome best man speech memorized. Double check.

To my surprise (and probably everyone else there), James did not faint once during the ceremony. He managed to say his lines clearly (I was expected a mess of jumbles) and then actually put the ring on Lily's finger without fumbling.

It was the perfect wedding and I couldn't stop myself from grinning the entire way through.

"I now present Mr. and Mrs. Potter." As they kissed, I caught Ivy's eye, giving her a happy smile. Everything was finally falling in place.

I bounded over to Ivy as the James and Lily left through the doors and, practically bouncing on my toes, exclaimed, "Come on, let's go party."

She smiled brightly, following me as we made our way to the reception. Only a couple hours left...

Ivy tried to get out of the first planned event, backing up out of the crowd of girls as Lily prepared to throw the bouquet.

"Catch it," I urged her, but she only shook her head.

She didn't have any chance anyway as Lily threw it to the opposite side, right into the hands of our very own Moony.

Laughing, I shouted across the room, "Good job, mate. You're soon to be a blushing bride!"

Remus gave me his familiar exasperated look, handing the bouquet over to the first girl, who so happened to be Dorcas. Well, maybe someone was getting lucky tonight.

When I found Ivy again, she was sitting down at the table, sipping her wine glass and staring out at everyone. Slipping in next to her, I grabbed my own glass and said, "Now, be careful with that wine. I don't want to be taken advantage of later tonight."

She immediately got the reference, almost dropping the glass onto the table cloth. "Oh, don't worry," she told me, stretching out her words, "I'm tired anyway – just going to go to bed as soon as I get home."

I frowned at her awful joke. "You're not funny."

She chuckled, looking down. "Well, at least I amuse myself at times."

Instead of continuing the conversation (which would probably have gone to how I wanted to completely ravish her and she was making it so hard but just sitting there innocently), I stood up, clearing my throat to gain everyone's attention.

Time for my awesomely wicked speech.

"Prongs, mate, I agree with Lily. You're an absolute prat and I don't understand why anyone would want to marry you-" I began with a huge grin. "Well, I guess you're both crazy, so-" Lily sent me a glare. "Okay, okay. Honestly, you two were made for each other. You compliment each other so well that I don't think one would be able to live without the other. I don't even know how you managed to be blind to that fact for six years, Lily, but really, seeing you two together is like...well, Bertie Bott's and peanut butter." Taking in the looks of disgust on their faces, I added, "Trust me, it's good. James and Lily, I wish you the best. And I hope you live like Bertie Bott's and peanut butter for the rest of your lives. Perfect together." Raising my glass in the air, we chanted, "To James and Lily!" as I took a long sip of wine.

The night continued with dancing, drinks, and more fun (especially with the garter/bouquet scene) as I managed to get complimented not once, not twice, but _three _times on my best man speech. Ivy watched amusedly as I thanked them each time with a grin on my face.

"So," James asked me as I set up the fireworks for their grand exit. "Since when have you liked peanut butter and Bernie Bott's?"

I stood up, putting up the last one in the row. "Since _forever_."

James nodded slowly. "I need to try that." We fell into a silence as we both shuffled our feet. "I'm going to miss you, man!" James suddenly shouted, grabbing me into a tight hug.

"Can't breathe!" I struggled to say as he cut off my air flow.

He immediately let go with a shrug. "Sorry. It just – I don't know what just happened."

"That's okay," I said, crouching down again to check the fireworks. "But, yeah," I added. "I'll miss you too."

James grinned at me before going back inside to fetch Lily.

I laughed when I replayed our conversation, realizing that he were going to be gone for only _two _weeks, not a lifetime. He was just married now and nothing was going to change. Just a permanent promise that he would forever be Lily's.

That was it.

Was that so awful?

Even Ivy and I could get married right now, and it wouldn't be that -

My thoughts were interrupted as James and Lily made their way out of the doors. I rushed to light the fireworks all at once, watching as they only managed to hit _two _people in the face before disappearing.

Ivy watched for a few minutes before turning to me, muttering about how she wanted to leave. My heartbeat raced as she disapparated, and I quickly made to follow her.

Standing outside of her flat, she gave me a strange look as she unlocked the door slowly, tortuously as if she had no clue what she was doing and finally stepped over the threshold into her place.

_Finally_.

Taking one of her hands, I pulled her against the wall, barely able to comprehend the way her eyes widened in surprise. "I warned you about wearing that dress," I breathed before pulling her into a kiss. I couldn't think straight – she was right there and after that whole wedding, I could finally have her.

Pulling the straps of her dress off her shoulders, I parted her lips, not even hesitating before deepening the kiss. My hands were now resting on her hips, and I grabbed a handful of fabric in each hand, pushing up roughly, all the while refusing to break our kiss.

I just needed her.

* * *

Oh, hey, guys. Look, this chapter is 5000 words long! That should count for not updating in forever, right? Right? No? Okay.

Sorry about the lack of updates. This story usually gives me a lot of trouble, and I want to finish it and will sometime, but it takes a lot for me to write it. And now I'm back at school, so give me awhile.

I love all of the readers though, so I force myself to write for you. Hope you enjoyed!


	41. Birthday

_Chapters 155-156 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

_

* * *

_

I was pulled out of sleep slowly, for once not forced awake by an alarm or someone jostling me until I opened my eyes. For the first time, I knew exactly where I was as soon as I awoke; I could feel her weight on my shoulder as she used me for a pillow, her left hand resting on my chest.

Yawning slightly, I leaned forward enough to kiss her lightly on the temple, but she didn't wake. Instead, she snuggled into me, fingers curling on my skin.

The corners of my mouth twitched upward as I watched her sleep. For some reason, my chest was tight and it hurt to take in a breath like something was weight down on me. But it wasn't Ivy – it was something entirely differently. Brushing my fingers through Ivy's hair, I stared up at the ceiling, memories of the night before replaying in my head.

James and Lily were married now. _Married_. The idea used to make James and I scowl in disgust (connected to _one _person for the rest of your life?) but with Lily, everything changed for him. Lily Evans was forever his. Lily _Potter._

Looking back at Ivy, I watched as her eyelids fluttered as she slept, her hair falling into her hair. Brushing her hair back, I took in a slow breath and couldn't stop the idea from coming to mind.

Ivy Black.

I let out a slow breath, realizing the impact of the name.

Did I want to _marry _her? Did I want to be connected to her forever? Promise her forever?

_Yes._

I wanted to be with her more than anything. I wanted to wake up with her next to me everyday. I wanted to promise her everything. Was it that difficult? Didn't she want it too?

Turning my attention back on her, I moved one of my hands to the bare skin of her arm, lightly tracing her name. Ivy. Ivy Bennett. Ivy Black...

Suddenly, she yawned and I caught a glimpse of green as she opened one of her eyes, focusing on me with that soft smile of hers. She dragged her gaze from mine as she moved closer to me and I whispered a soft "happy birthday" in her hair. I could practically feel her smile and then she "mmm"ed quietly.

We were both drifting off again when I murmured…_it_.

Wincing, I realized what I said out loud – it was soft but definitely audible. And she definitely heard it by the way she froze, body stiffening, hesitating before turning around to look at me with wide, unblinking eyes.

"What?" She sounded as if she was about to cry and I couldn't tell if it was because she didn't want it or because she was doing that happy, crying proposal thing that girls seemed to always do.

There was no way I could take it back now, and even if I could, I didn't even want to.

"Marry me," I repeated and the words were slightly stronger, but this was giving her all the power. She had everything in her hands right now, and she was just staring at me without a word.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I managed to say it again and brushed back her hair, trying to get her to consider what I was saying. How could one person hold all of my happiness with just one answer?

Her lip was trembling, her eyes filling with tears when she replied with "why?"

_Why_?

Why I was _asking _her? Why did I want her? Why _what? _How could I even explain this to her? "I don't want to lose you again," I tried explaining, leaning down to her ear, "I want to wake up like this everyday. I want you everyday."

She turned away to look up at the ceiling as if refusing to glance my way. I tried to ignore the tight feeling in my chest which was getting worse and worse as she started to say, "But the responsibility – we're not ready for that - "

"If James and Lily can handle it, we can," I explained quickly, saying the first thing that came to mind. I didn't have time to think. I needed an answer before I could breathe again. "Can you see it?"

"No," she responded softly and the word made me exhale with a shaky breath. "It's not – I can't see -" she stuttered.

She wasn't sure, but there was still a chance for a simple yes. Just a yes. That's all I needed.

"So?" I exclaimed, my voice slightly louder, "It's the great unknown, something exciting. A new adventure for me and you – not the Marauders but just us, together, forever. A different thrill, something amazing." Her eyes suddenly caught mine, and I kept her gaze as I said, "And we love each other. Isn't that enough?"

She hesitated, looking away for a second before practically whimpering, "You're making it hard to say no."

She didn't want to say no. She couldn't say no. She had to say yes. She wanted to say yes. Trying to conceal my grin, I commented with "good."

With a light chuckle, she asked, "Are you just trying to top last year?"

Smiling at her joke, I decided on a short "maybe," kissing her on the top of the head for reassurance. She fell into a silence, and even though I was just joking a few seconds ago, the sick feeling immediately returned and I had to force myself to keep breathing.

Was she even going to give me an answer?

Was no answer better than a no? Both would be awful. Why did I even ask her now? Obviously, she wasn't ready. We weren't together long enough. But in terms of the war we were and James and Lily were only together for a couple months longer than us and they were married. But did I want to base my relationship with her by the war? She wasn't involved in it. It was different.

I had rushed things and-

"Yes."

Blinking, I immediately turned my gaze down and looked at her with large eyes.

Was that a _yes_?

"Okay," I tried saying slowly, making sure I had heard correctly, and when she nodded, it really was a yes.

A _yes_. A yes to my question. A yes to my proposal. A yes to be married.

Grinning, I rolled over, pulling her into a kiss. She laughed against my lips – my _fiancée _laughed as I kissed her. I couldn't even try hiding my own grin. She pulled away suddenly as a sharp noise brought us back to reality.

"Wha-" I started to say, but I knew what it was. The door. Visitors at the worst possible time.

Rolling over, away from her, I groaned loudly, burying my face into the pillow. Ivy immediately scrambled for clothes, shouting "coming!" to the person who had bad timing. When I heard the click of the bedroom close, I sighed loudly, throwing the pillow to the foot of the bed.

Leaning against the headboard, I ran a hand through my hair and sighed loudly.

Did that really happen? She had said _yes_. Breathing out slowly, I stared up at the ceiling, letting the "yes" sink in.

Yes.

I could still hear her say it over and over and over in my mind. Yes, _yes, _yes, YES, _YES._

"Happy birthday Ivy!"

A cold chill went down my spine as I bolted upright. It couldn't be – not _now –_ if she saw me – it was her.

I was _dead_.

Scrambling out of the covers, I frantically looked around for a hiding spot. But what if she came in and saw the bed all unmade and then thought – fix it, I had to fix it. Smoothing out the covers and fumbling with the pillows, I made the bed look as presentable as possible and then heard the _footsteps._

She was _coming_.

There was nowhere to go. Looking down, I caught sight of the bed Ivy's slippers sticking out from underneath the bed. Falling to the floor, I threw myself under the bed and scrambled to the far side, away from the light. Holding my breath, I heard the door open...slowly...

Someone wearing ugly brown shoes – Ivy's mother.

Bare feet hurriedly following her – definitely Ivy.

"Well, I suppose you have plans with your friends today. I'll see you soon." I could hear Ivy's mother say and cringed at the voice that would haunt my dreams. We would have to tell her about our engagement soon and she would be my mother-in-law and _oh god._

I could see the ugly brown shoes finally leave the bedroom and then, a couple seconds later, the front door close. I let out a sigh, looking out from the bed cover to see Ivy standing a few feet away.

"You have cute feet," I exclaimed to get her attention.

Her amused gaze met mine and then she sat across from me, looking at me with a smile. "How did you know to hide?" she asked.

"Your mother scares me," I replied instantaneously. "I had to hide." There was absolutely no other way out.

Ivy laughed, adding a "Well, thanks for that."

I shrugged, leaning my head against my hands. "I don't really feel like getting mauled to death by your mother, so it's really no problem."

All I had to do was avoid her mother as long as possible, then I could keep living. Seemed like a fair trade. Ivy rolled her eyes at my comment, and then leaned down so I could finally catch her in a kiss. After all, I deserved it.

-x-

"I have a surprise for you."

I watched as Ivy turned around, eyes narrowing in suspicion. I couldn't help but grin at her expression, but I knew my grin wasn't going to fool her.

"Not a birthday party, I hope," she said slowly, as if she was worried it was going to a repeat of all of other surprise parties during Hogwarts. But I wouldn't do that to her. Not after the awful mess the other parties had gotten us in.

With a shake of the head, I replied, "How about a birthday dinner?"

She looked at me for a long second before nodding her head. "Sure, where do you want to go-"

"No," I interrupted her, "_I'm _going to make you dinner."

"You're doing what?" she gasped.

I laughed at her horrified gasp and said, "I'm cooking dinner tonight for my lovely birthday girl and Remus is going to help."

"Remus agreed to this?"

With a grin, I answered, "Of course. He even offered his kitchen." She looked at me for a couple seconds and then groaned, turning away to put a hand against her head. Like it was _that _awful. "What's wrong with wanting to cook my fiancée a birthday meal?" I laughed.

She looked back at me, her eyes cautious and something more. "Don't call me that," she muttered.

I blinked, trying to comprehend her words. She didn't want to be my fiancée? Did she only agree because I pushed her? Or did she want to keep it a secret – not want to tell anyone?

"You know you can't just hide the fact that we are engaged," I tried the last one and when she cringed again, I knew I was right. Just when I was about to say something about how she would have to tell everyone at some point, I noticed the look on her face and stopped.

Her lip was trembling and staring at me with large, doe-eyes. This was scaring her to death.

"Or..." I started to say, taking in her reaction, "We can wait to tell everyone. Maybe one at a time or something..." Ivy shakily nodded, just a short downward movement of the head and I smiled to reassure her. "We don't have to do anything right now. We don't even have to go over to Remus's if you don't want to."

"No," she suddenly said, "I want to go, really. I just...need some time about the..." She stalled, looking me in the eye before adding, "engagement."

"You can take all the time you want," I told her without pause. "After all, I don't want you to take back your yes."

"No," Ivy immediately responded with, but she couldn't even say it seriously.

Grinning at her, I pulled her in, noticing the way her eyes softened and the fear disappeared. At least when she was joking around, she was finally able to forget her worries. "You want to kill me, don't you?" I muttered into the crook of her neck.

"Mmm…" I could feel her murmur. "You already put yourself in danger. There's not much more I can do."

Taking in a deep breath, I realized the severity of her words. Not only was she right, but it made me realize that we could only have days, weeks, months…

Our time was limited. Hopefully, she would never realize that. I didn't want her to feel as though she needed to rush anything. I just wanted her to be happy.

-x-

She was peering over the counter, leaning up over it to try to see over us. I turned around to give her a dark look, but she only moved over, smiling innocently up at me.

"What are you making?" she asked, stretching to try to see over me. But I was ready with a Disillusionment charm if she got past us.

Remus laughed, turning around to shake a spoon at her. "No peeking."

I grinned, noticing her slouch back. She was only trying to peek for the last ten minutes.

Her eyebrow suddenly raised as if she just realized something. "Are you doing this without magic?"

With the spoons and knives we were holding and the pots and pans scattered around, there was no way to lie to her.

"Maybe," I answered shortly.

She frowned dramatically, narrowing her eyes like she was trying to intimidate me. I laughed at her look as Remus gave her another smile.

"Don't worry," he said to her.

As if that was going to stop her from trying to sneak a peek.

She slumped back in her seat with a loud sigh, crossing her arms. I continued to watch her, stirring the pot of sauce and sneaking looks over at her. She was tapping her fingers on her arm, but I knew she wasn't actually impatient. She was just making a show out of it.

"Waiting increases suspense," I tried telling her.

I heard her laugh quietly behind me. "Really? Are you going to tell me patience is a virtue next?"

I shrugged, looking back at her. She was looking with me with her eyebrows raised again, her amused expression and I couldn't help but say, "Patience is a virtue, Ivy."

"Would you two please stop flirting so we can finish this dinner?" Remus asked suddenly, brandishing his spoon at us again.

My mouth dropped open dramatically. "Why, Moony, this is not flirting. This is an exchange of words. There is a huge difference – in fact, I don't excuse you and Ivy of flirting every time you speak to each other."

Ivy was watching us with her elbow propped up on the counter, an amused smile playing on her lips. "He has a point, Remus," she said, "If this is Sirius flirting, he's definitely lost some of his charm."

"Hey!" I turned around, hiding the pot behind me to see Remus and Ivy laughing. "Why is that even funny?" Ivy didn't want me flirting with anyone else, and flirting with Ivy was something entirely different than what I was used to. I couldn't just go over to her and use a line.

"Okay, I'll take that back if you tell me what you're cooking," Ivy said quickly.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head at her. "Pathetic attempt."

She smiled despite my answer and leaned back in her chair. "But I'm the birthday girl."

"Slightly better," Remus commented, "And yet, we can't show you."

I could see her huff and shrug her shoulders out of the corner of my eye. For the next forty-five minutes, she managed to sneak a peek at the noodles, but nothing more. After many peeks around the corner, only slightly burn bread, and messes made by the sauce, we were finally done and Ivy was being led over to the table.

"Wait, wait-" I called out, skidding in front of her to pull out her chair.

"You have to be kidding me," she exclaimed.

I grinned at her and she rolled her eyes, sitting down in the chair. I pushed it back in for her and she gave me another look. With my unfaltering grin, I made my way to the other side of the table and took a seat while Remus took the opposite side.

Ivy hesitated, looking over at us.

Finally, after watching us for a couple seconds, she leaned up and took a look in the closest pot.

Silence.

Holding my breath, I waited for a good reaction. She had once said her favorite food was spaghetti, but what if it changed? What if she hated it? What if she wanted something totally different and this was a let-down?

With a chuckle, she looked up at us again. "Thanks," she said with a sincere smile, "This was really sweet of you two."

Letting out a breath of relief, I waited until she reached for a piece of bread before grabbing some noodles. She ate slowly, watching us both carefully, as if she was worried about something. I don't know whether she thought I was going to tell Remus or if she thought he knew about it already, but she was definitely thinking about something.

"Vanilla," I told her as I brought over the cake. "Your favorite, right?"  
Her eyes lit up. "Yes."

For the first time, she seemed as though she was finally relaxing again, sinking back in her chair with a smile.

"Oh, I got you something," Remus exclaimed, rummaging in his pocket.

He never said anything about any presents. I watched, an eyebrow raised as he brought out a black box, small and velvet. A box for jewelry.

"You're not planning to go down on one knee, are you?" I asked, leaning back on my chair with an amused look.

He was just a bit late with that, even if I didn't go down on one knee. And I didn't even have a ring.

It was only a matter of time though. I just needed a day to go out and get one – the best my uncle's money could afford. All of it even, I didn't care.

Ivy laughed softly, shaking her head at me. "It's a _charm_," she corrected, taking off the ribbon and the lid of the box.

How she knew that – I couldn't tell.

Her gaze immediately went to Remus. "_The Iliad_?"

He nodded. "Your birthday is February 22nd, which means you're a Pisces in astrology. The symbol, an H, is often associated with Helen of Troy from _The Iliad_. Hence, the charm."

Wow.

Taking the charm from Ivy's hand, I looked down at the book charm. It was silver, matching her bracelet and was in the shape of a partially opened book with The Iliad etched on the cover. "You really think these things through, don't you, Moony?"

"I try to be original," he responded.

Ivy took the charm from me with a bright smile. "And you succeeded. It's wonderful. Thank you Remus." She blinked suddenly and I could see that crease in the middle of her eyebrows – she was thinking of something again. But then it passed and she smiled again before fastening the charm to her bracelet.

Something was bothering her and she wasn't going to say anything. She was going to keep it bottled up until it ate away at her. And all I could do was reassure her everything was going to be okay, over and over again.

As if I believed it.

* * *

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot I existed. It's been August since I've updated this story. _August_. I'm _sorry_. I have classes and then there was NaNoWriMo...but I'm going to finish this story. I'll try to finish it during Christmas break. Only a couple chapters left, after all. Don't Stop Believing will be updated soon probably. My beta is very busy, but I may just post a chapter to give her a bit of a break.

If I don't update in the next month, find me and hunt me down. Or...you can message me. Or leave a review. Just something to get my attention.

Thanks for reading!


	42. Consequences of War

_Chapters 157-160 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

_

* * *

_

She could _want _to go.

Opening the letter in my hand, I skimmed through the words, wondering how I should respond. I could not even respond, but it was my _cousin _and she wanted to see me.

But Ivy-

She wouldn't want to go. But she could, maybe. Maybe if I explained to her the whole situation. I hadn't seen Andromeda in _years_, and finally we had a chance to get together and talk and she had a daughter now; I would finally get to meet her.

Glancing back down at the letter, I reread the line: "_my address is on the back and you're at any time_." Was I supposed to send her a letter first? Could I just show up today, randomly at her door step? What if she didn't want me to come? Maybe she was just trying to be friendly.

And Ivy-

"_Bring a friend if you wish, or your new lady friend, I know you have one."_

Obviously, Andromeda was only trying to be funny, but what if she knew something? Could she have heard something? What if my –_ no, _she couldn't have heard anything from my family. They didn't know about Ivy and they wouldn't have told Andromeda anyway. And I wasn't ever going to let them know about Ivy; they didn't care about me and they wouldn't approve of her.

Would Ivy want to meet Andromeda? Would she want to meet my family? Meeting my family meant we were one step closer to finally being _officially _engaged; she didn't want that. But what if she wanted to make a gesture?

Ivy was sitting across from me, feet curled up beneath of her as she read a letter from her sister. I could just ask her to come with me, after all, we didn't plan on doing anything today – would she want to leave the flat and go somewhere at all?

She obviously wasn't planning on going anywhere. Her hair was pulled back with a clip and she was only dressed in pajama bottoms and a loose shirt. She looked absolutely lost in reading the letter and I didn't want to disturb her with a stupid question. It could wait.

Suddenly, she looked up at me, her gaze meeting mine. I didn't even realize I had been staring at her for the past couple minutes and now she was waiting for an explanation. Leaning back, I watched as her eyes followed my movement. Obviously, she wasn't going to give up that easily.

"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" I asked quickly, getting it out before I could change my mind. I had to try.

She raised an eyebrow at me, then slowly asked, "Where?" By the way I was acting, she definitely could tell something was up.

Shrugging, I said the words slowly, almost testing them out myself. "I was thinking that I could surprise my cousin with a visit."

She was blinking at me and I knew she was confused. Maybe she didn't know what to say. Maybe she wanted to say no but didn't know how to tell me. "You want to visit your _family_?"

"Andromeda, my cousin," I immediately went to explain, then realized why she was staring at me with wide eyes. "Oh, no, she's not – she was disowned too," I quickly went on to explain. "She married a muggle-born wizard and was blasted off the family tapestry, like me." Her expression faded into relief and I couldn't help but laugh. It was exactly how I felt about my family. "I would _never_ invite you to meet anybody else in my family. Andromeda, she's my favorite cousin. You'd like her."

"So you want me to meet someone in your family?"

And now she was going to realize what I was asking her. She was going to back out and not want to take this step.

"I was thinking of visiting her today," I added, just to reassure her. "I haven't seen her since before she got married because of the whole "disloyalty to the Black family name." It'd be nice to visit her again."

She was looking at me in that way again, the way that made me positive that she was going to say no. Her lips were pursued and one of her eyebrows was slightly raised and I was so sure that she was going to say no.

"Just an hour," I said.

Her stare didn't waver. Instead, her eyes seemed to narrow as if she was thinking about it and then, after the longest pause, she finally said slowly, "Well, we had nothing planned anyway..."

"You don't have to if you don't want to-" I began to say, noticing her hesitation, but she shook her head.

"No, I want to go. Really. It'll be..." She shrugged and then said, with a questioning tone, "interesting?"

Grinning, I nodded. "With me there, how could it not?"

Ivy only rolled her eyes, leaving the living room without an answer, probably to get dressed.

It had been almost ten years since I last saw my cousin and what I remembered of her was only small details – brown hair, tall, nicer than her sisters, of course. And she was very straight-forward and told it how it was. I was never able to get away with anything when she was around. Always told my mum or aunt.

She knew everything.

In fact, she was probably going to figure out Ivy as soon as she walked in the door. Cringing, I knew it wouldn't end well – not with Ivy so afraid about the wedding and telling everyone. Andromeda was bound to bring it up and scare her – no, maybe it was a good thing.

Maybe Ivy could finally get used to the whole idea.

With a sigh, I leaned back against the arm of the couch and tried not to worry about it. Ivy wasn't weak – she would be able to deal with it without running away. And Andromeda, she had to know when it was appropriate to say certain things.

"D-do you think this is okay?"

She was wearing her deep blue robes and had her hair down now, nervously playing with a strand and tucking it behind her ear.

I shrugged, watching her flinch. "Do you think I'm going to say no?" I teased, smiling at her hesitant gaze. I knew she was somewhat amused by my comment by the way her mouth turned upward. "C'mon."

We apparated over to the small village in front of a little cottage. Looking back, I found Ivy's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She gave me a nervous smile, stepping forward to stand next to me.

"Okay?" I found myself asking.

She nodded and we stopped on the porch, waiting for someone to respond to a quick knock on the door. The door opened almost immediately, being inched open slowly and then a face appeared around the corner. A face with a wide smile and crazy pink hair.

It was a little girl – only about five at most.

"Dora, what did I say about opening the door for strangers?" someone suddenly shouted and then the little girl was picked up by the waist. "You wait until-"

"Sirius! How nice it is to see you!"

I grinned. Andromeda wrestled with the struggling girl in her arms before finally giving up and putting back down on the floor. With a smile, she turned to me. "The last time I saw you was when you were just a rowdy ten year old!" Giving me a look as she leaned forward, she exclaimed "and I heard from someone that you ran away."

"When I was sixteen," I told her with a proud grin. "Went and lived with the Potters."

The smile on Andromeda's face said everything. "And who is this?" Her gaze turned to Ivy and I could feel Ivy hesitate, but then she held out her hand.

"Hello. I'm Ivy Bennett," she introduced herself. Andromeda took Ivy's hand, her stare going back onto me with a smile.

She knew.

I grinned, raising my shoulders in a subtle response. "Nice to meet you, Ivy," Andromeda exclaimed and then looked away at the little girl tugging impatiently on her sleeve. "This is my daughter, Nymphadora."

The girl immediately pouted, dragging her feet on the floor as she hung onto Andromeda's sleeve. "Can I be Tonks instead?"

"Do you like the name Tonks?" I asked, amused at her antics.

She smiled, looking up at me. "Anything is better than Nymphadora," she exclaimed, changing her hair purple before running away into another room.

"She's a Metamorphmagus," Ivy stated in surprise, her eyes following the girl as she ran away.

Looking back at Andromeda, I saw her nod. "Yes, she is. Have you researched them before?"

Ivy shook her head, a smile appearing on her face. "No, I just read a lot."

Andromeda's eyebrows raised slightly. I could practically tell what she was thinking: Who was this girl? "Really? What do you read?"

"Oh, well..." Ivy immediately went into a discussion of her favorite books – including all of those Jane Austen novels and even mentioning her own novel. Of course I had to add in a couple comments about how I was some of the genius behind her novel. Ivy gave me a look, but she couldn't stop a smile at my words.

Immediately after debating her love for Jane Austen, Ivy fell into a silence, watching Andromeda carefully as if she was afraid of what she would say. Andromeda was staring at her, almost too intensely and I knew Ivy was fidgeting under her gaze.

And all I could do was watch between them and wait for something to happen.

"You're not what I expected," Andromeda finally said, her gaze never wavering.

I could have sworn I saw Ivy gulp. "What do you mean?"

"I never thought Sirius would settle down with a girl like you," she answered.

"Settle down." She knew everything – probably even guessed about the engagement already.

Suddenly, she tore her gaze away from Ivy and looked over at me, her eyebrows raising slightly. "I never thought you were going to find a girl that you were so serious about. In your letters, it seemed as though you had a different girl every time you wrote. Why didn't you tell me about this girl?"

How was I supposed to tell her about Ivy? She never asked about any girls in my life recently and I wasn't going to randomly bring her name into our letters.

Glancing over at Ivy, I saw her staring at me with wide eyes. As if she expected a bad answer.

"She's special," I tried to explain, smiling at her, "I'm planning on having her around for awhile."

Andromeda gave me one of those looks again.

And now she knew absolutely everything.

Ivy shared a quick glance with me, her eyes round as if she knew everything I was thinking. But she wasn't running away at my thoughts.

Andromeda knew and the world wasn't coming to an end.

Maybe telling one person at a time would work. Maybe we could finally let everyone know the news that Ivy Bennett would, hopefully very soon, become Ivy Black.

Grinning, I leaned back against the couch.

Yes, very soon.

-x-

"She was very nice," Ivy told me as soon as Andromeda's door closed behind us.

I laughed. "Did you expect someone else?"

She shrugged softly and began playing with her hair – twirling it around her finger and looking determinedly in front of her. She was thinking hard about something, but I couldn't place what it was.

"No," she slowly said, "I just – every time you talked about your family, I – I pictured something completely different- "

"Andromeda and I aren't really part of the family anymore. She's like me," I explained, grabbing Ivy's hand in mine and gently pulling her toward me as we apparated back outside her flat.

Following her up the steps, I let go of her hand as she turned toward the door. Even though she knew several charms to lock her door, she still insisted on fumbling with a key and muggle lock. I waited to make sure she got in safely, fingers on my wand just in case, and breathed out a sigh of relief when she finally got her door open.

I expected her to say good night and close the door behind her, but instead, she paused, turning around to look at me. Her cheeks were red, probably from the cold but I couldn't tell, and she was staring at me almost timidly.

Just as I was about to ask what was wrong, Ivy took a step forward, stopping in the threshold. Her hand went to rest on the door frame and I could tell by the way she was nervously playing with the molding that she had something to say.

"Um-" she stalled, looking down at the ground quickly, biting down on her bottom lip. "Sorry – I just don't – usually, you ask and I say yes, and I know it's Sunday night but I was just wondering if you – you don't have to – but I just -" She faltered over her words, wincing every so often.

I could only stare at her. "Are you asking me if I want to spend the night?"

She glanced up at me, still biting down on her lip. "Do you?"

It was the first time she was asking since our first night together and I found myself chuckling underneath my breath at her wide-eyed expression. It was as if she expected me to say no.

"Of course," I responded instead, watching her expression change almost immediately with my answer. She moved out of the door frame to let me inside, but I stopped in front of her.

I was so close I hear her even breaths. If it was a year ago, she probably would have been struggling to breathe.

"Just so you know, I couldn't ever say no to you."

Ivy must have been at a loss for words. She only blinked at me for a couple seconds and then, after a long pause, leaned forward to press her lips against mine.

"I love you," I whispered quickly. The words that always haunted my other relationships just came naturally with her.

I knew she heard it – I could feel her nod, but she didn't say it back.

"I-" I tried to say again, but her hands were on my arms, pulling me in. And I wasn't going to continue arguing.

-x-

Yawning, I leaned back against the couch, looking back up at the ceiling.

"Tired?"

Turning my head slightly to look at James, I rolled my eyes dramatically. "No, I'm just yawning because I'm bored."

I had left early for the meeting – only about fifteen minutes, but still, it was fifteen extra minutes to stand around and wait for everyone to show up. The meeting was at James and Lily's – we always had to change places every couple weeks – and I had immediately took refuge on their couch.

"It's only Monday-" James began, but I waved him off.

"I went to see my cousin yesterday-" Without even looking, I knew the grimace he was giving me. "No, not _those _cousins, you know, Andromeda. The one who was blasted off the tapestry after she married the muggle – Ted Tonks."

"How did that go?"

With a shrug, I held back my yawn and turned to look at James again. "Pretty good, I guess. I took Ivy and they seemed to get along." After a pause, I added, "The only time she'll ever get along with anybody in my family-"

"You don't know; she could get along smashingly with your mother. Just think of it-"

I shuddered in response and gave him a dark look. "I don't want her meeting dear old mum. I think she'd have a heart attack."

"Your mum or Ivy?" James asked with a grin.

Suddenly, something silvery white came through the door, brushing quickly past Lily who was ushering everyone inside. The object stopped immediately in the middle of the room and I recognized the shape - a dove - Marlene's Patronus.

"Shut it!" I shouted over the noise in the room and everyone immediately quieted into an heavy, anxious silence.

"There's been an attack-" Marlene's words came from her Patronus, speaking fast and almost scrambled. Oh, god. "I-I don't- near 376 Cattonbury Road. I don't know how -" It hesitated and I shared a look with Remus across the room. He was staring intently and I could see the fear forming in his expression. "Dorcas-" The fear in his eyes flashed into something more.

Dorcas - what about Dorcas?

But the Patronus disappeared there – nothing more.

"I'll go," Remus announced, breaking the silence, his hand already holding his wand at the ready.

"Me-" I began but Lily turned to me, shaking her head forcefully.

"No, stay here with Edgar and Benjy. I'll go with James and Remus. We don't want to cause a scene. Write Ivy, will you?"

"But-" I tried.

"We'll call you if there's trouble," she said quickly before apparating away.

Slamming my fist down on the table, I refused to talk to Edgar and Benjy about it. Instead, I pushed myself off of the couch and crossed the room to find parchment and quills.

As long as I didn't think about it.

Taking in a shaky breath, I pushed the books off of the desk to find the parchment and quills.

_Ivy, _

I began in shaky handwriting – quick and almost impossible to read.

_Come to James and Lily's right now_.

I couldn't make myself write anymore. I sent it off, turning back toward the center of the room, cursing underneath my breath.

I couldn't even help. I was stuck here with everyone else just standing about when James and Remus and Lily were out in the action. Pacing back and forth, I chewed impatiently on my bottom lip, clenching my hands into fists. What were they thinking leaving me here? I didn't join the Order to stay behind when there was a conflict.

Why was I even left behind? I knew many curses and spells to help and yet, everything I knew was being put to waste as I just stood here.

I waited, fists still clenched for any movement - any call - anything. Waiting around wasn't supposed to be a part of the Order. I was supposed to be out there with them. Dorcas – nice and happy Dorcas – was out there and she -

When they finally came in, I was staring furiously at the coffee table, unable to face their expressions. But the haunted silence told me everything. They didn't even have to say it, but James managed to mutter a strangled "she's dead" anyway. The surprised gasps and sobs made my chest tighten, but I still stared determinedly at the table.

They started with the details - every single one that I didn't need to hear. Death Eaters, she fought, she tried, but she couldn't - they got her -

Forcing myself to keep calm, I slowly stood up, leaning against the armchair. I couldn't just sit there anymore – I needed to move – I needed to -

A soft knock on the door broke my thoughts and I quickly looked up at see Lily open the door.

Ivy.

Her eyes were wide and her face was red. Was she crying? She didn't know anything yet. Did she figure it out?

Oh god, this was going to kill her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her voice rough. Lily only shook her head and Ivy added, "Lily, could you please tell me?"

And then she was shaking violently, barely holding herself together. She knew that if Lily wasn't saying anything, something was severely wrong.

I made my way over to her, grabbing her and reassuring her not to fall apart. She immediately latched on, burying her face in my shoulder.

Maybe she looked around on her way in and realized...

But I forced myself to say it anyway. "Dorcas is dead."

She froze in my arm, pushing her body away from me to stare with a horrified expression. "What?"

_God, _I couldn't even find my voice. "This morning," I choked through my words, only saying them because she needed to know, she needed to hear it sometime and she was friends with Dorcas. The ministry would only cover it up. "-she was cornered by the Death Eaters. And...she fought but..." I let out another shaky breath and she pulled me in again, hiding her face in my cloak.

Even though she tried to muffle her sobs, I could still hear them.

Flinching, I looked up at the people watching us.

We were all breaking.

-x-

She began having nightmares after that. But it was almost as if I expected it.

It was a war and I was a part of it. I had heard the horror stories and I knew how to react. But Ivy – she had no clue what to do.

I never asked what her nightmares were about. Death and destruction – I could tell by why she woke up, clinging to me and thrashing under the covers.

"Ivy, you're dreaming," I always whispered and she always woke up, clutching to me as if she couldn't let me go.

She thought she was going to lose me.

"Everything's going to be okay," I whispered softly. As if I believed it myself.

I knew she didn't believe me either, but she didn't say anything.

"I won't let anything happen," I added. _To myself_, I wanted to say; after all, she already knew that was one of my promises. I couldn't put myself in danger – not like Dorcas – not until she had a chance to recover.

I wouldn't do anything.

-x-

"Ow-_shit_."

"Mr. Black!"

The nurse gave me a stern look before turning away, holding her wand out as if she was going to poke me with it again.

I winced again, but it wasn't because of the nurse threatening me with her wand. After promising Ivy over and over again, I managed to walk right into one of Voldemort's attacks.

And she was bound to find out soon. I could see her frightened expression in my mind, her large eyes and frantic movements and trembling hands.

"You're lucky, Mr. Black," the nurse said, walking back over with her wand tucked into her pocket. "Only a minor injury on your arm and slight head abrasion."

I shrugged, barely meeting her gaze.

The crowd forming outside of St. Mungo's wasn't inconspicuous. She had to know about the attack by now even as the Order was trying to keep it quiet. But it was impossible – not when we were cornered in the middle of a muggle town in front of a group of witnesses.

It was only a matter of time before the press would be barging in.

Which meant Ivy.

Even though she wasn't part of the Order, I could tell that the war was affecting her the most of all of us. Instead of being involved directly, she had to watch everyone else in her life fight against Voldemort. I didn't have to worry about losing her, but everyday, she had to worry about me.

I couldn't even bear the thought of losing her.

She dealt with the thought of losing me every second.

The emotional toll was building and I knew not even staying with her was going to ease her worries. I couldn't do anything about her fears.

She was going to lose it when she heard about what happened. It wasn't even supposed to happen – a surprise attack on another village but this time, _he _was there. And I wasn't even aware of it until I heard about James and Lily fighting him. By that time, I had already stunned a Death Eater that had threw a couple unforgivable curses my way. I had managed to dodge most of them and even though my arm hurt like hell, I was just about to help when everything came to an end and Remus was sprinting over rambling something about James and Lily.

James and Lily – so close this time.

They were okay – they survived – everything was going to be okay. They were being treated and they were breathing and everything – everything was okay.

"You okay, Mr. Black?"

Her question was ignored as I struggling to my feet and made my way out of the door. She didn't try to stop me.

"No!" I heard someone shout down the hall.

It couldn't be -

"I want to see him."

No.

Turning the corner quickly, I caught sight of Remus standing next to someone turned away from me. But I could recognize her anywhere.

"Ivy?"

She stiffened at the sound, almost as if she didn't expect to hear it. She knew about the attack. She knew what had happened. She was already worrying about everyone – about me.

Ivy didn't even turn around to face me. She was frozen, staring at Remus. I don't know if she was afraid to turn around to see me or-

Her eyes were tightly shut when I grabbed her, pulling her into my embrace. "I'm fine, it's okay. Nothing major, a couple scratches. And James and Lily are going to be fine." She needed to be reassured, everything needed to be okay.

She was trembling violently again.

"I'll take you home..." I said in her ear, holding her close to stop her from shaking.

It was hours. _Hours_.

Hours listening to her cry, murmuring hopeless phrases in my cloak, sobbing and gasping and choking on her words.

And I could only listen, rock her back and forth, and wait – wait for sleep to overcome her first and then maybe I could fall asleep though sleep was the furthest thing from my mind.

How much longer? How much more can I take? How can I do this again and again and hurt everyone around me and put myself in danger?

Her words kept repeating in my head, over and over again, and I could only hear the hurt in her voice.

"I can't go through this anymore."

She was broken.

"Believe me." I tried to explain everything to her, but I couldn't concentrate on my words when she was breaking down in front of me. "I would do anything to end this. I just...can't. I'm trying, I'm really trying."

I couldn't do anything else. I couldn't end everything with a wave of my wand. I couldn't make sure no one got hurt. I could only try and not even that was good enough.

-x-

The familiar sound of a quill scratching on parchment.

Without even opening my eyes, I could tell what she was doing. Stretching out my arms, I opened one of my eyes to see her laying on her stomach, journal in front of her and a quill in her mouth.

"You're writing?" I mumbled, yawning loudly.

She didn't even blink in my direction. Instead, she kept her eyes on her journal and then said softly, "It's coming to an end."

End? Leaning forward, I kissed her on the cheek before murmuring a "mmm?" in response to her exclamation.

"My story," she said slowly, reaching out to touch the pages of words. "It's ending."

Leaning forward again, I looked over the words she had written. The journal was almost full – it was only a matter of time before she ran out of story. "How is it ending?"

She paused, setting her head on her hands. "Sebastian and Anne are running away together. Society doesn't want them to be together. I just need to finish the last scene and it's done." She trailed off, taking a moment to stare at her journal and then she reached for her quill again.

I propped myself on one elbow and watched her write, slowly and thoughtfully. She looked nervous – constantly chewing on the end of the quill and hesitating. Then, after about ten minutes, she pushed the journal away and turned toward me.

"Are you done?"

After all that, a year of writing a story about us, and it just done like that?

"Not entirely," Ivy responded. "I can't get the ending right."

Easter vacation – finally a break from all of the madness. We could just lie here and not move all weekend. Bringing her close to me, I breathed out slowly.

"Guys aren't supposed to like to cuddle," Ivy suddenly said.

I chuckled at her statement. "You're special," I told her.

Like this, the promise that everything was going to be okay actually seemed like a real promise. Nothing bad could happen as long as Ivy was next to me and I could touch her and hold her and make sure nothing happened to her.

She was my comfort in this awful world.

Slowly, I reached over and found her left hand, interlacing my fingers with hers. Her fingers were bare – her ring finger didn't even have an engagement ring.

Maybe...

I waited until her breathing evened out to remove myself from her embrace, carefully rolling out from underneath the covers. She didn't notice – only stirred slightly – clutching the covers closer to her. Pulling on my robes and cloak, I watched her sleep.

She looked peaceful for once – no nightmare in sight.

With a soft smile, I made my way over to her side of the bed and leaned down. "I'll be right back," I whispered in her ear, brushing back a piece of hair to kiss her lightly on the cheek.

"Mm," she responded quietly.

With a grin, I tiptoed out of the bedroom door and quickly apparated away.

-x-

The shop was still open, even though the surrounding stores were boarded up with CLOSED signs hanging in their windows. The bell sounded as son as I opened the door and I immediately looked over at the employee.

"Hello!" the middle-aged woman exclaimed with a bright smile. It was amazing that some people could manage such smiles at a time like this. "Are you looking for anything in particular?"

I let myself smile.

"An engagement ring."

-x-

She was sitting right there on the couch in the middle of the living room when I apparated back to her flat.

Cursing under my breath, I managed to say, "Ivy, you're awake."

I was only gone for about thirty minutes. She was still supposed to be sleeping.

"Where were you?"

I had to look away – she would be able to tell if I looked at her. Fingering the ring box in my pocket, I tried to make up a quick lie. "Oh," I said with a shrug, "Nowhere important."

She blinked. "You didn't leave a note or anything."

"I thought you'd still be sleeping."

_Shit,_ why was I so bad at lying now? Why couldn't I just weasel out of it like I did in Hogwarts?

"Why did you go out?" she continued to interrogate me. "You know it's not safe."

And I couldn't even lie to her without feeling guilty. But I had to lie to her. I couldn't let her know about the ring just yet. "There was something I had to get."

She took a moment to brush her hair out of her face and then she said, evenly, "You still could have told me. I was worried about you."

"Sorry then. I'll give you minute to minute instructions where I'll be next time." It was reflex – something I was used to responding with. I didn't mean to say it. I couldn't even look at her anymore. "It's just...my dreams, you know," I heard her say.

Wincing, I managed to short, "yeah."

Could I just give her the ring right now or was it too early? Did she want everyone to know with a ring on her left hand? Did she still want to keep it a secret?

"Do you want to tell anyone?" I suddenly asked.

Couldn't take it back now.

"About my dreams?" she asked, obviously confused.

"No," I shook my head. "The engagement."

I watched as she bit her lip. Not a good sign. "Now?"

Maybe she didn't want this right now. Or maybe she didn't want it at all. After all, I was involved in the war and she was constantly worrying about me. Maybe she was fed up with it all. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I don't like people fawning over me," she began explaining slowly, "It's not that I don't want to marry you." Or did she? Her gaze caught mine and I could the hurt in her expression. "You don't believe me?"

I began shaking my head as a first reaction but couldn't figure out what to say to her. I couldn't tell her I had a ring right now; she didn't want it yet. I wanted the proposal to be perfect – something that could make her smile – and now wasn't the time.

"I'm gonna – um...I'll be right back."

And before I could even say anything, she was gone.

Just like that.

And I was so worn that I didn't even try to go after her. I should've – I knew I should've as soon as she was gone – but I didn't have a strength anymore.

All romance novels had the hero chasing after his heroine and I couldn't even do that.

* * *

This chapter is basically 6000 words. That's two chapters in one. Be excited. Leave a review exclaiming your excitement. Throw a party. Yes.

It may be a bit different than usual, especially Sirius's voice, but I think he's "growing up," if you will. I think he realizes that things aren't as they used to be and he's thinking differently. And it's very fragmented because this chapter is already so long and I didn't want to write some fight scenes. They kind of would have been useless anyway.

So, happy holidays everyone! Hopefully, I'll update again before winter break is over. I'm sure you're all dying for the next chapter.


	43. Never Her

_Chapters 161-162 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

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* * *

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Ignoring the throbbing pain in my head, I forced myself to open my eyes.

It took me a few moments to remember where I was. Instead of waking up in a bed, I was in the middle of a darkened room in an armchair. It wasn't even in my own flat; I could tell it wasn't mine by the table my feet were on. It was reflective – probably glass – and I definitely didn't have a glass table.

Straightening with a yawn, I looked around and immediately recognized the room.

"Ivy?"

I pushed myself out of the chair and made my way to her room. She had to have come back last night. I must have missed her come in. Maybe she even apparated straight into her room because she didn't want to deal with me.

Pushing the door open, I peered in the room, but it was empty.

She never came back.

With a frustrated sigh, I leaned against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. I knew exactly where she was – there was only one place she would run to. Cursing underneath my breath, I hesitated for a few seconds before disapparating.

As soon as my eyes opened again, I caught sight of James and Remus standing across the room, furious looks on their faces. My obvious appearance didn't even catch their attention and I wasn't going to do anything – I had no problems with someone yelling at Remus.

"What – she just crawled in your bed and you happily obliged and didn't say anything or try to stop her?"

"I _told _you – it just because she was afraid and I didn't touch and didn't want to!"

My stomach lurched uncomfortably. "She _slept _with you?" I managed to say, my fists clenching involuntarily.

I could see Remus's eyes widen before he even looked over at me and he winced slightly. James only gave Remus a look and I knew _exactly_ why.

"She didn't _sleep –_ not like _that-"_

_ "_Like _how _then?" I snapped.

The sick feeling in my stomach was rising in my throat at the very thought of – no, they _wouldn't – _not _now – _not just because we got into a _stupid_ fight -

Remus immediately went into an explanation. "She just needed time to think and I told her she could sleep here and she must have gotten scared or something because she couldn't sleep by herself in the living room and I _swear_, I didn't do anything and I wouldn't – not..." He faltered, looking at me with his eyes wide.

I gave him a long look in return, trying to understand what he was trying to say. He was rambling and probably didn't do anything with Ivy and I was worrying for no reason, but she still got in bed with him and it made my chest tighten.

"I need to talk to her," I finally made my decision. I couldn't do anything until Ivy told me everything. I just needed to see her.

Remus shook his head slowly, gesturing toward the door. "James kind of glared at her when she woke up and she went on a walk to get out."

James sent Remus a glare – probably much like the one Ivy got. "She was _in your bed _and I just happened to see you guys-"

"Oh, shut it," I muttered, opening the door. "I'm going to find her."

"I'm coming too," Remus immediately exclaimed, grabbing his coat on the back of the couch.

James rolled his eyes dramatically. "Great, make it into a search party for something trivial."

I ignored him and turned to Remus. I didn't care what had happened last night at that moment, all I wanted was to talk to Ivy. "I'll go down Galer," I told him, gesturing toward the right.

"I'll take Prior."

James didn't even move to follow, so I closed the door with him still inside and quickly made my way down Galer alley. When I looked behind me, Remus was practically sprinting in the opposite direction, his wand clutched in his hand as if he expected something to happen.

It was early on a weekend – nobody was going to be prowling the streets at this time.

Nevertheless, I began to walk faster, glancing down every alley and road for any hint of her. She couldn't have gone far – she was probably daydreaming, thinking about something else while walking and she tended to meander when there were things on her mind. She had probably made a turn somewhere.

Maybe she was planning on walking back to her flat.

Turning in the correct direction, I began making my way down a deserted street. Why would she go to _Remus_ after a fight? Wouldn't she want to work it out with me instead of running over to him? She didn't even want to tell him about our engagement and she was still depending on him as much as she depended on me. She went to him for a date after we broke up. She always relied on him and he was probably still in love with her. And he handled it well – probably waited every time for something to happen so he could have her again.

Gritting my teeth, I turned another corner and told myself to breathe – everything was going to fine. I just needed to tell her everything. I needed to give her the ring. I needed to explain myself. She was probably just scared last night about what I said.

I should've gone after her. She needed to know I wanted to go after her.

"No, just leave it!"

Instinctively, my hand reached into my cloak and I pulled out of my wand at the sound of the rough voice. Almost immediately after, two large people skidded to the stop outside of an alley and I knew immediately who they were.

Mulciber and Avery.

Images from that day flashed through my mind – Ivy, my brother, hexing everyone in sight – and before I could even think twice, my wand was pointed right at them and they were looking back, but there was no fright in their eyes.

Just triumph.

And it made my blood boil. "I'm going to turn you into the Order," I snarled, my wand point right at Avery's throat. "Don't try to do anything – one move-"

"Why don't you stun us? Make it much easier, would it?" Mulciber growled, his eyes still shining as though he had a secret.

"You wouldn't be able to talk if I did," I told them, jabbing my wand and causing Avery to take in a harsh breath. I smirked in response. For the first time, I had them right where I wanted them and they had no way out.

Mulciber suddenly jolted to the side, but he was pulled back.

"Oh, clever," he drawled, "invisible binding."

"Did you think I was going to let you get away that easily?"

But he just laughed in response and I pulled the bindings tighter. "You think you've got the upper hand, don't you, traitor?" Mulciber said, a sick smile on his face. "And all the while you have me here, threatening me with your weak words, your poor girlfriend is turning cold and _deathly _white only mere meters away."

"Don't-" I warned him and tightened the bindings.

Even though I was probably strangling him, Mulciber still managed to keep that sick smile. "You don't have to believe me. Just leave her there to rot then – obviously, you don't care about her anymore."

The corners of his mouth curled upward – satisfaction.

The triumph in his eyes.

The sick smile.

Ivy.

A sudden crack surprised me and then Mulciber and Avery were gone. My wand must have lowered or – how did they-

My hands were shaking.

My whole body was shaking.

"Ivy?" My lips formed her name before I even realized it and then I was making my way down the alley in the direction Mulciber looked.

He was lying.

He wouldn't touch her.

There was no reason to hurt her.

And then I could see someone lying on the ground and with a sickening lurch in my stomach. My throat tightened and I couldn't even take in a breath and it felt as though I was choking and I couldn't even think straight -

I fell to my knees beside her and couldn't even feel the impact of ground on my legs. No, everything was numb and broken and-

"No, no, no, please..." I could hear myself muttering over and over but I couldn't even stop myself. My lips just formed the words.

"God, no, no-" I pleaded, grabbing her suddenly, as if it was going to bring her back somehow. She only fell limp in my arms and I choked back something rising in my throat.

She was so cold.

"T-this this wasn't...it wasn't supposed to happen...not to you," I struggled to say, pulling up her so that her nose brushed with mine. I took in a shuddering breath as I realized she wasn't ever going to respond ever again.

Never.

"Oh god, not you..." Why couldn't she just wake up? "Never you." It had to be some sort of sick joke. She couldn't – they wouldn't – not _her_. She never did anything. They didn't have any reason to – she couldn't be -

"Please, please," I began pleading again, moving my hands up to her face and placing my thumbs on her cheeks. "You can't just leave me like this- not you."

She wasn't going to respond.

"Ivy..." Even her name sounded broken.

So _cold_.

Why would they – why _her –_ she didn't do anything and she never deserved this – I couldn't even breathe anymore – why couldn't I _breathe_?

I was going to wake up any moment now. Ivy had these dreams all of the time – woke up sobbing and thrashing about – and now they were haunting me. It was only a dream and none of it was real. None of it could be real.

But she didn't even have a _heartbeat_.

"S-Sirius." My name sounded far away. It wasn't her – I didn't need to pay attention to it. It wasn't important. "We – we need to get her back to the house and – and message everyone."

Familiar, but not her.

I shook my head, holding her against me. She wasn't going to move. She was going to stay here with me and I wasn't going anywhere.

"We can just-" Hesitation. Long, awful hesitation. "We c-can levitate her back and-"

"No!" I finally responded, shaking my head furiously. They weren't going to move her. No one was going to touch her. I needed her. "I-I want to do it. I want to carry her."

More hesitation – no answer. Instead of waiting for a response, I moved to pick her up – she was light – too light – and watched as her head lolled back. Like a rag doll.

When I lifted her up, I glanced up to see Remus looking at me and it caused my stomach to lurch again.

Moving her head to rest against my chest, I took the first step – even though I was trembling, I was able to move.

It was like she wasn't in my arms. There was just – emptiness – and I couldn't even feel anything.

Everything was empty.

-x-

He kept asking questions.

Where she was – who she was with – what we saw – trying to figure out what had happened. But I couldn't listen.

They put her on the couch right in front of me – I could see her lying there and, no matter how long I stared, I couldn't see her breathing. She was absolutely still – nothing at all. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I forced myself to look away.

Remus was just standing there.

Lily had her face buried in James's chest while James stared ahead, his eyes wide.

Peter was looking at the floor.

None of us were answering Dumbledore's questions.

"I-" Even Dumbledore faltered and I winced in response. He wasn't supposed to falter in a time like this. "I believe messages to the family are in order."

How could he even talk so formally?

It was _her_.

"They'll arrange the funeral-"

I flinched at the word, taking a moment to close my eyes and take in a breath. _Funeral_. I couldn't – a funeral with the flowers and the casket and-

My throat tightened again and I struggled to take in a breath.

I couldn't deal with this.

This wasn't supposed to happen. We were trained to deal with death in the Order but not – not her. She wasn't ever supposed to be involved. It was supposed to be _me_.

Why would anyone want to ever hurt _her_?

Clenching my fists, I tried to take in another breath but everything was spinning and hot and all I could see was her lying there and she was never going to come back.

"She – she was in the alley and Sirius was already there -" I heard Remus explaining vaguely.

Explaining how he found us. And then they were all looking at me, waiting for me to continue about how I found her lying there and about Mulciber and his sick smile. They wanted to know the information for the Order, wanted to know if she told anything, wanted to know everything for the benefit of the _Order_.

Slowly, I shook my head, my eyes never leaving her. "She had nothing to do with the Order. She's _dead _and all you want to know is how she fit into a stupid equation. She doesn't fit, she never fit, and she never will, so stop and leave her the hell alone."

Looking away from her, I saw Dumbledore staring intently at me, his gaze almost sympathetic. But I didn't care. I couldn't deal with this – not now – not ever.

So I disapparated away – a tightness still in my throat, my stomach churning and my head swimming. And, for once, I wished it was part of apparating.

-x-

Her journal lay next to me on the bed.

It was all I had.

-x-

It fell off the bed the second night.

It woke me and it was the first time I allowed myself to cry.

-x-

After then, I never let go.

And I couldn't even open it. I couldn't see her writing. Her thoughts. Everything she was was left in one book.

-x-

"Sirius?"

Groaning, I turned away from the voice, hiding underneath my pillow.

"You can't be sleeping. It's noon."

"What's wrong with sleeping past noon?" I muttered against the fabric, knowing that James couldn't hear me.

"You've been couped up in here for the last week."

Wonder why.

"You need to get up."

He wasn't going to say it.

"The funeral is today."

Wincing, I hid deeper under my covers. I didn't want to go. I couldn't go and deal with it again. Everyone was going to be offering apologies and no one understood. No one was there. No one saw Mulciber and Avery.

And her family was going to be there. I didn't want to deal with them – not her mother and father when they didn't even like me in the first place. And then little Eleanor – I didn't want to see her reaction.

"You have to go."

But he wasn't going to give up. He was right. I had to go for her.

Curling up, I pressed the pillow against my face, wondering if it would be enough to suffocate myself. Nothing would be enough.

"Sirius!"

Suddenly, the covers were ripped off of the bed and I was staring up at James. "What?" I snapped back at him.

He was pulling at me, forcing me off of the mattress. "Get up and get dressed." I glared at him and he turned to give something to me. "Look, I even got you a suit and everything, just-" He hesitated, looking at me carefully. "Get dressed, okay?"

"Why are you ordering me around?" I asked, ignoring the burning in my throat.

"You've been in here for a week and you haven't left or anything-"

"God, I _wonder _why. Oh, yeah, my fucking girlfriend just died and I'm just being a downer, aren't I? I'll just perk right up then and get dressed and get all happy to go to wonderful funeral, _okay_?!"

Even after my outburst, James didn't make any movement to leave. He only watched me out of curious eyes, his hands limply going to his sides. I didn't care if he was hurt; he was the one forcing me to move and I didn't want to.

He didn't even try to say anything. Throwing him a glare, I wrenched the clothes out of his hands and strode toward the bedroom door.

"It was my fault."

He said it slowly, out of nowhere, making me stop in my tracks.

"What was?" I turned toward him.

James was looking at the floor, his chest rising rapidly. "I – I didn't mean it. She woke up in Remus's bed and I – I didn't even give her a chance to explain or anything. I just glared at her and was about to start yelling at her too when she felt the need to leave. I scared her out of the house. I'm in the reason she – she died and I didn't ever think – I didn't – god, it was _me_ and – I didn't mean to, I really didn't – she – it was my fault, I'm sorry, it was all _me._"

He looked up at me with glassy eyes, slowly shaking his head. "I didn't – I'd never want to do that to her – to you. I'm sorry."

I couldn't find anything to say, but James just kept rambling. "And I understand if you hate me and never want to talk to me again. I wouldn't – I can't even imagine any of this happening to Lily even though she's in the Order. Ivy wasn't even in the Order and everything would have been fine if I wouldn't have-"

"It's not your fault," I found myself saying.

James stopped his rambling, though he still shook his head.

"It isn't," I repeated. "You didn't know – it – it wasn't because you got mad at her. It was Mulciber...and Avery. Not you. You'd never hurt Ivy. Never."

He was shaking and I was too.

"I'm sorry."

It was the first time the words actually meant something and it took everything for me not to break down.

* * *

Second to last chapter. The next chapter will contain the funeral and then it'll be over. :(

I really don't have much to say, other than :(

Leave a review if you want to. Thank you so much for reading.


	44. Never Knew I Needed

I struggled with my tie, my hands not working properly to tie the stupid knot. They were too busy shaking and fumbling. I knew James was watching my every move, his eyes were practically boring into me, but I couldn't admit it. Admit that everything seemed wrong now, turned side-ways and messed up and I didn't even know what I was doing.

When I looked up again, I realized Lily suddenly standing by the doorway, probably coming to get us so we could finally leave. I sighed, trying frantically to just tie the knot and get it over with, but my mind went blank and I couldn't remember what to do next.

"Here." Lily crossed over to me and she forced me to let go of my tie so she could do it herself. Her hands were composed, but I could see her biting down on her lip hard, as if she was holding back something. "There." She smoothed out the fixed tie, looking up at me. "Better?"

I could only manage a weak shrug. I don't know what I did, but suddenly, she was looking down again and she was pulling me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry."

The lump in my throat was back and I knew I wouldn't be able to get rid of it. I was going to hear sorry more times than I could count today.

"Dumbledore's saying a few words today," Lily finally said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. "He's not going to say what happened because I don't think – that's not what matters. It's just – he offered to say something."

"Okay." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"He wanted to know if you're going to say anything."

I froze at her words. I knew I would be expected to say something – but what did I have to say? What could I say about her in front of her family? What could I say that would comfort everyone? What were you supposed to say?

"Uh..." I faltered. "Yeah, of course."

I had to.

She nodded mutely, turning toward James who was watching us silently. He was still shaken from earlier when he told me about how Ivy had left that morning and Lily noticed. "You okay?"

"Can I say something too?" he asked out of nowhere.

Lily looked momentarily startled and then looked over at me. Neither of us had the authority to tell him that he could, but I found myself nodding anyway.

Even if her family said no, I wanted James up there too. I wanted everyone up there. I needed them there.

-x-

Ivy's mother was the first one to see me.

I don't know what I expected, but when she quickly looked away and made an effort not to talk to me, I felt my stomach drop sickeningly. Even after all of this, she wouldn't treat me civilly. Maybe she blamed me for her daughter's death.

I tried to ignore it, but my throat was burning and my head was spinning.

Even after a _tragedy_. Even after something that should have given us common ground. I didn't even want to fight anymore.

Eleanor was the only family member to acknowledge me. Her eyes met mine as she was coming down from upstairs with an older lady following her every step. We saw each other across the room and she stopped in her tracks, her eyes large and nervous.

She opened her mouth to say something, but the older lady quickly ushered her away and I watched as Eleanor tried to keep eye contact with me until she was out of the room.

I wanted to ask her how she was doing. I wanted to talk to her about Ivy and say something, but I was even forbidden from doing that.

"Remus?"

Turning around, I saw Ivy's mother making her way to a defeated-looking Remus.

I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't feeling so sick.

She was talking to him immediately in hushed whispers and many apologies. I ignored them, making my way outside where the procession was set up.

It was small – a few benches and a platform. Then her – up in the front, lying there, still and silent and beautiful.

"Sorry."

I cringed at the familiar word and looked behind me to see Remus standing behind me.

"About back there," Remus then elaborated, "And...everything. I really didn't mean – if I would have known that she was going to – I wouldn't have let her stay over and I wish I could change everything."

He was the one that got to spend the last night with her. Even if he didn't know it, even if Ivy didn't know it, he meant something to her. Something that I was never able to be. And it killed me.

I didn't trust my voice to work and only nodded.

Everybody was beginning to take their seats silently without any notice. I paused, waiting a few long seconds before making my way up to the first row and finding a seat on the end.

And still, all I could see was her.

She was dressed in a light blue dress, her curled hair spilled out on the pillow and I could have sworn the corners of her mouth were turned upward. She didn't look like she'd never wake up. She looked like she was dreaming, just sleeping.

But she never slept with her hands clasped on top of her stomach. It looked unnatural – there were flowers clasped in her hands – roses, I realized with a jolt. Common. Not special like her. Not tulips or orchids. Just roses.

Dumbledore suddenly stood behind the casket, looking over the crowd. "We are here to celebrate the life of one miss Ivy Bennett."

I gulped, trying to get rid of that stupid lump in my throat, but it wasn't working.

"She died courageously, refusing to divulge important information that could have kept her alive if she would have said something. It was an attack, something unexpected, something no one could have imagined, and yet, she never wavered."

I couldn't even listen to every word. Instead, I kept studying everything about her, trying to remember every touch and every word. How could everything be fading so quickly? Why didn't I pay more attention in the moment?

Remus was next and he only managed a couple short sentences.

"She was unlike anyone I ever met," he said, looking down at the parchment in his hands. "I thought she'd be the last one out of all of us that-" He stopped and immediately started again. "I thought she'd live forever. She was wonderful and one of my best friends."

After staring at her for a couple long seconds, Remus looked up again and quietly folded up the parchment in his hands. His eyes were closed – tightly shut – and then, without a word, he stepped off of the platform and sat down again.

Suddenly, someone was pushing on my shoulder.

"I just want to say something quick," James was saying in a hushed whisper. I looked at him, trying to understand what he was trying to say, and then remembered I still had to say something.

I didn't have any words on parchment to say. I had nothing – just a bunch of jumbled thoughts that came from everywhere and anywhere.

"I-" James began, wiping his hands on his trousers. He was visibly shaking now like all of us. "I think – to me – Ivy was like my little sister. She was always there – quiet and just Ivy, you know – and I never really realized how much she meant to all of us. Without her, I probably wouldn't have gotten a chance with who's now my wife and Remus would have never found someone to find comfort in and Sirius – he would haven't found someone that made him happy. I don't know if it was my fault – I don't know why she had to die because she never deserved something like this. She...brought us together, sort of. I can only hope we don't break apart because she's gone."

He stepped back, his shoulders slumped.

It was supposed to be my turn.

My breath came out sharply when stepped forward and I clenched and unclenched my hands, trying to think of something to say.

"Ivy, she-"

Looking down, I saw her lying there, still so innocent and so unlike anything I've imagined before.

"She never was what I pictured. I had this certain plan in my head, I guess. It was always this dark-haired vixen in my life, then a blonde, and then someone else, never one person. But then, Ivy just showed up and she took every idea I had and everything I ever wanted to have and changed it.

She came with that shy smile and her story and I don't know much about stories, but if I was trying to write something like her, I'd say...she – she wasn't a part of my book, my beginning or ending or whatever comes in the middle, but then now, she's the beginning and ending of every single part. Every...every chapter. She really was the best thing I never knew I needed.

And now, now I don't know where to go. Everything was perfect when she was here and now, everything feels like it's falling apart. She wouldn't want us, her friends, to fall apart, I know that much, but I don't know what else to do anymore. I loved her and I can't just forget about her. I don't think I ever will. I don't think anybody will."

I pushed my hands into my pockets to stop them from shaking and felt a box at the bottom of one. Without even taking it out, I knew exactly what it was.

James' eyes only met mine briefly, but it said everything.

-x-

"I think I need a couple minutes."

We were standing in front of her casket in silence, trying to take everything in. Lily was shivering violently as James grasped her hands and tried to comfort her. Remus couldn't even look up anymore – he had been staring at the ground for the longest time. Peter was standing behind us, afraid to take a look at her.

James took a long look at me and nodded, pulling Lily to his side and helping her back to a seat. Peter immediately scampered away, probably to the food table where he had been eating the mangos and other fruit before the ceremony. But Remus still lingered.

"You're going to-"

I tried my best to smile, but it came out more as a grimace. "Yes."

"You could still-"

I shook my head. "No, it's her's. I couldn't."

Remus fell silent, nodding his head once before stepping away. There was no left except me and her.

I rested my hands against the edge of the casket and looked down, surprised at how easily it was to find the words. "They all know now. Ruddy timing, I know. James must have saw the ring and slipped it in my pocket this morning. Definitely told Lily by now and Remus and Peter if they didn't already know. I wish...this would have happened differently. Of course, I do," I laughed bitterly. "James was right. You didn't deserve this, not you."

I paused, teetering on my hands for a few seconds. Reaching next to me, I pulled out a tulip from a bouquet of flowers on the platform and eased it into the middle of Ivy's bouquet. "Tulips suit you better, you know."

With a shaky sigh, I grabbed the box in my pocket and set it on the edge of the casket. "I wasn't able to give you this. I bought it for you and I can't even imagine selling it. It's just...forever yours."

Opening the lid, I eased the ring out of its case and leaned forward, slipping it on Ivy's left ring finger.

Stepping back, I looked for another long moment and then jumped when someone touched me on the shoulder.

"So sorry for your loss," someone I didn't recognize exclaimed. I managed not to flinch that time. "Are you finished?"

I looked at her again and knew the answer was no, but whispered a soft "yes" anyway.

And then he shut the casket and I had nothing left. Nothing except her belongings – her clothes, her shoes, her quills, her journal.

Her story.

Our story.

She was still alive, somewhere in those pages. And I was going to find her. I was going to make everything right again. Someone else had to hear her. Everyone needed to know who she was, how amazing she was, what they missed...

I still had a part of her.

* * *

**_THE END_**

* * *

YEAH, IT'S OVER!!!!!!!ONEONE111!!

Anyway, that's how I feel right now. It's sort of bittersweet, but right now, I'm just excited about it. Don't worry, I won't be gone for long because I still have Don't Stop Believing and I'll start writing Everything I Ever Imagined again.

I really hoped you all liked this story and I'm so glad that you all stuck with me as I struggled to write this. Thanks so much for everything.


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